世代（2021）

你还好吗
Are you okay?
我痛死了
Oh, I'm in so much fucking pain!
丝芙兰要关门了
Sephora's closing.
对了 我不会让你用原价买♥♥那个唇釉
I'm not gonna let you buy that lip kit full price, by the way.
那样的话
That'd be, like...
有背民权
...against civil rights.
你决定只是抽筋吗
Are you sure it's just cramps?
因为我妈认识一个因为吃了熊猫快递
'Cause my mom knows someone who got an amoeba
而染上阿米巴变形虫的人
from Panda Express.
我朋友因为大姨妈而抓狂
好像有人把那种
It's like someone is sticking one of those
弯曲的日本刀插♥进♥了我的阴♥道♥
curved Japanese swords up my vagina.
操
Fuck!
你想要剩下的奥施康定吗
Do you want the rest of the Oxy?
而且丝芙兰他妈的关门了
拿去 开门
Here, open the door.
我不行 我动不了
I-I-I can't. I can't move.
我开不了门
I can't -- I can't unlock the door.
好吧 我从底下塞进去
Okay, I'll just slide it under.
如果你用吸的 效果会更快
Think if you snort it it works super fast.
靠
Fuck!
我对你简直是真爱 因为这地板好恶心
This is fucking true love 'cause this floor's nasty.
拿到了吗
Got it?
好恶心
Oh, God, gross!
我要吐了
Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
讲真 到底怎么了
Seriously, what is happening?
闭嘴 墨西哥风味餐厅的那女的在看
Shut up! The Chipotle woman is looking!
你能搜下"怎么生产"吗
Can you Google "How to give birth"?
什么
What?!
快搜
Just do it.
你要生孩子了
You're having a fucking baby?!
-闭嘴 -你没怀孕
- Shut up! - You're not pregnant!
你看上去根本没那么胖
You don't even look that fat.
天 不行 我们得打911
Oh, God, no! We have to call 911.
-不行 -我们必须打911
- No! - We have to call 911.
我父母会杀了我的
My parents will fucking kill me!
-靠 -还有人在车里生产呢
- Fuck. - People give birth in cars.
不 你不能在厕所里生产
No, you can't give birth in a bathroom.
这种事很常见 没什么大不了的
It fucking happens. It's not a big fucking deal.
你怎么会不知道 你的姨妈呢
How could you not know? What about your period?
我以为我是在流血 天 娜奥米
I thought I was bleeding. Oh, God, Naomi!
闭嘴 有人来了
Shut up! Someone is coming.
不行 有人在里面吐了一地
Uh, no, someone threw up all over the floor in there.
还拉得到处都是
And diarrhea, too.
我嘞个去 没反应
Tittyfuck cunt nugget. It's not loading.
-没反应 -欢迎来到健康5G
- It's not loading! - Welcome to wellness 5G...
天 是那种YouTube广♥告♥
Oh, God, it's one of those YouTube videos
你必须先看完才能看视频
where you have to watch the whole fucking ad first.
不能跳过
You can't just skip.
为什么有的能跳过有的不能
Why can you skip some and not others?!
搞什么鬼
What the fucking fuck!
-操 -试试WikiHow网站
- Fuck! - Try WikiHow!
世代
第一季 第一集
三个月前
切斯特
这是你在入学第一个月里
This being your third dress-coding offense
第三次违反着装要求了
in the first month of school,
你需要一个心理指导顾问给你签字
you need a guidance counselor to sign off on this.
不 拜托别让我去见萨塔雷利老师
No, please don't make me see Mr. Saltarelli.
那人只会打破梦想
That man crushes dreams.
他收集古老的口腔设备
He collects antique dental equipment.
萨塔雷利老师死了
Mr. Saltarelli is dead.
靠 抱歉 怎么死的
Oh, shit. I'm sorry. How?
萨塔雷利老师是怎么死的
How did Mr. Saltarelli die?
他跟丢了他在飞的一架无人机
He lost sight of a drone he was flying
结果意外撞到了他的头
and accidentally flew it into his head.
他失去意识掉进了他的泳池 溺亡了
He fell unconscious in his pool and drowned.
