十字剑

给蜜蜂让让路
Make way for the bees!
你好 你是那个发明家吗
Hi. Are you the inventor?
就是我 宽面条·达·芬奇
That'sa me! Fettuccine da Vinci!
跟莱昂纳多·达·芬奇一样吗
Like Leonardo da Vinci?
不 我才不像那个画肖像的长头发的混♥蛋♥
No! Nothing like the portrait‐painting, long‐haired fucking hacka.
行吧
Alright then.
谁派你来的 我爸吗
Who sent you? My dad?
你跟他说 我跟我堂兄弟一样成功
You tell him I'ma just as successful as his brother's son!
而且再说了 这也不是比赛
And while we're at it, it's not a competition.
不 我在为图丽普王后执行非常重要的任务
No! I'm on a very important quest for Queen Tulip.
找个能做出这个装置的发明家
Looking for an inventor who can build this.
她的预算是多少
Did she have a budget in mind?
王后说钱不是问题
The queen said money is no object.
那就一万亿吧
Then it shall costa one trillion dollars!
不超过两百
No more than 200.
好吧 两百也能做
Wella, we can makea that work, too.
给我一周 我会建个王后没法下来的玩具
Give me a week, and I'll build a ride your queen will never get off.
我是说 她能下来 但她不会想从这个
I mean, she'll get off, but she won't want to get off
让她爽翻天的玩具上下来
the thing that is getting her off!
等下... -就你了 跟我来
Wait... ‐ You're hired! Follow me.
我先带你去城♥堡♥
I can take you to the castle to begin.
对了 你的标牌拼写错了
Uh, by the way, your sign's spelled incorrectly.
大家都停车 把酒藏起来
Pull over and hide your hooch!
语法警♥察♥来了
It'sa the grammar police!
语法跟拼写其实没有任何关系
Uh, actually, grammar has nothing to do with spelling.
语法说的是组合单词 但拼写...
Grammar is the act of forming words, but spelling...
帕特里克 这人是谁
Patrick, who is this man,
为什么在我房♥间里
and why is he in my room?
还不脱衣服
Fully‐clothed?
这是宽面条·达·芬奇
This is Fettuccine da Vinci.
就像莱昂纳多·达·芬奇
Like Leonardo da Vinci!
我才不像那个操雕像 舔粘土的狗东西
Nothing like that sculpture‐humping, clay‐licking motherfucker!
抱歉 我被伤得太深了
I'm sorry. The paina runs deepa.
总之... 我完成了
Anyway... It'sa finished!
我没觉得很厉害
I'm underwhelmed.
它看起来... 很复杂...
It's very... busy...
那你真该看看耗资一万亿的版本
Well, you should'vea seen the trillion dollar version.
我得先警告你
Now, I must warn you.
不要把表盘拨过这条红线
Never set the dial past thisa red line.
这只会让我更想这么做 你们出去吧
Telling me not to do it only makes me want to do it more. Leave me be.
你最好还是听他的
You should probably listen to him.
我说 都出去
I said leave me be!
一个王后想单独自♥慰♥都这么难吗
What's a queen got to do to jerk off in privacy?
这听起来像13级了
That sounds like a 13!
天啊 王后死了
Oh my god! The queen is dead!
达芬奇先撤了
Da Vinci out!
图丽普...
Tulip...
陛下 她昏迷了
She's in a coma, Your Majesty.
我们不知道她何时或者会不会醒来
We don't know when or if she'll wake up.
布林克夸兹
Blinkerquartz!
怎么会发生这种事
How did this even happen?
您最好还是从我的书面报告里读到吧
It might be best to read about it in my written report,
虽然我好像并没有写
which I might never write.
你 不管你是谁...
You! Whoever you are...
陛下 我是亨利
I'm Henry, Your Majesty.
我做您忠诚的仆人已经十年了
I've been your dedicated servant for 10 years.
这件印着大熊 缝着很多铃铛的毛衣
You got me this sweater with this giant bear
是您去年圣诞节给我的
and too many bells on it for Christmas last year.
给我们不在乎的人随便送礼物
Thoughtless gifts for people we don't care about
一直是图丽普的事...
has always been Tulip's job...
听着 丑毛衣男
Listen, ugly sweater guy,
去学校告诉花花这个消息 让她立刻回家
send word to Blossom at school and tell her to come home at once.
我知道这种时候什么事总能让我开心
In times like these, I know what always makes me feel better.
图丽普 给我拿我的抑郁长袍和热甘菊茶
Tulip! Bring me my depression robe and some hot chamomile tea!
陛下 图丽普昏迷了
Tulip's in a coma, Your Majesty.
