重造历史（2017）

就会影响历史 对吧
affects history stuff, right?
决斗大部分就是摆个样子而已
Duels are mostly just posturing.
另外 我们是他们的「助手」
And besides, we're their "Seconds."
我们随时可以劝他们收手
We can negotiate a deal between them at any time.
也是 亚当斯让我做他的助手
Yeah. Adams asked me to be his second,
但我已经先答应汉考克了
but I had already promised Hancock.
什么 亚当斯说我才是他的第一人选
What? Adams told me I was his first second choice.
也许他说的是 你是他的第一个重选
Maybe he meant you were his first second choice.
总之 最牛掰的教授
Anyway, the best professors
总是仅限于一个领域而已
are always experts in one narrow field.
比如科贝尔博士的专长领域就是美洲土著居民的纱
u202dLike Dr. Cobell, his field of expertise is Native American yarn.
这个专攻的领域也太局限了
That is extremely narrow.
如果我能目睹这场决斗
If I witness this duel,
我就能知晓别人不清楚的历史知识
I'll have knowledge about history that no one else has.
他们必须让我复职
They'll have to give me my job back.
两位
Guys!
-这些 -我要这把
- These. - u202dI want this.
尝尝我的厉害吧 让子弹将你打成碎片
Take that, ye wastrel! Torn to bits by flaming lead!
把你的脸打个稀巴烂
That be your fate!
近距离射击 没水准 小杂种
I've got you point blank, you mangy cur!
你会像个肮脏的猪一样死在臭水沟
You'll die in the gutter like a flyblown hog.
你还认为这是个好主意吗
Do you still think this was a good idea?
当然了 我们正♥见♥证历史呢
Yes. This is living history.
我们有幸能了解到国父们
We're getting a chance to see what the actual Founding Fathers
对现代枪♥支♥法律的看法
think about our current gun laws.
我一句也没听到
u202dNot getting a word.
两位
Gentlemen?
第二修正案保障人♥民♥有备有及佩带武器之权利
你们起草《第二修正案》时
Are these really the kinds of firearms you were thinking of
心中想的是这种武器吗
when you drafted the Second Amendment?
我们想的就是这种武器
This is exactly what we had in mind!
汉考克 你的头被我打爆了
Hancock, that's your head!
小黛 我很抱歉我不小心把巧克力屑
Deb, I'm sorry I spilled the chocolate sprinkles
洒进了彩虹糖屑中
into the rainbow sprinkles.
我用手挑出来好了
I-I'll just pick 'em out with my hands.
我是《贝德福德点评报》的莫娜
I'm Mona from the Bedford Examiner.
你好 快请坐
Yes, please sit.
我是丹 这是我女朋友 小黛
I'm Dan, this is my girlfriend, Deb.
我想说 你写的那篇文章
Can I just say, the article that you did
「露台无故坍塌 老鼠原系真凶」
about the mouse that destroyed the gazebo, that was just...
真是引人入胜 妙趣横生
riveting journalism.
谢谢 那群老鼠很讨人嫌
Thank you. That mouse was a real dick.
或许你想一边采访
I thought you might like to try
一边品尝一下我们的冰激凌
our ice cream during the interview.
也许你会喜欢
I think you'll find it adequate.
太谦虚了 冰激凌很好吃
Why so modest? This is great ice cream.
骄傲并不能吸引客人
Being prideful won't attract customers.
但我想说就能说
But I'm free to say that
这绝逼是新英格兰最好吃的冰激凌
that is the best damn ice cream in New England,
你可以引用我原话
and you can quote me on that.
快点 快写下来
Go ahead. Write it down.
我记得住
I'll remember it.
你们两个一起买♥♥下了这家店
So, you two bought this place together,
在营业第一天 她就解雇了你
and then, on the first day, she fired you?
丹尼尔 这你也说了
Daniel, you mentioned that?
我打给她的时候喝多了 所以...
Well, I was drunk when I called her, so...
不 这绝对是个亮点
No, it's a great hook to the story, believe me.
你们是怎么相识的
So, how did you guys meet?
我们怎么相识的
How did we meet?
他主动搭讪我
u202dHe introduced himself to me.
我当时在旅游
I was traveling.
那是很久之前的事了
And, it was a long time ago, but
但感觉我已经认识了她242年
it felt like I've known her for 242 years.
