重造历史（2017）

克里斯 我得跟你谈谈
Chris, I need to talk to you.
我得跟你谈谈
I need to talk to you.
暖气正合适 谢谢了
Our heater's fine, thank you.
-克里斯 -你想干什么啊
- Chris. - What are you doing?
-出去 -是重要的事
- Get out. - It's very important.
那又怎样 我正上课呢
Okay, this is a classroom.
要随堂测验了
They're taking a quiz.
测验难吗
Is it a hard quiz?
他这个教授很严厉吗
Is he a hard professor?
他肯定很严厉 但他很公正
I bet he's hard, but he's fair.
你赢了 我们出去谈吧
Okay, you know what? Let's go outside.
如果他很严厉 表示爱之深责之切
If he's hard, it's because he cares about you.
-严师方能出高徒啊 -给我出去
- He cares about you enough that he wants to challenge you. - Out.
你打扰我上课 有什么理由啊
What could possibly justify you interrupting my class?
-妞儿的问题呗 -苍天啊
- Chicks, brother. - My God.
你的智商能不能按时交个费啊
Can you please just be normal for one second?
我跟小黛正处在情侣的一个阶段
Okay, so Deb and I are at this really weird stage
我们的感情这么长时间以来
in our relationship where I've been lying to her
一直建立在我的谎言之上
the whole time about everything.
她很快就会看清这些谎言了
And I'm about to be found out.
-你要问我啥啊 -我不是...
- What are you asking me? - Well, I guess I'm not...
不是具体想问什么问题
really asking a question, per se.
就是想让你跟我聊聊
More trying to engage you in a dialogue.
你都说了哪些谎啊
Well, what have you been lying about?
我就是告诉她
I maybe told her that I invented
现代社会的东西基本都是我发明的...
most aspects of modern society and...
其中包括所有的艺术作品与每一首歌♥
pretty much every work of art and kind of every song.
听起来你有两种选择
Well, it sounds like you have two options.
第一种就是你跟她讲实话
Option one being that you tell her the truth
她可能会甩了你
and she probably leaves you.
不要 做不到 第二个选择呢
Pass. Can't do that. Option two?
她自己发现这件事 她肯定会甩了你
She finds out on her own and she definitely leaves you.
不行 这也不行
Nah, can't do that either.
也许我该让她活在《楚门的世界》Maybe I'll Truman Show her.
主人公活在一个假的世界里 但本人却一无所知
打造一个虚拟的世界
Create a whole fake world
让她活在一个非现实的世界里
under the guise of reality television.
克里斯
Chris?
您好 院长
Hello, Dean.
克里斯 我刚瞧了一眼你的教室
Chris, I just peeked in your classroom.
你的学生都掏出手♥机♥
All their students have their phones out
开始玩「口袋妖怪」了
playing "Poke-a-hey-mon Go."
我马上就回去
I will get back in there immediately.
-惊喜吧 -这是什么啊
- Surprise! - What is this?
你这是打完猎 耕完地
Did you hunt, farm, and...
用木头做了个椅子吗
woodwork a chair?
你为我唱的歌♥让我想对你更好
Your song inspired me to make a loving gesture.
我在彼处的林间设好了所有捕猎陷阱
I trapped everything myself in yon woods.
小黛 孩子会在林子里玩耍
u202dDeb, kids play in yon woods.
孩子知道如何躲开陷阱
Well, children know to be on the lookout for traps.
那些蜡烛很好看啊
And those candles are quite lovely.
都是用什么做的啊
What are they made out of?
捣碎的蝴蝶和松鼠的油脂
Crushed butterflies and squirrel lard.
我用松鼠的皮毛做了个漂亮的抱枕
I fashioned the squirrel pelts into a cushion.
用它的骨头做了个小钢琴
And the bones into a tiny piano.
真棒啊 这只松鼠真是死得其所啊
That is so cool. And what a way to honor that squirrel.
-你太厉害了 -瞎说什么啊
- You're amazing. - Piffle.
这些跟你的发明相比 根本不值得一提
Your inventions are far superior to this.
所以呢
That's kind of why
我觉得我们该好好谈谈我发明的事
I-I-I think we should talk about my inventions.
我们吃饭吧
Let's eat.
烤负鼠凉了就不好吃了
Before the roasted opossum gets cold.
