重造历史（2017）

Not enough pigeons in the pond.
你们时代的一切 我都愿闻其详
I'd love to hear everything you could tell me about your time.
你们俩想不想再多待几天
Any chance you two would want to stay a couple days?
我们在过去还有要事处理
Well, we have our own important business to attend to in the past.
我们打算在马萨诸塞州和康涅狄克州间筑造围墙
We're building a wall between Massachusetts and Connecticut.
讽刺特朗普要在美国和墨西哥边境线修建围墙
并让墨西哥付钱的行为
让康涅狄克州为此付账
And we're going to force Connecticut to pay for it.
我这儿酒水畅饮
I have a ton of beer.
我们就在「未来」待下了
We're staying in the future!
汉考克和亚当斯把时光机搞得臭死了
Hancock and Adams really stunk this thing up.
闻起来像是里面有五只死青蛙
There's, like, five dead frogs in here.
丹尼尔 我越来越擅长做冰淇淋了
Daniel, I'm getting really good at making ice cream,
但我担心现代人做生意
but I'm worried that there's more to modern business
产品好还不够
than just the product itself.
的确 还要有宣传 营销 经销
Yeah, there's advertising, marketing, distribution,
每天给自己疯狂地刷单刷好评
writing yourself tons of fake reviews every day.
你真是学识渊博
You really know your stuff.
我想邀请你加入我的「战队」
I'd like to add you to my team.
做生意 我很在行
I am pretty smart at business.
一档美国真人秀节目
讲述一群青年带着其产品来到节目
说服五位富翁给他们启动资金完成创业梦想
我都看过每一♥期♥《创智赢家》...
I've seen every episode of Shark Tank, so...
-这有用吗 -绝对有
- Will that help us? u202d- Definitely.
我也不像那群势利眼
And I'm not one of those Bob snobs, either,
就因为罗伯特·赫贾维奇他爸是个移♥民♥工人
that undervalues Robert Herjavec just because he's the son of
就如此看轻他
an immigrant factory worker.
罗伯特会怎么做
What would Robert do?
他可能会说我们需要想一个卖♥♥点
He'd probably tell us we need a hook...
让我们的生意能脱颖而出
something to make our business unique.
明白了 我们的卖♥♥点可以是...
u202dI know. Maybe our hook should be...
「冰淇凌简单美味 无人能敌」
ice cream is simple and delicious, and people love it!
不行 我保证这事没那么简单
No. I can guarantee you it won't be simple.
小黛 我是个有冒险精神的人
Deb, I'm a guy that takes big swings.
大部分时候以失败告终
And more often than not, I miss.
就像你勇敢地穿白牛仔裤吗
Like your white jeans?
没错 但我一旦成功啊
Yes, but when I hit... baby!
就像你穿红牛仔裤那么拉风
Like your red jeans?
对 就像扮成「红牛仔」那么厉害
Yeah. Like my red riders.
妙啊
Brilliant!
你把管弦乐队藏到哪儿了 小伙子
Tell me where the orchestra is hidden, lad!
声音都是从那儿传出来的
It's all coming from right there.
橡木盒子里装了九十个「小人」为我们奏乐吗
90 miniature men contained inside an oaken box playing music for our pleasure?
真是意想不到啊
Why, it defies comprehension.
我以前也玩过乐队 克里斯
You know, I used to be in a band, Chris.
真的吗
Really?
我们的乐队名是
We called ourselves
「欢乐兄弟连 为你带来音乐盛宴」
the Merry Band of Friends Here to Regale You with Music and Song.
我能把这事告诉别人吗
Can I tell people that?
你可以到处说他们的乐队烂爆了
You can tell people that they stink.
你试图以你妻子的名义卖♥♥掉你做的那堆破礼帽这事
I never criticized you for that line of bonnets you made
我从未嘲笑过你
and tried to sell under your wife's name.
住手 别记了
No, no, no. Stop jotting.
这事不能说出去
That one stays here.
你为何要让我们讲这些事 克里斯多夫
What's all this for anyway, Christopher?
我要饭碗不保了
My job's in danger.
但如果我搜集到美国民♥主♥诞生的新料
But I can save it if I have new stories to tell
我就能保住饭碗了
about the birth of American democracy.
民♥主♥这个概念需要「实践出真知」
Democracy is a concept best learned by experience.
克里斯 我们在你公♥寓♥里试行民♥主♥怎么样
Chris, what if we turned your apartment into a practicing democracy?
先生们 你们意下如何
Gentlemen, what say you?
赞成
Aye!
赞成者占多 三比零
Well, the ayes take it, three to nil.
敬民♥主♥
To democracy!
别紧张 克里斯
Don't be alarmed, Chris.
这只是单纯的兄弟情
This is merely companionship.
