重造历史（2017）

太舒服了
The fanciful-est.
这种氛围下 帮好友克里斯构思故事
Why, this is the perfect atmosphere for us
真是再完美不过了
to think of stories for our friend, Chris.
你知道怎么让我的灵感爆发吗
You know what would inspire me?
听「小人」们演奏
The little men playing a ditty.
里面的「小人」
You, in there.
一哒哒 二哒哒
A one, a two.
开始呀 嗨起来
Well, go on. Do it.
快为我们演奏一曲 「小仆人」们
Play for us, ye tiny minions.
有人吗
Hello.
天呐 我们忘记喂他们了
No. We forgot to feed them.
只要他们能活着 我愿贡献我的燕麦粥
I will sacrifice my oats so that they may live.
给你们 快吃
Here. Eat up.
-张开嘴巴 -他们在吃吗
- Open your mouths. - Are they eating?
这是你们的投食口吗
Is this your slop door?
吃到了 就吹段短笛让我知道
Give me a little piccolo if I'm doing this right.
你个傻瓜 他们都是些文化人
You, fool. These are genteel men.
要用碗吃燕麦粥
They eat their oats out of bowls.
那我们得给他们弄些小碗
Then we must fashion little bowls for them.
什么碗比较好
Out of what?
燕麦杆做的碗
The oats themselves.
-效果就像墨西哥卷饼一样 -什么
- They'll be like taco bowls. - What?
把美味的燕麦粥盛在麦杆碗里
Yummy oats in little oaten bowls.
-我们没时间搞那些 -是吗
- We don't have time for that. - We don't?
-叫醒乐队指挥 -干什么
- Awaken the maestro. - What?
让他带领成员们打破常规
He'll instruct them to defy protocol
用手吃饭
and eat with their hands.
小人们
Guys.
也许他们搬到别的箱子里了
Perhaps they've moved to another box.
我记得看《天桥风云》时
I recall sounds coming from this box as well
这个箱子也传出过乐声
during Project Runway.
你们自♥由♥啦
You're free.
你们可以自♥由♥演奏啦
You're free to play us music.
他们不在这儿
I don't see them.
天呐 如果他们在我们眼皮子底下丢了
By, God, if they're lost on our watch,
克里斯会气炸的
Chris will have a fit.
快彻底搜查这里 务必找到每个「小小音乐家」
Dismantle this whole place until every tiny musician is found.
「小小音乐家」
Tiny musicians!
你们在哪儿 「小小音乐家」
Where are you, tiny musicians?!
「小小音乐家」
Tiny musicians!
你们跑哪儿去啦
Where are you?!
「小小音乐家」
Tiny musicians!
你们在哪儿 「小小音乐家」
Where are you, tiny musicians?!
你们在哪儿
Where are you?!
找到他们了吗
Have you found them?!
你们在吗
Hello?
「小小音乐家」 你们在哪儿
Tiny musicians, where are you?
他们不在这里
They're not here.
「小小音乐家」
Little tiny musicians!
朋友们 我们今晚讨论亚里士多德
Friends, I got Aristotle for tonight.
克里斯
Chris.
你们干了什么
What happened here?!
克里斯 别生气
Chris, don't be mad.
我们弄丢了「小小音乐家」们
We lost your tiny musicians.
我们尽了全力去找「他们」
We smashed everything looking for them,
也没找到
but no dice.
根本没有什么「小小音乐家」
There are no tiny musicians!
你们毁了我家 两个大笨蛋
You just ruined my apartment, you dumbasses!
笨蛋
Dumbasses?
据某人说我们可是签署了《独♥立♥宣言》哟
We signed the Declaration of Independence, I heard.
我们做得很对
What we did was smart.
也许应该投票表决
Perhaps we should take a vote
看我们做得对不对
on whether or not it was smart.
才不为这种事投票
We are not voting on this.
你不尊重民♥主♥
Now you don't value democracy.
所有认为我们勇敢又强大
All those who agree that we are brave and strong
认为我们所为极其英明的人
and what we did was smart,
请说「赞成」
say aye.
-「赞成」 -「赞成」
- Aye. - Aye.
