十字剑

你明天去施粥铺报到 负责削皮
Report to the soup kitchen tomorrow for peeling duty.
你的故事太有趣了
Your stories are fascinating!
一点都不无聊
Not at all boring.
再给我讲讲你的斯卡乐队
Tell me more about this ska band.
是啊 在斯坎基·汉克没退出前
Yeah, it was great
一切都还很好
before Skanky Hank bailed.
我们差点就能签公♥司♥了 天啊
We were almost signed, man.
你只要再想象一下 闭上眼
You just need to do some visualization. Close your eyes.
想象你在签合约
Now, imagine signing the contract.
斯坎基·汉克不在 他刚得了梅毒
Skanky Hank isn't there. He just got syphilis.
金额后面那么多零都是你的吗
Are all those zeros for you?
是的 没错
Yes, yes! They are!
换我就不会签这份合约
I wouldn't sign that contract yet.
什么鬼
Ow! What the hell?
图丽普 把你关在这地牢里显然太危险了
Tulip, you are obviously too dangerous to keep in this dungeon.
不要啊 看在上帝的份上
Oh no, for the love of Christ!
别把我关进另一个地牢
Don't put me in the other dungeon!
你的性♥爱♥地牢 绝不可能
Your sex dungeon? Oh no, that would be impossible.
我要把它变成儿童扫盲中心
I'm having it converted into a children's literacy center.
不要 识字的孩子顶嘴更厉害了
No! Literate children talk back twice as hard!
你将被流放到一个中档的海岛度假村
You will be exiled to a mid‐range island resort.
三星半 仍在改造中
Three and a half out of five stars. Still under remodel.
中档比差劲还要更糟糕
The mediocrity is worse than if it were just bad!
天啊 你太戏精了
My god, you're so dramatic.
要去热带岛屿 我现在就收东西
Tropical island? I'll pack my things.
不 我没让你去
Oh no. You're not going.
不不 我有个更合适的惩罚给你
No, no. I have a much more suitable punishment for you.
你要杀了我
You're gonna kill me?
去你♥妈♥的♥ 贱♥人♥ 我要揍死你
Fuck! You! I'll shank you, bitch!
阿提卡 阿提卡
Attica! Attica!
不 我不会杀了你
Oh no, I'm not going to kill you.
我要让你生不如死
Some fates are worse than death.
花花
Oh, Blossom!
帕特里克
Patrick!
帕特里克 我是梅里曼国王呀
Patrick, hey. It's the king. Merriman.
我们以前一起工作 还记得吗
We used to work together, remember?
我戴着王冠 -你来干什么
I wore this. ‐ What are you doing?
你是王国里的头号♥通缉犯
You're the most wanted man in the kingdom!
如果你被人看到 我们都得死
If anyone sees you here, we're both dead.
没听到你的"帕特里克拯救世界"计划前 我不能走
I can't leave until I hear your "Patrick saves the day" scheme.
怎么所有人都觉得我有计划
Why does everyone think I have a plan for this?
别吼我 我没地方可去...
Don't yell at me. I don't have anywhere else to go...
抱歉 我真的很高兴你没事
I'm sorry. I really am glad you're okay.
你♥爸♥掌权 一切都失控了
Everything's crazy with your dad in charge.
我知道 所以我才推♥翻♥了他
Yeah! I know! That's why I overthrew him!
他竟然把69式定为唯一合法的体♥位♥
I mean, he made 69 the only legal sexual position!
就好像你一边吃雪糕 别人一边
It's like trying to eat ice cream while someone else
往你屁♥股♥里塞雪糕一样
is shoving ice cream in your butt!
这样怎么享受吃雪糕 帕特里克
You don't get to enjoy the ice cream, Patrick!
而且我饿坏了 没人肯给我吃的
And I'm starving. No one will give me food.
你需要钱去买♥♥吃的
You need money to buy food.
也没人肯给我钱
No one will give me money, either!
去找份工作 他们就会给你钱
Go get a job, so they'll give you money,
然后拿去买♥♥吃的 食物能让你恢复体力
then buy food. Food will give you energy
继续工作 赚更多钱 买♥♥更多吃的
to go back to your job to earn more money to buy more food.
这是个完美的循环
It's the perfect cycle.
只要确保留点税款给国王就行
Just make sure to save some for taxes to give to the king.
什么 我整天工作就为了把钱交给某个混♥蛋♥
What? I work all day to give my money to some asshole
就因为他投胎投得好
just because he was born to the right dad?
这个循环有缺陷 其他人知道这有多操蛋吗
This cycle is flawed! Do other people know how fucked up this all is?
不知道 你是第一个想明白的人
Nope. You're the first person to ever figure it out.
给你些食物和干净衣服
Here's some food and clean clothes.
