老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S02E19
Part 1
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:52 p.m.
It took me a while to figure out
我花了些时间才发现
but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this.
理解你们巴尼叔叔的关键在此
When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around.
有坏事发生时 他绝不多待
Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up.
比如莉莉阿姨和马修叔叔分手的时候
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
嘿 你们聊什么呢
Lily. I got to go.
莉莉 我得撤了
But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him.
而好事发生时 又怎么都甩不掉
What are you guys doing?
你们在做什么
We just finished planning Marshall's bachelor party.
我们刚计划完马修的单身汉派对
Good, you haven't started yet. Let's talk logistics.
太好了 你们还没开始 我们来讨论一下流程吧
Now, have you laid out ground rules with Lily?
你和莉莉谈过底线吗
Where you are or aren't allowed to touch or be touched?
哪里能摸 哪里能被摸
Show me on Ted.
在泰德身上演示一下
Actually, we're, uh, we're thinking of skipping the strippers.
事实上 呃 我们不打算请脱衣舞娘了
You... you want to have a party without strippers.
你们要办一个没有脱衣舞娘的派对吗
This was the worse thing I could have said.
这是我能讲出的最不雅的事了
You see, uncle Barney loved cooking up bachelor parties.
是这样的 巴尼叔叔超爱办单身汉派对
And it was always the same recipe.
而且每次策划的都一样
You start with a slightly cramped hotel suite.
首先在一个略显狭窄的宾馆套间里
Arrange the chairs in a circle...
把椅子摆成一圈
Fill them with your closest friends.
找来几个亲近的朋友
Turn the heat up to about 90.
把暖气调到90华氏度
Pump in a metric ton of cigar smoke.
烟雾缭绕
And then, right in the middle of the room, you throw in a girl.
在屋子中间 会有个舞娘
But not a beautiful girl--
并不算漂亮
no, if this girl was ever beautiful, it was two kids,
就算她曾经很漂亮 那也是她生了两个孩子
three tattoos and one pesky substance abuse problem ago.
纹了三处纹身还沉迷毒品之前的事了
Which one of you is Stuart?
你们当中哪个是斯图尔特
Please, I really don't want to do this.
我真的不想做这些
Shut up, put in your mouth guard.
闭嘴 戴上护齿套
Then she proceeds to do things that demean the groom,
然后她开始做一些会使新郎
herself and really, the entire human race.
她自己 甚至整个人类蒙羞的事情
Disgusting.
真恶心
Ah, horrifying.
还吓人
Classic. Oh, please, please, no, no.
经典 嗷 求你了 别
I don't want anything like that happening to me.
我完全不想让那样的事情发生在我身上
Stuart's still trying to forget that night.
斯图尔特至今还在努力忘记那一夜
It's my bachelor party. We're not having strippers.
这是我的单身汉派对 我说不要脱衣舞娘
Oh, he thinks he has a say in it.
他以为他说的算呢
So, strippers it is!
脱衣舞娘 就这么定啦
Now, just, uh, tell me where
现在告诉我 我们要去哪
we're going to be and I'll make some calls.
我打几个电♥话♥安排一下
I think you can get the forth one for free.
我记得是买♥♥三送一的
Quick questions. Prosthetic arm. Deal breaker?
快问快答 假肢 你能接受不
Barney, there is... Before you say no, it has attachments.
巴尼 这 在你说不之前 还有些附加条件
Look, I know you have some
听着 我知道你为了
stuff planned for Marshall's bachelor party,
马修的单身汉派对做了些准备
but he really doesn't want strippers. Yes, he does.
但他真的不想要脱衣舞娘 不 他想要
Uh, well, he told me he doesn't.
呃 可他告诉我他不想要
Uh, well, he told me he does.
呃 他告诉我他想要
When? Every minute of every day
什么时候 每一天的每一分钟
as his inner animal thrashes
当他内心的兽♥欲♥不断拍打着
against the cage of his own puritanical upbringing.
他那牢笼般清教♥徒♥式生活的时候
Or do you guys not like naked girls.
你们难道不喜欢裸女吗
Um, we love naked girls.
我们爱裸女
They're one of the best things in the world.
她们是世界上最美好的事物
It goes... naked girls, democracy,
顺序是这样的 裸女 民♥主♥
the scene in Every Which Way But Loose
在《永不低头》里
where the monkey gives a guy the finger.
猴子向人竖中指的场景
We just don't like your naked girls.
我们只是不喜欢你找的那种裸女
What, my girls aren't hot enough?
难道我的妞们不够辣
I mean, all right, fine,
好吧 的确
the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.
