十字剑

between our kingdoms after the wedding tomorrow.
我们得继续给拉米留下深刻印象
We have to keep impressing Rami!
你去酒店
Go to the hotel
确保我们的结婚礼物明天能送出去
and make sure our wedding gift is ready for tomorrow!
爸 拜托
Dad, come on.
我不想跟什么沼泽地公爵的儿子结婚
I don't want to marry some swampland duke's kid.
别嚷嚷了
Stop complaining!
你只要演到明天结束就好了
You just need to play the part until tomorrow.
在找东西呢
Looking for something?
帕特里克 别缠着我的婆家人了
Patrick, stop pestering my in‐laws.
拉米王子听起来很沮丧
Prince Rami sounded upset.
你俩没什么事吧
Is everything okay between you two?
当然 我们甜蜜着呢
Of course. We're great. Perfect.
好吧 拉米国王说什么
Well, King Rami said something about
"演到明天结束"
"playing the part until tomorrow."
听起来很严肃
It sounded serious.
你只是嫉妒我能跟王子结婚
You're just jealous I'm marrying a prince,
而你还是个侍卫
and you're still a squire.
失陪了 我得去骂一下管餐饮的人
Excuse me, I need to go yell at a caterer.
他什么都没做错 我先预防性地骂骂
He didn't do anything wrong. It's preventative.
乔纳森 你管这叫鹅肝酱
Jonathan! You call that foie gras?!
天啊 图丽普 你喝大了
Good god, Tulip. You're smashed.
是吗 好耶
I am? Hooray!
服务生 麻烦给本王后再拿点奶酪通心粉球
Garçon! This queen requires more mac and cheese balls, please.
女士 您吃第八个奶酪球了
Your eighth cheese ball, m'lady.
我还要再吃八个...
And I'll eat eight more...
凯文国王 是你吗
King Kevin? Is that you?
你怎么从国王沦落到宴会服务生了
How the hell did you go from king to cater waiter?
我现在只是普通人老凯文了
Oh, it's just plain old Kevin now.
拉米占领了我的王国
Rami conquered my kingdom.
不做这个就只能上断头台 但这也还好了
It was this or the guillotine. But, you know, it's not so bad.
除非你服务的是好战的皇室家族
Unless you're, you know, serving belligerent royals.
图丽普 如果我们没发财 可能也会这么惨
Tulip, if we hadn't struck it rich, that could've been us.
凯文国王得多丢脸啊
How embarrassing for King Kevin.
"通缉令 见到此人即刻杀掉"
"Wanted. Kill at your earliest convenience"?
了不起啊 鲁本
I'm impressed, Ruben.
有人恨你的地方比我想的还多
They hate you in more places than I thought.
你是想让我犯心脏病吗
Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
你怎么在国王的房♥间里 这又是什么
Why are you in the king's hotel room? And what the hell is that?
这是国王的结婚礼物
This is the king's wedding gift.
是他祖父在大战期间
The ancient sarcophagus Merriman's grandfather
从这个王国偷走的古老的石棺
stole from this kingdom during the Great War.
梅里曼要把它还回来
Merriman is returning it
他要我... 装点一下
and wanted me to... glam it up.
我的天...
Oh my god...
不错吧 我一会再回来
Right? I'll come back later
多加几十个水钻
to pour on just a few more dozen rhinestones.
他们可能把你搞坏了 但我会看守好你
They may have vandalized you, but I'll look after you
确保这场婚礼顺利进行
and make sure that this wedding goes smoothly.
有人点了鲁本三明治吗
Somebody order a Ruben sandwich?
帕特里克 我这个笑话很好笑吧
Hello, Patrick! Fun joke with the Ruben sandwich, right?
你有懂吗
Did you get it?
总之 我是来破坏婚礼的
Anyway, I'm here to ruin the wedding.
你不能来这儿
You can't be here.
他们贴了通缉令 上面印了你的脸
They're handing out wanted posters with your face on them.
我知道 抱歉让你看到这破玩意
I know, and I'm sorry you had to look at that bullshit.
他们把我的颧骨画得好丑
They do no justice to my cheekbones.
应该再高点 再锐利点
Higher! Sharper!
你干什么坏事了
What did you do?
我可能给王子的未婚夫
Well, let's just say I may have sent
寄了几封非常露骨的信
sexually explicit letters to the prince's fiancé.
我肯定寄了
Which is what I definitely did.
给霍顿 为什么
To Holden? Why?
一切都要从去年说起
It all started last year.
