雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2017）

A Series of Unfortunate Events S01E02

Part 8 July 20, 2020, 3:16 p.m.

Change of plans. Sit here. Don't distract her.
你坐这里更好
Your better side.
橡胶宝宝宝宝宝宝橡胶宝宝
Rubber baby, baby, baby. Rubber baby...
橡胶宝宝宝宝
Rubber baby, baby...
橡胶宝宝宝宝宝宝
Rubber baby, baby, baby.
橡胶宝宝宝宝宝宝
Rubber baby, baby, baby.
-橡胶宝宝宝宝宝宝 -该上场了
- Rubber baby, baby, baby. - Showtime.
-好好 -好好
- All right, all right. - All right, all right.
-橡胶宝宝橡胶 -橡胶橡胶
- Rubber bubber... Baby bubber. - Rubber bubber...
我现在真正地站在池塘边
Here I am, literally standing at the edge of a pond.
他才没有真正地站在池塘边
He's not literally standing at the edge of a pond.
他是象征性地站在池塘边
He's figuratively standing at the edge of a pond.
像我这般的帅气男子除了表演冗长的独白
What is a very handsome man like me to do about it...
还能做些什么
except perform a lengthy soliloquy?
你应该不会打扑克吧
Don't suppose you know how to play poker.
想发牌吗
Would you like to deal?
拜托了女法老们
Please, lady pharaohs,
我很英俊可我只是一个人
I am very handsome, but I am only one man.
尼罗河为鉴这么帅的男人应该属于我
By the waters of the Nile, this very handsome man shall be mine.
金字塔为鉴不能拥有他我就杀了你
By the shape of the pyramids, I'll kill you if I can't have him.
他真英俊
He's so handsome.
如果这把我赢了你就帮我挠背
Okay, if I win this hand, you give me a backrub,
但如果我又输了我就用胶带封住嘴
but if you win again, I'll put tape on my mouth.
拜托公爵夫人
Please, Duchess.
我很英俊可我只是一个人
I am very handsome, but I am only one man.
石因斯坦的炮塔为鉴
By the turrets of Gravelstein,
这么帅的男人应该属于我
this very handsome man shall be mine.
沃辛顿的花♥园♥为鉴
By the Gardens of Worthington,
不能拥有他我的心真的会碎的
if I can't have him, my heart will literally break.
象征性 "我会象征性地心碎"
Figuratively. "My heart will figuratively break."
我经历了如此帅气的冒险
Why, what handsome adventures I have had,
却在这个日子里又来到同一个池塘边
only to end up at this same pond on this...
这是我大喜的日子
my wedding day!
说你的台词
Say your line.
你愿意...
Do you...
和这位女士
take this woman
结为合法夫妻吗
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
我愿意
I do.
-你愿意和这位女士... -男士
- Do you take this woman-- - Man.
男士你愿意和这位男士
Man. Do you take this man...
结为合法夫妻吗
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
我愿意
I do.
仅凭上法学院赋予我的神圣权力
By the powers vested in me by going to law school,
我现在宣布你们结为伯爵夫妇
I now pronounce you Count and Countess.
恭喜
Mazel tov.
好吧
Okay.
女士们先生们我想在此宣布
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make an announcement.
今晚的表演没必要继续下去了
There is no need to continue with tonight's performance.
因为它的目的已经达成了
For its purpose has been served.
这并不是一场虚构的戏
This has not been a scene of fiction.
我同维奥蕾特·波德莱尔的婚姻完全合法
My marriage to Violet Baudelaire is perfectly legal,
现在我拥有了她的全部财产
and I am now in control of her entire fortune.
这不是真的
That can't be true!
恰恰相反法官阁下
On the contrary, Judgikins,
当地法律规定只要新娘说了"我愿意"
the law of the land clearly states that the bride must say "I do"
并亲手签署恰当文件即生效
and sign the appropriate document in her own hand.
而你们女士们先生们都是见证人
And all of you, ladies and gentlemen, are witnesses.
维奥蕾特还是个孩子没到结婚的年龄
Violet is only a child. She's not old enough to marry.
如果她的合法监护人同意就可以
She is if her legal guardian allows it.
而我除了是她的丈夫
And in addition to being her husband,
还是她的合法监护人
I am also her legal guardian.
但她签的不是正式文件
But that piece of paper's not an official document.
只是舞台道具罢了
It's... it's just a stage prop.
如果你仔细看看