我的奶油搅拌器在这里就好了
I only wish I had my butter churn
就能制♥作♥新鲜的奶油配主菜了
to make fresh butter to complete the meal.
这个可以有啊 我们有时光机
You know what? We have a time machine.
我们去拿吧
Let's go get it.
忘了这回事
Right.
所我才不在室内用这玩意儿
That's why I don't use this thing inside.
我希望你不会觉得这太直接...
I hope you won't think this too forward, but...
我们今晚能出去玩吗
can we go out tonight?
当然可以了
Sure, yeah.
我们出去玩吧
Let's go out.
我等这一刻等了一辈子了
I've waited all my life for this.
1775年 女人禁止出入酒馆
In 1775 women weren't allowed in taverns.
除非她们是妓♥女♥
Unless, they were, of course, whores.
想到了
Of course.
但要给你找件衣服穿
Although we should get you something to wear.
我不知道你该穿什么
I don't know what you should wear,
但绝不该是两百多年前的家居袍
but I do know it's not a 200-year-old housecoat
上面还全是松鼠的血
covered in squirrel's blood.
-好 -好
- Right. - Okay.
我衣柜里就这些衣服看起来比较像
Here's everything in my closet that could possibly
女人的衣服了
be considered lady clothes.
我有睡裤
I have PJ pants,
比较娘的毛衣 「八胞胎母亲」的万圣节装扮服
my girliest sweater, my Octomom Halloween costume
把那些娃娃扯掉就行了
if you cut off the baby dolls.
-妈妈 -还有「大宝贝」戴维斯的球衣
- "Mama. - I got my "Big Baby" Davis jersey.
你可以...
You could...
扎个腰带穿
belt it.
我喜欢绿色
I like the green.
很棒 绿色很衬你
Nice. Green looks good on you.
你家有甜菜汁吗
Do you have any beet juice?
红色可做口红
妹子啊
Girl...
哥的存货更高大上呢
I got better than beet juice.
你想化个烟熏妆
And you just want to smoke it out.
你就层层涂抹 使眼影慢慢晕开
You're just kind of smearing it and smudging it...
别眨眼
Don't blink.
别眨眼
Stop blinking.
我没眨眼
I'm not blinking.
你在眨眼
You're blinking.
好吧 来吧
No. Go, go.
化吧
Do it.
你到底想不想要电眼了啊
Do you want your eye to be smoked or not?
这是酒吧
So, this is a bar.
鞋很漂亮啊
Cute shoes.
你门牙真整齐啊
I like your front teeth.
丹尼尔
Daniel,
他们这里也有你发明的电视哎
they have one of your televisions here.
是啊 真棒
So they do. Very cool.
克里斯 瞧 是克里斯
Chris. Look, it's Chris,
你记得跟我一起穿越的克里斯吧
you remember Chris from when we all time-traveled.
-记得 -你们怎么来这里了
- Yeah. - What are y'all doing here?
我怎么来这里了
What am I doing here?
我家就在这附近啊
I live a blockfrom this place.
你怎么在这里啊
What are you doing here?
大学里的员工都不会来这里啊
No one else from the college comes to this place.
要的就是这种效果
Yeah, exactly.
益智问答之夜弱爆了
Trivia Night with townies?
-我总是完虐他们 -益智问答夜是什么
- I always dominate. - What is Trivia Night?
-知识竞赛 -一群书呆子争论些愚蠢的东西
- It's a contest of knowledge. - Nerds arguing about dumb stuff.
这是我想象中交换思想的好方式啊
This will be a grand exchange of ideas just as I imagined.
玛雅日历的基本单位是什么
What was the primary unit of time in the Mayan calendar?
-请作答 -日 -正确
- Yes? u202d- Day. u202d- Correct.
-棒 -1787年 利维·哈金斯发明了第一...
- Yes! - In 1787, Levi Hutchins invented the first...
-闹钟 -正确
- Alarm clock. - u202dYes.
哥厉害吧
Heating up, boy! u202d
哪次沉船事故将美国卷入了第一次世界大战
What ship was sunk bringing the U.S. into World War I?
-路西塔尼亚号♥ -纽约洋基队
- Lusitania. - Damn Yankees.
-托洛茨基 -正确
- Trotsky! u202d- Yes.
俄♥国♥革命家
这题我知道 迈克尔·乔丹「球星」I know this one-- Michael Jordan!
-不对 -二氧化碳