笔写青春（2019）

Care to share something you did over the summer?
想分享下你在暑假里做的事吗
Come up to the front.
到前面来
I guess, like, the most memorable thing I did over this summer
今年暑假我做的印象最深的事大概就是
was I watched Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,
看了《神探飞机头》
like, six times in a row.
连看了六次
And it is, like, really funny.
特别好笑
'Cause he does, like, all this like,
因为他总是
rewind, like, fast forward stuff, like--
快退 快进
I'll just do it. It's like...
我来模仿下吧 像这样
"I really wanna play, Coach. Just give me a chance.
"我真的很想上场 教练 请给我次机会
Let's see that in instant slow-mo."
来看看瞬时慢动作是什么样的"
Really makes me laugh.
真的特好笑
And he does this other thing, where he's like...
他还会做另外一件事 像...
Sit down.
坐下
Enough of that.
够了
OK. Everyone, take out your summer reading,
大家把你们的暑期读物拿出来
and get into groups of four.
四人一组
Uh, John, Lydia, Jafeer...
约翰 莉迪亚 贾飞尔
OK, so, what do you think about this if I give that to Brandt?
你觉得如果我把这个拿给布兰特会怎样
Um, it could go like this.
可以这样写
Waz up?
你好
Let's be you and me.
让我们在一起吧
Look, I feel like it needs a question.
我觉得加个问号♥比较好
OK. Yeah, I know. You're right.
嗯 你说得对
And then put my name, 'cause he won't know who it is.
然后加上我名字 不然他不知道是谁写的
Perfect.
完美
So exciting.
好激动
OK, Brandt.
好的 布兰特
I'm gonna, like, have my first boyfriend.
我要拥有我第一个男友了
No doubt.
毫无疑问
That's freaking crazy.
不可思议
It's amazing, and we'll go on, like, double dates and stuff.
太棒了 我们就可以搞四人约会了
I know, with, like, Alex.
是的 加上艾利克斯
I mean, if he wants to.
如果他想的话
Dustin says yes. Dustin says yes.
达斯汀答应了 达斯汀答应了
Brandt says yes. I do not say yes.
布兰特答应了 我没有
Yes, he does. No, I do not.
他答应了 不 我没有
Yes, he does. No, I do not.
他答应了 不 我没有
Oh, my God, wait.
天啊 等等
Dustin, that is, like, so presumptuous to think
达斯汀 你太自作主张觉得
that she's asking you. She asked him.
她问的是你了 她问的是他
You guys, stop.
你们够了
This is, like, so mean. Just tell her.
坏死了 告诉她吧
U-G-I-S, biyatch!
UGIS 婊♥子♥
UGIS. UGIS.
UGIS UGIS
Wait, what?
等等 什么
Oh, honey, don't you know?
亲爱的 你不知道吗
It means ugliest girl in school.
意思就是学校里最丑的女生
UGIS!
UGIS
They're so mean.
他们坏死了
And they said they don't know why you are wearing a bra, Anna,
他们还说不知道为什么你要穿文胸 安娜
'cause there's nothing to go in it.
因为里面什么都没
I'm so sorry.
我很遗憾
It's cool, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is really funny.
没事 嗯嗯 挺有意思的
UGIS! UGIS!
UGIS UGIS
Thanks for telling me, Becca. You're welcome.
谢谢你告诉我 贝卡 不客气
OK. Bye.
好了 拜
Bye.
拜
It's not they like my haircut.
他们并不喜欢我的发型
They're assholes.
他们是人♥渣♥
No. They were right.
不 他们是对的
I am ugly. I'm a freaking freak. No, you're not.
我很丑 我就是个怪胎 不 你不是
Like...
就
I'm UGIS.
我是UGIS
Maya, if UGIS means beautiful unicorn,
麻雅 如果UGIS意思是美丽的独角兽
then yeah, you--you you're UGIS. Then, yeah, you are.
那么你就是UGIS 是的
No. Na, do you understand, like,
不 娜 你明白吗
I'm the ugliest girl in school.
我是学校里最丑的女生
You get that in your skull?
