旺达幻视（2021）

《旺达幻视》前情提要
Previously on WandaVision...
你根本没有费心隐藏你的超能力
You made no effort to conceal your abilities.
-我不想再躲躲藏藏了 小幻 -你有什么瞒着我的
- Well, I'm tired of hiding, Vis. - What aren't you telling me?
你得阻止她
You have to stop her.
让她停下
Just make her stop!
你不能像控制别人那样控制我
You can't control me the way you do them.
是吗
Can't I?
但是她在让这世界上唯一的合成人
She has the world's only vibranium synthezoid
跟她演《郊区版老爸最知道》
playing Father-Knows-Best-In-Suburbia.
等他知道真♥相♥后会怎么样
What happens when he learns the truth?
你劫持了整个镇的人
You've taken an entire town hostage.
拿着枪的人可不是我 局长
Well, I'm not the one with the guns, Director.
我曾经也有一个哥哥
I had a brother.
他叫皮特
His name was Pietro.
他是被奥创杀死的
He was killed by Ultron.
一位消失很久的哥哥
Long lost bro get to
来给他的臭妹妹一个紧紧的拥抱了
squeeze his stinkin' sister to death or what?
她给皮特重新选角了
She recast Pietro?
*旺达 旺达幻视*
*Wanda Wanda Vision*
*别企图对抗混乱 别质疑你做了什么*
*Don't try to fight the chaos Don't question what you've done*
主演 旺达·马克西莫夫
*游戏可以玩我们*
*The game can try to play us*
*别让欢乐停下*
*Don't let it stop the fun*
*有些日子非常混沌*
*Some days it's all confusion*
*来得快 去得快 但如果一切皆为虚幻*
*Easy come and easy go But if it's all illusion*
主演 幻视
*坐好 享受节目*
*Sit back, enjoy the show*
*我们继续下去吧*
*Let's keep it going*
*我们继续下去吧*
*Let's keep it going*
*度过每个扭曲的一天*
*Through each distorted day*
主演 艾格妮丝
比利·马克西莫夫 汤米·马克西莫夫
*我们继续下去吧*
*Let's keep it going*
*尽管无从知道*
*Though there may be no way of knowing*
主演 皮特·马克西莫夫
饰演自己
*谁会路过一起玩*
*Who's coming by to play*
旺达幻视
第一季 第六集
万圣节是个神奇的节日
Halloween's a magical holiday.
它的重点是家庭 朋友
All about family, friends,
和可以扮成其他人一天的兴奋感
and the thrill of getting to be someone else for a day.
错了 万圣节的重点是糖果
Wrong! Halloween's about candy.
还有吓唬人 但糖果更重要
And scaring people, but mostly candy.
你的服装呢 汤米
Where's your costume, Tommy?
这就是我的服装 我是双胞胎里酷的那个
This is my costume. I'm the cool twin.
那我是什么
What does that make me?
呆呆龙
A dorksaurus rex.
没有那种恐龙
Not a real dinosaur.
天啊
Man.
他打鼾都那么酷
He even snores cool.
-我要吵醒他 -别
- I'm gonna go wake him up. - Don't!
你怕了吗
You scared?
他是我们的舅舅 我怎么会怕
He's our uncle. Why would I be scared?
因为现在是下午四点
'Cause it's four o'clock in the afternoon.
你偷偷担心他是个吸血鬼
You're secretly afraid he's a vampire.
-我没有 -你就有
- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
我没有
No, I'm not.
血浓于水 我给你们看吧
Blood is thicker than water! I show you!
最好是有人流血 摔坏或者着火了
Somebody better be bleeding, broken, or on fire.
妈妈 你是老红帽吗
Mom. Are you old Red Riding Hood?
我是一名索科威亚算命师
I'm a Sokovian fortune teller.
那真是太...
That is so...
-酷了 -蠢了
- Rad. - ...lame.
是"蠢"
"Lame."
比我们得伤寒那年妈妈给我们做的服装还难看
Worse than the costumes mom made us the year we got typhus.
不给糖就捣蛋
要分享哦
我印象里可不是那样
That's not exactly how I remember it.
你可能压抑了很多创伤
You probably suppressed a lot of the trauma.
皮特舅舅来后 妈妈就一直怪怪的
Mom has been weird since Uncle Pietro got here.
