世代（2021）

-但之后我又觉得... -等一下
- but then I was like -- - Wait, wait, wait.
你本来打算告诉她吗
So, you were gonna tell her?
不 不不不
No. No, no, no, no, no.
那...你呢
Um... Are -- Are -- Are you?
杰克
Jack!
我得走了
I gotta go.
别 冷静点 他不会说的
Stop. Stop. He won't say anything.
走吧 我们去吃巧克力减压
Come on. Let's go stress-eat chocolate.
没错 我们走 我们需要这个
Okay. Let's go. That's what we need.
就是需要这个 走啦乖马儿
That's what we need. Come on, horsey!
跑啊 小马
Come on, horsey!
冲啊
Whoo! Go!
表演时间到 各位
Show time, people!
你进来吗 来吧
You coming in? Come on!
来嘛 加入我们
Oh, come on. Join us!
好啦 今天爆满呢
There we go. It's a packed house.
来吧 进来不代表就要出柜哦
Oh, come on. Coming in doesn't mean coming out, you know.
有位子就坐吧
Just grab a seat wherever you're...
好了
Okay. So!
我们都用件小趣事来介绍下自己好吗
Maybe we can all introduce ourselves with a fun fact.
我先来行吗
Ooh, can I start?
我叫爱莉安娜 我的小趣事是我家长是男同
I'm Arianna, and my fun fact is my parents are gay.
天呐 这很特别
Hey, wow. That's very special.
他们今早
Yeah, um, they freaked out
被我开的两个小玩笑吓到了
over a couple of jokes I made this morning
威胁我说如果我不来
and said if I didn't come,
他们就不帮我付手♥机♥费用了
they'd stop paying for my phone.
我最近得知 他们考虑
And then I recently learned that they're thinking of
让第三个人加入他们的婚姻
bringing a third into their relationship.
他们都会偷看我短♥信♥ 所以我就
They read my texts, so I was like,
以其人之道还治其人之身
"Let me return the favor."
显然 同性恋的人
Apparently, when you're gay,
就算结婚了 也还停留在荡♥妇♥阶段
your slut phase lasts even after you get married.
好了 够了 谢谢你 谢谢
Okay! Okay! Thank you. Thank you.
别分享趣事了 聊点别的吧
Let's -- Let's try something besides fun facts.
不如说说你们的星座
How about, uh, astrological signs?
我叫萨姆 我是处♥女♥座
Like...I'm Sam. I'm a Virgo.
有人说这是最自负的星座
Some people say that it's the snobbiest sign,
但显然那些人眼光很差
but obviously, those people have bad taste.
-谢谢你捧场 -现在我懂这个梗了
- Thank you. - Oh! I get it now.
谢谢你
Thank you.
大家好 我叫切斯特 天蝎座
Hi! Uh, I'm Chester. I'm a Scorpio.
如果你伤害我 我会假装不在意
Uh...if you hurt me, I'll pretend to be unbothered
然后真的弄死你
and then literally kill you.
谁想跟我做朋友呀
Who wants to be friends?
各位老师和同学 请注意
Teachers and students, may I have your attention?
现在开始封校
The school is in lockdown.
我♥操♥你妈♥个♥臭逼
Shit on my dick!
所有人保持冷静
Everyone stay calm!
封校时间
好了 我恳请各位保持镇定
Okay, please, I'm begging you, just remain calm!
谁去把百叶窗拉上
Someone grab the blinds.
我给你们笔记本 把名字写上去
I'm gonna give you a notebook to write your name in.
互相传一下
Pass it along.
快来 快来 快来
Oh. Okay. Come on. Come on. Come on.
相信很快就会告诉我们 这是否演习
Okay, I'm sure they'll tell us soon if this is a drill.
各位严肃对待 但别惊慌
Let's take this seriously, everyone, but not panic.
-拜托别惊慌 -是啊 别惊慌
- Please don't panic! - Yeah, don't panic.
这世界有很多更值得惊慌的事在发生
There are a ton more panic-worthy things happening in the world,
比如每天有150个物种灭绝
like 150 animals go extinct every day,
每0.3秒 就有一个人饿死
and every 0.3 seconds, someone dies of starvation.
为这些事惊慌更正面
These are good things to panic about.
要健康地惊慌哦 各位
Pan-ic. Health-I-ly. Peo-ple.
切斯特 快坐下
Chester. Come on. Sit down.
