重造历史（2017）

好了 我要去上班了
All right, gotta go to work.
-今天有什么计划吗 -很多
- Got any plans for today? - Many.
我再找一个木棍儿
I am going to look for a second stick
来配上我昨天找到的主干
to match the main stick I found yesterday.
你不是一个人在家待得无聊透顶
You're not so bored being left home alone all day
到快要发疯的程度了吧
that you're going insane, right?
没有 当然没有啦
No. Of course not.
但我要是疯了 我也不知道啊
Though I guess I'd be the last to know.
嗯
u202dYeah.
要让你到外面世界转转了
So, we need to get you into the outside world.
-你准备好了吗 -好了
- You think you're ready for that? - Yes.
我想走进城里 买♥♥个冰淇淋吃
I would like to take a walk to town and maybe get an ice cream.
不错
That sounds great.
露西尔 戴上最漂亮的帽子
Lucille, get out your best hat.
我们要去市场了
We're going to market!
啥 你说啥 露西尔
What? What's that, Lucille?
不是吧 露西尔
No. Lucille.
露西尔说她累了
Lucille's saying that she's tired
她想留在家里 小睡一觉
and she wants to stay home and take a nap.
她是个木棍 不会说话
She's a stick; she can't talk.
好吧 但是...
Right, but...
但是你...
but you... but...
《制♥造♥历史》 第一季第五集
天 那是寿司吗
Man! Is that sushi?
是
Yep.
我一直想尝尝来着
I've been meaning to try that.
你想来点吗
You want some?
兄弟 太够意思了
Dude, that's so nice of you.
我都没想跟你要呢 -丹尼尔
- I wasn't even thinking that. - Daniel.
我要跟你借二十万美金
I need to borrow $200,000, please.
-好 原因呢 -冰淇淋店出♥售♥了
- Okay. Why? - The ice cream shop is for sale,
我想买♥♥下来
and I'd like to buy it.
小黛 真是个好主意
Deb, that's a great idea.
克里斯 我要跟你借三十万美金
Chris, I need to borrow $300,000, please.
我没有那么多钱
I don't have that kind of money.
忽悠谁呢 你当然有了 你是有钱人
What are you talking about? Yes, you do. You're rich.
-我不是有钱人 -你就是
- I'm not rich. - Yes, you are.
你墙上挂的那玩意不是电影海报
You have things on your wall that aren't movie posters.
你是说艺术品吗
You mean art?
我不是有钱人
I'm not rich.
其实我还一身债
I'm actually in a lot of debt.
直到一个月之前 我还铁定会拿下终身教职
Up until a month ago, I was definitely gonna get tenure,
所以我大手大脚花了不少钱
so I was spending pretty irresponsibly.
一个月前发生了什么
What happened a month ago?
我认识了丹
I met Dan.
还以为历史教授
You would think a history professor
能够穿越时空
with access to a time machine
是件好事 但是呢
would be a positive thing, but instead
我的前程就这么脱轨了
my career's been totally derailed.
等下 你是历史学教授
Wait. You're a history professor.
你有一个时光机
You have a time machine.
两者结合一下 不能赚钱吗
There's no way to turn that into money?
这个绿色是什么东西
What's this green stuff?
-是鳄梨酱 -我超喜欢鳄梨酱
- It's guacamole. u202d- I love guacamole!
鳄梨酱爽歪歪啊
Guac 'n' roll, baby!
好
Yeah.
丹
Dan?
好了 给 让我们穿越时空赚点钱吧
Okay, guys, let's time-travel to make some money.
我们要在世界职业棒球锦标赛上下注
We are gonna bet on the World Series of baseball.
就像《回到未来》第二部曲
Like Back to the Future II.
什么意思
What do you mean?
你的计划 就是《回到未来》第二部曲中的计划
Your plan. It's the same plan from the second Back to the Future movie.
我从没看过那些电影
I never saw those movies.
-什么 -可好看了
- What?! u202d- They're quite good.
克里斯 你一定要看啊
Chris, you must see them.
盗用他们的计划可真妙啊
And stealing their plan is a great idea.
干得漂亮 克里斯
Nice work, Chris!
好吧 但这不是盗用
Okay, except it's not stealing
因为这是我原创的计划
because this is my own separate plan that I came up with.
我懂了 「原创计划」 就跟跟电影里一样
I see-- so it's an original plan even though it's exactly the same.
