重造历史（2017）

It's so hard to build up confidence,
那种人给你一个脸色 就能让你自信全无
and then a guy like that can just snatch it away from you with just a look. u202d
没错
Yeah, exactly.
总之
Anyway...
这是你的那份钱
here's your cut of the dough.
我爱「毛爷爷」
I-I love dough.
为了「毛爷爷」 我愿意娶党♥章♥
I love dough so much I might marry a pizza.
想象一下你迎娶党♥章♥ 会是什么场面
Imagine if you married a pizza, how that might go!
天呐
Man!
阿尔
Hey, Al.
我能用我的袋子装钱吗
Do you think maybe I could get my money in, uh, my bag?
在你家地下室里的那个袋子
The one that's in your vault.
可以啊 这就是那个袋子
Yeah. That's it. That's the bag.
不是这个 我的袋子更大一些
This isn't my bag. My bag was-was bigger.
不对 我有印象 迷你小袋袋
No, I remember. Tiny little bag.
阿尔 我的袋子很大
Al, my bag was so big,
大到可以塞两三个人进去
you could fit two to three bodies in it.
这里面也能塞两三个人 丹尼
You could fit two to three bodies in there, Danny.
-我不想和你吵 阿尔 -你知道后果
- Now, I hate to argue with you, Al... - You know what?
那就闭嘴
Then don't.
我们一起度过的时光
I think you and me are gonna be spending
一定会比你想象中长
a lot more time together than you think.
乐意至极
I'd like that very much.
现在带我去你和党♥章♥的婚礼吧
Now, walk me through this pizza wedding!
你们在干什么
What are you doing?
我们两小时前就该去大厅了
We were supposed to be in the lobby two hours ago.
对不起 克里斯 我们起晚了
Gee, I'm sorry, Chris, that we weren't up
没能和你一起享用「困在过去」式早餐
to make it to your big stuck-in-the-past breakfast.
我们因为玩「讽刺游戏」起晚了
We were up late doing sarcasm.
是吗
Were we?
超有趣
So funny.
我无意打搅你们的浪漫一刻
Well, I hate to interrupt your romantic trip,
但现在我们得去搞定阿尔·卡彭
but we need to take down Al Capone
好拿回我们的时光机
so we can get our time machine back.
克里斯... 我们已经有办法了
Chris... we already took care of it.
什么办法
How?
像《忠奸人》那样 在卡彭身边做卧底
we're gonna Donnie Brasco Capone...
得到他的信任后 让他带我们去地下室
earn his trust and then make him take us to his vault.
-这对小黛来说太危险了 -性别歧视
- That doesn't sound safe for Deb. - Oh. Sexist.
这下你怎么说
What are you gonna say to that?
扯到性别歧视 就无话可说了吧
There's no comeback.
你们演你们的黑帮时
Okay, while you two are busy playing Mafia,
我也想到了一个计划
I also came up with a plan.
这个计划好就好在 利用史实打倒卡彭
And it has the benefit of being the actual thing that takes down Capone.
是什么
What is it?
我要去国税局举报
I am gonna go to the Internal Revenue Service
卡彭逃税 账目作假
and report on Capone's very specious accounting practices.
你要去打小报告
You're gonna tell on him.
-真棒 -讽刺语气
- Very cool. - u202dSarcasm.
对
Yeah.
这不是在演电影 这是真实历史
Okay, this isn't a movie. It's history.
电影都是虚构的
Movies are fiction.
那《篮球梦》呢
What about Hoop Dreams?
-那是部纪录片 -有区别吗
- That was a documentary. - What's the difference?
纪录片是基于真实事件
I believe a documentary's based on actual events,
而电影是完全编出来的故事
whereas a movie is just completely made up.
看到没 连她都知道
See? Even she gets it.
性别歧视
That's sexist.
我这么说是因为你是殖民时期的人
I was saying that because you're a Colonial,
不是因为你是女人
not because you're a woman.
又要打脸了 傻蛋
You're digging your own grave, you pig.
「大个子托尼」 「大个子吉米」
Fat Tony. Fat Jimmy.
托尼 吉米
Tony. Jimmy.
阿尔
Hey, Al.
-兄弟 -反正要等
u202d- Hey...buddies! - u202dWhile we were waiting,
-我们有个想法 -没错
- we-we had a thought. - We... Yeah.