我们在米诺陶的迷宫里相遇
We met in the minotaur's labyrinth,
共度了一段美丽的浪漫时光
and shared a beautiful romantic moment.
操
Fuck!
用桃子 用桃子
Use the peach! Use it. Use the peach.
我♥操♥
Oh fuck!
我♥操♥ 太爽了
Oh, fuck, that feels good!
该死 真是痛苦而美好的回忆
Goddamn, what a painful, beautiful memory.
你说太多细节了
That was... too much information.
从那以后 我一直没法忘掉霍顿
I haven't been able to get Holden out of my head ever since.
所以我是来阻止婚礼的
So, I'm here to stop the wedding.
什么 就因为你们打了一炮
What, just because of some casual sex?
等下 你爱他吗
Wait. Do you love him?
什么 谁 那个混♥蛋♥
What? Who? That asshole?
恶心 我才不呢 操♥他♥妈♥的
Ew, gross. No! Fuck him!
还是别操♥他♥妈♥了
You know what? Don't fuck him.
他不配有人操 因为我他妈恨死他了
Nobody should fuck him 'cause I fuckin' hate him!
好吧 我爱他
Fine. I love him.
天啊 我有毛病吧
Oh, boy! What is wrong with me?
你没毛病 我懂你的感受
There is nothing wrong with you. I know how you feel.
我有时仍会想起丹妮尔...
Sometimes, I still think about Danielle and wonder...
不知道她是否也在想我
is she out there, thinking about me?
帕特里克...
Oh, Patrick...
我要杀了你
I am going to kill you.
我也爱你 丹妮尔
I love you, too, Danielle.
为什么门是锁着的
Why is this door locked?!
花花 我马上来
Blossom?! Uh, be right there!
帕特里克 你知道我爸妈已经安排我
Patrick! Did you know my parents already arranged my marriage
嫁给某个白♥痴♥王子吗 那基弗怎么办
to some butt‐pimple prince? I mean, like, what about Keefer?
花花 每个少女都会经历鬼男友阶段
Blossom, every teenage girl has her ghost phase.
他是我的一生挚爱
He's the love of my life!
天啊
God!
我知道与爱人分开很难受
I know being separated from your loved one is hard.
我自己有时看着月亮...
I myself look out at the moon...
是是是 月不月亮 彩不彩虹
Yeah, moon‐shmoon, rainbows and sharts.
我只是进来拿钱去看脱衣舞
I just came in to grab some bills to hit up the strip club.
谢谢你没帮上忙 帕特里克
Thanks for nothing, Patrick.
我在里面没法呼吸
I couldn't breathe in there!
而且这木乃伊还死后勃起了
And the mummy has a death boner!
你从哪弄来的金龟子项链
Where'd you get that scarab necklace?
什么是金龟子 -像甲壳虫的昆虫
What's a scarab? ‐ It's like a beetle.
那你说甲壳虫就好了 装逼
Then just say beetle. Pretentious.
这条项链 我一直都戴着
This? I've always had this.
这是我标志性的金龟子项链
It's my signature scarab necklace!
但我们关注点错了 要怎么阻止这场婚礼
But we're focusing on the wrong thing. How do we stop this wedding?!
我受命确保这场婚礼顺利进行
Look, I was ordered to make sure the wedding goes smoothly,
而且不能失败
and I cannot fail.
向我保证你会远离大家的视线
Promise me you'll stay out of sight.
宝贝 我总是来无影去无踪
Baby, I'm always out of sight.
鲁本溜了
Ruben away!
好极了
Bravo! Bravo!
吃屁吧
Eat my fart!
操
Fuck!
鲁本
Ruben!
拜托
Come on!
操... -帕特里克 你不该摸他们的
Ah, fuck... ‐ Patrick, you're not supposed to touch them.
这是谁
Who was that?
只是个想冒充脱衣舞男的废柴
Ah, just some desperate loser trying to pass as a stripper.
他长得很像... 我认识的人
Well, he looked like... someone I knew.
随便了 我回去找我未婚夫了
Oh well. Back to my fiancé.
要不我还是回去睡觉吧
Or maybe, I'll just go back to bed.
好了 布拉尼
Okay, Blarney,
我把所有作弊手段都教你了
I taught you everything I know about cheating.
快进去给我们把大奖赢回来吧
Now, just go in there and win us that jackpot.
绝对万无一失
It's foolproof.
我喜欢执行
I love when something is described
这种被称为万无一失的计划
as foolproof, and then it's handed to me.
给你入场费 去吧