外星也难民

I totally understand.
看 他们是把自己的不安感转移到了你的奶头上
See? They were projecting their own insecurities onto your nipples.
如果你被大浪吞没了 我也会这么做
I would have done the same thing if you'd been mondo chomped.
我们这么客气干什么 我想杀了这个蓝崽子
Ugh, why are we being nice? I want to kill this little blue--
雅姆莱克最棒
Yumyulack rules!
是啊 我就是这个意思
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
杰茜 真不敢相信我会这么说
Jesse, I can't believe I'm saying this,
但我真的很高兴你把我的缩小射线枪藏起来了
but I'm actually glad you hid my shrink ray,
因为今天我学到了 只有当你对他人满怀恶意时
because today I learned that people are only jerks
人们才会对你恶意相向
when you're a jerk to them.
等等 你不会是为了取回缩小射线枪
Wait a minute, you're not just pretending to like humans
才假装喜欢人类吧
so you get the shrink ray back, right?
我可不是傻子
I'm no schmuck.
不是的 我是真心想和小镇上的每个混♥蛋♥做朋友
No way, I genuinely want to make friends with every jerk in town.
-太好了 -我知道接下来去哪最合适
- Yes! - And I know the perfect place to go next!
我猜猜
Hmm, let me guess.
在葡萄游戏厅工作的那个人
The guys who work at GameGrape,
商场里的那个二手游戏店
the used game store in the mall.
他们对你一直很不好 但我觉得今天
They're always so mean to you, but I think today--
不 比那里好多了 跟我来
No, way better. Come on!
什么 好吧 等等 天啊
What? Um, okay, uh, wait, ooh, uh, oh boy--
我觉得咱们今天已经够了
A-actually, you know what? We've done enough for today!
-你成长了很多 我觉得 -不行
- You've grown so much and I think... - No way.
我得弄清楚为什么这些家伙这么刻薄
I need to find out why these guys are so mean.
我猜又是因为前妻的午饭这种事
I bet it's the ex-wife lonely lunch thing again.
天哪
Oh man.
有剪刀吗 我这有点腾不开手
Hey, do we have any scissors? I'm in a little over my head here.
闭嘴 特里 我在升级纳米机器人
Shut the fuck up, Terry. I'm upgrading the nanobots.
更智能的纳米机器人意味着更多信息
Smarter nanobots means more information,
更多的信息意味着我们不可能输掉辩论
and more information means there's no way we lose the debate.
真是好主意
Such a good idea.
让机器人过于智能 绝对不会出错
Nothing ever goes wrong when you make robots too smart!
这肯定是最后一次了
Well, I'm sure that's the last I'll see of that.
喂 如果有人在的话 警♥察♥已经在路上了
Hello? If anyone is in here, the police are on their way-Ohh!
我们掌握了全镇人的所有信息
We know everything there is to know about everyone in town.
他们想要什么 他们的秘密是什么
What they want, what their secrets are.
我甚至还知道了他们自己都不知道的事
I know things about people they don't even know about themselves.
比如托德 他最喜欢的颜色不是红色 而是橙色
Like Todd? His favorite color isn't red. It's orange.
谁在乎这种事 露丝呢
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares, who cares. What about Ruth?
她怕什么 她对什么过敏吗
What is she afraid of? Does she have any allergies?
-用什么才能扳倒她 -这是我唯一的盲点
- What is gonna take her down? - That's my one blind spot.
那个老女人不喝水
That old withered bag refuses to drink water.
当然了 老人只喝可乐 而且从不洗澡
Of course! Old people only drink Coke and they never shower.
无所谓了 我们唯一需要知道的
It doesn't matter. The only thing we have to know about her is that
就是她即将会成为前任主席
she's about to be the ex head of the HOA.
我们无人可挡
Nothing can stop us!
哈哈哈哈 特里 哈哈哈哈
Ha ha ha ha, Terry, ha ha ha ha ha ha.
好的 大家都认识我们了
Okay, look, you all know us.
我和科尔沃 我们可以给予你们想要的
Me and Korvo, we give you what you want.
如果你为我们投票 我们就能帮你解决一切问题
If you vote for us, we've got you covered.
你想要巨型的减速带 把你的车发射到空中
You want big speed bumps that launch your car
就像《正义前锋》里一样 没问题
in the air like Dukes of Hazzard? Done.
你想要滑雪缆车 草图我都画好了
You want a ski-lift? I already crayoned up the plans.
我们今天就可以开工
We can break ground today.
两个词 网络和光纤 把顺序倒一下
Two words. Internet. Fiber. Not in that order.
你们明白吧
You're getting it!
你们都会有速度超快的网络
You're all gonna have super-fast interneeeet!
知道吗 我都有点可怜露丝了
You know what? I kinda feel bad for Ruth.
等我们获选后 我猜她会直接死在那张椅子上
I bet she dies right in that chair when we win.
真不敢相信我们就要当主席了
I can't believe we're going to be presidents.
