十字剑

荒唐 我们只是需要提高奖励
That's preposterous. We just need to up the ante.
这次找到金子的人
This time, the one who finds the gold
可以留下精灵 对它为所欲为
can keep the leprechaun to do whatever you want with it!
让它给你搞卫生
Make it clean your place,
卖♥♥了它 切了它 操了它 随你
sell it, cut it up, fuck it, whatever!
出去小心 别上它们的当
Be careful out there. Don't fall for their games.
它们是狡猾的小混♥蛋♥ -陛下
They're wily little bastards. - Your Majesty,
如果我找到金子 可以减刑吗
if I find the gold, may I have my sentence commuted?
如果你找到了 我替你用屁♥股♥灌牛奶
Patrick, if you find the gold, I'll butt chug the milk myself.
法官大人 这是可以的吗
Your Honor, is that allowed?
算了吧 安迪
Ah, forget it, Andy.
法律是富人说了算
It's rich people law.
各位 如果彩虹尽头真的有金子
Guys, if there's gold at the end of the rainbow,
能不能让我找到 这样我就不会被啃脸了
maybe let me find it, so I won't have my face eaten off.
帕特里克 我很同情你
Patrick, sorry about your face,
但这是我个人的事
but this is personal for me.
小时候 我爸说他要去寻找彩虹尽头
As a child, my dad said he was going out to find the end of a rainbow,
就再也... 没回来
and never... came... back.
抱歉了 哥们
Sorry, buddy!
我被我对免费精灵的欲望蒙蔽了双眼
I'm blinded by my lust for a free leprechaun!
说实话 那些老鼠是在帮你的忙
Frankly, Patrick, those rats would be doing you a favor.
我对你的请求也有看法
I also have an opinion about your request!
去他们的
Ah, screw them.
反正从没人找到过彩虹尽头
No one's ever found the end of the rainbow anyway.
如果我想找到金子 就得动动脑子
If I'm gonna find leprechaun gold, I need to be smart about this.
对啊
Of course!
骑士肯定知道精灵在哪
I bet the knights know where to find leprechauns.
他们游历四方
They've been everywhere.
怎么了 孩子 想要我的签名吗
What is it, kid? Do you need an autograph?
我... 当然不会拒绝啦
Well, I'm... not gonna say no.
好了 你可以永久保存了
There. That's permanent.
好极了 还有件事
Great. Um, one other thing.
你能在这张地图上指出精灵在哪吗
Could you point, on this map, where all the leprechauns live?
当然可以
Well, sure I can.
我的地图
Aw, my map!
看 我发明了飞机 小事一桩
Oh look, I invited airplanes. No big.
现在 我们给我们坚挺的鸡鸡找个家吧
Now, let's find a home for all these boners!
鸡鸡
Boners!
有人吗 我的地图好像飞进去了
Hello? I think my map flew in here?
天啊 住手
Oh my god, stop!
该死 这是我唯一一支箭了
Damn it, that was my only bolt!
帮我拿下来好吗
Go chase it down for me, would you?
我才不会帮你把箭射进嘴里
I'm not helping you shoot an arrow into your mouth!
听我说 黎明前的夜晚总是最黑暗的
Listen, it's always darkest before the dawn.
孩子 省省吧 我一小时前还喝了毒药
Kid, save it. I took poison an hour ago.
我射箭只是为了推动进度
The crossbow was just to move things along.
什么 那得赶紧送你去医院
What? We need to get you to a hospital!
不用急 是慢效的毒药
Nah, there's no rush. It's a slow-acting poison.
你为什么不喝速效毒药
Well, why didn't you take fast-acting poison?
我想先对着我老婆的照片痛哭一会
I wanted to tragically weep over that picture of my wife for a while first.
听着 我是个真疯子
Look, I'm a real wild card.
我是库特尔爵士
The name's Sir Kutter.
我叫帕特里克
Oh, my name's Patrick.
听起来我们都过得不顺
It sounds like we're both having bad days.
我得找到一罐精灵金子
I've gotta find a pot of leprechaun gold
否则老鼠就要啃掉我的脸
or rats are gonna eat my face off.
你干什么坏事了
What did you do to earn that?
我把国♥家♥机♥密♥泄露给了一个性感的间谍
I gave away state secrets to a sexy spy
她是我的一生挚爱
who was the love of my life.
而现在 我再也不能成为骑士了
And now, I'll never be a knight.
今天真的太惨了
Oh, this is the worst day ever.
你知道什么能减轻你的痛苦吗
You know what'll take the edge off?
喝点毒药
A little poison.
