十字剑

因为我今晚最不需要的就是
Because the last thing I need tonight
把婚礼蛋糕扔进吊扇里
is to throw a wedding cake into a ceiling fan!
好吗 -你好像经历过啊
Okay? ‐ Sounds like there's a story there.
你只需要知道 我还有个自我叫"派对狂帕特里克"
All you need to know is that I have an alter ego named Party Patrick,
以及我堂姐斯蒂芬妮跟我绝交了
and that my cousin Stephanie doesn't talk to me anymore.
那就祝你成功地用冰水和柠檬片来一口闷吧
Well, good luck playing beer pong with ice water and a lemon wedge.
骑士喜欢有魄力的行动
Knights respond to alpha behavior.
如果不喝酒
If booze is out,
你就需要女人像性感的苍蝇一样围着你
you need women swarming you like sexy flies on sexy‐ass shit.
我真不是这个料 -去吧
I'm not really swarm material. ‐ There.
去跟那只脱离羊群的羊搭讪吧
Go chat up that sheep who strayed from the flock.
好吧
Okay.
羊毛羊意和我跳舞呢
Wool ewe[Would you] dance with me?
懂吗 羊毛 母羊
Get it? Wool? Ewe, E‐W‐E?
关于绵羊的双关语 因为你是只绵羊
They're sheep puns. Because you're a sheep.
我显然是一朵性感的云
I'm obviously a sexy cloud.
这套戏服真的很不错
That's a really good costume.
太差劲了
That was terrible!
今年该挑战"恐怖"级别了
This is the year for scary.
陛下 你去年往里走了10步就晕了
Your Majesty, last year, you blacked out 10 steps inside
还做了一个月的噩梦
and had night terrors for a month.
才不是噩梦 我房♥间角落里有个
They weren't night terrors. There was an inside‐out man
里外翻转的男人 而且我动弹不得
in the corner of my room, and I couldn't move!
我们先从"婴孩"级别开始吧
Let's start at "Babies",
顺利的话 我们再挑战"恐怖"级别
and if it goes well, we can move to "Scary".
我是宝石之王
I'm the king of the gems!
上帝让我成为最勇敢的人 我就要进去
God made me the bravest, and I'm going in!
我就知道他会这样
I knew he'd do that.
所以我才让你调换了标牌 对吧 凯莉
That's why we switched the signs, right, Kylie?
我早些时候吸了一堆白粉
I crushed a bunch of edibles earlier,
我都不知道你是不是真的
and I don't know if you're real.
你并没有调换它们是吧
You didn't switch them, did you?
把戏服脱下来 -为什么
Take off those costumes! ‐ Why?
因为你害怕血腥唐娜
'Cause you're scared of Bloody Donna?
我才不怕 她都不是真的
I am not! She's not even real!
那就证明一下
Then prove it.
对着镜子说三次
Look in the mirror and say "Bloody Donna"
"血腥唐娜"
three times.
你对着镜子说三次
You look in the mirror and say
"我身上没有卷心菜的味道 而且别人
"I don't smell like cabbage, and people really like me"
真的喜欢我"
three times!
我就知道 胆小鬼
That's what I thought. Too chicken.
我他妈才不是胆小鬼
I'm not a fucking chicken!
血腥唐娜 血腥唐娜 血腥唐娜
Bloody Donna, Bloody Donna, Bloody Donna!
我就知道不会发生任何事
I knew nothing would happen.
我要去炒了这些白♥痴♥ 天哪...
I'm gonna go fire those twats. Ow! God...
什么鬼
What the shit?
我进到镜子里了
Am I in a mirror?
等下 如果我在里面...
Wait, if I'm in here...
我自♥由♥了
I'm free!
是时候开荤了
Time to get my bean flicked!
回来 你个死贱♥人♥
Get back here, you dead bitch!
真棒 我在镜子后面能看到所有事
Hell yeah! I can see everything from behind these mirrors.
我们离开花花公主的房♥间后 我就没见到她了
I haven't seen Princess Blossom since we left her room.
她们在担心我
They're worried about me.
我好担心...
I've been so worried...
她会出现... 然后毁了我们的夜晚
that she'll show up and... ruin our night.
艾薇 真高兴我们终于能有一些...
Ivy, I'm so glad we're finally getting some...
独处的时间 -我也是
alone time. ‐ Me, too.
两周年纪念日快乐
Happy two‐year anniversary.
她们竟然背着我偷偷搞拉拉
I can't believe they've been secret lesbians without me!
镜子让我成了全视的神
The mirror makes me an all‐seeing god!
我还应该监视谁
Who else should I spy on?