斯图尔特派对上那个舞娘是15
She was 15? No, a 15. Like in blackjack.
她才15岁吗 不 是15点 21点游戏里的那种
As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?
你是说 食之无味弃之可惜
Exactly. Nice.
是啊 精彩
This is important to Marshall. So, promise me, no strippers.
这对马修来说很重要 答应我 不要有脱衣舞娘
All right, I promise.
好吧 我答应你
I'm serious. So am I. No strippers.
我是认真的 我也是 不请脱衣舞娘
Now say it without winking.
再说一遍 不要眨眼
No strippers.
不会有脱衣舞娘
You just winked. No I didn't.
你眨眼了 不 我没有
So, when the day arrived,
在派对那一天
we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out.
我们坐着租来的凯雷德出发了
Now, every bachelor party is
每一个单身汉派对都基本上
usually made up of the same stock characters.
由几个固定角色组成
You've got the groom...
有新郎
the best man...
有伴郎
the guy who speaks only in cliche... Dead man walking!
有一个只会老调重弹的人 要走向婚姻的坟墓啦
...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night
还有一个在夜晚开始前消失
and doesn't show up again until the end.
到结束才重新出现的人
All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.
好了 谁要在入住前玩21点
No, no, no. None for me.
不要 我也不要
See you guys back at the room, then.
那到时在房♥间见吧
And, of course, well... Barney.
当然还有 呃 巴尼
Every bachelor party has a Barney. Oh, what's this?
每个单身汉派对都有个巴尼 哇 这是什么
This car has a DVD player? You mean,
这辆车还有DVD播放器啊 这就意味着
we could have been watching these pornos the whole time?
我们可以一路上都看小黄♥片♥啦
Yeah. This one's in HD.
耶 这个是高清的
This one's in H-double-D. Oh!
这个是一对高清D豪♥乳♥的 哇哦
That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower.
同一晚 莉莉阿姨办了场单身女派对
And Robin showed up gift in hand.
罗宾带着礼物去参加
Funny story about that gift.
关于这个礼物 有个有趣的故事
Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower.
嘿 巴尼 看我给莉莉买♥♥了什么礼物
It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?
有一点猥琐 你能承受吗
Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah.
我都玩过十人行 所以 没问题
It's kind of seethrough. Whoa, ho ho!
有点透视哟 哇哦
You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her?
你是认真的 你知道应该什么时候给她吗
1850.
1850年
Robin, it's her bridal shower!
罗宾 那是她的准新娘派对
All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking.
她的朋友都会去 她们会纵情喝酒
You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.
你应该给她买♥♥个大胆的 不走寻常路的礼物
Well, what do you think I should get her?
那你觉得我应该买♥♥什么呢
There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in--
在第八大道上有家店专卖♥♥
how to put this delicately?
怎么说能文雅点呢
uh, battery-powered, adult-recreational fake penises.
电池驱动 成人娱乐用的假阳♥具♥
And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue,
所以罗宾阿姨就去了第八大道上的那家店
and a battery-powered, adult-recreational...
买♥♥了个电池驱动 成人娱乐...
Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in.
有点不雅的东西 然后我们回到刚才的故事
Robin!
罗宾
I'm so glad you're here.
真高兴你来了
Come in, I want you to meet everybody.
快来 我介绍你认识大家
Robin, this is my Grandma Lois and my Aunt Florence.
罗宾 这是我奶奶露易丝和弗洛伦斯阿姨
Oh, lovely to meet you, dear.
噢 见到你真高兴 亲爱的
They put this whole party together.
这聚会全是她俩操办的
It's different from what I expected, but lovely.
聚会和我想象的不太一样 但很有爱
Lovely.
有爱
And oh, look, there are little kids here!
噢 还有小朋友在呢
Yeah, my cousins.
对 我的表弟表妹们
Listen, I, uh, I forgot
听着 我... 呃
something somewhere so I'm going to just go...
我有些东西不知道落在哪了 得去找...
Robin, this is my mom, Janice.
罗宾 这是我母亲 珍妮丝
Oh, honey. I'm so glad to finally meet you.
噢 亲爱的 很高兴终于见到你了
Me too. I, I've heard so much about you.
我也是 我常听到你的事
Me, too. Oh, here. Let me take your gift.
我也是 来 把礼物给我吧
Can I guess what it is? Is it a, a, a mini food processor?
我能猜猜是什么吗 是不是迷你食品加工机
No. No? Oh.
不 不是吗
Oh, give me a hint. What color is it?
给我点提示吧 它是什么颜色的
Black.
黑色
Well, I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see!
好吧 只能等到拆礼物时揭晓答案了
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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