十字剑

No more King Blossom?
是的 这就是祸兮福所倚
Yeah. It's like a good thing happened,
福兮祸所伏
but also a bad thing happened.
这叫什么 -苦乐参半
What's that called? ‐ Bittersweet.
味道像屎一样
It tastes like shit.
你是谁
Who are you?
我是帕特里克
I'm Patrick.
我传唤自己作为辩方证人
I call myself as a witness for the defense.
这很不寻常
Hm, most unusual,
但今年我要勇于尝试 我准了
but this is my year of yes. I'll allow it.
有好戏看了
This is gonna be good.
正好赶上他们被处决
Just in time for their execution!
还有人看不到任何东西吗
Can anybody else not see anything?
鲁本 布拉尼 卡洛尔
Ruben? Blarney? Coral?!
凯文 蜜蜂男 霍顿
Kevin? Bee Guy? Holden?
你应该叫我们"尊敬的陪审团成员"
Uh, that's Esteemed Jury Members to you.
随你怎么说这些小东西
Say what you will about these little shits,
但它们对"同侪陪审团"非常重视
but they take "jury of your peers" seriously.
帕特里克 它们给你节目单了吗
Hey, Patrick, did they give you a program?
我完全看不懂这出戏
I can't understand this play, like, at all.
帕特里克 它们会向你推销分时租赁
Patrick, these furries are gonna try and sell you a timeshare.
保持冷静 它们绝对是专家
Stay frosty. They're absolute pros.
法官大人 我这辈子都梦想着成为骑士
Your Honor, my whole life, I've dreamed of being a knight.
这小子会法语
The boy knows French.
谁说我们的公立学校全国排名最差了
Who says our public schools are the worst rated in the land?
家长教师协会
The PTA[Parent-Teacher Association].
总之 我今天终于梦想成真 成为了骑士
Anyway, today, that dream finally came true. I was knighted.
反对 这有关吗 法官大人
Objection. Relevance, Your Honor?
我快说到了 我总以为分辨是非对错
I'm getting to it. You see, I always thought it'd be so easy
是很容易的事
to know the difference between right and wrong.
但自从我成为侍卫
But ever since I became a squire,
每天都像在带屎的三明治
every day is like choosing between a shit sandwich
和带屎的奶酪三明治之间做选择
and a shit sandwich with cheese.
反对 法官大人 太恶心了
Objection, Your Honor! Nasty!
是我偷了宝石 法官大人
I stole the gems, Your Honor.
我还告诉国王在哪能挖到更多宝石
I stole them, and I told the king where to dig up more.
我以为我有正当理由
I thought I did it for the right reasons,
但其实我只是为了不被老鼠啃脸
but it was only to keep my face from getting eaten off by rats.
我明知道这是错的
I knew it was wrong,
但我只考虑了自己的利益
but I was looking out for my own interests.
请放走国王和王后
Please let the king and queen go.
只有我知道自己做的事是错的
I'm the one who knew what I did was wrong.
拜托 我想将功补过
Please, I want to balance the scales.
就这一次 我想做对的事
Just once, I wanna do the right thing.
有人说鼹鼠行使正义太快了
Some say mole justice moves too swiftly,
要我说...
but I say...
帕特里克有罪 梅里曼和图丽普可以走了
Patrick is guilty. Merriman and Tulip are free to go.
帕特里克承担了罪责 妈的
Patrick took the fall! Damn it.
看来证人保护制度是不存在了
I guess witness protection is off the table. Ugh!
布罗斯 公主 带大家回到地面
Broth, Princess! Get everyone to the surface,
阻止骑士炸毁大坝
and stop the knights from blowing the dam!
没有我最好的兄弟我不走
Not without my best bro!
不 我想留下
No. I want to stay.
我想弥补自己的过错
I want to own up to my mistakes.
好吧 你说的我一个字没听懂
Okay, I couldn't understand a word you said,
但你为我爸妈牺牲了自己 对吧
but you sacrificed yourself for my parents, didn't you?
不 我...
No. I...
你是我封过的最好的骑士
That makes you the best knight I ever knighted.
现在 我们来判刑吧
Now then, let's get to sentencing.
毕竟你是初犯
Eh, it's your first offense,
罚你做社区服务吧 20小时应该够了
I'm thinking community service, 20 hours should do it.
什么
What?
糟糕
Oh no.
那些该死的骑士出尔反尔
They broke their promise, those fucking knights!
洪水来了 大家得赶紧出去
It's a flood! Everyone's gotta get out of here now!
