幻灭（2018）

你可以把我和奥德瓦
And you can just think of Odval and me
看成你新的爸爸妈妈 我的宝贝
as your new mommy and daddy, my sweet little...
管他呢 按我们说的办就完事了
Oh, hell, just do what we tell you!
对不起 陛下
Oh! So sorry, sire.
让我从你疲倦的头上摘下王冠吧
Let me remove this from your weary head.
成了
And... doink.
小子 给奥德瓦送去 快点的
Boy, bring this to Odval, immediately.
国王来了 我是国王 我正要走下
Here comes the king. I am the king! I'm walking down this--
我封你为德里克国王一世
I crown thee King Derek the First.
上帝保佑 唯一的国王
And, God willing, the only.
德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek!
德里克国王万岁 德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek!
德里克国王万岁 德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek!
德里克国王万岁 德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek!
德里克国王万岁 德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek! Long live King Derek!
德里克国王万岁
Long live King Derek!
让我们进入
Uh... Let a new era of...
伟大的新纪♥元♥
Greatness.
伟大的新纪♥元♥ 还有
...greatness and, uh...
脱离影响的自♥由♥
Freedom from influence.
脱离影响的自♥由♥
...freedom from influence begin!
万岁
Hoorah!
真言轮
公主 你愿意坦白自己是女巫的事实吗
Now, Princess, will you confess to being a witch?
不
No.
那你坚持要让我们进行长♥期♥审判吗
So, you insist on putting us through the ordeal of a long trial?
其实 我挺喜欢长♥期♥审判的
Actually, I'm partial to long trials.
回答错误 -转轮子 斯坦
Wrong answer! - Spin the wheel, Stan.
你想用魔杖杀死你父亲
You tried to kill your father with this magic wand!
我没有 而且这不是魔杖
I did not! And it's not a magic wand.
这是一把枪 你心里清楚
It's a stience gun, and you know it.
真的吗 如果你不是女巫
Oh, really? How can you possibly know
你怎么知道我知道
what I know unless you're a witch?
她是在咯咯笑吗 我肯定听到笑声了
Was that a cackle? I definitely heard a cackle.
那不是笑声 因为我不是
That wasn't a cackle, because I'm not a...
转轮子 -女巫
Spin the wheel. -...witch!
公主 你知道审判的结果
Princess, you know the outcome of a trial
是不可能如你所愿的
is unlikely to go your way.
就是这种肮脏的想法才让审判变了味
That is the kind of stinkin' thinkin' that loses trials.
我们会度过难关的 小碧 请原谅
We can win this, Bean. Now, if you'll excuse us,
我们得在我们的客户停止转动之后和她谈谈
we have to consult with our client as soon as she stops spinning.
好吧 法庭见
Very well. See you in court.
你好 小碧 你还好吗
Hi, Bean. Hi. What's up?
还有一圈
One more.
我和路西是你的律师
Hi. Me and Luci are your lawyers.
我完蛋了
I'm doomed.
恐怕他的病情又恶化了
I'm afraid he's getting worse.
保洁小妹 把国王的绷带取下来
Hmm. Mop Girl, remove the king's bandages.
你不觉得我该先洗洗手吗
Uh, don't you think I should wash my hands first?
冒着把这些生命之灰冲走的风险吗
And risk washing away all that life-giving soot?
耐心点 陛下 我已经请了一位触觉艺术专家
Patience, sire. I have summoned an expert
来检查你的身体
in the tactile arts to examine you.
你觉得呢 圣手老人 不是摸我
What do you think, Old Man Touchy? Not me!
是的 情况很糟 生命的精华所剩无几了
Oh, yes, very bad. There is very little life essence left.
但我感觉到了 一些烤牛肉
But I am detecting... some roast beef.
还有肉汁
And mashed potatoes with...
土豆泥
gravy.
当国王的感觉如何 陛下
How does it feel to be king, sire?
很无聊 咱们打个仗吧
I'm bored. Let's have a war!
也许晚点吧 现在
Maybe later. Right now,
我们得考察一下你主持公道的才能
we have to see your aptitude for dispensing justice.
主持审判是国王的职责
It is the king's duty to preside over trials,
明天 我们会有一场很重要的审判
and tomorrow, we'll be having a very important one. Now...
约格说这只猪是他的财产
Yorg here claims this hog as his own property.
塔根坚持这头猪是从他的农场逃跑的
Targon maintains that the hog escaped from his farm
并且完全属于他
and rightfully belongs to him.
我想我有结论了
I believe I have reached a verdict.
很英明的决定
A surprisingly shrewd decision.
我现在可以摸摸小猪吗
Can I pet the piggy now?
我想他准备好了
I think he's ready.