If you look closely enough,
你会发现它象征性的真实
I think you'll see that it is figuratively real.
-是真正的 -我说的是真正的
- Literally. - I said literally.
恐怕你们的婚姻是完全具有法律效力的
I'm afraid this marriage is entirely binding.
维奥蕾特
Violet...
你说了"我愿意" 并亲手签了这份文件
you said "I do" and signed this paper in your own hand.
奥拉夫伯爵你是维奥蕾特的合法丈夫了
Count Olaf, you are now Violet's legal husband.
还有呢
And?
还是个卑鄙无♥耻♥的小人
And a vile and terrible person.
是个卑鄙无♥耻♥
A vile and terrible person
拥有波德莱尔全部财产的小人
who is in complete control of the Baudelaires' entire fortune.
真是太可怕了我绝不允许这种事发生
This is absolutely horrendous. I won't allow it!
恐怕你什么也做不了
I'm afraid there's nothing you can do.
奥拉夫伯爵说得没错
Count Olaf is correct.
这场婚姻具有法律效力
This marriage is legally binding.
我好抱歉波德莱尔孩子们
I am so sorry, Baudelaires.
真不敢相信我这么轻易就上当了
I can't believe how easily I was tricked.
你确实很容易上当
You were easily tricked!
夺取财产简直轻而易举
It was child's play, winning this fortune.
庆祝我大喜日子的宴会现在开始音乐
And now, a reception to celebrate my special day. Hit it!
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
停
Stop.
你先放了珊妮
First, let Sunny go.
珊妮在哪
Where is Sunny?
恐怕她现在正"难以脱身"
I'm afraid she's tied up at the moment,
原谅我的小小玩笑
if you'll forgive my little joke.
这是个文字游戏 "难以脱身"就是...
See, it's a little play on words. "All tied up" is a figurative--
你说过会放了她的
You promised to let her go!
如果不遵守承诺
Oh, and what kind of husband
我是怎样的丈夫啊
would I be if I didn't keep my promises?
把那个小家伙摔死吧
Drop the pip-squeak to her death.
不
No.
你这个蠢货你在干什么
You idiot! What are you doing?
我得带她过来她出了同花顺
Well, I had to bring her here. She had a straight flush.
看来你逃脱了你个洗碗布
So, you escaped, you little dishrag.
可我还是跟维奥蕾特结婚了
Well, I'm still married to Violet,
等我们度蜜月时我就除掉你
and I will dispense with you on our honeymoon.
跳支舞吧伯爵夫人
Care to dance, Countess?
我不是伯爵夫人至少我觉得不是
I'm not a Countess. At least I don't think I am.
-等等 -告诉我为什么不是呢
- Wait. - And why not, pray tell?
我没有按照法律规定亲手签署文件
I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states.
别撒谎孤儿大家都看见了
Don't lie to me, orphan. Everyone saw you.
没错这儿有几百个见证人
Yes, there were several hundred witnesses,
还有夹层的人
not to mention those on the mezzanine.
但我不是左撇子
But I'm right-handed,
而我签名时用的是左手
and I signed the document with my left hand.
这才不算
Well, that doesn't count.
你就是输不起想毁了我的大日子
You're just being a sore loser and trying to ruin my special day.
恕我直言
With all due respect,
算不算数该施特劳斯法官说了算
I think Justice Strauss ought to tell us if it counts.
没错
That's right.
没错由我说了算我是法官
That's right. I should tell you. I am a judge.
让我想一下
Let me think.
我也不知道
I don't know.
什么
What?
知之为知之不知为不知
You should never be afraid to admit that you don't know something.
这个案子很复杂
This is a very complicated case.
得由有威望的法学家来解决
It would take a formidable legal scholar to solve it.
能给我块黑板吗
May I have a blackboard, please?
在相关法律《婚姻法》中
In the respected legal tome, Nuptial Law,
英国哲学家
引用了约翰·洛克1690年间的开创性观点
John Locke's 1690s groundbreaking work is cited,
认为法律的依据为...
postulating that the law of the land rests on the...
你可以想象克劳斯的法律雄辩
As you can well imagine, Klaus' legal argument
第一位担任美国最高法♥院♥大♥法♥官的非裔美国人
拥有瑟古德·马歇尔的尖锐见地
had all the apocryphal insight of Thurgood Marshall
黑人女记者民权斗士
以及艾达·B·威尔斯的从容这里的意思是
and the moral aplomb of Ida B. Wells, a phrase which here means
他说得非常精彩令人信服
it was thoroughly impressive and utterly convincing.