十字剑

人盾 给我让开
Get out of the way, Human Shield!
她是个人 不是工作说明
Hey! She's a person, not a job description.
从今以后 "人盾"将被称为"人类"
Henceforth, Human Shield will be known as Human Being.
我叫梅雷迪思
My name's Meredith.
没人在乎
No one cares.
花花 我给你创造了个新岗位
Now, I've created a new job for you, Blossom.
"士气促进者"
"Morale facilitator".
我他妈是啦啦队员
I'm a fucking cheerleader?
我们练习下吧 花花 夸一下
Let's practice, shall we? Blossom, say something nice
人类的新花冠
about Human Being's new flower crown.
它看起来不像一坨屎
It doesn't look like fat shit.
你肯定还能做得更好
Surely, you can do better than that.
快亲嘴
Kiss each other!
不 停下 没这个必要
No! Stop. That won't be necessary.
你说得对 杀了对方
You're right. Kill each other!
在角斗场里
In the gladiator pit!
丹妮尔
Danielle!
你派我去削流浪汉的皮
You sent me to peel homeless people?!
你们先退下吧
That'll be all for now.
把穷♥人♥当做食物剁碎
Chopping up poor people as food
你不觉得这很变♥态♥吗
doesn't strike you as psychotic?
老国王的原计划比这恐怖多了
Well, the Old King's original plan was way more horrifying!
我可是在遏制他最糟糕的本能
I'm softening that man's worst instincts.
你知道梅里曼会更适合我们王国
You know Merriman would be better for this kingdom!
我才更适合 但我没法取代老国王
I'd be better for the kingdom, but I can't replace the Old King
除非梅里曼被关起来或杀掉
until Merriman is locked up or dead!
而你能帮我
Which you. Could. Help. With.
但你却一直抱怨个不停 来人
But you're being a total little bitch about it. Oi!
我命令你把梅里曼抓回来
Your order is to bring me Merriman.
要死的还是活的
Dead or alive?
给我惊喜吧
Surprise me.
行吧 我得去自♥慰♥了
Right. I've gotta go jill off.
我俩之间的性张力让我快疯了
This sexual tension between us is killing me.
天啊 我要真像他们想的那样有计划就好了
Man, I wish I had one of those plans everyone thinks I have.
也许我的计划就是毁了那个人的计划
Maybe my plan is ruining that guy's plan.
等下 那句话怎么说来着
Wait, what's that saying?
"你给一个人一些牛肉干 他只能吃一天
"You give a man some jerky, he eats for a day.
用牛肉干来钓鱼 他就能吃一辈子"
Use that jerky to fish, and he eats for a lifetime!"
这真是一堆废话
Well, that was a load of bullshit.
我还是好饿
Oh, I'm still hungry.
如果森林能养活一个人就好了
If only the woods could sustain a person.
走开 害兽
Get‐get outta here! Shoo! Vermin!
有了 我可以用这个蘑菇来抓鱼
Sustenance! I can use this mushroom to catch a fish!
不 我刚就犯了这种错误
No! That's where I went wrong before.
太好了 我开始适应了
Oh, ho! I'm adapting!
好恶心 我舔一下这只蟾蜍
That's gross. Blech. I'll just chase it
来中和一下吧
by licking this toad.
好了
There we go.
接下来应该完全正常了
Now, the rest of day should be perfectly normal.
那边那个巨大的树桩 你在招人吗
You! Giant stump. Are you hiring?
我需要食物和税金
I need food plus tax money.
这不太妙...
This isn't good...
不好意思
Excuse me!
你有看到一个人经过这吗
Have you seen a man come through here?
一个人
A man?
小伙 你能说的详细点吗
Can you get a bit more specific, lad?
我今天只有一个访客
I only had one visitor today.
穿着黑色盔甲 高两米一
Black armor, about six‐foot‐twelve,
脑袋像巨石 灵魂像午夜一样黑暗
head like a boulder, and soul dark as night.
这比"一个人"有用多了吧
See how much more helpful that was than just "a man"?
确实
Yes. I do.
他就在你身后
Well, he's right behind you.
近看你甚至更大块头了
You're even bigger close‐up.
每个人都是
Everyone's bigger close‐up.
丹妮尔公主说
So, Princess Danielle said
让我今天跟着你执行任务
I should tag along on your mission today.
她觉得我可能能学到些东西
She thought I might learn something.