很抱歉 我们没有碗
I'm sorry we don't have bowls, but, you know,
在你意识到之前 这一切就会结束的
this will all be over before you know it.
这种话从刽子手嘴里说出来真让人安心
That's comforting, coming from an executioner.
你会没事的 我对我们的司法系统很有信心
You'll be fine. I have great faith in our judicial system.
在我七岁的时候 我往城♥堡♥丢了个雪球
I threw a snowball at the castle when I was seven.
我还在等我的审前听证会
I'm still waiting for my pre-trial hearing.
闭嘴吧 老头
Oh. Shut your gob, you tit.
你老是喜欢拿"审前听证会"说事
You're always going on about this "Pre-trial hearing."
每二十年一次 就跟钟一样
Every 20 years, like clockwork.
赶紧来个人把我刺瞎吧
Somebody stab me in the eyeball.
小碧 你怎么样 -我好点了
Hey, Bean. How are you holding up? - I've been better.
你们是我唯一的希望了 你们有把握吗
You guys are my only hope. Are you sure you can handle this?
艾尔弗正想着往你的衣服里看
Well, Elfo's just trying to look down your shirt.
但我是王牌辩护律师
But I am an ace trial attorney.
你 你有上庭经验吗
You? You have actual experience?
没有 但我在08年的时候给撒旦做过暑期书♥记♥
No, but I summer clerked for Satan in '08.
我甚至还写过一篇关于残酷和异常处罚的总结
I even wrote a brief about cruel and unusual punishment.
就在那家伙的阴囊上 用打字机写的
Right on a guy's scrotum. With a typewriter.
父亲 你听得见我说话吗 我要和你谈谈
Father? Can you hear me? I need to talk to you.
还记得我以前怎么叫醒你的吗
Remember how I used to wake you up from your naps
然后你会穿过整个城♥堡♥追我
and you would chase me through the castle?
起床了 起床了
Wakey wakey!
太阳晒屁♥股♥了 爸爸
Rise and shine, Father.
亲爱的爸爸 你要死了吗
Father, dear, are you dying?
听好 德里克 -什么
Listen, Derek... - Yeah?
我得告诉你一些事 -什么
I need to tell you something. - What?
我不知道自己什么时候会死
I don't know when I'm gonna die.
也许不是今天 也许不是明天 不过
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but...
感觉像周四
Well, it's feeling like Thursday.
很好 还有时间 我还能借用一下你的智慧
Good, so there's time. I could use the benefit of your wisdom.
什么 -什么叫公正
What? - What is justice?
谢天谢地 我还以为要谈性话题呢
Oh, thank God. I thought this was gonna be the sex talk.
你是怎么做出绝对公平的裁决的
How do you make a decision that's fair?
办不到 总会有人觉得不公平
You can't. Someone always feels like it's not fair to them.
最公平的裁决
And the fairest decisions,
就是让大家都觉得不公平
those are the ones where everybody feels screwed.
我从故事书里可没读到过这种情节
I've never seen that before in my storybooks.
生活充满了你未曾见过的东西
Life's full of stuff you've never seen before.
就像那道通向我床的光
Like that tunnel of white light opening over my bed.
你看得见吗 -不
Can't you see it? - No.
跟着直觉走 孩子 你可以的
Look, you've just got to go with your gut, son. You'll do fine.
现在 你能不能把那条冷毛巾放在我头上
Now, will you put that nice, cool rag on my head?
当然
Sure.
谢谢你 爸爸
Thank you, Father.
梦想之地议事厅
越橘国王纪念法庭
开庭中 直到宣判有罪
全体起立致敬法官和正义的化身 德里克国王
All rise for judge and living embodiment of justice, King Derek!
开始审判
Uh... Begin trial!
德里克 你是法官
Oh, God. Derek, you're the judge?
肃静 姐姐 我现在是你的德里克国王
Silence, sister! It's Big King Derek to you!
看来这过去十四年我该对他好点
Guess I should've been nicer to him these last 14 years.
算了吧 这也值了
Nah, it was worth it.
陛下 今日我会用最严密的逻辑证明
Sire, today, I shall prove, using only the most rigorous logic,
这是个九百岁的女巫
that this is a 900-year-old witch...
用了这根恶魔般的珍珠柄短鼻魔杖
who used this diabolical, pearl-handled, snub-nosed magic wand
对我们敬爱的国王
to cast a spell of manslaughter
施放了杀人咒 愿上帝使他的灵魂安息
on our beloved king. God rest his soul.
他还没死呢
He's not even dead!
法庭之上 保持秩序 坐下 小碧
Order in the court! Sit down, Bean!
我什么也没做啊
Ow! What did I do?
梦想之地议事厅
你是说 小碧之前