我去
Oh, shit.
嗯
Yeah.
美网的一个裁判
There was a guy judging the U.S. Open
因为被一个球员发球击中大腿根而死亡
who died when a player served the tennis ball into his groin.
是真的 他名叫迪克[阴♥茎♥]
It's true. His name was Dick.
这也是真的
That's also true.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
你是新的心理指导顾问
You're the new guidance counselor?
萨姆
Sam.
切斯特
Chester.
我们应该叫老师的姓的
You know, we're supposed to call teachers by their last names.
你也可以叫我范尔老师 如果这让你更自在的话
Call me Mr. Fanger if it feels more comfortable.
我一直对此保持中立态度
I've always been a bit on the fence about it.
有什么事吗
What can I do for you?
你得给我的条子签字
You have to sign my slip,
在你确保我明白我的高中档案里
after you make sure that I understand the consequences
出现多次违反着装准则的记录
of having things like multiple dress-code violations
会有什么后果之后
on my high school record.
好的 切斯特 你明白后果吗
Okay, Chester, do you understand the consequences?
再违反三次 我就会被停课
Three more, and I am suspended
以水刑伺候 处死之类的
and waterboarded and put to death or something.
问题是我是个明星水球球员
Thing is I am a star water polo player
平均绩点4.1
with a 4.1 GPA,
我对做♥爱♥的容忍♥度微乎其微
and my tolerance for giving a fuck is, like, minimal.
你对说脏话是什么看法
Where do you come down on cursing?
安全空间
Safe space.
你为什么老是违反着装准则
Why do you keep getting dress-coded?
有次因为穿裙子
Once for wearing a skirt.
有次因为穿破洞牛仔裤
Once for ripped jeans,
女生穿就不会有问题
which the girls never get in trouble for,
但他们说是因为破洞离我屁♥股♥太近了
but they said the rips were too close to my ass.
他们没说"屁♥股♥"这词
I mean, they didn't use the word "Ass."
萨塔雷利老师好像说的是"Derriere"
I think Mr. Saltarelli said "Derriere,"
我不得不去搜索了下 确认
which I had to Google just to make sure
那是法语里的"屁♥股♥"
it was French for "Ass."
宗旨
But anyway...
你怎么看
What do you think?
这样离我屁♥股♥太近了吗
Is this too close to my ass?
你为什么喜欢那样穿
What is it about for you?
我为什么喜欢那样穿
Ooh. What is it about for me?
我喜欢你说这话时可爱且有点心理指导顾问风格的口气
I like how you said that all cute and guidance counselor-y.
是因为变装吗
Is it a drag thing?
你喜欢变装吗 有舍才有得
Are you into drag? Give to get.
他们在心理指导顾问学校里难道不教你们这个吗
Don't they teach you that in guidance counselor school?
他们教的是怎么应付那些试图
More like how to deal with kids who try to find things out
打探你与他们无关的私生活的小孩
about your personal life that are none of their business.
好吧 好吧
Oh. Okay, okay.
你这么爱冷嘲热讽
So, you know, you being a shady bitch
只会让我更喜欢你
is only gonna make me like you more.
如果你想对我进行心理治疗 我随时奉陪
And if you want to therapize me, I am all over it.
开始吧
Like, go.
让我们来敞开心扉交谈
Like, let's get all up close and personal.
你今天得找人借你衣服穿
You'll need to find someone to lend you something for today.
如果我得穿Gap的衣服
If I have to wear something from The Gap,
我就一枪毙了自己
I am blowing my brains out.
这不是带有自杀倾向的呼救
That's not a suicidal cry for help,
声明下
just to be clear.
但如果真要穿Gap 那么就有可能是的
But it could be if The Gap is involved.
那是在哪里
Where is that?
东京
Oh, Tokyo.
我在那度过了我人生里最孤独的一年
I spent the loneliest year of my life there.
我挂在那是为了提醒我当我感觉孤独的时候
I put it up to remind me that when I feel alone,
都不会比那时更孤独
I'm never feeling that alone.
这是提示你要跟可怜学生交心吗
Is that, like, a prompt to connect to sad kids?