幻灭（2018）

Actually, yeah.
频率高得惊人
With alarming regularity.
既然这样 你们可以上船 在我没乐子时
In that case, you can come aboard and regale us with stories
讲故事给我们听
if I ever find myself totally regaled out.
路西 快跳上来 我们需要你的帮助
Luci, come on, hop in. We could use your help.
这里有人 精灵
There are people, elves, here,
更需要我的帮助 小碧
who could use my help even more, Bean.
如果你不是那么自私 你早该意识到
And if you weren't so selfish, you'd realize that.
该有人关心关心这些可怜的富精灵了
It's time someone thought about these poor, poor, rich elves.
希望你们能够承受危险 还有许多烘豆
I hope you have a stomach for danger and lots of baked beans.
你说话像我们认识的一个人
You sound like this guy we know.
他是一艘游艇的船长
He's the captain of a party barge.
那是我爸 "英俊"大韦德·布罗迪
That's my dad, "Handsome" Wade Brody Sr.
我们不说话了 关系变得难看
We don't talk anymore. Things got ugly.
我爸也变难看了
And so did my dad.
掉头 掉头 掉头
Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!
危险是我的事业 英雄气概只是爱好
Danger is my business, heroism is merely a hobby.
但我真正热爱的是不停自抬身价
But my real passion is relentless self-promotion.
等等 你在吹嘘你的自夸吗 酷
Wait, are you boasting about your bragging? That's cool.
来见见你新的大副
Meet your new first mate.
还好你有我能穿的水手服
Good thing you had a sailor suit in my size.
猴子死后我差点把这身衣服扔掉
Yeah, I almost threw it out after the monkey died.
这里还挺怡人
You know, this is kind of pleasant.
现在好好享受 好玩的部分在这里
Enjoy it now. This is the fun part.
歌♥咏 沙壶球 益智问答
Sing-alongs, shuffleboard, trivia night.
我超爱自助餐
And I am loving the buffet.
可当我们临近食人魔领地 当心
But as we draw nigh to ogre territory, beware.
因为你会成为自助餐
Because you'll be the buffet,
而唯一的益智问答是你的脑壳被用来做什么
and the only trivia will be what became of your skull.
烛台吗 -保龄球
Candle holder? - Bowling ball?
正确
Correct.
现在先放松 因为一旦我们到食人魔地域
Relax now, because once we get to ogre territory,
就需要时刻警惕
we need to be on guard.
没人能从那里回来
No man comes back from there,
即使有 他们也绝不谈论
and if they have, they don't talk about it.
你现在就在谈论
You're talking about it right now.
你紧张的喋喋不休该停止了
Enough of your nervous chitter-chatter.
我们需要准备好战斗
We need to be ready to fight.
上一次 我发现自己被食人魔包围
Last time, I found myself surrounded by ogres.
万幸我知道他们唯一怕的就是火
Luckily, I knew the only thing they're afraid of is fire.
我用最后一根火柴赶走了一整群食人魔
I drove off the entire horde with my very last match,
余下的火焰还够点燃一支庆贺雪茄
and still had enough flame left to light a celebratory cigar.
雪茄吸引了一群吸血烟草蝙蝠
Which attracted a swarm of blood-sucking tobacco bats,
但那就是另一个故事了
but that's another story.
我现在就讲给你们听
Which I will now tell you.
找个舒适的地方 这个故事很长
Make yourselves comfortable. This is a long one.
闭嘴吧
Shut up.
精灵们 路西的地狱关怀医疗这边走
Okay, elves, this way for Luci's Hell-Care health care,
路西的卫生医疗谷仓
这其实比大多医疗计划的罪恶都少一点点
which is actually slightly less evil than most health care plans.
"临终遗嘱"是什么
What's a "Last will and testament"?
只是一项你和
It's just a little agreement
最亲近亲人的协议
between you and your closest relatives.
只需确认这里我是你哥
Just check here that I'm your brother,
还有这里我是你妈
and here that I'm your mother.
好极了 快进去吧
And great! Come on in.
情况不妙
This is not good.
一大杯水冲服药片怎么样
How about a big glass of water to wash those down?
爸 你醒着吗
Pops, you're awake?
我刚体验了最棒的昏迷
I was having the most wonderful coma.
那里有点暖
It was a little on the warm side.
我身边围绕着
And I was surrounded by
一百万像你一样的小黑猫
a million tiny black kitty-cats just like you.
一些有翅膀 一些有尖叉
Some had wings. Some had pitchforks.
我所有老朋友 甚至怪胎都在
All my old friends was there, even Weirdo.