是 1919年的棒球锦标赛中
Yes. Now, the 1919 Series
芝加哥白袜队和辛辛那提红人的比赛结果已成定局「作弊」between the Chicago White Sox and the Cincinnati Reds was already fixed,
所以即使我们赌球赛 也不会干扰历史
so we won't be disturbing history by placing a bet on it.
我懂了 我喜欢
I get it, and I like it.
更妙的是
And what's even better is,
我是从坏人手里抢钱
the people we'll be taking money from are bad people.
现在我懂了 我喜欢
Now I get it, and I like it.
我们就是罗宾汉啊「侠盗」We're basically Robin Hood.
那个年代的体育博♥彩♥界
You know, the sports gambling world
就是匪徒人♥渣♥的天下
in those days was run by scumbag mobsters.
-黑帮吗 -是啊
- The Mafia? - Yeah.
真棒 我特别喜欢黑帮 我了解他们的一切
Sweet! I love the Mafia. I know everything about them.
黑帮最棒了
They're basically the best.
他们是一群变♥态♥的暴♥力♥分子
They're violent sociopaths.
别这么扫兴 克里斯
Don't be such a wet blanket, Chris.
他们画风高端 说话风趣
They're classy and they say cool stuff.
我看过所有的黑帮电视剧和电影
I've seen every Mafia TV show and movie.
这用不上
That won't be helpful.
-我会创造条件用上 -用不上
- I will make it helpful. - It won't be.
克里斯 我查了些资料
So, Chris, I've been doing some research,
你认为是鳄梨酱的东西其实是青芥末
and what you think is guacamole is actually wasabi.
什么
What?!
那是日本辛辣的芥末酱
It's a Japanese spice mustard.
你吃的时候别蘸太多了啊 兄弟 辣死你
And you got to be careful with that stuff, my friend. u202dYikes.
谢谢你提醒我 真的
Thank you for the heads-up. Seriously.
看看这个
Check it out.
我给小黛买♥♥的
I got this for Deb.
-是芝加哥城 -真酷
- It's Chicago. - Cool.
的确很酷 不知道你看出来没
Yeah. It is cool. I don't know if you can tell,
我在泡妹子方面一直运气不佳
but I haven't always had the best luck with women.
你穿越到两百年前就为了骗个女朋友回来
You went 200 years in the past to get a girlfriend.
是啊
Right. You know,
我觉得我以前在感情中的问题
I think where I went wrong in my previous relationships
就在于我不够浪漫
was that I wasn't romantic enough.
那这颗水晶球就能解决了吗
And a snow globe is gonna solve that?
这不只是颗水晶球 克里斯
It's not just a snow globe, Chris.
在一个浪漫的周末 我穿越到过去的芝加哥
Traveling through time on a romantic weekend to Chicago
为了赢笔大钱 买♥♥下冰淇淋店
so I can win money and buy that ice cream parlor
让小黛拥有她梦寐以求的工作
and Deb can have the job of her dreams.
这象征了我们俩的共同新生活
This is a symbol of our new life together.
这把狗粮我吃了 丹
That's really sweet, Dan.
你也有份哦
I got you something, too.
把它倒过来 她的衣服就会脱落
Turn it upside down, her clothes come off.
等下 你为什么觉得我会喜欢这个
Wait, why would you think I'd be into this?
我买♥♥了白人女性版的
Well, I bought a white woman
因为我不想假设说...
'cause I just didn't want to assume...
假设什么
Assume what?
这问题太容易踩雷了
This feels like a minefield for me,
总之 不用谢
so... you're welcome.
1919年的芝加哥
1919 Chicago!
简直难以置信
This is incredible!
对哦 这段「过去」对你来说还算「未来」
Oh, right, the past is still kind of the future for you.
你几乎能感受到空气中流动着的爵士乐
You can almost feel the jazz in the air.
抱歉 你说什么
I'm sorry, what?
我从没告诉过你
I never told you this,
其实我单簧管吹得不错
but I blow a pretty tasty licorice stick.
抱歉 你在说什么
I'm sorry, what?
爵士单簧管 朋友
Jazz clarinet, amigo.
-什么 -我做了很多调查
- What? u202d- Okay, I've done a lot of research,
并且准备好了我们每个人的身份
and I've prepared cover stories for each of us.
我会是埃尔斯沃斯·「粗暴」·约翰逊
I'm gonna be Ellsworth "Bumpy" Johnson,
哈莱姆黑人区臭名昭著的黑人教父