幻灭（2018）

Woe is me. Who shall be my Dagmar now?
这我可没预料到
Wow. I didn't see that coming.
司机 停车 我让你停车
Driver, stop! Stop, I say!
梦想之地剧院
这是什么淫秽戏剧
What kind of smut is this?
最好是和宗教信仰有关的
It better be religious smut.
更糟 是世俗的淫秽
Worse. It's secular smut.
快看啊 他们的鼻子都要碰到一起了
And look it! Their noses are touching.
什么
What?
看上去是一次无害的探索
Looks like a harmless grope-fest.
这个故事里的内容都是有害的
Nothing about this story is harmless.
如果国王听说这件事 他可会大发雷霆的
If the king hears about it, his fury will know no bounds.
真的这么可怕吗
Is it such a terrible thing to
让这些蠢货公开嘲讽王室
allow these fools to openly ridicule the Crown?
难就难在如何去分辨
The difficulty lies in discerning between
什么对国王有益 什么对王国有益
what is right for the king and what is right for the kingdom.
这正是我们的秘密协会建立之基础
It's the very foundation of our secret society.
那个还有每周四晚地下室的宾戈性游戏
That and sex bingo every Tuesday night in the basement.
这出剧目可能正是我们一直在寻找的
This play could be just the thing we've been looking for.
好吧 我不会直接告诉他
Well, I'm not telling him directly.
我今天已经被打了五拳了
I've already been punched five times today.
我会派一个让他解气的信使
I'll send a messenger he can kill
然后我们一起告诉他
and then we'll both tell him.
太可耻了 那里甚至称不上是剧院
Utterly scandalous! Well, it can't even be called theater.
只不过是些虚幻的烟雾弹
Nothing but made-up hoo-hah
让农民们暂时忘记自己悲惨的人生
to distract peasants from their miserable lives.
但宗教的意义就在于此
But that's what religion is for!
这是叛国罪
What it is, is treason.
他们把王室 王国
They make a laughingstock of
当成了笑柄
the royal family, the kingdom,
最重要的是 他们在愚弄您 陛下
and most important, you, Your Majesty.
我 他们在嘲笑我吗 我♥干♥了什么
Me? They're mocking me? What did I ever do?
除了大吼大叫 拿刀伤人
Aside from the yelling and the stabbing
扇人耳光 欺骗民众 诅咒骂人
and the slapping and the gouging and the name-calling?
那您绝对没做什么 陛下
Absolutely nothing, sire.
我想看看这出剧目 亲眼看看
I want to see it, with my own eyes.
哪里能看到
Where do I see it?
今晚八点在剧院上演
The theater, 8:00 p.m. tonight.
剧院 好吧 但我要带弓箭去
The theater? All right. But I'm bringing my bow.
射的好 陛下 正中脾脏
Good shot, sire. Right in the spleen.
授意演出
"A command performance"?
对 你的下一场 可能也是最后一场戏
Yes, your next and presumably final show
国王会前来观看
will be attended by the king.
他会进行判决
He will render judgment
这个剧目是否犯了叛国罪
as to whether this production is treasonous
然后进行宣判
and then pronounce sentence.
好吧 所以没什么大事
Okay, so no big deal.
叛国罪的判决是怎样的
What's the sentence for treason?
在屁屁上轻轻拍打几下
Couple of light slaps on the bum-bum?
我觉得那我会受不了的
'Cause I don't think I can handle that.
我跟他们说过不许再有郁金香
I told them, no more tulips!
绝不
Ever!
你死了 被彻底清除
You're gone. Erased from here.
好像从未存在过
You never happened.
陛下
Sire?
该看戏了
It's showtime.
好吧 等我把看戏用的眼镜戴上
All right, let me just get my opera glasses.
走吧
Let's go.
不安酒吧
梦想之地剧院
真令人沮丧
This is so frustrating.
我是世界上唯一一个无助坐在这里
I've got to be the only writer in the world
眼看着白♥痴♥毁坏我心血的
who has to sit around helplessly
剧本作者了
while idiots ruin all my hard work.
那我们为什么待在这里
Then why are we here?
你可以去我酒吧的角落里待着
You could be around the corner at my bar.
因为我喜欢这杯饮料 这杯苦涩的饮料
Because I love this drink. This bitter, bitter drink.
