健身世界（2021）

Toothpaste.
这位格蕾丝小姐
And Miss Grace here, was--
布里姆先生 她出生时多重来着
What was her birth weight, Mr. Breem?
我不知道 糟糕
I do not know. No.
她的体重还是有些偏轻
Still a little under what we'd like,
但是 每次喂她吃东西 她能吃下去多少克
but how many ounces is she keeping down per feeding?
抱歉 你是指...牛奶
I'm sorry-- You mean of milk?
是
Yes.
牛奶 我想也是
Milk. That's what I thought.
我不知道具体的克数
I don't know though in terms of ounces.
我一点都不喜欢这整件事
I do not like this one iota.
(《电视巨星大碰撞》 凯莉基尔马丁)
我和莫克里滕登
So I had a great meeting
和人造牛油的人见了面 谈得很不错
with Moe Crittenden and the margarine people.
当然了 他们看过曲奇广♥告♥ 很喜欢
They saw the cookie commercial and loved it, obviously.
大家都喜欢 但是
Everyone did. But
我真的没少拍马屁 才得以跟他们见面 所以...
I really had to butter them up to get this meeting, so...
换成是我 我不会在 人造牛油的国度说“拍马屁”
I wouldn't say "butter" in margarine country if I were you.
很好笑 罗斯提
Good one, Rusty.
觉得怎么样 -我不...
What do you think? - I don't--
我不知道该怎么觉得 下半身有东西穿吗
I don't really know what to think. Is there a bottom part?
当然有
Of course there's a bottom part.
这个节目就是“下半身”
Man, this whole gig's a bottom part.
又一个爆梗 罗斯提 你在这里真好
That's another good one, Rusty. So glad you could be here.
该死
Oh, shit.
我在等服装部把改短的短裤拿来
I'm waiting for wardrobe to bring my shortened shorts,
因为实在是太长了
'cause they were way too long.
是 好吧 有点难以直视
Yeah, okay, so, a little hard to focus.
你们考虑过做儿童节目吗
Have you ever considered doing any children's programming?
人造牛油那些人想出一个好主意
The margarine people think it would be a really good idea
希望你做一集有教育意义的儿童布偶节目
if you did one of those educational puppet shows for kids.
对 这样能让你 进一步打入他们的多个品牌
Yeah, it'd bring you more into their family of brands.
不做儿童节目 小配角 酬金少
Kid shows are a pass. Small costars, small paychecks.
老大发话了
You heard the boss.
凯莉 重点不是得到预付款 对吗
So, Kelly, this is not about what you're getting up front, yeah?
而是你要清楚后面的回报
This is about you knowing the back end.
对 我听出来了 好
No! I heard it. Okay.
我觉得很丢人 是 这次我意识到了
I'm embarrassed. I got it. I caught it that time.
我觉得这很有意义
That makes a whole lot of sense to me.
但...
But--
好
Yeah.
我给基尔马丁女士送短裤来了
I have Ms. Kilmartin's shorts.
这太重要了 谢谢
You are doing God's work. Thank you.
还有一份她的特别快递
And her special delivery.
我以为这是做慈善
I thought this was a charity gig.
罗斯提早就反复强调 让我记住了
Rusty beat this into me a long time ago.
永远第一时间要工资
Always demand your salary up front.
“因为他们能怎么办
"Cause what are they gonna do?
不用你来录节目吗 ” -“不用你来录节目吗 ”
Do the fucking show without you?" -"Do the fucking show without you?"
看 这就是好买♥♥卖♥♥
See, that's just good business right there.
糟糕 我穿反了
Oh, shit. I put 'em on backwards.
所以你才可爱啊
That's what makes you cute.
犯糊涂和美臀
That and that ass.
正穿 反穿都好看
Party in the front, party in the back.
这可真提神
That'll wake you up.
我女儿病了 你是这个意...
Is my daughter sick? Is that what you're--
不 她没事
No. She's fine.
布里姆先生 你知道自己的血型吗
Mr. Breem, do you know what your blood type is?
知道 是O型
Yes. It's O.
你确定
And you're sure about that?
当然
Absolutely.
和你老婆一样 而格蕾丝的是AB型
The same as your wife's. And Grace's blood type is AB.
这不好吗
Is that bad?
不好也不坏 只是...
It's not good or bad. It's simply--
一定是弄错了而已
It must be a mistake is all.
你和老婆都是O型 意味着孩子也会是O型
Your wife and you both O means a child would also be O.
布里姆先生 我出于礼貌 以男人的身份打给你
Mr. Breem, I'm calling you as a courtesy, man-to-man,
是要告诉你 从生物学角度来说 你不可能是那个小女孩的父亲
to tell you it is biologically impossible that you are that little girl's father.