听着 坏消息是封校很糟心
Listen, the bad news is, this sucks.
好消息是 有一名持证咨♥询♥师
The good news is, you're locked in a room
和你们一起被关在这里
with a licensed counselor.
好吧 在座有些人可能认为这是坏消息
Well, some of you might consider that bad news.
不管怎样 如果有谁想谈谈
In any case, there's a spot here next to me
随时欢迎坐到我旁边
if anyone wants to talk about anything.
不谈也行
Or not.
有个在晒日光浴的女人
A woman sunbathing was fatally stabbed
被风吹来的沙滩伞刺入胸部死了
when the wind blew a beach umbrella into her chest.
有个冰岛男人在自♥拍♥时跌入了活火山
A man in Iceland fell into an active volcano while taking a selfie.
对
Yeah.
安娜 没事的
Ana, it's okay.
应该只是演习
It's probably just a drill.
-我要不要来接你 -不用
- Should I come to get you? - No, you --
他们不会让你进校园的
They won't let you come to the school.
你没事吧
我在厕所里
我知道你很担心
I know you're worried.
我也很爱你
I love you a lot, too.
我好害怕
I'm freaking out.
我好害怕
I'm freaking out.
我好害...
I'm freaking --
天呐 外面好像有个枪手
Oh, my God. I think there's a shooter outside.
那人好像要进来
Like, I think they're gonna come in.
我还这么年轻 不能死
I'm too young to die.
我好害怕
I'm freaking out!
爱莉安娜
Uh, Arianna?
爱莉安娜
Arianna.
我没事
Oh, no, I'm good.
我只是逗我两个老爸
I'm just having fun with my dads.
好吧
Okay.
大家听着 你们害怕也没关系
Hey, listen, I-it's okay if you're scared.
对了 我不介意承认
Yeah, I-I-I wouldn't mind just acknowledging, by the way,
我们现在的世界有多疯狂
how -- how seriously crazy our world is right now.
抱歉 我就是想着偶尔说出来
I'm sorry, I just -- just think it's helpful to voice that
会有帮助
every once in awhile, and --
如果有人想谈 我还在
and I'm still here to talk if anyone wants.
关键是
I mean, the one thing is,
我们很习惯这种事了
we're pretty used to stuff like this.
再说 何必惊慌失措呢
Also, why freak out
反正到2050年人类就全死光了 对吧
when we're all gonna be dead by 2050 anyway, right?
干嘛啦
What?
人们何必在乎加入社团
Why does anyone care about joining a club
来挽救一个会变得不适于居住的世界呢
to fix a world that's literally gonna be uninhabitable?
-你是认真的吗 -不
- Are you for real right now? - No.
因为你知道
'Cause you know this is something
-我想跟你谈谈一些事 -我知道
- I'd want to talk about. - I know.
-你给你外婆打了电♥话♥吗 -没
- You call your grandma? - No.
她在上班 也不喜欢发短♥信♥
She's at work and not really a texter,
如果我给她打电♥话♥ 她看到是我
and so if I call her, she'll see it's me
她会心脏病发作的
and have a heart attack.
那就太糟了
That would suck, so...
我打过去要你号♥码的时候
When I called to get your phone number
因为你发的那张在屋顶边缘的
'cause of the really alarming picture you sent
吓人照片 她说
on the edge of a roof, she was like,
我会给你他的号♥码 但如果你是骗子
"Yeah, I'll give you his number, but if you're lying
其实是个变♥态♥跟踪狂的话
and turn out to be some creepy stalker,
-我会找到你然后杀了你 -我爱她
- I'll find you and kill you." - I love her.
我妈说《隔壁邻居》报道
My mom says Next Door Neighbor is saying
附近有可疑活动
there's some sort of suspicious activity nearby.
是"枪手在逃"的可疑活动吗
Is that, like, "Shooter on the loose" Suspicious activity?
还是类似那次一个流浪汉
Or like, the time it was just some homeless guy
拿着一根树枝闲逛
wandering around with a stick
花了他们四个小时才搞清楚
and it took them four hours to figure it out?
-我在那次封锁里饿疯了 -其实是五个小时
- I was so hungry during that one. - It was actually five hours,
我知道这个是因为我几乎
and I only know that 'cause I got through almost
看完了《老友记》第一季的一半
half of the first season of "Friends."
你知道橘子郡的一个高二学生