圣丹尼斯医院（2024）

Just floating out there. Wow.
恭喜啊，布拉德
Congrats, Brad.
不知道布拉德干了啥好事
Wonder what Brad did.
- 要是瑟琳娜护士弄疼你了，一定要告诉我
- Please let me know if Nurse Serena's hurting you.
她下手有点不知轻重
She's a bit of a wrecking ball.
- 好吧，我说的也没那么夸张
- OK, what I said isn't that crazy.
- 我处理过比你这个还大的脓包
- I've treated abscesses larger than you.
不是...不是这个。这个大小很正常
Not-- not this one. This is a normal size.
- 我个头虽小，但很能打
- I'm small, but I'm scrappy.
相信我，我也是能打疼人的
Trust me. I could do some damage.
- 你穿着Lululemon瑜伽裤可能踢得不错
- You might get a good kick in with your Lululemon pants on,
但明眼人都看得出来
but I think it's obvious who has
这场架谁占上风，懂吗？
the advantage in this fight, OK?
所以如果我是贾斯汀，看招！
So if I were Justin, yah!
- 你该不会是闪到腰了吧？
- Did you just throw out your back?
- 没有
- No.
- 你确定？
- Are you sure?
我好像听到'嘎嘣'一声
I feel like I heard a pop.
- 我也听到了。确实有声响
- I heard it. There was a pop.
- 没有，根本没声响
- No, there was no pop.
那是我鞋子发出的声音
That was my shoes.
你能赶快把这里收拾完吗？
Can you finish up here please?
没有，我腰好着呢
No, I did not throw out my back.
当我假装闪到腰的时候，我觉得不太合适
I thought it was inappropriate when I pretended
本来是打算攻击塞雷娜，但我突然收了回去
to attack Serena, so I stopped abruptly,
毕竟我是个女权主义者嘛
'cause I'm a feminist.
- 说来尴尬，我们只有五个外置摄像头
- So apparently, we only have five outside cameras.
其中两个已经罢♥工♥，还有一个
Two of them are broken, and one of them
正对着地面拍摄，因为被一只鸟压歪了
is pointing down at the ground, because a bird sat on it.
真希望有人早点告诉我这个情况
I sure wish someone would have brought that to my attention.
- 我说过了
- I did.
- 不仅要口头说，还得发邮件报备
- Well, not just verbally, but also via email.
- 我都做了
- I did.
- 不管怎样，现在必须严肃对待了
- Regardless, it's time to get serious.
莱斯利正在为我们核算安保升级的预算
So Leslie is pricing out some security upgrades for us.
包括围栏、增派警卫、
We're talking fencing, extra guards,
探照灯等等，一应俱全
floodlights, you name it.
员工的安全是无价的
We cannot put a price on the safety of our people.
- 粗略估算，大概需要20万美元左右
- Well, give or take, it's going to be about $200,000.
- 我去
- [bleep] you.
抱歉，不是说您
I'm sorry. Not you.
我的意思是，就像对经济说
I just mean like the economy, like,
哦，见鬼去吧，这物价
oh, eff you, price of goods.
这笔钱我们出不起
We can't do that.
- 接下来我要说点可能引发争议的话
- Now I'm going to say something very controversial.
我憎恶暴♥力♥
I hate violence.
我深恶痛绝
I hate it.
但你们知道什么比这更让我厌恶吗？
But do you know what I hate even more?
- 种族歧视。- 错了
- Racism. - No.
我的意思是，显然种族歧视是可恶的，但不是这个答案
I mean, obviously, yes, but no.
投机取巧的做法
Taking the easy way out.
刚才我差点就想用钱来解决这个问题
Now here I was about to throw money at a problem
却没有从根本上解决问题
without truly fixing it.
监控摄像头也会失灵
Security cameras can fail.
灯光也可能突然熄灭
Lights can go out.
保安也可能被收买♥♥，倒戈相向
Guards can be bribed to join the bad guys.
- 搞什么？这纯属胡说八道
- What the heck? That's not true.
- 照你这么说，要是有人给你
- So you're saying if an attacker gave you
十亿美元让你来害我，你也不会干？
a billion dollars to hurt me, you wouldn't do it?
- 给我十亿，我立马就对你下手
- I'd attack you for a billion dollars.
- 谢谢捧场，塞雷娜。- 我只要一百万就干
- Thank you, Serena. - I'll do it for a million.
- 打住，这又不是拍卖♥♥会，布兰登
- OK, it's not an auction, Brandon.
关键是，我要教给你们的是
Point is, I'm going to teach you all
学会自我防卫，确保不仅在工作中，在任何场合都能安然无恙
how to defend yourselves so that you're not only safe
不仅限于工作场所，而是随时随地都能保障安全
at work, but everywhere.