沿着河流向南走到树林边的村庄
Follow the river south to the village by the woods.
我小时候 我们常去那儿度假
We used to vacation there when I was little.
那里是藏身的好地方
It's a good place to lay low.
替我保管好这个
Hold onto this for me.
我只信任你能照顾好他了
You're the only one I can trust to take care of him.
他 -再见了 小王冠
Him? ‐ Goodbye, Crownie.
再见 梅里曼 我会想你的
Goodbye, Merriman. I will miss you.
小王冠 别哭
Oh, Crownie. Don't cry.
♪ 你总是在我头上 ♪
♪ You've always been atop my head ♪
♪ 我会永远喜欢你 ♪
♪ And I'll adore you till I'm dead ♪
♪ 我坐在一个如此优秀之人的 ♪
♪ As I sit above the mind ♪
♪ 头脑上 ♪
♪ Of a man I find so fine ♪
♪ 只要在一起 ♪
♪ Oh, together we ♪
♪ 我们将永远是 ♪
♪ Will always be ♪
♪ 完美的 ♪
♪ Two of a ♪
♪ 一对... ♪
♪ Kind... ♪
你是怎么... 算了 快走吧
How did you... Never mind. Just go. Now.
你知道他们派谁抓你吗
You know who they're sending after you?
午夜黑暗·X爵士
Sir Midnight Darkness X.
我好怕呀...
Oh, I'm so scared...
放屁 帕特里克 我强壮如坦克
Fuck off, Patrick! I'm built like a tank.
一个流浪汉抢了我的钱
A hobo took my money.
帕特里克
Patrick!
宝贝 -你俩在这干什么
Hi, hon! ‐ What are you two doing here?
你妈听说这个破小镇新开了家餐馆
Your mother heard about a fancy new place in this shitty village.
原来 早饭和午饭中间还能有一顿饭
Turns out, there's a meal between breakfast and lunch.
它叫早午饭 而且香槟里还加了橙汁
It's called blunch, and the champagne has orange juice in it!
不可思议吧
Can you believe it?
向老的新国王致敬
All hail the new slash old king.
跟你们聊得很愉快 希望你们会走回家
Nice chat, you two. Hope you're walking home.
早午饭 早午饭
Blunch, blunch, blunch!
小兄弟 你听说王国规定了
Hey, little bro! Did you hear the kingdom instituted
强制性的周二卷饼日吗
mandatory Taco Tuesday!
我要做奶酪蘸酱
I'm making queso!
一起来吧 我们来组织
Come on by! We're hosting!
免费医疗 政♥府♥强制的家庭娱乐活动
Free healthcare, government‐enforced family fun?
也许老国王还真有自己的一套
Maybe the Old King has his shit together after all.
你好 我是帕特里克 我是来负责削皮的
Hi! I'm Patrick. I'm here for peeling duty.
我真的很高兴能在这做出贡献
I'm really excited to make a difference here.
为流浪汉削蔬菜...
You know, peeling vegetables for homeless people is...
为流浪汉削蔬菜
Vegetables for homeless people?
不 你是要削作为蔬菜的流浪汉
Nah. You've been assigned to peel vegetable homeless people.
不好意思 你说什么
I'm sorry, what?
他们需要吃饭 这是个完美的循环
The needy gotta eat. It's the perfect cycle.
你们把昏迷的流浪汉削皮
You're peeling comatose homeless people
来给其他流浪汉吃
to serve to other homeless people?
也没那么糟
It's not that bad.
如果你不去想它的话
If you don't think about it.
这根本说不通 你们为什么要削他们的皮
That doesn't make any sense! Why would you peel them?!
他们的外皮基本就是泥土
The husk is mostly dirt.
孩子 这些命令是国王直接下达的
Look, these orders are coming from the king directly, kid.
你要么好好干 要么被砍头
It's either do your job or get beheaded.
帕特里克
Hey, Patrick!
别担心 他们就跟龙虾似的
Don't worry. They're like lobsters.
我听说他们都不会有感觉
I've heard they don't feel a thing.
但他们确实会尖叫
They do scream though.
奶酪蘸酱只不过是融化的奶酪
Queso is just melted cheese!
它能让房♥子真正成为家
Queso makes a house a home!
朗姆酒
Well rum?!
它就不能定在竖直和水平之间
It won't stop between upright and totally flat.
这他妈什么鬼...
What kind of bullshit...
行吧 好极了 真好
Oh, fine! This is just fine! Fine!
去他妈的三星半度假村
Goddamn three‐and‐a‐half‐star resort!
我想向你们三个介绍
I'd love to introduce the three of you
新来的侍女
to our new lady‐in‐waiting.
进来吧 堂妹
Come on in, cousin!
欢迎花花
Welcome, Blossom.
想必你已经认识其他女孩了
I believe you already know the other girls.