重造历史（2017）

- No. - Carbon dioxide.
我差点就对了
I was close.
你回答正确 你总是能答对
You're right. You're always right.
核黄素是哪种维生素的学名
Riboflavin is the scientific name for what vitamin?
核黄素
Riboflavin?
-核黄... 维生素B2
- R-I-B-E-O... - Vitamin... B2.
我再去拿一罐啤酒来
I'm gonna go get us another pitcher of beer.
休息过后 第二轮继续
Round two after the break.
克里斯 我能问些关于丹的事吗
Chris, may I ask you something about Dan?
我知道他才华盖世...
I know he's brilliant, but...
但为什么他一副啥都不知道的样子啊
why doesn't he seem to know anything?
每个人的聪明表现在不同方面
There's different kinds of smart.
不是这样
No, there aren't.
好了 到流行音乐文化环节了
Okay, it's time for a pop culture round.
流行音乐文化 哥在这方面厉害啊
Pop culture. Right in Dan's wheelhouse.
这首歌♥是谁唱的
Who sings this song?
终于有一题我会了啊
Finally, one I know!
别 小黛 你不知道
No, Deb, no, y-you don't know it.
丹·钱伯斯 我男友的歌♥
Dan Chambers, my boyfriend!
傻白甜 是雪儿「歌♥手」Idiot! It's Cher.
丹·钱伯斯是哪根葱
Who the hell's Dan Chambers?
大傻妞儿
What a dummy.
至少你之前对她坦诚相待过
Well, at least you were honest with her.
你真是蠢萌
You're really cute.
小黛 小黛
Deb? Deb?
小黛
Deb?
我知道这跟香蕉是你的
I know this banana is yours,
但我真的很期待剥开它
but I was really looking forward to opening it.
我希望你有些风度 让我带走
I hope you'll have the decency to let me take it.
带去哪里啊 你要去哪啊
Take it where? Where are you going?
你为什么戴上了旅行帽子
Why are you wearing your travel bonnet?
我要搬到树林里去住
I'm moving into the woods.
-彼处的林间吗 -是 就是那个林子
- Yon woods? - Yes, yon woods. u202d
小黛 别这样
Deb, please, listen. u202d
我放弃了一切 我的家庭 我的姐妹
I gave up everything-- my family, my sisters--
因为我相信你
because I trusted you.
你说的那些成就中 有一项是你做的吗
Have you even done one of the great things you've claimed?
有啊 《速度与激♥情♥》全系列 我都看了
Yes, I saw all The Fast and Furiouseses.
《速度与激♥情♥7》 我看了七遍呢
I saw the seventh one seven times.
-再见了 丹尼尔 -别走 等下
- Good-bye, Daniel. - No, no. Wait, wait.
我想告诉你实情来着
Look, I wanted to tell you the truth.
我就是没找到合适的时机
I just... I couldn't figure out how.
我将自己伪装成
I... I turned myself into someone
你会喜欢的那种人 因为...
that I thought you would like because...
我觉得你不会爱上真正的我
I didn't think you'd like the real me.
没人爱上过真实的我
No one ever has.
我爱上了雪儿的歌♥词 不是你写的歌♥词
I fell in love with Cher's words, not yours.
他比你更了解我
He knows me better than you do.
有人吗
Hello?
你想成为什么样的人呢 克里斯
What type of man do you want to be, Chris?
寇贝尔博士
Dr. Cobell?
等下 你怎么来这里了
Wait. What are you doing here?
你给了我应急用的备用钥匙
You gave me a key... for emergencies.
有什么紧急情况啊
What's the emergency?
终身教职
Tenure!
好吧 我蒙圈了 怎么回事
Okay. I'm sorry. I don't understand.
我跟你说了你会受到严格审查
I tell you you're going to be under intense scrutiny.
我让你当心交友 警告你近墨者黑了
I tell you you must watch the company that you keep.
结果你怎么表现的
And how do you respond?
跟丹那种废柴为伍了吗
By traipsing about with-with Dan Dan the Heating Man.
没有啊 我们就聊过几次
No, we only talked a couple of times. u202d
但院长告诉我
Well, the dean tells me
他打断你上课 你在走廊里和他拉拉扯扯
he interrupted you in quite a hallway rumpus.
那个爱嚼舌根的贱♥人♥
That gossipy bitch.
那个嚼舌根的贱♥人♥否定你终身教职了
That gossipy bitch bandied your name for tenure.
你如果想要这个职位 最好别节外生枝
And I suggest if you want it, you fall in line!
