十字剑

把国王带回来 把国王带回来
Bring back the king! Bring back the king!
"总的... 来说"
"In... sum... at"?
抱歉 我已经有段时间没被允许读书了
Sorry, it's been awhile since I've been allowed to read words.
"总的... 来说... 这是.... 为了..."
"In‐in sum... mation... This is a dis... dis..."
干扰你 -我自己能行
Distraction! ‐ I can do it!
"干扰你 你在这站得越久
"Distraction. The lo... lon‐ger you stand here,
"你让国王失去保护的时间就越长
"the longer you leave your king unprotected.
"你是个傻瓜和处♥男♥"
"You're a fool and a vir‐gin."
看吧 我能阅读
See? I can read!
他已经走了
Oh, he left.
把国王带回来... -我有求必应
Bring back the king... ‐ You asked, and I shall deliver.
把国王带回来 祝他长寿... 哎
Bring back the king, and may he long live... er.
押韵很难的 我在这即兴创作呢
Rhymes are hard. I'm free‐styling up here, you know?
请看
Behold!
老爹回来了
Papa's home!
糟了
Oh no.
老国王还活着
The old king is alive!
你们的合法统治者死而复生了 捣蛋鬼们
Your rightful ruler is back from the dead, ya spoony rascals!
现在 谁想来扯一扯我的蛋蛋
Now, who wants to tug on my testes?
真是失礼了
Oh, where are my manners?
请允许我向你们介绍
May I introduce to you
我回到人♥民♥身边的幕后推手
the brainpower behind my return to the people.
我的孙女 丹妮尔
My granddaughter, Danielle.
前女友 天啊 是你前女友
Ex‐girlfriend. OMG, it's your ex‐girlfriend.
丹妮尔
Danielle!
我在马戏团里长大的 想不到吧贱♥人♥们
Raised in a circus, bitch!
国王隆重登场 惊喜吧
Ta‐da! Grand entrance! Surprise!
我怎么办 快点想想 帕特里克
What am I gonna do? Think, Patrick, think!
丹妮尔要做一段救赎者的独白
Danielle's about to do a redemptive monologue,
也就是说我还有45秒想出计划
which means you have, like, 45 seconds to make a plan.
没错 十二年前
That's right! Twelve years ago,
他们说老国王死于瘟疫了
they said the old king died in a plague,
但其实没有
but he didn't die in anything.
他们只是把这老家伙关了起来
They just locked his old ass up!
抱歉了 爷爷
Sorry, Grandpa.
什么 你是谁
What? Who are you?
我看到你穿过活板门了 这些都不是魔术
I saw you go through the trap door. None of this is magic.
这要怪谁呢 梅里曼国王
And who's to blame? King Merriman.
梅里曼伪造了正统国王的死
Merriman, who faked the rightful king's death,
这样他就能冷酷无情地夺取王位
so he could callously take the throne for himself.
梅里曼在地下发现了无尽的财富
Merriman, who found untold riches underground
他与谁分享了呢 没人
and shared them with whom? Nobody!
你们觉得自己有钱吗
Do you feel rich?
不 我不觉得
No! I don't feel rich!
天啊 你能给别人一个爆发的机会吗
Jeez, would you give someone else a chance to outburst?
好吧...
Alright...
警卫 把我儿媳抓起来
Guards, arrest my daughter‐in‐law!
她全程都参与了
She was in on it the whole time!
你真差劲 我说你真差劲
Boo! Boo, I say!
你真烂
You suck!
随你们怎么嘘我
Oh, boo me all you want!
我的心已经死了 我感觉不到羞耻
My heart is a pickle! I can't feel shame!
帕特里克 你不该下来这儿的
Patrick, you're not supposed to be down here.
但我不会不管你的 陛下
But I won't leave you, Sire!
出去 你个平民
Get out, you civilian!
你要毁掉魔术了
Ooh, you're gonna ruin the trick!
