十字剑

十字剑
第二季 第 10 集
帕特里克沮丧地看着洞口
Patrick looked into the hole with dismay.
霍顿被地面吞噬后 再也没人看见过他...
After the ground ate Holden, nobody saw him ever...
布罗斯 别读旁白了
Broth! Stop narrating!
又来 好吧 我不读了
Again. Okay! I'll stop!
布罗斯发誓 然后对巴瑞眨了眨眼
Broth promised, turning to Barry and winking.
布罗斯是所有人最喜欢的角色 -布罗斯
Broth was everyone's favorite character. - Broth!
操操操
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
花花公主
Princess Blossom!
放开我 隧♥道♥垃圾
Get off of me, tunnel trash!
用点劲儿
Put your back into it!
天啊
Oh god!
我♥干♥的所有坏事终于遭报应了
This is it! All my chickens are coming home to roost!
[这句谚语原意是"我的鸡都要回家休息了
它显然不是鸡 帕特里克
It's clearly not a chicken, Patrick.
鸡不会让我狠狠拉裤子
Chickens don't make me shit down both pant legs!
我是说这都是我的错
I mean it's my fault!
精灵警告过我 不要拿被诅咒的宝石
The leprechaun warned me not to take the cursed gems.
精灵 我都忘了还有这事了
Leprechaun? I forgot we even did that.
我们的经历真丰富
We have a lot of adventures.
滚开
Fuck off!
别光站着说什么鸡和精灵了
Stop standing around talking about chickens and leprechauns
来帮我♥干♥掉这个怪物
and help me curb stomp this freak!
它在那里 我数到三 一...
It's over here. On the count of three. One...
二... 打它
Two... Whack!
公主 它已经死了
Uh, Princess? It's dead.
等等我
Wait for me!
兰迪 你看到了吧
Look at me now, Randy!
我有一座大城♥堡♥ 你只有小城♥堡♥
I've got a big castle, and you've got a little castle
因为你是个可悲的小人
'cause you're a sad little man!
是谁
Who's there?
陛下 我是帕特里克 我们有个大问题
It's Patrick, sire! And we have a major problem!
哪位"陛下 我是帕特里克 我们有个大问题"
"It's Patrick, sire, and we have a major problem" who?
地下有鼹鼠人
There are mole people underground,
它们要来把我们都杀了
and they're coming to kill us all!
这只是一首新奇的流行歌♥曲
That's just a popular novelty song.
这才是真正的大问题
Here's the real major problem.
我是个喝醉了的小宝宝 我想吃披萨
I'm a drunk widdle baby, and baby needs pizza.
但我们现在都有危险
But, we're all in danger!
不 你有惹怒这个喝醉的小宝宝的危险
No, you're in danger of making this drunk baby very angry.
快给我点个披萨
Now, order me up some 'za.
萨...
'Za...
这就对了
Ah, yes. That's right.
再点份蒜香面包
Add an order of garlic knots!
国王不听我的
The king won't listen.
我们得直接去找骑士
We need to go straight to the knights.
是的 他们见识广 经历丰富
Yeah. Those knights have seen it all,
还带回了限制级纪念品雪花球作为证明
done it all, and brought home the X‐rated souvenir snow globe to prove it.
对吧 布拉米什爵士对排水系统了如指掌
Right? Sir Blemish has an encyclopedic knowledge of drainage systems.
斯泰尔斯爵士还教我们对抗凶残的森林动物
And Sir Styles taught us to fight murderous woodland creatures.
我不太认识其他人 但他们好像经常健身
I don't know the others very well, but they seem to work out a lot!
把你的糖果给我 纸糊的基弗
Gimme your candy, papier‐mâché Keefer!
等下 我的木槌开始嗜血了
Wait up! My mallet has a taste for blood,
它还想要更多血
and it's thirsty for more!
你是我点的披萨吗
Are you my pizza?
是的 我是皮特 陛下
Yes! I'm Pete, sir!
我才不要继续这段对话 绝对不会
I'm not getting sucked into that conversation. Oh no.
我知道谁能帮到我
I know who will help me.
亲爱的上帝 我是梅里曼 如果我的披萨在楼下
Dear God, it's me, Merriman. If my pizza is downstairs,
请闪电一次 如果它不在楼下
flash lightning once. If my pizza is not downstairs,
请闪电两次
flash twice.
什么...
What the...
我还想睡觉呢
I'm trying to sleep!
什么...
What the...