我们没准备玩什么「三人行」
We were not attempting to copulate.
小心 有恶魔
En garde, fiend!
抱歉 我梦到我老婆了
I'm sorry. u202dI was having a dream about my wife.
克里斯 我们今天讨论什么
So, Chris, what shall we discuss today?
英国国王约翰于1215年签署
此为保证公民权和政♥治♥权的基本宪法
《大宪♥章♥》
The Magna Carta?
美国第一任总统
乔治·华盛顿
George Washington?
缝制了美国第一面国旗
-贝琪·罗斯做的壶 -真是个优秀的陶工
- Betsy Ross's jugs? - Such a gifted potter.
不了 我得去上班了
No, I've got to get to work,
要不今晚
but maybe later tonight,
美国著名政♥治♥家 科学家 商人
你们给我讲完本·富兰克林的事迹
you can finish telling me that story about Ben Franklin?
我现在一句话就能给你说完
I'll tell you the short version now.
他是个「梅毒驴子」
He has syphilis.
好吧 这段历史还真是「色情」
All right, that's some saucy history.
你们自己待在这儿没问题吧
Are you guys sure you're okay here by yourselves?
克里斯 我们可是受过教育的地主豪绅
Chris, we are educated, land-owning gentlemen.
我会说拉丁语
I speak Latin.
我还从鲸鱼的喷水孔里逃出来过
And I freed myself from the blowhole of a whale.
我也分不清你们是不是在逗我
I don't know when you're lying, so,
你们要是饿了 这有燕麦可以吃
in case you get hungry, here's some oatmeal.
费尔·埃德蒙 「桂格牌」 他成功了
Fair Edmund, the Quaker! He did it!
他一直说他想当行业的领军人物
He always said he wanted to be a model.
-他混得不错啊 -他混得不错
- Good for him. - Good for him.
丹尼尔 终于要揭晓卖♥♥点了 我好激动
Daniel, I'm so excited to finally hear our hook.
我也很激动要对你宣布了
And I'm so excited to tell it to you.
这位是谁
Who is this?
她是梅勒妮 我的新朋友
Well, this is Melanie. She's my new friend.
你交到朋友了 真棒
You have a friend. Very cool.
我怎么能信任她 将商业机密告知于她呢
How can I trust her with our proprietary business secrets?
-因为老娘不在乎 -这回答 我给满分
- Because I don't care? - Awesome. Great.
好 小黛 我说过我是个勇于冒险的人
Okay, Deb, I promised you that I was gonna take a big swing.
做好准备迎接...
Prepare yourself for...
「暗夜冰淇淋」
Night Cream.
我们要把「维加斯风」带进冰淇淋世界了
We're puttin' the Vegas back into ice cream, baby!
这是什么梗
I don't get it.
小黛 酒类专卖♥♥店里一瓶伏特加卖♥♥二十美元
u202dDeb, a bottle of vodka at a liquor store costs about $20,
但在拉斯维加斯的夜店里
but at a Vegas nightclub,
一瓶伏特加能卖♥♥到五百美元
a bottle of vodka can run upwards of $500.
我们的冰淇淋也要如此包装
We're gonna do that with ice cream.
那孩子们怎么办
But what about children?
我们才不卖♥♥给小屁孩呢 他们又没钱
We're not selling to children; they don't have any money.
我们要卖♥♥给沙特王子
We're selling to Saudi princes
美国著名指挥家 作家
华尔街精英和罗伯特·克拉夫特这种人
and hedge fund playboys and Robert Craft.
哥们儿 这主意碉堡了
Dude, you're blowing my mind.
这和我预想中不一样
This isn't exactly what I pictured.
是吧 但这样更棒啊
I know, right? It's so much better.
小黛 见证「狂想冰淇淋」的时刻
Now, Deb, get ready to have your wildest creams...
就要到了
become reality.
是不是很带感啊
Can you feel it?
「浆果宝贝儿」
Berries.
打一下「糖宝」的小屁屁
Give this sugar a spank.
坏糖糖
Bad sugar.
什么鬼
u202dWhat's happening?
这是冰淇淋界的革命 小黛
An ice cream revolution, Deb.
美味出炉
Here comes the yum.
孩子们梦想幻灭的味道
Tastes like a child's funeral.
这房♥子像母胎一样安全
This home is like a womb.
这还是我人生中第一次
This is the first time in my life
不用担心会挨饿受冻
I haven't had to worry about being cold or hungry
或者是被「万帕诺亚格人」放冷箭
or shot by a Wampanoag arrow.
1675年至1676年 发动了对新英格兰殖民地的攻击
组织部落联盟 共同驱逐白人
太奇妙了
It's amazing--
不用再穿着湿漉漉的毛衣时
when you're not covered in sopping wet wool,
快乐似神仙啊
one's mind can take fanciful flight.