谢谢你的帮助
Wow, thanks for helping me.
帕特里克 我们注定成为搭档
Patrick, we were born to be partners!
你是个无趣的侍卫
You're a joyless square
认为快乐时光就是生菜沙拉
whose idea of a good time is crudités
和一张有大面♥积♥米色的拼图
and a jigsaw puzzle with a lot of beige in it.
而我是个彻头彻尾的叛逆者
Meanwhile, I'm the hell-on-wheels rebel
肆意放屁 并让人心碎
rippin' farts and breakin' hearts
主修高级坏蛋和对着月亮嚎叫专业
who double-majored in advanced badassery and howling at the moon!
所以确认下 我肯定是那个蹩脚的搭档
So, to be clear, I'm definitely the lame partner.
没错 但搭档是相辅相成的
Oh yeah, but partners complete each other!
你会懂的 到故事的最后
You'll see. By the end of the story,
我们都会从对方身上学到些东西
we'll each have learned something from the other.
然后 我会死于服毒
And then, I'll die from poison,
而你会嚎啕大哭 -好极了
and, god, how you'll cry! - Great.
这不是去彩虹的路
This isn't the way to the rainbow.
你怎么真像个鳖孙似的
Spoken like a true lame-ass.
让其他傻瓜去追彩虹吧
Let those other fools chase the rainbow.
疯子们要走捷径
Wild cards take shortcuts.
这条捷径经过的真是镇上最破败的地方
This shortcut really takes us through the janky part of town.
越破越好
The jankier the better!
老独角在吗
Ol' One Horn around?
告诉他 老两眼在找他
Tell him Ol' Two Eyes is looking for him.
独角不见客人
One Horn ain't seeing visitors.
那可惜了 我不可能不见他
Well, that's a shame because I ain't not seeing him.
那可惜了 你不会不可能不见他
Well, that's a shame because you ain't not not seeing him.
那可惜了 我不可能不会不可能不见他
Well, that's a shame because I ain't not not not seeing him.
那可惜了 你不会不可能不会不可能...
Well, you're not not not not...
我要杀了你
I'm gonna kill you!
我的天 -这又不是刀
Oh my god! - That's not a knife.
这才是刀
That's a knife.
严格来讲 它们都是刀
Technically, they're both knives.
尺寸又没什么所谓
Size has nothing to do with it.
事态升级得真快
That escalated so fast!
放松 我故意避过了他脸上所有的重要器官
Relax. I missed all of his vital face organs on purpose.
是真的 几乎不疼
It's true! It barely hurts!
太精准了
Such precision.
要上蒸锅和香肠了
Steamers and kielbasa, comin' up!
别错过
Stick around.
有趣的搭档喜欢双关语 无聊的搭档不喜欢
Fun partners love puns, lame partners hate them.
如果我能听到你说双关语
If I ever hear a pun out of your mouth,
我就知道我对你产生影响了
I'll know I've reached you.
我们找到彩虹尽头了
We found the end of the rainbow!
一点都不难
This was not hard at all.
有人看见我爸了吗
Does anyone see my dad?
格里芬先找到了彩虹 但我会先找到金子
Griffin found the rainbow first, but I'm gonna find that gold.
我找到了一块闪光的石头
I found a shiny rock!
我找到了友谊 这比金子更好
I found friendship! It's better than gold!
闭嘴 戈尔比
Shut up, Gorby!
格里芬 我找到你♥爸♥了
Griffin! I found your dad!
爸爸 -不 我是埃里克
Papa! - No! I am Eric.
你们竟敢擅自闯入精灵的领地
How dare you trespass on leprechaun property.
如果你们想要金子
If it's gold you want,
那赌注将是你们的生命
the stakes shall be your very lives.
是时候玩...
It's time to play...
"三叶草大决战"了
Shamrock Showdown!
好了 戈尔比 你的第一个挑战是
Alright, Gorby. Your first challenge
回答这个问题 就有机会获得奖品
is to answer this question for a shot at a prize.
精灵是出了名的喜欢这种颜色 是什么呢
Leprechauns are notoriously fond of this color.
绿色 -正确
Green? - Correct!
你赢得了一支手工制♥作♥的笛子
You've won a hand-crafted flute!
好样的 戈尔比
Good job, Gorby!
现在 你是想留着笛子
Now, would you like to keep your flute,
还是为金子搏一把
or tempt fate for a chance at the gold?
我肯定选笛子
Definitely the flute.
戈尔比 多简单的问题啊
Gorby, that question was so easy.
是的 搏一把
Yeah! Tempt fate!
搏一把 搏一把
Tempt fate! Tempt fate!