宕机异次元（2017）

好 我觉得是时候做做造型了
Good, yeah, I thought it was time to just mix up my look,
另外它跟查理挺配的
plus it goes with Charlie.
-查理 -对 查理
- Charlie? - Charlie.
小精灵乐队
All right, well, the Pixies,
中性牛奶旅馆乐队
Neutral Milk Hotel,
霍尔与奥兹二重唱
well, Hall & Oates because, I mean, duh, right?
还有...
And, um...
你听说过本·布兰森吗
Well, have you ever heard of a guy named Ben Branson?
我还是十四岁少女时就喜欢他一直到现在
A.K.A. my childhood crush from age 14 till now.
什么 不是吧
What, shut up!
不 2001年我去伍兹体育场看他的演唱会
No, I-I went, I saw him at Great Woods in 2001,
那时好像一下子就过完了青春期
and I basically went through puberty on the spot.
等等 你说的是真的吗
Wait, wait, wait, are you... are you being serious?
因为那场演唱会我也在
'Cause I was literally at that same show.
-不是吧 -真的
- No. - Oh, yeah.
我和表弟一起偷溜出去的 之后被禁足三周
I snuck out with my cousin, got grounded for three weeks,
那也值了 因为后面那两次再唱
completely worth it 'cause the double encore?
是啊 而且他们结尾唱了
Yeah, and them closing with...
-《东京心殇》 -《东京心殇》
- "Tokyo Heartache." - "Tokyo Heartache."
他们都告诉我
You know, uh, I've been told
我跟本·布兰森异常相似
I bear a, um, a striking resemblance to Ben Branson.
我觉得没到"异常"那个份上 但我能看出来
I mean, I wouldn't say striking, but I can certainly see it.
好
Okay.
《东京心殇》
"Tokyo Heartache?"
不是吧
Come on!
怎么会现在响起来
How is this happening right now?
我五分钟前把它放在点唱机上了
Well, I did put it on the jukebox like five minutes ago.
所以
So...
两个月后
正式宣布
Well, it's official.
她就是对的人
She's the one.
等等 什么
Wait, what?
我要去拿瓶啤酒 你要吗
I'm getting a beer, you want a beer?
你没啤酒了 你说什么呢
You're out of beer; what are you talking about?
哥们 我是说阿曼达
Buddy, I'm talking about Amanda.
她... 哥们 她真是...
She's... dude, she's...
我不... 她真是太棒了
I don’t... she's amazing.
我要给她买♥♥戒指
I'm gonna get her a ring.
不是订婚戒指
I mean, not an engagement ring,
但是非常漂亮的戒指
but like a really, really nice ring.
好吧 坐吧 大情圣
Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova.
你和这姑娘在一起多久了 一个月
How long have you been with this girl, a month?
两个月
Maybe two?
对 但我觉得和她已经相识一生了
Yeah, but... but I feel like I have known her my whole life.
对 如果你要是想维持到第三个月
Sure, but if you want to make it to three,
或许应该先冷静冷静
maybe you should cool your jets.
好 我明白了 我明白你什么意思
Okay, I get it, I get what you're saying,
但我们可是百分百志趣相投
but, buddy, we're 100 percent compatible.
-应用软件是这么说的 -别管它说什么
- The app said so. - Forget what the app said.
拜托 "佳缘速配"这应用
Come on, I mean, you're the one who sold me
是你推荐给我的
on the whole Make-A-Match thing.
我还以为你会为我兴奋呢
I thought you'd be stoked for me.
我是很兴奋啊 只不过
I am, I am, it's just, um...
我不想看你受伤
I don't want to see you get hurt.
好 那么
All right, so,
你是说
you're saying just...
慢慢来
slow things down?
没错
Exactly.
-冷静点 -说得对
- Play it cool. - My man.
-好吧 -好
- All right. - Okay.
我爱你
I love you.
什么
What?
跟你在一起的这两个月真是太不可思议了
These last two months have been amazing,
我一直在想
and I just... I keep thinking about
跟你共度余生
spending the rest of my life with you.
你是我的知己 阿曼达
You're my soul mate, Amanda.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
难道你不确定吗
Are you not sure?
天啊
Oh, God.
-天啊 -不是你的问题
- Oh, God? - Look, it's not you, I just...
我现在没时间想认真严肃的事
I don't have time for anything serious right now.
我们认识后每一晚都在这里
We've spent every single night here since we met.
而且感觉很棒
And it's been great,
只是我要准备实习面试
it's just my residency interviews are coming up, so...
所以
So...
也许你该走了
So... maybe you should go.
好...好吧
O... okay.
这...这是我们的第一次大吵
This is, uh, yeah, this is our first big fight.
-这可是个里程碑啊 -亚当 别说了
- It's, uh, it's a milestone. - Adam, stop.
当某天我们再回忆起这件事时
Look, someday, we're gonna look back on this
-我们会开怀大笑的 -亚当
- and we're gonna laugh. - Adam!
别这样 我们能成的
Come on, we can make this work.
如果你想慢点来 我们就慢点来
Look, if you want to go slow, we'll go slow.
我是说真的 再见
I'm serious, goodbye.
不
No.
不 我不会就这样一走了之的 好吗
No, I'm not gonna just walk away, all right?
我做不到
I can't.
听着 我知道你很畏惧
Look, I know that you're scared.
我也很畏惧
All right, I'm scared, too.
但是我们俩...
But you and I...
是天造地设的一对
we're made for each other.
我的天啊
Oh, for the love of God.
佳缘速配
亚当
这是能和我们可爱的孙子们说的...
This is something that we'll tell our adorable grandch...
抓住他的腿了 走吧
I got his legs, let's move.
技术支持部向总部报告 已抓住"罗密欧"
Tech Support to HQ, Romeo is in the bag.
运往回收点中
Moving to extraction point.
救命
Help!
救命
Help!
克雷格
Greg?
克雷格
Greg?
亚当
Adam?
兄弟 我...
Hey, man, I'm...
伙计 我吓死了
dude, I'm freaking out, man.
-怎么了 兄弟 -他们想绑♥架♥我
- What's going on, man? - They tried to kidnap me.
我当时在阿曼达家 然后...
I-I-I was over at Amanda's place, and...
等等 等等 阿曼达怎么了
Wait, wait, wait, what's going on with Amanda?
我不知道 好吗
I-I don't know, all right?
她...她把我甩了 然后那群家伙
She, um, she... she dumped me, and then these guys...
等等 她把你甩了
Wait, wait, she dumped you?
天啊 我说了要你冷静点
Oh, man, I told you to play it cool.
是的 我知道
Yeah, I-I know.
-我不知道... -没关系 伙计 过来
- I-I don't know... - It's okay, man, come here.
过来 伙计 来来
Come on in, man, come on. Come on.
到我怀里来 过来
Bring it in, bring it in.
-到我怀里来 -我爱她 克雷格
- Bring it in. - I love her, Greg.
我该怎么办
What am I gonna do?
目标已被控制
Package is secure.
准备好开始了吗
Are you ready to begin?
什么
What?
你如何形容在这段感情中的表现
How would you describe your performance in the relationship?
你是谁啊
Who the hell are you?
是非常满意 满意
Very satisfactory, satisfactory,
还是需要改进
or needs improvement?
这到底是怎么回事
What the hell's going on?
那就选"需要改进"好了
We'll put "Needs improvement."
亚当
结束调查问卷
你是否同意你的最差品质有
Would you agree that your worst qualities
极度地粘人 天真到可怕
are clinginess, painfully naive,
以及过度情绪化
and overly emotional?
不 我不赞同 我这是在哪里