幻灭（2018）

幻灭
第二季 第二集
他们都背叛了我
They all betrayed me.
达格玛 小碧 小喂 小哇
Dagmar, Bean, Vip, even Vap.
至少这条人畜无害的野狗不会
At least this harmless street mutt won't.
老子真是操了
Oh! Goddamn mother...
这就是天堂啊
Ah, this is heaven.
我为什么浪费了这么多时间活在人世
Why did I waste all that time being alive?
我是被残忍♥地谋杀的 但我止不住微笑
I was brutally murdered and I can't stop smiling!
艾尔弗先生的通灵信♥号♥♥ 正在为您转接
Incoming necro-chat for Mr. Elfo. Patching you through.
艾尔弗 不论你在哪 我很抱歉
Elfo, wherever you are, I'm sorry.
我在天堂 你是谁
I'm in Heaven! Who is this?
艾... 是你吗
Uh... El... Is that you?
女士 是你呼唤的我 你好 我听不见
Lady, you're the one that called me. Hello? I can't... You're...
你是不是
Are you not...
不好意思 有人在呼叫我 但是我不能
Excuse me, somebody's calling me, but I can't...
给我来点薯条 -是我
I'll have some of those French fries. - It's me...
所有吃的
要啥有啥[松饼除外]
我很...
I... I'm so--
我现在只听得见单个的字 你好
I'm hearing every other word. I'm... Hello?
你现在 可以吗
Can you... now?
我只听到了"现在"
I only... I got just the "Now" Part.
你刚刚说什么 谢谢
What was that? Yes.
天哪 去地狱 见面
Oh, my... just meet... Hell.
我不能 对不起 我真的只听得见单个的音节
I can't... I'm sorry. I'm literally only hearing one syllable.
艾尔弗 下地狱吧
Elfo, go to Hell!
我知道这话我常说 但这次我是真心实意的
I know I say that a lot, but this time I mean it literally!
好吧 我听见了 去你的 混♥蛋♥
Wow. Okay, I heard that. Screw you, jerk-o!
我是小碧 下地狱 在底下的地方
It's Bean! Go to Hell, the place down below.
小碧 小碧 你想让我下地狱
Bean? Bean, you want me in Hell?
小碧 上帝啊
Bean! Oh, my God!
怎么了
Yes?
主 这问题可能有点奇怪
Um, sir... this might seem like a weird question,
但是 上帝 我在想
but, God, I was wondering,
我有办法可以下地狱吗
is there any way I can get to, you know, Hell?
艾尔弗 我的孩子
Elfo, my son.
离开天堂的唯一办法
The only way to get out of Heaven
只能去犯下极恶之事
would be to do something so vile,
卑鄙到能够让天使都能产生厌恶
so disgusting as to offend the angels themselves.
相信我 那些家伙可不是天使
And believe me, those guys are no angels.
但我必须去 上帝 我必须下去
But I have to, God. I have to get down to the--
艾尔弗 你仔细听好了
Elfo, now, you listen up and you listen good.
如果你离开天堂 就再也回不来了
If you leave Heaven, there is no coming back.
你会永远背负着罪恶
You will be damned for all eternity.
我们刚刚又让"永远"增加了三周
And we just made eternity three weeks longer.
就算我的灵魂腐朽一百年我也不在乎
I don't care if my soul rots for a hundred years,
只要能让我再和小碧见一面
as long as I can see Bean again for one minute.
做好厌恶我的准备 然后把我踢出天堂吧
So prepare to be offended and kick me out!
去你♥妈♥的♥ 上帝 听见没 快送我去地狱
Screw you, God! Did you hear that? Send me to Hell, sunshine!
艾尔弗
Elfo!
在你崇高的意愿面前
Your noble intent far outweighs
这儒雅随和的咒骂根本算不上什么
your benign, choir-boy swearing.
没有人比你更配留在天堂了
You know, no one belongs in Heaven more than you.
但我刚刚出口成脏 你这个全知的混♥蛋♥
But I spoke impolitely, you all-knowing douche!
我爱你 孩子 我对你的爱超乎你的想象
I love you, my son. I love you more than you can ever know.
是吗 敬爱的上帝
Oh, yeah, dear Lord?
那你爱我的屁♥股♥吗
Well, then, do you love my ass?
明天见吧
I'll see you tomorrow.
第十二章
通向地狱的楼梯
路西
Luci?
天哪 路西 你没事吧 我以为你是永生的
Whoa, Luci, are you okay? I thought you were immortal.
这不代表我感受不到痛楚
Doesn't mean I can't feel pain.
你看完我的回忆录之后什么都没学到是吗
Did you learn nothing from reading my memoirs?
这是杰瑞的乒乓球之一
Ugh! One of Jerry's ping-pong balls.
这一英里长的楼梯可别没有扶手啊
God forbid there should be a bannister on a mile-long staircase.