不 他还在这里
Nope, he's still here.
我儿子艾尔弗呢
Well, where's my boy, Elfo?
他去偷你说的那种莓果了
He went to steal those berries you were talking about.
什么
What?
我要朝你脸上揍 你个...
Gonna punch you right in the face, you...
打断你的脖子 你个...
Break your neck, you...
你能闭嘴吗
Will you shut up?
戳你的眼珠子 刺你的...
Poke you in the eyeball and stick it in your...
拔出你的舌头
And tear out your tongue.
《给胆小男孩看到神奇故事 带插图》
"Fantastic Tales for Timid Boys Illustrated"?
《我怎么击败了食人魔群》
"How I Vanquished the Ogre Horde."
《烟草蝙蝠吸我的血》
"Tobacco Bats Sucked My Blood"?
那个大骗子
That dirty fibber.
他从这本给胆小男孩看的书上偷的故事
He just stole those stories from this book for timid boys.
小碧 小碧 醒醒
Bean, Bean, wake up!
这人不是英雄 他是假冒的 我有证据
This guy's no hero. He's a phony and I can prove it!
那是什么 有人在吃饼干吗
What is that? People eating crackers?
没错 可能就是这样
Yeah, that's probably what it is.
没错 绝对是这样
Yeah, that's definitely what it is.
小碧 小碧 醒醒
Bean! Bean, wake up!
你的臭叶子别碰她 你个可恶的藤
Get your leaves off her, you damn dirty vines!
这些植物 到底是什么
These plants, what the hell are they?
你说呢
You tell me,
你个大骗子 你不是硬汉 对不对
you big fat fraud! You're no tough guy, are you?
当然不是 我只是二手船销♥售♥员
Hell, no. I'm just a used boat salesman.
韦德二手船
专营凹损小艇
我要这金币可没想要这鬼情况
I didn't sign up for this when I signed up for this!
我要走了
I'm outta here!
如果你什么时候需要二手驳船就联♥系♥我
Call me if you're ever in the market for a pre-owned barge!
什么...
What the...
我们别无选择 必须游泳逃命
We've got no choice! We have to swim for it!
快走
Come on!
这就是我只租不买♥♥的原因
That's why I lease instead of buy.
小碧 小碧 快看
Bean. Bean, look.
你挺像丛林小子的嘛
Well, aren't you quite the jungle boy?
不 我只是现在看到藤蔓就火大
No, I'm just a little angry at vines right now.
我们似乎接近了
I think we're getting closer.
为什么这么说 -那些食人魔
What makes you say that? - All those ogres.
等等 食人魔怕火
Wait a minute. Ogres are afraid of fire.
怕的要死 韦德说的
Deathly afraid! Wade said so.
韦德是个满嘴谎话的混♥蛋♥
Ugh! Wade is a lying scumbag.
小碧 我敢说他是从书上看的 根本就
I swear, Bean, he got it all from a book. He had no...
小碧 别
Bean, no. Ahh...
我是蒂尔碧妮公主
I'm Princess Tiabeanie!
魔法烈焰公主
Magic fire princess!
火焰 烈焰 看到这棍子上的火了吗
Fire! Fire! See the end of this stick?
把传奇莓交出来
Give me the berries!
不然就让你们尝尝火焰的可怕
Or else, fire! Scary, scary fire!
求求你们靠近一点走可以吗
Can you please walk closer together?
只能靠我了
It's all up to me.
今天起我要做勇敢宝之后最勇敢的精灵
Today, I am the bravest elf since Braveo.
至少像他变成胆小鬼
At least until he chickened out,
开始管自己叫喝彩宝之前那样
and started pronouncing his name "Bravo"
他最后变成了一个只会鼓掌的精灵
and became the elf who applauds.
韦德 韦德 这边
Oh! Wade! Wade! In here!
我就知道你会回来救我们的
I knew you'd come back for us.
传奇莓古树
The Legendberry tree!
如果老爹没说谎的话
If Pops didn't lie about this,
也许他没偷用我的大学基金
maybe he didn't steal my college fund.
你竟敢从给予之树上偷东西
Hey! How dare you take from the Giving Tree!
我们抓住了这个偷摘圣莓的小子
We caught this tree-humper trying to steal the sacred berries.
先是个野丫头 现在又来了个矮丑矬
First the sassy girl and now this ugly runt?
往他身子里塞只鸡 再把他塞到野丫头里
Stuff a chicken into him and him into her,
明天我们做完礼拜后
and we'll have a nice brunch
就可以美美地吃一顿早午餐了
for tomorrow after church.
就他 爸爸
It him, Dad!