赞成者占多 我们做得对
The ayes have it. It was smart.
就算投对票 不代表这就是对的事
Just because you voted smart doesn't make it smart.
不 恰恰相反 克里斯
Au contraire, Chris.
这就是民♥主♥的本质
That is the essence of democracy.
是的
That's right.
有时好点子占上风 有时则不然
Good, dumb ideas prevail.
你俩谁在我的沙发巾上大便了吗
Did one of you defecate in my fichus?
不 是我们俩
No. We both did.
你们俩赶紧滚回去吧
You're going home right now.
支持我们留下的人 请说「赞成」
All those in favor of us staying.
-「赞成」 -「赞成」
- Aye. - u202dAye.
看来我们得待在这儿了 克里斯
Looks like we're staying, Chris.
你失去了共和国的控制权
You lost control of your republic.
美国万岁
USA.
-美国万岁 -美国万岁
- USA. - USA.
♪在晨曦初现时♪
♪Say, can you see♪
美国万岁
USA. USA.
♪你可看见♪
♪By the dawn's early light♪
美国万岁
USA.
♪我们为何如此骄傲♪
♪What so proudly we hail♪
♪黎明最后一道曙光中欢呼♪
♪At the twilight's last gleaming♪
这家冰淇淋店要炒了你
You're fired from ice cream.
什么 你要开除我吗
What? You're firing me?
是 立即生效
Yes. Effective immediately.
-为什么 -我爱你
- Why? u202d- I love you,
但「暗夜冰淇淋」不仅是个馊主意
but Night Cream isn't just a crazy idea,
而且荒唐 愚蠢 烂透了
it's a bad, terrible, dumb idea,
我讨厌死了
and I hate it so much.
这只是你个人的观点
It's one person's opinion.
但你的馊主意让我重拾信心
But your bad idea gave me a renewed confidence
打定主意 要在我的店里
in my good idea like an ice cream parlor
售卖♥♥独具我风格的简约美味冰淇淋
where I sell my own simple delicious ice cream.
我希望你别生气
I hope you're not mad.
怎么会生气呢
Mad? No.
-我为你骄傲 -真的吗
- I'm proud of you. - Really?
「暗夜冰淇淋」这点子太不走寻常路了
Look. I went rogue on Night Cream,
但你雇我就是为了不走寻常路
but that's why you hired Dan Chambers, to go rogue.
换成罗伯特·赫贾维奇 他也会解雇我
Firing me is what Robert Herjavec would have done.
你这番话对我太有意义了
That means so much to me.
谢谢
Thank you.
小黛
Deb?
尽管我是在这里想出的「暗夜冰淇淋」
Do you think I can keep the concept of Night Cream,
但我能保留这个点子的最终所有权吗
even though I developed it while working here?
没问题 我对这个点子完全没兴趣
Yes. I want nothing to do with Night Cream.
棒 我会让律师起草一些相关文件让你签
Great. I'll have some lawyers write up some papers for you to sign.
你不是在冰淇淋店工作吗
I thought you were on ice cream duty.
不干了 我的灵魂伴侣炒了我
No. My soul mate fired me.
但好消息是
But, bright side,
我们哥俩可以好好潇洒一回了
now you and I can bro out in wine country Sideways style, huh?
你 我 小酌几杯
You, me, couple Sandra Ohs.
才不喝什么梅洛酒呢
We are not drinking Merlot.
-垫个杯垫 -你干啥呢
- Use a coaster. - What are you doing?
我骗汉考克和亚当斯说
I told Hancock and Adams that
我公♥寓♥里隐藏的婴儿监视器会发出上帝之声
the voice of God comes from a hidden baby monitor in my apartment
这样他们就不会捣毁我的家了
so they'll stop destroying my place.
他们还留在现代吗
They're still here?
你怎么还没把他们送回去
Why haven't you taken them back?
我在这所学校的前程
Look. My future at this college
就指望从他们身上汲取点东西了
depends on me getting something from them.
别在沙发上吃鹰嘴豆泥
Do not eat hummus on the couch.
《圣经》里没写啊
That's not in the Bible.