我也想成为骑士 就像你一样
I wanna be a knight, you know, just like you.
我们死得早 但福利相当不错
We die young, but benefits are pretty good.
你看到什么了吗 我感觉是泥土
You see something? It looks like mud to me.
泥土能算线索吗
Is mud a clue?
他一小时前往这边走了
He went this way, one hour ago.
你怎么知道的
How do you know that?
你可以通过脚印的深浅来判断
You can tell by the depth of the footprints.
而且 他留下了字迹
Also, he left that.
你真有智慧 美丽的虫子
You are so wise, fancy worm!
你了解宇宙的奥秘吗
Do you know the secret of the universe?
在这场壮丽的生命芭蕾舞中 我们都是一体的
Hey, man, we are all one in this majestic ballet of life.
生命... 生命... 生命...
Life... life... life... life... life...
这是我在这场舞蹈中的位置
This is my place in the dance.
你知道自己的位置吗
Do you know your place in the dance?
这是...
It's...
我♥操♥
Holy fucking fuck!
哥们 没事的
This is fine, man.
这不过是自然循环的一部分 即使它切断了
A natural part of the cycle, even as it severs
我脆弱的蝴蝶脊柱
my delicate butterfly spine.
不要
Oh no!
不 我不喜欢
No, I don't like it!
不 我不喜欢
No, I don... I don't like it!
马克 我还是不懂为何非得来夫妻静修会
I still don't see why a couple's retreat is necessary, Mark.
我们不是才来过吗 -可你迟到了
We just did one! ‐ You were late,
我一个人搞完了全程 卡洛尔
and I did the whole thing myself, Coral!
反正我现在来了
Well, I'm here now.
但你心不在焉的
But you're not really present!
我们就不能暂时放下海盗女王和会计师的身份
Can't we just put aside our roles as pirate queen and CPA,
在这周末单纯地做女人和男人吗
and just be woman and man for a single weekend?
行吧 我会全神贯注的
Fine. You have my undivided attention.
救命 -谢天谢地
Help! ‐ Oh, thank God.
图丽普 是你吗
Tulip, is that you?
怎么了 -卡洛尔 太好了
What's wrong? ‐ Oh, Coral! Thank goodness.
快看 这寿司是用人造蟹肉做的
Look! This sushi's made with imitation crab!
这真是太次了
Wow, this feels like a new low.
你来干什么
What are you doing here?
这不重要
Oh, it doesn't matter.
我要被这名为平庸的沉重的毯子压垮了
I'm going to die crushed by a weighted blanket of averageness.
我就是这么说马克的
Hey, hey! That's what I call Mark.
要不我们来试着让你开心点
Why don't we try and cheer you up?
我是全世界的海盗女王
I'm the pirate queen of the world!
我这次绝对要跟她分手
I'm definitely gonna break up with her this time.
也许吧
Probably.
所以总的来说 我想成为帮助他人的骑士
So, basically, I wanna be a knight to help people.
但我可能从没想过得服侍一个
But I guess I never thought about having to serve under a king
这么难以捉摸的国王 你为什么想做骑士
that's so... unpredictable? Why did you wanna be a knight?
我想要兄弟 而骑士是胜过血缘的纽带
I wanted brothers, and knighthood is a bond thicker than blood.
你现在是侍卫 但你将来会成为骑士的
You are a squire now, but one day, you will be a knight.
所以我们是一家人了
That makes us family.
什么鬼
What the hell?
我的天
Oh my god!
没错 这是一条鸡鸡嘴毒蛇
Yup. That's a dickmouth viper.
它的毒液会让你的鸡鸡外翻
The venom turns your dick inside out,
然后让它穿过你的身体 最后从你嘴里蹦出来
then makes it tunnel up through your body and pop out of your mouth.
你救了我的命
Wow! You saved me!
骑士的首要原则 永远要相互保护
The number one rule of knighthood, always protect each other.
他就在附近了
He's close.
陛下 快跑 午夜黑暗·X爵士来了
Sire, run! It's Sir Midnight Darkness X!
X...
X... X... X...
你危险了 快跑
You're in danger! Run!
别对我说教
Don't you lecture me,
你这小兔子 我要戳你的鼻子
you little bunny! I'm gonna boop your nose!
你嗑嗨了吗 怎么偏偏是今天
Are you high? Not today, man!