还没醒吗 所以我得自己拿抑郁长袍了
Still? So, I have to get my depression robe?
所有事都得我自己做了
I have to do everything around here.
也许不会太久的
Maybe not for long.
我知道这听起来可能很无情
I know this might sound insensitive,
但王国现在最不能没有王后
but it's a terrible time for the kingdom to be without a queen.
拉米四世随时可能入侵
Rami IV could invade us at any moment.
我们现在不能显得软弱
We can't afford to look weak right now.
你想说什么
What are you getting at?
我们可能得马上找个后备王后
I think we should find a backup queen immediately.
这太离谱了
That's outrageous.
你说得对 太离谱了
Ah, you're right. It's outrageous.
竟然想举办您每次喝醉时
It would be crazy to hold "The Kingdom's Next Top Queen" pageant
总是说个不停的"王国的下个顶级王后"选美大赛
that you yourself always ramble on about whenever you're drunk.
会有音乐节目吗 和闪闪的裙子
Would there be musical numbers? Sparkly dresses?
太好了 我们就把它搞成比赛
Yes! And we'll make it a competition,
让它显得很有趣 一点都不恶心
so it seems fun and not gross,
虽然我们都知道它很恶心
even though we both know it's gross.
我们也许可以搞一搞
I suppose we could give it a go
同时等待我心爱的王后醒来
while we wait for my beloved to wake up.
"王国的下个顶级王后"
"The Kingdom's Next Top Queen"?
这是什么施虐狂的恶趣味啊
What kind of sadistic madness is that?
她才昏迷了不到半小时
She's been in a coma for less than 30 minutes.
我们不能让他没有王后
We can't let him be without a queen!
你忘了她上次外出 他干了什么吗
Don't you remember what he did last time she went away?
我们需要你们先选一个地点
What we need from you to start things off is a location.
一个地点 哪里都行
One location. Anything.
选个地方 任何地方都行
Pick a place. Any place. One place.
快他妈的选个地方
Pick a fucking place!
去他妈的 我们要来一场大清洗
Fuck it! We're doing a purge.
冰淇淋店
Ice cream shop?
太晚了 大清洗
Too late! Purge!
大清洗 狗♥娘♥养♥的 -不要...
Purge, motherfucker! ‐ No...
我们损失了半数人口
We lost half the population.
我仍每晚汗流浃背地醒来
I still wake up in a sweat every night,
大喊着各种地点
shouting locations.
但我觉得 我们应该再等等王后醒来
But, I think we should give the queen a little longer to wake up.
没时间了 孩子
No time, my boy!
你现在负责选美比赛
You're on pageant duty now.
好耶 找到了
Yoink! There we are.
去他的选美 是我把您害成这样的
Fuck pageant duty. I got you into this, Your Majesty.
我一定会找到办法让您醒来
I'm gonna find a way to get you out.
"你有资格成为王国的下个顶级王后吗
"Do you have what it takes to be the kingdom's Next Top Queen?
"体重必须反映财富 得有能生儿子的屁♥股♥
"Weight must reflect wealth. Hips of son‐bearing width only.
不准做逃兵"
No fuggos."
我就不是逃兵
Well, I'm not a fuggo!
终于有机会向所有
Finally, a chance to show everyone
在哈弗希姆小姐的逃兵学校嘲笑我的人
who mocked me at Miss Havershim's School for Fuggos
证明我不该被录取的
that I was wrongfully admitted!
对厌女的选美比赛说不
Say no to the misogynistic beauty pageant!
安娜说得对
Whatever Anna said!
我们的价值不取决于身体
Our bodies are not our worth!
对了 安娜 你今天好美
By the way, Anna, you look great today.
谢了 肖恩 我在戒碳水
Thanks, Sean. I cut out carbs.
抵♥制♥选美比赛 -有选美比赛
Boycott the pageant! - There's a pageant?
新的王后 看到了吗 拉里
New queen? Hear that, Larry?
我要当王后了
I'm gonna be queen!
你已经是王后了 伯莎
You're already a queen, Bertha.
泼妇中的王后
Queen of the shrews!
我就知道这混♥蛋♥会想换掉图丽普
I knew that bastard would try to replace Tulip one day.
不过 如果我赢了这个愚蠢腐朽的比赛
On the other hand, if I win one dumb archaic contest,
我能得到一半他的财富和权力
I get half his loot and the power
来推♥翻♥这个王国 我要参加
to overthrow the kingdom! I'm in.
♪ 我们是世界上 ♪
♪ We're the luckiest girls ♪
♪ 最幸运的女孩 ♪
♪ In the world ♪
♪ 我是个10分 ♪
♪ I'm a 10 ♪