听懂了吗
Am I clear?
遵命 寇贝尔博士
Yes, Dr. Cobell.
兄弟 小黛搬进林子里住了
Dude, so, Deb moved into the woods.
你得帮我找到她
I need you to come help me find her.
丹 你知道我喜欢你吧
Dan, you know I like you.
-知道啊 我爱你 克里斯 -嗯
- Yeah, I love you, Chris. u202d- Right.
我在争取终身教职
I'm up for tenure,
我的导师不太想让我跟你往来
and things are getting weird between me and my mentor.
有人在监视我
People are watching me.
监视你吗
Watching you?
我懂你什么套路了
I get what's going on.
你不想让大家看见你跟丹这么没档次的人
You don't want to be seen with Dan Dan the Heating Man,
同穿一条破裤衩吧
takes a Pee in a Garbage Can.
我自动屏蔽掉了第二句
I hadn't heard that second part.
这是话的重点 也不是破裤衩
Well, it's part of it, and it wasn't a garbage can.
而是环保材料 但没关系
It was a recycling bin, but it's okay.
你要甩了我
You're friend-dumping me.
不是 终身教职就是我的「黛博拉」
No. Tenure is my Deborah.
-我从18岁起 就想着这个职位了 马上就成了 -嗯
- I've wanted it since I was 18, and I am so close. u202d- Yeah.
好吧 克里斯
You know what, Chris?
祝你好运
Good luck.
我觉得你肯定会成为杰出的终身教职教授
I think you're going to make a really great tenure.
你没抓住重点 丹
That's not how it works. Dan?
我要去见我真正的朋友
I'm gonna go see my real friends.
1775年 剑桥
今天传教时间真短啊 只有八小时
Short service today, huh? Just eight hours.
我的热情犹如滔滔江水绵延不绝啊
I am completely full of holy fervor.
-约翰·汉考克 萨姆·亚当斯 -丹
- John Hancock! Sam Adams! - Dan!
真没想到在这里看到你
I'm shocked to see you here.
你说你的宗教信仰是「费西乐队演唱会」
You told me your religion was Phish concerts.
我有急事找二位
It's an emergency.
我跟黛博拉出了点小问题
I have a problem with Deborah.
丹尼尔 你来这里就对了
Daniel, you've come to the right place.
教堂外面吗
Outside of a church?
我们正要去找情爱指导呢
Where better to receive erotic counsel?
两位导师是世上最有成就的情人
From two of the world's most accomplished lovers.
我豪饮了爱与美之女神的蜜汁
I have drunk deeply of Aphrodite's waters.
我有次看在了山猫的阴蝨
And I once saw an ocelot pubis.
你好 牧师
Hello, reverend.
我只是需要些建议
I just need some advice.
如果我失去小黛 我真...
If I lost Deb, I really...
真不知该如何度过余生
I don't know what I would do.
爱情 美丽又丑陋的恶魔
Love, thy fair and foul demon.
为何要这样折磨丹
Why must you torture Dan so?!
还是折磨我吧
Take me instead!
别激动 兄弟
Easy, brother.
丹 你为赢回黛博拉的芳心做了哪些努力啊
Dan, what gestures have you made to win back Deborah's heart?
我跑到林子的边缘 大哭了一场
Well, I went out to the edge of the woods and cried really loud,
希望她听到后 能重回我怀抱
hoping that she would hear me and come out.
太差劲了吧
That's lame.
怪不得你失去她的芳心了
I'm not surprised you're losing her.
你们有什么建议吗
So what do you suggest I do?
我追我的爱人之时
When I was courting my beloved,
半路杀出个程咬金 想夺我所爱
there was another competing for her affections,
她公开表示更喜欢她
a suitor she preferred openly.
他送了她装满一千多玫瑰的马车
He sent her a carriage filled with a thousand roses.
你怎么做的
What'd you do?
我悄悄把他带到了偏远的井边 把他淹死了
I drowned him in a distant well and told no one.
好吧
Okay.
目前还没人跟我抢她
Well, I don't think she has another suitor,
所以我不知道该弄死谁啊
so I wouldn't even know who to drown.
重点是 有点创意
The point is, get creative!
她喜欢什么
What does she like?
她喜欢我一直给她唱的那些歌♥
Well, actually, she likes these little songs i've been singing to her.
那你就得变身为她心目中最棒的歌♥手啊
Then you must become the greatest singer she has ever known.
来场让她刻骨铭心的绝世演出