- 明白了，不过除了这些，你们还会采取额外的安保措施吧？
- OK, but you are getting those extra security measures
- 明白了，不过除了这些培训，你们还会采取额外的安保措施吧？
in addition to this, right?
- 嗯，这个问题问得好
- Mm, that is a great question.
我还能再回答一个问题
And I have time for one more.
还有人要提问吗？
Anyone?
目前预算中没有资金来升级安保系统
There is no money in the budget to update our security
虽然目前预算中没有资金升级安保系统，但这不会成为阻碍
right now, but I am not going to let that stop me
我今天仍要帮助大家提升安全防护能力
from helping my people today.
我入手了一本防身术指南
I bought a self-defense book,
打算跟大家分享几个实用技巧
and I'm going to pass on a few tips.
不过书要周五才到货
It's not going to be here until Friday,
但我已经预览了前三页内容
but I was able to preview the first three pages
学到了一些要点，比如
and learn a few things such as,
这本书是献给谢丽尔的，专门献给谢丽尔
this book is dedicated to Cheryl, to Cheryl.
‘愿我亲爱的天使安息。’
"Rest in peace, my sweet angel."
好吧，希望这些防身技巧
OK, so hopefully these tips
能比谢丽尔用的那些更管用
are going to be better than the ones Cheryl used.
当你走向停车场时
When you're walking to your cars,
把钥匙夹在指缝间当武器
put your keys in between your knuckles.
看，自♥制♥武器就这么简单
Boom, homemade weapon.
记住，如果有人袭击你
All right, someone attacks you,
就用钥匙戳眼睛，攻击要害部位
keys to the eyes, keys to the groin.
如果袭击者是女性
If your attacker is a female,
用钥匙攻击私处也能造成严重伤害
keys to the cooch will really do some damage.
- 可我只有电子钥匙
- I just have a key fob.
- 电子钥匙捅私处也够呛
- Well, a fob to the cooch is no vacation either.
记住了吗？对了，还有一招
All right? Oh, another thing.
这是我妈教我的独门技巧
This is something my mother taught me,
这个方法我已经用了好几百回了
and I've used it hundreds of times.
如果你觉得自己被人跟踪了
If you think you're being followed,
就挖鼻屎吃掉
pick your nose and eat it.
我知道这很恶心
[all murmuring] Yeah, I know,
但没人会袭击你
but no one will attack you
如果他们觉得你是个恶心的自产自销者
if they think you are a disgusting self-snacker.
- 抱歉
- I'm sorry.
你刚才说你这么干过好几百次？
Did you say you've done that hundreds of times?
这太可怕了
That is horrifying.
- 得了，亚历克斯，别在这儿装清高了
- Come on, Alex, stop virtue signaling.
天哪。哦，这招真妙
Jesus. Oh, here's a good one.
试试这样打电♥话♥
Have a phone conversation like this.
喂，杰瑞啊
Oh, hello, Jerry.
对啊，枪都在我这儿
Yes, I have the guns with me.
还有啊，我刚确诊了
Oh, and I've just tested positive
是新冠病毒最新变种
for the latest strain of COVID-19.
这样他们就会觉得你才是危险分子
They'll think you're the dangerous one.
我都被人抢了九回了
- I've been mugged nine times,
但愿这招能管用
so hopefully this stuff will help.
警♥察♥都说这都能破纪录了
The police say it's a record.
- 我听说要是遇到袭击
- I heard that if you're being attacked,
你应该喊'着火啦'而不是'救命啊'
you should yell fire instead help,
因为人们更愿意往着火的地方跑
because people are way more likely to run towards a fire.
- 为什么要往着火的地方跑？
- Why would you run towards a fire?
- 因为消防员都很帅啊
- Because firemen are hot.
- 那要是袭击你的人就是消防员呢？
- What if your attacker is a fireman?
- 好吧
- OK.
- 好吧，感觉咱们跑题了
- OK, it feels like we're losing the thread here.
- 消防员，美国英雄？我看不见得
- Firemen, America's heroes, I don't think so.
绝不可能
No way.
- 实际上，罗恩刚才在给我看
- Actually, Ron was showing me
今早这一招着实令人印象深刻
a pretty impressive move this morning.
你想给大家看吗？—— 不，不用了
Did you want to show everyone? - No, I'm good.
- 哦，罗恩，快上来。 - 我不...我不...
- Oh, Ron, get up here. - I don't-- I don't--
- 不，别这样。这关系到安全问题
- No, come on. This is about safety.
- 不，这是为了拯救生命
- No, no, no, it's-- - It's about saving lives.
来吧，别害羞
Come on. Don't be shy.
这是私人的！