重造历史（2017）

when I can't find the words.
1775年 我有个超赞的女友
In 1775, I have an amazing girlfriend.
2016年 我就是个彻头彻尾的废柴
In 2016, I'm, like, a colossal screw-up.
你不是废柴
You're not a screw up.
你发明了时间旅行
You invented time travel.
你是世上最聪明的家伙了
If anything, you're, like, the smartest dude in the world.
不是我发明的时间旅行
I didn't exactly invent time travel.
-是我发现了而已 -有区别吗
- I discovered it. - What's the difference?
我在我父亲死后留下的物品中
I discovered it amongst my father's possessions
找到了这个时间机器
after he passed away.
我该想到你没那么厉害
I should've known.
丹 你带我穿越回过去 问「该怎么办」
Dan, you brought me back here and asked, "What do I do?"
你该这么办
Here's what you do.
跟黛博拉分手
Break up with Deborah
放下自私 修正历史
and clean up this selfish mess you've made.
-我自私吗 -对
- I'm selfish? - Yes!
你教历史
You teach history.
我及时将你带回来了
I brought you back in time.
你都没跟我道谢
You haven't even said thank you.
谢什么啊
Thank you for what?
我这一路又是吐了
All that's happened is I puked,
又被斧子差点砍了头
I had an axe thrown at my head,
大家还把我当奴隶
I was treated like a slave,
还喝了约翰·汉考克的尿
and I drank John Hancock's urine!
他可是我偶像 丹
He is my idol, Dan!
我心目中的男神啊
My number one.
我喝了我心目中男神的尿
And I drank the pee of the man who is my number one!
话说 我觉得那不是约翰·汉考克的尿
Well, I don't think it was just John Hancock's, FYI.
大家都「贡献」了点
I think everyone had a squeeze.
这个年代 我活得都不如你啊
You get treated better than me in this time.
有处房♥子我们该去看看
And there's this house I think we should look at.
五块钱
It's five dollars.
我还不想这么早成家
I'm just not ready for a commitment right now.
什么成家啊 村子里盛行流感
What commitment? There's a flu going around.
我们能活过这个冬天就算走运了
We'll be lucky to live through the winter.
你该嫁给铁匠吉什
You should probably marry Backsmith Gish.
他是个好人
He's a good man.
他能给你稳定的生活 还打出好多铁制品
He can provide a life of stability and various kinds of steel.
他是个傻帽啊
He's a dunce.
我有次看见他跟一袋谷物决斗
I once saw him challenge a bag of grain to a duel.
但是他赢了吧
But didn't he win that duel?
没有
No.
你为什么要这么做
Why are you doing this?
我跟你说了 你也不会信
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
你不说 我怎么知道呢
You owe me the chance.
这听来会很扯
This is gonna sound crazy.
我来自未来
I'm from the future.
真的
I am.
我来自未来
I'm from the future.
2016年
2016.
我的生活犹如一潭死水 空虚无聊
And I was bored there and lonely,
还一直活在我父亲的影子里
and living in the shadow of my father,
所以我找到了时间旅行的方法
so I found a way to travel through time.
我每到一个地方
Every place I went,
我都扮成不同的人
I tried to become someone else.
直到我遇到了你
Until I met you.
但不幸的是
But, unfortunately,
我们在一起 改变了历史
us being together has changed some things in history.
跟你分手 我也伤透了心
It's just breaking my heart.
你不相信我 也不要紧
It's okay if you don't believe me.
我信你
I believe you.
-你信吗 -我信
- You do? - Yes!
现在都说得通了
It all makes sense now.
你奇怪的说话方式 唱不尽的美妙歌♥曲
Your odd language, your... wondrous songs,
你相信我说的每一句话
And how you believe everything that I say
而别人却觉得是胡扯
that others call nonsense,
你相信男女平等 机会平等
about women being equal and everyone deserving opportunity.