不过有些人也会觉得 宛如昨日
And yet, some people would say it feels just like yesterday.
时间真是捉摸不定 是吧
Time is weird. Isn't time weird?
时间让人捉摸不定
Time is so weird. 'Cause, like, u202d
即使是很久之前发生的事
even things that happened a long time ago,
有时你会觉得好像刚刚才发生一样
sometimes they feel like they just happened.
你们是在回答我的问题吗
Do you guys feel like you're answering my question?
我感觉你们才是捉摸不定 含糊其辞
Because I feel like you're being weird and vague.
-我明白 -我理解你为什么会这么想
- I see that. - I get how you could feel that way.
所以你们到底怎么相识的
So how did you meet?
我们上小学认识的
We met in grade school.
你刚才不是说你旅游时认识的吗
You just said that you met while you were traveling.
我们是在小学的户外教学时认识的
We met on a field trip.
「那片地」特别好
It was just the best field.
地形平坦 土壤肥沃
Sweeping and fertile.
所以是哪所学校
So what school was it?
怎么 我疯了吗
What am I, a maniac?
什么人会记得自己上的哪所小学
What kind of person remembers what grade school they went to?
每个正常人
Every single person.
我想起来了 是门罗小学
I remember it, it was Monroe Grade School.
好吧
Okay.
你们还有别的想说的吗
anything else you'd like to add?
基♥督♥教新教宗派之一
起源于17世纪中期的英国及其美洲殖民地
创立者为乔治·福克斯
热烈欢迎公谊会教友
Quakers are most welcome here,
指教会活动安静进行
无论他们有多么「安静」
no matter how quiet they are.
黛博拉 这么说可能有些直接
Deborah, this might be a little forward,
但如果你需要「帮助」
but, if you ever need "help,"
贝德福德点评报
莫娜·里韦罗
这是我的名片
here's my card.
一张小卡片 上面写着你的名字
a little piece of paper with your name and...
还有一串数字呢
some random numbers on it.
我会好好保存的
I'll treasure it always.
好
Okay.
再见
Bye!
亚当斯不行了 昨晚说他很害怕
Adams cracked last night, told me he's totally scared.
两人应该很容易讲和
This negotiation should be easy.
赞 赞
Tha's dope, tha's dope.
但他们都很有自尊心 所以我们得有说服力
But they're both so prideful, so we have to really sell it.
好极了
Tha's dope.
丹 你为什么要假装读报纸
u202dDan? Why are you pretending to read the newspaper?
没什么大事
No reason.
就是我和小黛要上报纸了
Just because Deb and I are going to be in the newspaper.
好吧 真不敢相信我会配合你
Okay, I can't believe I'm asking this,
但为什么你们会上报纸
but why are you gonna be in the newspaper?
克里斯 你问题真多
Geez, Chris, so many questions.
好像我又被采访了一遍似的
It's like I'm being interviewed for the newspaper again.
他们就是写一篇我和小黛的报道
They're doing a little puff piece on Deb and I
推广一下我们的冰激凌店
and the ice cream parlor.
为什么要让记者调查你的生活
Why would you let a journalist look into your life?
放轻松 我需要宣传报道
Relax. I need the publicity.
这样生意才能做起来
I need this business to work
小黛就可以一直和我在一起了
so that Deb stays with me in the future.
亿万富翁 现实版钢铁侠
创立PayPal 特斯拉汽车公♥司♥ SolarCity
及太空探索技术公♥司♥
而且没必要只报道埃隆·马斯克Plus, why does every article need to be about Elon Musk?
他的报道已经够多了
It's enough already.
跟你过日子的女人来自1775年
You're living with a woman from 1775.
她有名字
She has a name.
她叫小黛
And that name is Deb.
我们穿越了时空
We time-travel!
我没提这事
It didn't come up!
你个白♥痴♥
You idiot!
钱是从阿尔·卡彭那里抢的
We stole money from Al Capone.
店是靠「国父们」出面买♥♥下来的
We used the Founding Fathers to buy an ice cream parlor.
你该更谨慎些
You got to be more careful.
你比我好不到哪儿去
You know, you're no better than me.
丹 客观讲 我比你好太多了
Dan, objectively, I'm better than you.
你还把汉考克和亚当斯留在这里
You're keeping Hancock and Adams here
搞「殖民时期性♥爱♥邪教」的戏码呢