你懂吗
Like, to love me is the biggest insult.
爱我就是最大的侮辱
Like, that's what it means.
这就是它的意思
Then I guess, you know, I've been insulted the greatest.
那受到最大侮辱的就是我了
You literally look, like, hot right now.
你现在看着好性感
You know, none of this actually makes any sense.
这一切都毫无道理
I know.
是啊
Like Terra Newback? It's a hunchback for Pete's sake.
泰拉·纽班克 就是个驼背
Yeah, I know. Or freaking Cindy Puchak like?
是啊 还有辛迪·普查克
Her mole covers her whole neck.
她的痣覆盖了她整个脖子
It's the size of my face, like, it's bigger.
有我脸这么大 还不止
And like, think about Beth Mahoney.
想想贝丝·马宏尼
Beth Mahoney is freaking busted like...
贝丝·马宏尼丑爆了
She's UGIS. She's so UGIS.
她才是UGIS 她绝对是UGIS
Like I'm UGIS? You're not UGIS.
我是UGIS 你才不是UGIS
Hey, UGIS. Go fuck your mom.
嘿 UGIS 操♥你♥妈♥
They're all a bunch of fuckers.
他们都是一群混♥蛋♥
We just have to do something about this.
我们得为此做点什么
Anna, I can't.
安娜 我不行
I have an idea.
我有个主意
Do you know where the eighth graders sit?
你知道八年级的人坐在哪儿吗
You shouldn't be here.
你们不该来这的
Get out of here, freaks. OK.
滚 怪胎 好
Fucking leave. We should go.
快滚 我们走吧
Shuji, no. It's important. Stop.
秀治 不 这很重要 别这样
They were these boys in our grade,
我们年级有几个男生
who were not kind to...
他们对我们很恶毒
I need you to beat them up, Shuji. Yeah.
我需要你去揍他们 秀治 嗯
Like, it just needs to happen.
必须得揍
Why should I?
我为什么要去
See. Like I told you he wouldn't care.
看吧 我就说他不会关心的
This is literally, like, the worst day of my life,
今天真是我人生里最黑暗的一天
and he'll probably call me UGIS, too.
他多半也会叫我UGIS
Did you just say UGIS?
你刚是说UGIS吗
Yeah.
嗯
UGIS is the worst thing you can be called.
UGIS是最侮辱人的词了
The list of UGIS's past, they're all heinous dogs.
UGIS过去的名单 都特丑
There's a list?
还有名单
Look, I'm not gonna beat up a seventh grader,
听着 我不会打一个七年级的人
but I can teach you some words.
但我可以教你一些词汇
Um, what do they look like?
他们长什么样
Um. Well, like, um...
嗯 这个
Brandt, he, like, has this, like, chestnut silky hair,
布兰特 他有栗色柔滑的头发
and it's like, he has brown honeydew--
好像抹了棕色的蜜汁
No, what are his bad features?
不 我是说他有什么缺点
I think he's like... he's, like, short. Mm hmm.
有点矮 嗯
That's true. Yeah. That's good.
是的 很好
Is that good? Mmhmm.
这好吗 嗯
And like, Stacy Davis told me that... Oh, yeah.
斯黛西·戴维斯跟我说 对
...she gave me a handy when his dad was sick
他爸生病期间 她给他打飞机
to help make him feel better,
就为了让他好受点
and she said he's not circumcised,
她说他没有割过包皮
and it looks like an aardvark.
看着像土豚
That's what she said.
她是这么说的
OK, for sure, you're gonna wanna bring up the aardvark dick.
你一定要提到土豚鸡鸡
OK. OK, this is what you're gonna say.
好 你就这么说
Hey, you porcupine midget piece of shit,
你个矮肥挫
I would never touch that aardvark dick with a 10-foot pole,
给我根10英尺的杆子我也不会碰你的土豚鸡鸡
so suck it, bitch.
自己吸吧 贱♥人♥
You got it?
记住了吗
Yeah. Yeah.
嗯 嗯
That was great. OK. All right.
很不错 好的