哪条路是向上的 我们要往上走
Which way is up? We need to go up!
帕特里克
Patrick!
托德
Todd?
拉动这个杆子就能回到地面
Pull this lever to go back to the surface, Patrick.
托德 等下 跟我们一起走吧
Todd, wait! Come with us!
我是公♥关♥
Oh, I'm a public relations man,
这里现在比以往都更需要我的技能
Patrick. My skills will be needed down here, now more than ever.
等下 洪水来了
Wait! It's a flood!
我的技能没用了
My skills are useless!
这是我第一次坐电梯
This is my first elevator ride!
这个绝对死了
Yep. This one's definitely dead.
你连一小时都不肯给我
You couldn't even give me one hour?!
你把一个简单的外交解决方案
You turned an easy diplomatic solution
变成了一场完全出于懒惰的屠♥杀♥
into a slaughter out of sheer laziness!
这就是骑士对于你的意义吗
Is that what being a knight means to you?
作为骑士就意味着先杀人 然后不再去想它
Being a knight means killing first and not thinking about it later.
如果你再往我头上扔沙漏
And if you throw an hourglass at my head again,
我就要找你算账了 帕特里克爵士
we're gonna have a problem, Sir Patrick.
你刚叫他帕特里克爵士
Did you just call him Sir Patrick?
我封他为骑士了 爸
I knighted him, Daddy.
你不能这么做
You can't knight people.
太荒唐了
That's ridiculous!
别再在他妈的仆人面前贬低我了
Stop undercutting me in front of the fucking help!
走吧 斯泰尔斯爵士
Come on, Sir Styles,
我们去把妓院挖出来
let's go dig up that brothel.
我脸上有玻璃
I have glass in my face!
振作点
Pull it together.
所以闹到最后 我连骑士都不是
So after all that, I'm not even a knight?
这他妈真是好极了
You know what? That's fucking perfect
因为我不玩了 我受够了这白♥痴♥的...
because I am done! I've had enough of this insane...
你是骑士了 高兴了吗 甜心
Boop, boop, you're a knight. Happy, sweetie?
不 我不想做骑士
No! I don't wanna be a knight!
我退出 我辞职 我不干了
I quit! I resign! I'm out!
你不能放弃骑士身份 除非你死掉
You can't quit being a knight. The only way out is death.
但这不会太久的
But that's not for a long time.
在这个时代 成年男性能活到20多岁
An adult male in this day and age will live well into his late 20s.
大家别慌 可能是送披萨的
Nobody panic. That could be the pizza guy.
这些人中肯定有一个是送披萨的
Well, one of those guys has gotta be the pizza guy.
这儿有这么多人呢
There's, like, a million of them.
如果他们是来帮我们对付鼹鼠人
If they're here to help us fight the mole people,
那他们会觉得自己很蠢的
they're gonna feel pretty stupid.
不 陛下 鼹鼠人击沉了他们的城♥堡♥
No, sire. The mole people sank their castles
因为他们分不清我们地上的人
because they couldn't tell us surface people apart.
种族歧视
Racist.
我们就成了打败鼹鼠人的英雄
That makes me the hero who defeated the mole people.
不 我们就成了趁着鼹鼠人
That makes us the kingdom that got rich
搞错攻击对象时自己发财的王国
while the mole people were sinking the wrong people's shit.
这不是个好故事
Not a great spin.
拉米国王一直在找理由入侵我们
King Rami's been looking for an excuse to invade.
这下他有其他国王支持了 我们完了
Now, he has the other kings on his side. We're fucked.
我们 你说的是自己吧
We? I think you mean you.
国王不会去打仗 这是骑士的事
Kings don't fight wars. Knights do.
拿下他们 帕特里克爵士
Go get 'em, Sir Patrick.
梅里曼国王点的披萨
Pizza for King Merriman.
感谢老天爷
Bless the baby Jesus!
没有蒜香面包呢
I don't see any garlic knots.
抱歉 下次才有了
Sorry. Rain check on the knots.
我们的面包师出疹子了
Our knot guy's out with a rash.
我不接受 梅里曼 马上惩罚她
Unacceptable! Merriman, punish her at once.
行吧
Fine.
你是骑士了
Boop, boop, you're a knight.
该死 我现在是骑士了
Aw, man. I'm a knight now?
我差点就能当上经理了
I was so close to making manager.
祝你上战场顺利吧 凯莉爵士
Well, good luck down there, Sir... Kylie.
该死
Goddammit.
♪ 那是万圣节前夜 ♪