没错 确实是上帝禁止的
Yeah, he did forbid it.
说是要让给我们一点教训什么的
Teaching us a lesson or some crap.
快到了 只剩下一万个阶梯了
We're close. It's only another ten thousand steps.
最好穿上你的恶灵之服
Better put on your demon suit.
地狱前
最后的休息处
我看上去怎么样
How do I look?
天哪 就像穿着蝙蝠装的花栗鼠
Whoa! Like a chipmunk in a discount bat costume?
太棒了
Cool.
其实 我刚刚是在变着法骂你
That was actually a passive-aggressive insult.
走吧 花姑娘
Let's go, glamour-puss.
我愿意付出王国里所有的黄金
Ah... I'd give all the gold in my kingdom
只要能再让我听到活物的声音
just to hear the sweet sound of another living creature.
佐格 是你吗
Zog, is that you?
墨基墨 你没听到我刚刚说的话吧
Merkimer! Uh, you didn't just hear what I said, did ya?
没听清楚 怎么了
Not clearly, no, why?
没事 墨基 真高兴见到你 老朋友
No reason. Oh, Merky, I'm so happy to see you, old friend!
我也一样 朋友
Same here, chum.
我一直在乡下
I've been in the countryside
和我认识的一头迷人小母猪谈情说爱
romancing a fetching young sow of my acquaintance.
这里发生的事还真让人不安
Whatever went on here was nearly as disturbing.
来吧 我们去城♥堡♥
Come on, let's go to the castle
梳理一下我的胡子 看有没有剩余的饼干屑
and comb my beard for leftover cookie crumbs.
艾尔弗 你在干什么
Elfo! What art thou up to?
没事 只是在描绘你的样子
Oh, nothing. Just depicting your likeness.
用画的方法 可罪恶了
In drawing form. Pretty sinful stuff.
我能看看吗
May I see?
好吧 但我得告诉你 这真的算亵渎了
M'kay, but I gotta tell you, it's really insulting, man.
"这么做 那么做 叽里呱啦"
"Do this, do that, blah, blah, blah."
这是我吗
Is that supposed to be me?
谢谢你 艾尔弗
Thank you, Elfo.
感谢你让我知道别把自己太当回事
Thank you for teaching me not to take myself too seriously.
新来的 好好看着点
Hey, new guy, get a load of this!
也该有人伤伤你的自尊了
It's about time somebody took you down a notch,
因为你带来了那么多痛苦和折磨
what with all the pain and suffering you've created.
杰瑞 如果我告诉你
Jerry, what if I told you all of that
那些苦难只是为了让你更坚强
was to make you stronger?
那我会说 你是个变♥态♥
I'd say you're a sick bastard.
我喜欢
Whoa. I like it.
小碧 听我说 地狱可不是个好地方
Bean, listen to me. Hell ain't a nice place.
这里有不少坏蛋
There are some bad hombres down here.
你不能相信任何人 谁都不行
You can't trust anyone, and I mean anyone.
你确定还要向前走吗
Sure you want to keep going?
当然 是我欠艾尔弗的 我得补偿他
Yes. Yes! I owe it to Elfo. It's a price I'm willing to pay.
你好啊 上帝大大 -又怎么了
Hey, God-o. - Now what?
瞧瞧这头金色的小牛 雕工多好啊
Take a look at this golden calf. It's so graven.
跟你比起来 它似乎更适合被奉为上帝
And it's so much more worshippable than, say, you.
你的愚昧没能让我心里产生丝毫波动
You don't make me feel inferior by worshiping a false idol.
还有 我即万物 万物即我
And besides, I am all things, all things are me,
所以它也是我 所以随你侍奉谁吧
so I am that idol as well. So, worship away.
那如果我想要上了它呢
Okay, what if I told you I want to have sex with it?
你现在是在自找难堪 随你去吧
Now, you're just being silly, but go ahead.
既然你愿意 那就去实现你的心愿吧
To each his own. Fulfill your desire.
我等着看呢
I'm waiting.
他怂了吧
He's chicken, ain't he?
这是上帝和我之间的问题 呆瓜 别多管闲事
This is between God and me, dum-dum. Stay out of it.
呆瓜 你管杰瑞叫呆瓜
Dum-dum? You called Jerry a dum-dum?
你竟敢侮辱我的杰瑞 我拍
Don't you dare insult my Jerry! Clap!
感谢你的惩罚
Thanks for smiting me!
注意点你的姿势
Okay, watch your posture.
不对 再弓点身子
No, slouch more.
再弓点
Uh, more.
再来
Little more.
有点太佝偻了
Um, too slouchy.
算你走运 我在这里还算个人物
Lucky for you, I carry some weight around here.
人人都知道我路西 所有人
Everybody knows Luci. Everybody.
就此止步 陌生来客
Halt, strangers.