老爸 别忘了买♥♥猴脑
Dad, don't forget monkey brains.
对 还有独角兽的蛋蛋
Yeah, and we need more unicorn testicles.
梦想之源啊
That's where dreams are born.
好诶 买♥♥齐了就回餐馆
All right, we'll get those, then head back to the restaurant.
得为今日推荐买♥♥点配菜甘蓝
I just need fresh kale for the burger of the day...
推荐汉堡"若外表能'甘'"
"If Looks Could Kale."
嘿 Reggie 你们平常
Hey, Reggie, I didn't know you guys
都不在这买♥♥食材的啊
shopped here for your restaurants.
Pepe 这是咋回事
What happened, Pepe?
你的脸怎么画得跟猫似的
And why is your face painted like a cat?
我的餐厅倒闭了
I lost my restaurant.
我们在安慰他呢
We're trying to cheer him up.
我是猫咪 可怜的猫娃
I'm a kitty. I'm a kitty.
你没看这个食评么
You didn't read the review?
Moody Foody写了这篇恶意评论
Three weeks after the Moody Foody's
三周后 他的墨西哥卷店就成了瑜伽馆
hatchet job, Pepe's taco joint is a yoga studio.
还是高温瑜伽馆
A hot yoga studio.
天一热 一股墨西哥卷腌牛柳味
I bet, when it heats up, it smells like taco meat.
跟我的内♥裤♥一样
Like my underwear.
Moody Foody就是条疯狗啊
The Moody Foody's on a rampage.
他见人就咬 又吹毛求疵
He nitpicks every little thing, Bob.
他说我的面包不新鲜
He said my bread was stale.
Reggie 他说的没错啊
Well, it is pretty stale, Reggie.
因为我买♥♥的是隔夜的面包啊
That's 'cause I buy day-old bread!
好吧
Okay. Okay.
这几个月来
I've been mapping
我潜心研究出了Moody Foody的行动模式
the Moody Foody's patterns for months.
他严格按餐馆老板的种族到访 排序如下
He follows a precise ethnic sequence in restaurants:
亚裔 欧裔 拉丁裔 美国人
Asian, European, Latin, American.
拉里·金的老婆正是这样排的
Like Larry King with his wives.
你们都太在意这个食评家了
Man, you guys are obsessed with this critic.
你也该在意吧
You should be, too!
根据我的推算 下一个就轮到你
According to my calculations, you're next.
好吧 还好啊
Um... okay, that's fine.
友情提示 他说不定已经评了你了
For all you know, he's already reviewed you.
他就是伪装圣手啊
He's a master of disguise.
没错 他去我餐馆时
Yeah, when he reviewed my place,
穿着打扮像建筑工
he was dressed like a construction worker.
去我那 他装成急诊医生
For me, he was an E.R. Doctor.
我这是护林员
Park ranger.
但听着 Bob 你完全可以抓包这家伙
But listen, Bob, the guy's got a tell.
他逢餐前
Before every meal, he wipes his hands
必用蓝手帕擦手 蓝的
with a blue handkerchief. Blue.
要注意了哦 Bob 蓝色的
Watch for that, Bob... blue.
给你 拿好 30美元
Here you go... $30.
啥 我又没要你画
What? No, I didn't ask for these.
没人要求也画了
Nobody asks.
按你说的画的 你就得买♥♥
You describe it, you buy it.
瞧啊 都带着小手绢儿呢
Oh, look. He even got the hanky.
能把我画成和僵尸共乘一骑么
Can you draw me on a horse with a zombie riding behind me?
- 不 - 画画我爸爸的小胡须
- No. - Draw a picture of my dad's mustache
要画得像毛毛虫一样肥厚
really giving it to a caterpillar.
- 不 别那么画 - 画吧 画吧 画吧
- No, don't do that. - Do it! Do it! Do it!
Bob 小心保管这些画
Hold on to these sketches, Bob.
它们能挽救你的餐馆
They could save your restaurant.
Tran 我的餐馆不会有事的
Uh, Tran, my restaurant will be fine.
毕竟 Reggie的面包确实不新鲜
After all, Reggie's bread is stale.
而且 Pepe
And, Pepe,
你的烤肉馅也不是牛肉的
your carne asada isn't even beef.
难道得是牛肉吗
Carne asada is beef?
最后 Tran的面条...
And Tran's noodles are...
那又怎样 我就是反复用了
So what? I reuse my noodles.
如果人家没吃光面条
If people don't eat them all,
吃剩的就得倒掉吗
I'm supposed to just waste them?