去你♥妈♥的♥ 兰迪
Fuck you, Randy!
你待在这儿 我进去
You stay out here, I'll go in.
为什么 你要跟你妈打招呼吗
Why? So you can say hi to your mom?
说得好 -很棒
Got it! ‐ Very nice.
我不喜欢你俩加深感情的方式
I don't love the way you two are bonding.
他们的咖啡最好喝了
They had the best coffee.
你还活着
You're alive!
他们的牛角包最好吃了
They had the best croissants.
梅里曼 怎么了
Merriman! What's going on?
宝贝 我不太喜欢你的新内衣
Honey, I‐I'm not a fan of the new lingerie.
它太尖锐了
It's very pointy.
这块地方不可以碰
That's my no‐no area.
这是什么奇怪的性癖吗 我不反感
Is this a weird sex thing? I don't hate it.
现在你又能接受奇怪的性癖了
Oh, so now, you're open to doing weird sex things.
天啊
Oh my!
我爸妈正在地下
My parents are down there somewhere,
被鼹鼠吸光了血
getting their blood sucked out by moles!
这是你的报应 -天哪
That's karma for you. ‐ Oh god.
你说得对 要不是我拿走了被诅咒的宝石
You're right! None of this would be happening
这一切都不会发生
if I hadn't taken those cursed gems.
被诅咒的宝石
Cursed gems?
是国王遭到了报应
It's karma biting the king in the ass!
梅里曼毫无计划地挖了数千米的隧♥道♥
Merriman drilled miles of tunnels with no plan,
而现在 天坑正在吞噬眼前的一切
and now sinkholes are swallowing up everything in sight.
这个结论非常科学合理
That is a sane and reasonable conclusion,
但恐怕真♥相♥会让你们不寒而栗
but I'm afraid the truth will chill you to the bone.
是鼹鼠人
It was mole people!
人... 人... 人...
People... people... people...
鼹鼠人
Mole people!
那这到底
And‐and what exactly is
是什么呢
a mole people?
这就是鼹鼠人
This is a mole people.
妈的
Shit.
这就是鼹鼠人
This is a mole people!
真有趣
Ooh, that's fun!
公主 回来
Princess! Get back!
很糟糕吗
How bad is it?
来个人杀了我吧
Oh, someone just kill me!
轻点儿 轻点儿
Bit tender. Bit tender.
对抗地下那些东西简直是自杀
Fighting those things underground would be suicidal.
我们要淹死他们
We're gonna flood the sons of bitches.
听着不错 -非常不错
That sounds cool. ‐ Hella cool.
我们炸毁大坝 地下的所有东西
We'll blow up the dam, and anything underground
就等着被整条国王镇河淹没吧
can butt‐chug the entire Kingstown River.
那我爸妈怎么办
What about my mom and dad?
公主说得对 他们可能还活着呢
The princess is right. They could still be alive.
在采取这么激进的行动前
Shouldn't we be making every effort to find them
我们不该尽力寻找他们吗
before we do something so drastic?
我曾目睹国王打架输给了一把贵妃椅
I once saw the king lose a fight to a chaise lounge
据他所说 "它在嘲笑他"
that was, quote, "making fun of him."
他们不可能还活着
There's no chance they're alive!
炸毁大坝就能解决问题
Blowing the dam solves the problem.
它解决不了我的问题
Well, it doesn't solve my problem.
我爸妈不在了 就由我掌权
With Mom and Dad gone, I'm in charge,
我命令你们这些娘炮下去找他们
so I command you pussies to go down there and find them!
殿下 你还太小 也不够性感 指挥不了我们
Your Highness, you're not old enough or hot enough to tell us what to do.
在任命摄政王之前 由军队掌权
The military's in charge until a regent is named.
那我就自己下去
Then I'm going down there myself!
我希望我死掉
And I hope I get killed,
这样大家就知道 卑鄙的骑士们不肯跟我一起了
so everyone knows that my shitty knights wouldn't go with me.
殿下 别傻了
Your Highness, don't be foolish.
她才不傻
She's not being foolish. Huh?
这是我们王国有史以来最严重的危机
This is the worst crisis to ever hit our kingdom,
我一直在等你们像我从小读到的骑士那样挺身而出
and I keep waiting for you to act like the knights I grew up reading about.
故事书瞎扯的
Storybook bullshit!
你们当中就没有一个英雄吗
Is there not one hero among you?
你能别嚷嚷英雄了吗