不如我们别去餐厅吃午餐了
What if we didn't go to a restaurant for lunch,
去野餐怎么样
but we had, like, a picnic?
对 在你家地下室
Yes, in your vault.
我们在你家地下室野餐怎么样
What if we did it in your vault?
肯定很有趣
Yeah. That would be funny.
超级有趣
It would be so funny,
因为人们一般不在地下室吃饭
'cause people don't usually eat in vaults, and, well,
我们就坐在地下室吃饭
we would all be sitting there eating in the vault,
-对 -就在... 袋子旁边
- Yeah. Yeah. - Near the... near the bag.
不 这没戳中我笑点
Nah. I guess that's just not my type of humor.
我还是想去餐厅吃饭
Okay? I want to go to a restaurant.
现在让我赶紧干正事
Now, can I finish up work real fast?
把钱给我 混♥蛋♥
Give me my money, scumbag!
可我...
But I...
你想去哪家餐厅
What restaurant were you thinking?
历史知识小课堂开课啦
Fact: Al Capone was actually brought down
阿尔·卡彭其实是被国税局拿下的
by the Internal Revenue Service,
所以我现在在国税局
which is why I'm here... at the Internal Revenue Service.
真不礼貌
That's rude.
打扰一下
E-Excuse me?
到几号♥了 我是26号♥
What number's next? I have... 26.
四号♥
Four.
马上就到我了
Won't be long now.
阿尔 你希望像我一样聪明有趣又正派吗
Al, you wanted to be smart, fun, funny and nice like me?
我是不会用这种手段处理问题的
This is not the way I would handle it.
好吧 那如果有人不还钱 你说我怎么办
Okay. So if a guy can't pay me, what do you suppose I do, exactly?
也许你可以友好一些 不要杀他
Well, maybe you be nicer and not kill him?
真荒唐 不过我可以试试看
That's crazy, but I'll give it a shot.
刚说到就来了
Speak of the devil.
他醒啦 阿尔
Here he is. Huh, Al?
你不是有话要对这位亲爱的花店店主说吗
Don't you have something to say to this nice florist?
抱歉打了你的脸
Sorry that I bashed your face in.
毁容了吗
Is it bad?
你想听真话还是假话 老兄
What do you want to hear, man?
丹 我实在不能理解
Dan, I am so confused.
这家伙欠了我钱 居然还活着
This guy owes me money, and he's still alive.
既然他还不了欠你的五美元
What if, instead of him giving you the five dollars that he owes you...
你从他店里拿20美元的花怎么样
he gives you $20 worth of flowers from his shop?
我要一堆花有什么用
What am I gonna do with a bunch of flowers?
也许你可以送给你的妻子玫
Well, maybe you can give them to your wife Mae.
想要花 她可以去教堂院子里自己摘
If Mae wants flowers, she can go to the churchyard and pick 'em.
小浪漫 大作用
A little romantic gesture goes a long way.
丹送了我一个雪景球
Dan gave me a snow globe.
超级重 而且瞬间就开始漏水
It was very heavy and started leaking almost immediately,
但我还是超级喜欢
but, I loved it.
我的天 好吧
My God, fine!
给我一束烂花去送给我那白♥痴♥老婆
Give me the dumb flowers for my stupid wife.
他要送束烂花给他的白♥痴♥老婆
He's gonna take the flowers for his dumb wife.
瞧 阿尔 你要能坚持与人为善
See, Al? You keep it up with this nice stuff,
所有人也都会帮助你的
and all over town people'll be doing favors for you.
你的形象就会像「教父」一样高大
You'll be known as... a Godfather.
这么形容倒不错
That's actually a good description,
因为我和他没什么关系
because I'm not related to him,
他却「慈父般地关怀」着我的幸福
but he has a sort of paternal interest in my well-being.
他叽叽歪歪太烦人了
I just found him irritating.
但你没杀他
But you didn't kill him.
我没杀他
I didn't kill him.
那个「音同干草」 玫
Hey, Mae.
你叫马呢吗 干嘛
Hay is for horses. What do you want?
那条擦碗布很衬你的卡姿兰大眼睛
That... dish towel really brings out your eyes.
呵呵 阿尔
Very funny, Al.
吃你的炖肉吧 待会儿就冷了
Eat your pot roast before it gets cold.
回家的诱惑 只有一墙之隔
To think our ride home is just on the other side of this door.
你拧把手试试
Have you tried the handle?
要是拧开了 可就真是打我脸了