大家伙儿 我没别的意思
It's just, no offense, fellas,
但是 我用的都是新鲜原材料
but I use fresh ingredients, so, you know,
所以这食评家来了也没关系
I should be all right if this critic comes.
我们被你伤了
Offense taken.
这是你带着僵尸骑马的画
Here's you on a horse with a zombie.
- 50美元 - 老爸 给钱吧
- 50 dollars. - Dad, pay the man.
不 就那玩意儿也要50美元?
No, $50... for that?
画了一姑娘 一匹马
$50... it's a little girl,
和一僵尸 50美元拿来
a horse and a zombie.
老爸 物超所值啦
Dad, that's so cheap for what you're getting.
听着 如果食评家来了 就把他当
Look, if the critic comes, it's just
- 普通顾客 明白么 - 知道了
- another customer, you know? - I know.
普通到可以凭一纸食评让我们
Just a customer who can shut us down
关门大吉 就这样
with one bad review... that's all.
亲亲Lin 我知道他可能会毁了这店
I know he can destroy us, Lin.
不需要你在上场前鼓励一番
I don't need a pep talk.
如果需要鼓励 这也不是啥应景的话
And if I did, this would be a horrible pep talk.
老爸 他来了
It's him, Dad.
他是Moody Foody
It's the Moody Foody.
Gene 他是邮差Mike
Gene, that's Mike the Mailman.
过去五年 他一直给我们家送信呢
You've seen him every day for the past five years.
所以是长♥期♥潜伏啊
It's the long con.
是他
It's him.
- Tina 你指着的是Gene - 长♥期♥潜伏嘛
- Tina, that's Gene. - Long con.
Mike 谢谢
Thanks, Mike.
真"Mike" 谢谢你
Yeah, thanks, "Mike."
听不见你们说话
I cannot hear you.
他肯定是食评家
That's got to be the food critic.
玩南北战争Cos的吗
A Civil War reenactor?
真受不了那身丑不拉几的灰色
Ah, can't stand all that drab gray.
难怪会迷失在Cos里
No wonder they lost.
好啦 注意看
All right, keep an eye out
蓝手帕
for the blue handkerchief.
喂
Hello?
你很抱歉?
You're really sorry?
好 我马上过去参战
Okay, I'll... I'll come do the battle.
顺便和你挑明 纽扣是真货
For the record, the buttons are authentic.
好啦 大家伙儿都工作吧
All right, everyone, back to work.
我们不能坐以待毙
We're not going to stand around and wait
谁知道这食评家到底来不来
for a food critic who may or may not ever show up.
老爸 又有个玩南北战争Cos的来了
Dad, Dad, another Civil War reenactor is here.
他扮的肯定是北方佬
He must be fighting for the North.
Gene 他是犹太教虔敬派 这你该知道的
It's a Hasidic Jew, Gene. You know that.
蓝手绢儿! 蓝绢儿!
Blue hanky! Blue hanky!
蓝手绢儿? 蓝绢儿?
Blue hanky? Blue hanky?
是的 蓝手帕 那人是Moody Foody
Yes, blue hanky! That's the Moody Foody!
蓝手帕! 蓝手帕!
Blue hanky! Blue hanky!
- 就在那 蓝手帕啊 - 啊! 不得了的小手帕
- Right there... blue hanky! - Aah! Hanky panky!
- 那儿有蓝手帕啊 蓝手帕 - 小手帕!
- Blue hanky right there! Blue hanky! - Hanky panky!
- 快 给Gene行犹太教割礼 - 对对对
- Quick, circumcise Gene. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
行割礼吧 来吧 快快快
Circumcise me! Circumcise me! Quick, quick!
好 Moody Foody现身我们的餐馆
Okay, the Moody Foody is here in our restaurant.
没错 他现身了
This is happening now.
你要我引开他吗 我负责尖叫
Do you need a diversion? I'll scream.
- 有蟑螂! - Gene
- Cockroach! - Gene.
收买♥♥他吧
Let's bribe him.
老爸 用生菜
Dad, take out the lettuce
包20美元给他
and replace it with this $20 bill.
我从你钱包里拿的
That I took out of your wallet.
噢 也可以把20美元贴他背上
Oh, or tape it to his back.
Tina 贿赂可不是这么干的
That's not how a bribe works, Tina.
就得这样干
Yes, it is!
现在 所有人冷静 好吗
Now, everybody calm down, all right?
就按平常的来 给他上份我家超美味的汉堡
We just do what we do... we give him a delicious meal,
他就会写好评 就这样
we get a positive review, and that's that.
对的 如果我们不那么做 关门吧
Yeah, 'cause if we don't, it's curtains.
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