小丑梦摇篮（2016）

Just the way it is.
孩子 你多大了
How old are you, son?
-32 -我勒个去
- 32. - Jesus Christ.
我以为你只有 差不多13岁
I thought you were, like, 13.
你以前做过小丑
You ever been a clown before,
还是只是想在竞技场勾搭小妹
or is this just a way to meet rodeo chicks?
我需要钱 亲爱的
I just need the cash, Homey.
谁想搞成这副鬼样子在这狗屁竞技场待着
This rodeo shit's all I got for a guy that looks like me.
我不可能以此为生的
I can't make this work, then...
我会再找份新工作
Then I'm gonna have to get a real job,
你看看我现在丢人现眼的样子
'cause right now I am ass out.
嘿 听我说
Hey, listen to me.
小丑是一份好差事
This is a real job.
在这个岗位上的人 必须团结起来
Guys like us, we have to stick together. We all can be
谁都能卖♥♥花或洗碗 但这份差事能让我们成为艺术家
florist or dishwashers, some of us have to be artist.
呵 算了吧 我算个屁
Nah, man. I'm just a Juggalo.
我能打造你
I'll train you.
啊 你想打造我
What? You want to train me?
没错 我受过专业训练
Yeah. I'm classically trained.
在巴黎 法国的巴黎 欧洲那个法国
In Paris, which is in France, which is in Europe.
你能当个得力助手
So, uh, you're in good hands.
哇 太好了 向你致以热烈的小丑友谊
Man, that's amazing, man. Mad clown love to you, brother.
热烈的小丑友谊 哥们 你真牛逼
Oh, mad clown love. You da bomb, man.
哈 你们看到了吗 这是我大哥
Yeah, you see there? My boy right here.
他会把我打造成法国小丑 牛逼吧
He gonna make me a fancy-ass French clown.
你们这些牛仔要尝尝我的厉害
Y'all cowboys can suck chub.
-行了行了 -嗯哼
- Okay. - Mm-hm.
差不多得了 我们
That's good. We'll, uh...
明天再说
We'll talk tomorrow.
嘿 那个谁
Hey, Juggs.
你最好去厕所把脸上的妆卸了再出去
If you want, you can, uh, wash the clown make up off.
我给你放风
I'll watch out for the cowboys.
开玩笑吧
You're kiddin', right?
大哥 这些不再是妆了
Killer, this ain't make up.
是我的命根子
This shit is my life.
好吧
Yeah.
热烈的小丑友谊
Mad clown love.
嗨 给我拿一袋
Hi. I'll take a bag.
谢了
Thank you.
好嘞
Okay, here we go.
呃 既然我们遇见了
Uh, now that we have a moment,
我想问问 你想加入好市多会员吗
I was wondering, can I intercieve a Cosco executive membership.
可以节省... 天
The saving can be up to... What?
抱歉 我先走了
Okay, I gotta go. Sorry.
好的 第一节课 我们做点
Okay, for our first lesson, we'll do a little
桌面训练 好吗
table top clowning, okay?
来吧
Let's do it.
首先 把你的手指插♥进♥某个东西
So, you dip your finger in something,
放到你鼻子前
you bring it to your nose.
碰巧臭死了 甩掉臭味
Happens to smell bad. Get it away from me.
啊 你不小心撞到你的手指
Ah, you accidentally hit your finger and...
嗯 然后臭便便就在你手指上了
Mm! And that's feces at the end of your finger, okay?
行了 试试
All right, give it a try.
好的 首先 插 闻
All right. So... dip, smell.
噢
Ooh. Uh-oh.
啊
Ah!
你想我说明一下吗
You want some notes?
好啊 好啊
Please, yeah.
观众不会相信你的手指很难闻
I'm not believing that your fingers smell bad.
从你眼里看不出
It didn't read in your eyes.
你这样表现就穿帮了
This is a goof smell. It's something...
你没知道真的闻起来是什么样的
You don't know what it smells like really,
所以当你的手指插♥进♥去
so when you stick your fingers in,
放到鼻子前
when you bring it to your nose,
你的眼睛会说话 能告诉观众
your eyes are gonna have to tell the audience,
"妈呀 这味儿熏死我了"
"Hey, I'm smelling something goofy!"