我凭什么觉得自己能做骑士
Why did I ever think I could be a knight?
我连在派对上跟他们玩都做不到
I can't even hang with them at a party.
你应该召唤你说的"派对狂帕特里克"了
You should bring out that Party Patrick guy you were talking about.
吊扇里的蛋糕可能会让人印象深刻呢
A cake in a ceiling fan might make an impression.
派对狂帕特里克绝对不行
Party Patrick is off limits!
花花
Blossom!
天啊 你的脑袋里充满了焦虑
Jesus. Your mind is a cesspool of anxiety.
你能读心 -做鬼的好处之一
You read my thoughts. ‐ Part of being a ghost,
就像能敲打铁链和闻到月经的味道一样
just like rattling chains and smelling menses.
帕特里克 在我看来 你得活得轻松点
But Patrick, from what I saw, you need to live a little, man,
这是来自一个死人的忠告
and this is coming from a dead guy.
我刚在跟其他骑士说起你
I was just telling the other knights about you.
是吗 -是的 做一下那些猴子
Really? ‐ Yes! Make that face you made
对着你打飞机时你的表情
when those monkeys jizzed all over you!
就是这样
That's the one!
抓住了
Catch!
犯规了 再来一瓶
Oh, party foul! Here you go!
拿到了...
Got it...
没事 反正我也不喝酒
It's okay. I don't drink anyway.
你这样我们很难跟你一起玩
You're making it very hard to hang out with you.
你得活得轻松点
You need to live a little, man,
这是来自一个死人的忠告...
and this is coming from a dead guy...
斯泰尔斯爵士 能和你喝酒将是我的荣幸
Sir Styles, it would be an honor to have a drink with you.
燥起来吧
Let's get fucked up!
哥们 你不是该去看下花花吗
Hey, bud, aren't you supposed to be checking on Blossom?
帕特里克
Patrick?
帕特里克不在这了
Patrick isn't here anymore.
叫我... 派对狂帕特里克
Ksh‐ah... Call me... Party Patrick!
不许跳出来吓人
No jump scares!
这是我的工作 陛下
It's my job, Your Majesty!
那你♥他♥妈♥被炒了
Well, you're fucking fired.
派对狂帕特里克
Party Patrick!
如果我们搞在一起 是不是就是三人行了
Hey! If we hookup, does that make it a threesome?
你在干什么
What are you doing?!
别挡着我
Stop Broth‐blocking me!
我现在很风流的
This one puts out.
是我 AJ王子
It's me, Prince AJ!
我爸是床垫大王 所以他们叫我拉风王子
My dad's the Mattress King, so they call me out the Pullout Prince.
这在床品零售业之外毫无意义
It makes no sense outside the context of retail bedding.
你们看见我未婚妻花花公主了吗
Have you seen my fiancé, Princess Blossom?
有人给你吹♥箫♥吗
You got any blow?
天哪 帕特里克
Jesus, Patrick.
不
Nope!
她还跟我在一起 怎么能跟你订婚呢
How could she be engaged to you when she's still with me?
你都不是活人
You're not even alive!
她就是我跳动的心
She was my beating heart!
她是我床垫大王的王后
She was the queen to my king mattress!
我现在单身了
I'm single now!
我得逃出这里
I gotta get outta here!
太爽了...
Oh yeah...
帕特里克 看你干的好事
Patrick! Look what you did?
你本该看好我 现在我被困在镜子里了
You were supposed to be watching me, and now I'm trapped in a mirror!
等下 你在干什么
Wait, what are you doing?
和这位婴儿工厂一起吸白粉
Bumping rails of coke with this baby factory.
安静点 你这多嘴的镜子
Quiet, you mouthy mirror.
我的白粉 那位性感孕妈去哪了
Hey, my coke! And where's preggo en fuego?
她早走了 而且这也不是白粉
She left hours ago, and that's not cocaine.
这是你耍杂技时摔的玻璃球里的雪花
It's the inside of a snow globe you broke after you tried to juggle.
你得去睡觉了
You need to go to bed.
你才要去睡觉了 去地狱里睡吧
You need to go to bed! In Hell!
回来 把我放出来 有人吗
Get back here, and get me out! Hello?
我要把你们都炒了
I will fire everyone!
人盾 救我
Human Shield! Help me!
我说了三次血腥唐娜
I said Bloody Donna three times,
然后被困在镜子里了
and now I'm trapped in the mirror!
我♥操♥ 这是真的
Holy shit! It's real?
当然他妈的是真的 我该怎么出来
Yeah, it's fucking real! How am I supposed to get outta here?