好吧 各位 又到时间了 业余之夜
All right, people, it's that time again. Amateur night.
请温柔地用本吧惯用方式来欢迎新人
Please give a tepid Jittery welcome to a newcomer.
我们背地里叫她雀斑 我的新朋友 小碧
We call her Freckles behind her back. My new friend, Bean.
什么 不会吧
What? No way.
快点 快点 快点
Do it. Do it. Do it.
快点 快点 快点 快点 快点
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
好了 闭嘴
All right, shut up!
快点
Do it.
怎样 快点演啊
Well? Let's go, already!
看啊 那是我的房♥子
Hey, look, there's my house!
一出戏 演谁
A play, starring who?
什么鬼
What the hell is that?
是我 你尊贵的国王
'Tis I, your royal king!
天哪 是一头猪
Oh, my God, it's a pig!
大家好
Hello. Hi. Um...
我讨厌梦想之地
I hate Dreamland.
我讨厌那个要溢出来的瘟疫坑
I hate the overflowing plague pits.
我讨厌每个夜晚
I hate how when it's the end of the night
你们喝到醉醺醺的
and you're completely drunk
跌跌撞撞回到家 一路都是上坡
and you've gotta stagger home, it's uphill all the way.
但你知道我不讨厌什么 大多数的你们
But you know what I don't hate? Most of you.
我相信在你们内心深处
I believe, deep down,
在那些泥土 汗水 油脂 泥垢之下
underneath all that dirt and sweat and grease and mud
或者你们身上还有的各种东西之下
and whatever is all over you, sir,
你们非常善良得体
that you guys are kind and decent.
你们会受人误导去做事
You just do misguided things,
比如把孩子丢弃在魔法森林里
like abandoning your babies in the Enchanted Forest.
他们活不下来的
They're not gonna survive.
或者比如打赌精灵和松鼠的摔跤比赛
Or like betting on elf versus squirrel wrestling,
比如 赌谁死亡
like, to the death.
我们真的是想看这些吗
Is that what we really want to watch?
各位 松鼠一直赢的
Guys, the squirrel always wins.
你知道我输掉了多少钱吗
Do you know how much money I've lost
因为我总觉得自己会见证
just thinking that I'm gonna witness
精灵第一次打败松鼠的战役
the first time that an elf beats a squirrel?
绝对不会发生的 但是我们还是一次次地看
It's never gonna happen, but we watch it again and again.
比赛本就不公平 你知道还有什么不公平吗
It's not a fair fight. And you know what else is not fair?
我站在这里
The fact that I'm up here
这个狭窄的小舞台上 跟你们对话
on this dinky little stage talking to you,
但是我却不能去对面
but I can't go across the street
演出我自己写的剧本
to perform the play that I wrote.
那幕戏正在上演
It's going on right now,
在一众令人仰慕 精明的观众面前
in front of an adoring, sophisticated audience.
垃圾
You suck!
好了 请安静 你们已经享受过了
All right, settle down, now. You've had your fun.
我非常温和地请求各位在剧院保持礼貌
I'm asking you very gently for a little decorum in the theater.
拜托了 求你们
Please. I beg you.
把胸露出来
Show us your teats!
所以这是你们想要的吗
So that's the way you want it?
那么你们会如愿以偿的
Then that's the way you're going to get it.
来吧
Here we go.
很好 我演到哪里了
Good. Now, where was I?
我的爱人 我恳求你
My love, I beseech thee...
化妆粉
还有30秒就该你上了
Hey, you're on in 30 seconds.
但他的妆还没化
But he's barely made up.
还是能看到绿色皮肤露出来
You can still see green skin everywhere.
像一棵开花的树 我的爱已经重新发芽
Like a tree in bloom, my love now sprouts anew.
达格玛怀孕了
Dagmar is pregnant.
看吧 我们幸福的结合令我成熟
Lo, I am ripe with our blissful union.
见证吧 国王
Witness, my king.
拜托 达格玛从来不擦那样的唇膏
Aw, come on. Dagmar never wore lipstick like that.
我祈祷这个女儿像你一样漂亮
I pray this be a daughter as fair as thou.
我们给她起名叫蒂尔碧妮
We shall call her Tiabeanie
她会是一个非常高贵的公主
and she shall make a fine princess.
或者她会成为一个好吃的派