你的思想非常前卫
You're so ahead of your time.
未来就是这样
It's happened in the future.
女人可以战死沙场
Women can even die in war.
-真好啊 -可棒了
- That's so wonderful. - It's fantastic.
山无棱天地合 才敢与君绝
I can't imagine my life without you.
你温柔体贴 善解人意
You're... tender and caring and sensitive,
心思细腻如女人一般 而1775年的男人
and almost feminine in a way that the men of 1775
绝不会做到这样
never allow themselves to be.
而且你说话总说到别人心坎里
And you always know just what to say.
黛博拉 你让我的生命完整了
Deborah, you complete me.
你第一次打招呼时 我就沦陷了
And you had me at hello.
引用的是《甜心先生》中汤姆·克鲁斯台词
你第一次打招呼时 我就沦陷了 黛博拉
You had me at hello, Deborah.
放开我的手 无赖
Take your hands off me, you miscreant!
-魁克尔 -出事了
- Queequag! - Something's happening.
放开我 放开我
Get off of me! Let me go!
你给我闭嘴
You shut your face.
丹
Dan!
黛博拉 救我
Deborah! Help me!
他们会杀了他 我们得救回他
They'll kill him. We have to get him back.
是啊 得救啊
Yeah, I guess we do.
救命
Help!
救命 救救我啊
Help! Someone help!
他们越来越远了
We're losing 'em!
我们可以抄近道
We can head them off this way.
丹 黛博拉 救命
Dan! Deborah! Help!
救救我啊
Someone help me!
我爱你 杰瑞米
I love you, Jeremy.
竟是一个女人
A woman?
没错 就是个女人 别一惊一乍了
That's right, a woman. Don't act so shocked.
赶紧逃吧 性别歧视的禽兽
Yeah, ride away, you sexist pig.
我爱你 黛博拉
I love you, Deborah.
妹子啊 我真是爱死你了
Girl, I love you so much, Deborah.
天呐 这一枪太准了
Oh, my God, that was an amazing shot.
解开我 快解开我
Untie me, untie me, untie me.
不可思议啊 魁克尔会说英语
It's a miracle. Queequag speaks.
黛博拉 抱歉 这不是魁克尔
Deborah, I'm sorry, this is not Queequag.
这是我在2016年的好友 克里斯
This is my friend Chris from 2016.
他跟我一起穿越回来修复历史
He came back with me to help me fix things here.
这么说 2016年 黑人与白人其乐融融了
So in 2016, black people and white people are friends.
-没错 -完全不是
- Yes, exactly. - Not at all.
-啥 我们不是朋友吗 -我有个计划
- What? You don't think so? - Look, I have a plan.
你们俩回到2016年 把我留在这里
You guys go back to 2016, leave me behind.
啥 为什么
What? Why?
我要发起美国独♥立♥战争
I'm gonna start the American Revolution.
我能离开这个悲催的时代了吗
So, I get to leave this miserable time.
黛博拉 你确定你想穿越吗
Deborah, are you sure you're ready for this?
在未来 我...
You know, in the future, I'm...
我不是什么厉害的人物 我就是...
I'm not some special guy, I'm just...
我的世界里 无论何时 你都是最独一无二的人
I-I can't imagine anyone, anywhere in time more special than you.
到旅行袋里再亲热吧
Save it for the duffel bag. Okay?
丹 我道歉
And Dan, I apologize.
我小看你了
I misjudged you.
克里斯 我没看错你
Well, Chris, I was right about you.
你天生就是拯救历史这块料
You're the type of guy that can help save history.
给 拿着
Here. Take this.
这是什么
What's this?
大♥麻♥
Weed.
-确实需要 -我们走
- Makes sense. - Let's go.
准备好穿越到未来了吗
You ready to go to the future?
这里空气真好啊
It smells wonderful here.
是吗
Does it?
你去哪啊
Where you going?
等下
Wait.