我觉得是因为她好久没见他了
I think it's because she hasn't seen him in a long time.
而且他就是所谓的"大男孩"
And he's what you call, "A man child."
好服装啊 妹夫
Sweet costume bro-ham-in-law.
我猜猜 交通灯
Let me guess. Uh, traffic light.
剥了一半的玉米
Half-shucked corn.
鼻屎
A booger!
-对了 -棒
- Yes. - Yes!
谢谢你迁就我
Well, thank you for humoring me
穿得这么滑稽 亲爱的
and wearing this ridiculous get-up, honey.
我的衣橱里没有其他衣服了 所以
Well, there were no other clothes in my closet, so...
你真不可救药 亲爱的
You are incorrigible, darling.
我知道你偷偷喜欢墨西哥摔跤手
I know you have a secret thing for Mexican wrestlers.
我好喜欢
Mi gusta mucho.
墨西哥辣肉酱
Chili con carne.
怎么样 孩子们
What do you say, boys?
谁准备好吃第一口高果糖玉米糖浆了
Who's ready for that first hit of high fructose corn syrup?
-锁头了 -快走开
- Yes! Headlock! - Get out of here, get out of here.
你没怎么跟我讲过你哥哥
Never told me much about your brother.
没想到他这么...
I had no idea he'd be so...
开始
Go!
擅长带孩子
Great with kids.
是啊 他真是充满惊喜
Yeah. He's just full of surprises.
那你今晚开心了 亲爱的
Well, you have fun tonight, darling.
什么 什么意思 你不都穿好要走了吗
What? What do you mean? You're all dressed and ready to go.
我在卧底
I'm undercover.
万圣节是爱惹事的青少年的狂欢盛典
Halloween is a bacchanal for adolescent trouble-makers
社区联防是唯一能阻止树木
and the neighborhood watch is the only thing that stands
挂上厕纸的人了
between the trees and the toilet paper.
-不 你不该... -什么
- No, that's not what you're supposed to-- - What?
好吧
Well...
你可没说你有安排了
You didn't tell me you had plans.
我现在说了
Well, I am telling you now.
妈妈和爸爸近来 也不是吵架 就不一样了
Mom and Dad have been, not fighting, just, like, different.
这是他们的第一个万圣节 你必须在场
It's their first Halloween. You have to be there.
有什么大问题
What's the big dealio?
兄弟另外有事 双胞胎今晚又需要个父亲人物
Big guy has a conflict, twins need a father figure for the night.
没事的 妹妹 我也有XY染色体
Don't sweat it, sis. I got the old XY chromosome.
皮舅舅来救场
Uncle P to the rescue, huh?
这就行了 问题解决了
There you go. Problem solved.
今晚吓得开心 孩子们
You have a spooky time tonight, kids.
-晚安 爸爸 -再见 爸爸
- Goodnight, Dad! - Bye, Dad.
旺达
Wanda?
乖乖的
Be good.
我闻到了犯罪
I smell crime.
别那样
Don't do that!
你把水气球都放哪了
Where do you keep your water balloons?
什么 我们没有水气球
What? We don't have water balloons.
那这些剃须膏要往哪里放
Where are we gonna put all this shaving cream?
-是比利的主意 -我是汤米
- It was Billy's idea. - I'm Tommy.
你可别忘了
And don't you forget it!
你连服装都没有
You don't even have a costume.
好吧 但...记住 我们可是受尊敬的一家
Okay, but... Just remember that this is a respectable family.
如果我看到你们搞怪
If I see any funny business,
我就用魔法把你们变成腌鲱鱼
I am going to magic you into a pickled herring.
一小时内完成完全分♥析♥
I wanna see a full work-up inside the hour.
-是 长官 -海沃德
- Yes, sir. - Hayward.
海沃德
Hayward!
你派导弹进去 是断了我们的后路
You cut us off at the knees, sending in that missile.
我们现在清楚在跟什么样的人打交道了
Now we know who we're dealing with.
他来了
Hey, there he is.
差点被自己的杀人小队杀掉的人
The guy who almost got murdered by his own murder squad.
你为我工作吗
You work for me?
-我还真不知道 -她是我的人
- I actually don't know. - She's with me.
这样啊 你们哪个是嘴上不饶人的闺蜜
I see. And which one of you is the sassy best friend?