所以 你眼里要流露出感情
So you're gonna have to do a goof look in your eyes.
眼睛要有生气 再来一遍吗
Maybe cross your eyes. Can you do that?
像这样吗
Like this?
你看起来像是在观看网球比赛
Just looks like you're lookin' at tennis.
没啊 我的眼睛在说话
No, I'm doin' it.
不 你只不过是左右晃悠你的眼球
No, no, you're just shifting your eyes like this.
哥们 不是你要我这么做的吗
Yeah, that's what crossing is, man.
不 不 放松点 注意你的眼球
No, no, no. Relax. Breathe into the eyeballs.
盯紧你的鼻尖
Look at the end of your nose.
像这样 然后向上
Like this, and then look up.
很简单
It's simple.
盯紧你的鼻尖
Take a look at the end of your nose.
不错 慢慢向上看
Nice. And then gradually look up.
向上 向上 快到位了
Looking up, looking up. There you go.
眼球向上 向上
Eyeballs up. Eyeballs up.
上 上
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
-我做的对吗 -向上 上
- Am I doing it? - Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up...
成功了吗
Am I doing it? Am I doing it?
好了好了 那看起来太像歌♥妓了
Okay, that looks too kabuki.
太像歌♥妓
That's too kabuki.
那是啥
What's a kabuki?
日本小丑
It's a Japanese clown.
没错 小日本 我就知道他们也干这玩意儿
Yeah, dog. I knew them cats was down with it.
从"管理者如何进行管理"系列
From the series "How A Manager Manages,"
"怎样解雇员工"
"How To Fire Someone."
你首先要做的就是
The first thing you're gonna want to do
避免眼神交流
is avoid eye contact.
如果你盯着对方眼睛
If you look a person in the eye,
可能会看到他们哭泣
you might see 'em cry.
保持中立 无动于衷
Stay neutral. Stay unemotional.
你要没空的话 我们可以改约
Um, if this is a bad time, I can come back.
玛莎 呃
Martha, uh...
这是网络课程
That was for school.
嗯 我有点不好的消息
Okay, um, I have some bad news.
真的很抱歉 我尽力了
I'm really sorry, I tried my best and I.. and I...
你没有卖♥♥出会员资格
You didn't sell the membership.
我没卖♥♥出去
I did not sell the membership.
你现在就等着被炒了
And now you're expecting to be fired?
这样会不会好点
Would it be easier if you just, like,
你直接在一张纸上写上 "你被解雇了"
wrote "You're fired" On a piece of paper,
然后把纸放到我桌子上
and left it on my desk?
不 我必须要这么做
No. I have to do this.
好吧
Okay.
我做不到
I can't.
我真的做不到 我就不是当经理的料
I just can't do this. I'm not a manager.
我就不是个经理
I'm not a manager.
你是个特别棒的经理
You're a great manager.
如果不是你鼓励
I wouldn't have even tried to sell memberships
外加胁迫我的话
if you hadn't encouraged me.
我试都不会去试
Slash, threatened me.
周五是你的最后期限
I'm gonna give you to Friday.
去卖♥♥一张会员卡
To go out and sell a membership.
就一张 你就安全了
Just one. And you're in the clear.
谢谢你给我延期 凯文
Um, well, thanks for the extension, Kevin,
但我估计我会在周五之前
but I'm probably just gonna use that time
打包逃跑
to get ready to go missing.
不行 给我去卖♥♥会员卡
No. Sell the membership.
好吧
Okay.
老天 这什么鬼竞技场 一分钱都赚不到
Man, this rodeo shit don't pay nothin'.
是不赚钱 但能磨练你的艺术素养
Yeah, but you're growing as an artist,
这比赚钱重要多了
and that's more important than making money.
对 但我得赶紧搬出
Right, but I gots to get the eff out
我曾祖父母的房♥子啊 懂么
my great grandparents house. You feel me?
兄弟 你能选择你要干嘛
Hey, look, man. You have a choice.
在这 你是个真正的小丑