我无意干涉你们的婚姻 我只是...
I have no interest in involving myself in anything marital. I just--
出于礼貌 以男人的身份
Called as a courtesy. Man-to-man.
对
That's right.
好 谢谢
Yes, thank you.
我应该庆祝一下 五个月了
I should be celebrating five months
我没有暴饮暴食 也没有听到侵入性的声音
without any binges or intrusive voices.
我知道这概率很小
I know. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.
但我恢复得很好 我也不知道
But I was doing so great, and then, I don't know.
那些声音没了
The voices weren't there,
然后它们变了
and then they changed
变了形状
and shape-shifted.
开始以不同的形式来找我
And started coming at me in a different form.
我在健身博览会上暴饮暴食了一次
I had another binge at that fitness expo.
数字8吗
Figure 8s?
对 就是那些
Yeah. Those are the ones.
我不确定 我以为自己能搞定 然后...
I thought, I don't know, I could handle it and then, well...
那浓郁 天鹅绒般的口感
That rich and velvety taste.
不会增加我的腰围 -你们...
That won't add bulk to my waist - Are you guys--
我深深地渴望着什么 这不可否认
There's no denying What I'm deeply craving
但我先打断你一下 我没有表现不好
But I'll stop you there I'm not misbehaving
那浓郁 天鹅绒般的口感
That rich and velvety taste
如此浓郁...
So rich, so rich
不会增加我的腰围
Won't add bulk to my waist
数字8
Figure 8s
如此浓郁 美味 数字8
So rich, delish, Figure 8s
如此浓郁 美味 数字8
So rich, delish, Figure 8s
如此浓郁 美味 数字8
So rich, delish, Figure 8s
茜拉 你今天想跟大家分享些什么吗
Is there anything you want to share with us today, Sheila?
欢迎回来 各位观众
And welcome back, everyone.
圣迭戈当地时间是整点过13分
It's now 13 past the hour here in San Diego,
大家最喜爱的健身专家该出场了
which means it's now time for everyone's favorite fitness expert,
茜拉D鲁宾
Sheila D. Rubin.
好 茜拉 我知道你今天要跟大家讲
Now, Sheila, I understand you're here today to tell us how gyms,
现在空前火爆的健身房♥
which are more popular than ever,
正成为单身人士交友的热门地点
are becoming the new hot places for singles to meet.
很多人说甚至超过了单身酒吧 给大家展开说说 茜拉
Many saying surpassing even singles bars. Tell us more about that, Sheila.
我不想讲 但谢谢你的开场白 斯图
I'd prefer not to. But thank you so much for the intro, Stew.
是迪克还是斯图来着
Is it Dick? Or Stew?
我...忘了你的名字 无所谓
I'm-- I forgot your name. Doesn't matter.
我不会谈单身人士在健身房♥交友的事
I'm not gonna talk about singles meeting singles in gyms,
因为...这很蠢 我不想讲
because that-- It's stupid and I don't want to.
但我会利用节目播出的时间来谈谈更加...
But I am going to use my time on air to talk about something more--
更加...
something more--
我有话要说
I have something else to say.
我必须说出来 如果不说 我可能会感到...
I have to say it. If I don't, I feel I may--
我可能会爆发
I may explode.
我患有一种叫做贪食症的饮食失调症
I've been suffering from the eating disorder known as bulimia
从我十几岁时就有
since I was a teenaged girl.
结婚后没有好转
And it didn't get better when I got married.
当了母亲后也没有好转
Or when I became a mother.
但我发现健身后 病症确实好转了
But it did get better when I discovered exercise
让我摆脱了破坏性的想法 回归了自我
that got me out of the destructive thoughts in my head and into my body,
开启了一扇全新的大门 通往一种新的更健康的生活方式
that opened a whole new door to a new and healthier way of life.
我寻求治疗 我致力于康复
I sought treatment, I committed to my recovery,
我好多了
and I got a lot better.
变得更健康 更幸福
Healthier. Happier.
甚至充满希望
Hopeful, even.
这就引出了我今天早上本来想谈的话题
Which brings me to what I would prefer to be talking about this morning.
这就是我多么讨厌哈特曼食品公♥司♥的
Which is how much I detest the entire premise
“减肥”曲奇的整套话术 也就是所谓的数字8
of Hartman Foods' "diet" cookie known as the Figure 8s.
根本没有减肥曲奇这种东西
There is no such thing as a diet cookie.
想要打造全新的自己没有捷径
And there's no such thing as a shortcut to a whole new you.
那是谎言
That's a lie.