陛下 这个魔术其实是老国王回归
Your Majesty, the trick is that the old king is back,
整个王国都知道你干的事了
and the entire kingdom knows what you did.
我得把你救出去
We need to get you out of here.
不行 我宁愿死也不把王位让给那个老木乃伊
Oh, no. I'll die before I give up the throne to that old mummy.
有200名武装警卫准备好当众谋杀你了
There are 200 armed guards ready to murder you on sight!
这是要吓我吗
Is that supposed to scare me?
我确实被吓到了 我们溜吧
Because it does. Let's roll.
在舞台下面 -他们找到我们了
Under the stage! ‐ They found us!
我让你失望了 陛下
I failed you, Sire.
你没完全失败 只是有瑕疵
Eh. You're no failure. Just flawed.
瑕疵
Flawed!
果然有用
It'll do.
我马上回来 我看到了个老朋友
Be right back. I see an old friend.
为什么
Oh, why!
陛下 给你
Here you go, sir.
第一口棉花糖 都是你的
The first taste of cotton candy, all for you.
挺好
Well, that's all well and good,
但你刚才是把一个9岁小男孩打晕了吗
but did you just beat a 9‐year‐old boy unconscious?
我们还是接着跑吧
We better keep moving.
我们将进行一些变革
There's going to be some changes around here.
好了 各位 他讲完话后
Okay, guys, when he finishes talking,
我们就惊艳亮相 创造历史吧
we roll in with our show‐stopper and make history.
我要坐副驾
Shotgun!
没位置了 混♥蛋♥
There's no room, fuckface.
我的弄臣呢
Say, where's my jester?
笨笨死了
Bungles is dead?
那谁来让我笑到肚子痛呢
Well, who's gonna make my tummy jiggle?
我要求更换一个弄臣
I demand a replacement jester.
弄臣 这正是我们训练的目的
Jester? That's what we trained for!
这是所有小丑的梦想
It's every clown's dream!
你在干什么
Hey! What are you doing?
抱歉 没位置了 混♥蛋♥
Sorry, there's no room, fuckface!
新的弄臣为您效劳
Replacement jester at your service!
去矿井
To the mines!
好主意
Wonderful idea!
除非你想用宝石贿赂他们 解决此事
Unless you're thinking of using the gems to bribe our way out of this
那些宝石被诅咒了 帕特里克
because those gems are cursed, Patrick,
我们还答应过拿的够用就行 所以想都别想
and we promised to only take what we need, so don't even think about it.
陛下 我知道你把所有宝石都拿了
Sire, I know you took all the gems!
天啊 我被打得好惨
Christ! I'm getting tea‐bagged left and right here!
好吧 我们得去个没人认识我们的地方
Okay. We need to go somewhere no one will recognize us.
不 帕特里克
No, Patrick.
不是我们 我需要你回到城♥堡♥
Not we. I need you back at the castle.
我需要有人保护我的图丽普和花花
Someone needs to watch over my Tulip and my Petal.
我不会让你失望的 陛下
I won't let you down, Sire.
你可能会的
You probably will.
好吧 我要去消失在田野里了
Okay. Well, I'm off to disappear into the countryside,
与普通百姓融为一体
become one with the common folk.
也许我还会追随加入马戏团的梦想
Maybe I'll even follow my dream of joining the circus!
你知道马戏团来镇上了吗
Did you know the circus is in town?
这不是个好主意 陛下
That's a bad idea, Your Majesty.
总之 我走了
Well, anyway, I'm off.
但在我走之前 该尝第一口了
But, before I go, time to take that first taste.
跟我一起吧 帕特里克
Share this with me, Patrick.
跟老朋友一起分享马戏团美食
Share a circus treat with an old friend.
这是我的荣幸 陛下
I'd be honored, Sire.
这真是... 太恶心了
This is... disgusting!
永别了 帕特里克
Goodbye forever, Patrick.
我绝不会忘记您的 陛下
I'll never forget you, Your Majesty.