幻灭（2018）

So, you're saying Bean behaved
在一个正式的宫廷晚宴上举止不雅
so disgracefully at a formal state dinner
差点引发战争
that she nearly set off a war?
不 查兹说的是
No, what Chazz said
她差点把那啥都那啥了
was she nearly chazzed off the whole chazz-ma-tazz.
懂我意思吗 -不懂
You know what I mean? - I do not,
但还是记录下来
but let that be entered into the record.
我叫"查兹" 一共有五个"Z"
That's "Chazz" With five "Z's."
写了这么久的法庭记录
I think I've done enough court reporting
我已经知道怎么拼"查兹"了
to know how to spell "Chazz."
是的 我觉得小碧肯定是用美貌迷惑
Yes, I'd say Bean is positively bewitching in her beauty
再用魅力诱惑
and mesmerizing with her charm.
巫术和诱惑
Witchcraft and mesmerism!
这就是这个男人的专业证供
Expert testimony from the man she turned into a pig
她把他变成了猪 只是因为不想嫁给他
just so she didn't have to marry him.
但这不是小碧的错 是我自己过于虚荣
But it wasn't Bean's fault. It was my own vanity.
以至于认为自己还是人的时候
To think I was more handsome as a man
要比一头无毛卷尾粉猪要帅
than a glorious, squealing, curly-tailed, pink and hairless--
闭嘴 你知道什么呀 你只是头猪
Oh, quiet. What do you know? You're just a pig.
告诉我 巫师
Tell me, Mr. Sorcerio,
你不仅目击了蒂尔碧妮公主
you not only witnessed Tiabeanie
用魔杖袭击佐格国王
attack King Zog with this wand,
但你之前也和她有过奇怪的相遇
but you've had previous odd encounters with her.
很多次了 之前她被恶灵附身的时候
So many. She was once brought to me
就来我这了
when she was possessed by a demon.
我太忙了 没空亲自治疗她
I was too busy to cure her myself,
于是把她转给了我的一位同事
so she was referred to a colleague,
受人尊敬的驱魔师 大乔
the esteemed exorcist, Big Jo.
大乔已经证实过驱魔完成了吗
And did Big Jo verify that, in fact, he had exorcised the demon?
我没能赶上和他交流
Hmm. I didn't get a chance to speak with him,
因为公主把他推进了火山
as the princess had pushed him into a volcano.
现在 我想传唤小碧最亲近的朋友
And now, I'd like to call Bean's closest friend,
和她形影不离的精灵伙伴 艾尔弗
her inseparable elf companion, Elfo.
我已经来了
I'm already here.
告诉我 弗先生
Now, tell me, Mr. Fo,
你第一眼见到小碧是什么感觉
what did you think when you first saw Bean?
她是我见过的最漂亮
That she was the most beautiful,
最纯洁 最美好的姑娘
pure and good woman I'd ever seen.
反对 她是他唯一见过的女人
Objection! She was the only woman he'd ever seen.
反对有效
Sustained.
我不想再听到
I don't want to hear any
关于我姐姐的肉麻话了
romantic or sexy talk about my own sister.
恶心死了
Bleh!
不好意思 我换个说法
Sorry. Let me rephrase that.
你见过小碧表现出自己纯洁内心的行为吗
Have you seen Bean act in ways that show her pureness of heart?
天哪 一直都是这样 小碧最好了
Oh, my gosh, like, all the time. Bean is the best.
我们一起经历了那么多
I mean, we've been through so much together.
我记得 有一次我死了之后
I remember, um, there was one time after I died,
这故事还挺扯的
and, well, it's kind of a crazy story,
我和小碧最终在地狱见面了
but Bean and I ended up together in Hell.
小碧去过地狱
Bean was in Hell?
反对 法官 证人是个白♥痴♥
Uh, objection, Your Honor. This witness is an idiot.
拜托 -驳回
Hey! - Overruled.
请求即刻询问 -准许
Permission to cross-examine immediately. - Granted.
你想告诉我们 你在地狱见到了蒂尔碧妮
Now, you mean to tell us you specifically saw Tiabeanie in Hell?
没错 我们当时都在
Oh, yeah. We all were there
永恒的地狱之火中 我 小碧和路西
in the flames of eternal damnation. Me, Bean and Luci.
艾尔弗 不 他们不会明白的
Elfo, no! They won't understand.
请求接近证人 然后给他脸上来一拳
Permission to approach the witness and punch him in the face?
反对 继续吧 奥德瓦先生
Denied. Go on, Mr. Odval.
那请告诉我们你去地狱干什么
And what, pray tell, were you doing in Hell?
我从天堂被赶出去
Well, after I got kicked out of Heaven
一路下坠 来到地狱 和小碧见面
and plunged all the way down to Hell to meet up with Bean,
我们被绑在椅子上
we were strapped to these big chairs
爆米花放在我们拿不到的地方
and the popcorn was out of reach,
我们得骗过魔鬼 然后逃离
so we needed to trick the devils and escape.
所以 你甚至想变得
So, you wanted to be even more underhanded
比那些魔鬼还卑鄙
than the devils themselves?
是啊 我想你可以这么说
Yeah, I guess you could put it that way.
陛下 这就是我们需要的所有证据了
Sire, this is all the proof we need.
如果你不介意 我就要做结案陈词了
If you don't mind, I'll go right into my closing remarks.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
之前从来没有过这么显而易见的巫术案件
never before has there been such a clear-cut case of witchcraft.
蒂尔碧妮
Here we have Tiabeanie,
达格玛的女儿
the daughter of Dagmar,
一个臭名昭著的黑女巫和杀人犯
a known dark sorceress and murderess.
蒂尔碧妮 意图用巫术
Tiabeanie, who attempted to murder
谋杀自己的父亲
her own father with witchcraft.
蒂尔碧妮 和这两位同伴前往地狱
Tiabeanie, who visited Hell with these two accomplices,
我认为此时此刻就应该
whom I dare say ought to be tried and found guilty
判决有罪
right here and now!
等等 什么
Wait, what?
如果你们还需要别的证据
And, as if you need any more evidence,
他的同伙之一
one of these accomplices
就是她的使唤随从 会说话的猫
is her witch's familiar, a talking cat!
我的陈词结束 由我的同事
I rest my case and turn the floor over
这只会说话的猫 继续陈述
to my colleague, the talking cat.
女士们先生们 虽然我只是一只野猫
Ladies and gentlemen, I may just be a simple country cat,
但我只看到了一个女孩
but all I see here is a girl.
敢于变得与众不同的女儿
A girl who dared to be different.
想脱颖而出 为自己说话
To stick out and speak up.
如果这也算有罪
And if that's being guilty,
那就继续判她有罪吧
then go ahead and consider her guilty.
没问题 -但如果你们这么做
Can do. - But if you do,
你们只是一群愚蠢的
you're all a bunch of stupid, small-minded,
迷信的 只会用嘴呼吸的小心眼
mouth-breathing, superstitious ding-dongs,
完全是一群妄想狂
who are completely delusional
只会投票反对自己的利益
and vote against your own self-interest.
给你们传下去
So, pass around a tub of
一桶融化的冰激凌吃
melted ice cream for y'all to guzzle down
希望你们变得更胖更蠢 我的陈词结束
and get fatter and stupider. I rest my case.
谢谢 我还需要仔细烤虑一下
Uh, thank you. I just need to debilitate on this for a bit.
考虑
Deliberate.
在我做出决定之前
Yeah. Until I render my decision...
我说对了 很好
I got that right. Yes!
把被告人和她的同伴关进地牢
The accused and her accomplices are to be kept in the dungeon.
德瑞克 你这个狡猾的家伙
Derek! You little weasel!
审理结束
Court jaborned!
他们要把我们烧死在火刑柱子上
They're gonna burn us at the stake.
天哪 我闻上去肯定会像烧焦的爆米花
Oh, God, I'm gonna smell like burnt candy corn.
从我出生以来 就认识小碧了
I've known Bean all my life,
虽然她做了一些邪恶的事
and while she's done some wicked things,
比如上次她把猴子塞进我的泰迪熊
like the time she stuffed that monkey inside my teddy bear
然后它就跑去悬崖 跳到海里了
and it ran off a cliff and into the ocean...
但她的确让我免受大平底锅敲打
But she did rescue me from that big skillet.
我想女巫应该不会这么做
I don't think a witch would do that.
大多数目击者比我还笨
And most of those witnesses were more pea-brained than I am.
爸爸说我应该跟着直觉走
Father said I should go with my gut,
我想我知道该怎么做了
and I think I know which way.
我们的生命危在旦夕
Our lives hang by a thread.
不敢相信艾尔弗这种时候都能睡着
I can't believe Elfo can sleep at a time like this.
我没在睡觉
I'm not sleeping.
每次我一想这个 就会晕过去
I keep passing out every time I think about it.
天哪 我们都要死了
Oh, God, we're all gonna die!
在公众面前被处刑
Mmm, death by public execution.
还跟精灵一起 真够丢人的
With an elf. Ugh, this is so humiliating.
我还以为你是永生不死的
I thought you were immortal.
当然了 我是恶魔 该死的
Of course I'm immortal. I'm a demon, damn it!
你们知道我的 在你们被烧的
You know me. As you burn up,
我说不定还会说几句嘲讽你们的话
I'll probably be making flippant comments.
天哪 我现在连说谎都说不溜了