太好了 科尔沃主席 科尔沃先生
This is amazing. President Korvo. Mister Korvo.
等等
Wait.
等等 那是什么
Wait, what the hell is that?
天哪 不 那些纳米机器人
Oh my god, no, the nanobots!
我必须发言
I must speak.
不不不 别听他的
Hey, hey, no, no, no, no. Don't listen to this guy.
他都不是真人 只是一堆机器人
He isn't even really a guy, he's just a-a pile of robots.
没错
It's true.
我由万亿级的自我复♥制♥微型机器人组成
I am composed of a trillion microscopic, self-replicating robots,
但我知道
but I know--
所有的人都需要
that all humans require--
都需要
require--
在橡木街和梅恩街的拐角处放置一个减速标志
a stop sign at the corner of Oak and Main.
人们每次拐弯都很快 就好像在街头飙车一样
People speed through there like they're street racing.
这种情况必须到此为止 而我可以做到
It's got to stop, and I can make it happen.
-不 什么 -不不不
- No. What? - No, no, no, no, no.
我不这么认为 停止计时
I-I-I don't think so, stop the clock.
辩论已经结束了 大家该投票了
We already had the debate. Everyone has to vote right now.
你从哪弄来的衣服 脱下来
Where did you get that suit? Take it off.
-这是我的衣服 -戈登 什么情况
- Uh, it's my suit. - Gordon, what the hell?
刚开始我也以为这个纳米机器人
I too thought at first that this Nanobot Man
是那种很可怕的
was some kind of frightening
《X档案》里的那种怪物
X-Files type, you know, monster creature.
但是 他带我去吃了一顿高档牛排晚餐
But then, he took me to a nice steak dinner.
一顿晚餐就把你收买♥♥了吗
That's all it takes?
各位 我最不希望的
Folks, last thing I want to do
就是延长这个无聊的业主协会的竞选时间
is drag this boring HOA election out any longer,
但我认为 如果你们能认真听我说一会 我可以
but I think if you listen for a moment, I could--
改变你们的投票决定
whoa, flip your vote.
我命令你离开这里
I-I command you to leave this place!
听他说
Let's hear him out!
各位 我们这里有布丁
Hey, guys, we got pudding over here!
有人想要香草巧克力味的吗
Anybody want chocolate-vanilla swirl?
这些家伙可真够暴躁的
Man, these guys are real wound up.
光靠布丁可能还不够
This might take more than a pudding cup.
我知道 我们差不多该走了 对吗
I know, we should probably just go, right?
你得为他们演唱你的友谊歌♥谣
You're gonna have to sing them your friendship song!
我不确定该不该这么做
I don't know if that's a good idea--
怎么回事
What the fuck?
各位 如果你们觉得那就是朋克摇滚
Hey, guys, if you think that's punk rock,
等你们听过我妹妹的歌♥再说吧
wait till you hear my sister's song.
我真心觉得人类通常是友善的
Look, I do think humans are generally nice,
但今天为了向你证明这点
but to prove that point to you today
我在你所有死对头的脑袋里输入了微型芯片
I installed microchips in all of your enemies' heads
当我按下按钮 他们就会变得友善
that made them nice when I clicked this button.
但我不认识这些新纳粹分子
But I didn't know about these neo-Nazis,
这招就没用了 我们完了
so it's not gonna work and I think we're gonna die.
我告诉过你 有的人就是坏
Ah, I told you some people are bad!
你说得没错 有些人坏得很
You're right! Some people are really, really bad!
这就像电影《绿色房♥间》一样
This is just like the movie Green Room!
达内尔 你的割草机坏了
Darnell, your lawnmower broke,
而且零件已经停产了 对吗
and they don't make the gear anymore, am I right?
给你 现场3D打印的零件
There you go, 3D printed on the spot.
还有伊丽莎白 天生看不见
And little Elizabeth, born blind.
看看我能做些什么
Let's see what we can do about that.
好了
There you go.
我能看见所有的气味和声音 太神奇了
I can see all the smells and sounds! It's amazing!
看来你们的选择已经很明显了
Seems like your choice is clear.
给纳米机器人投票 就是给快乐投票
A vote for Nanobot Man is a vote for happiness.
他知道你们想要什么
The only reason he knows what you want is
只不过是因为他进入过你们的尿液
because he's been inside your pee.
没错 纳米机器人一直在监视你们
That's right, Nanobot Man has been spying on you this whole time.
你真的希望给一个进入过你的蛋蛋
Do you really want to elect a man who's been inside your balls
还有其他器官的人投票吗
or, or the other stuff?
真的 我能看见了 我能看见一切
It's true, I can see it! I can see everything!
没错 我进入过你们所有人的尿液
It's true, I have been in all your pee.
我不想提这件事 但这是他们逼我的
I didn't want to bring this up, but they've forced my hand.
科尔沃就是我的父亲 他为我打造了纳米机器身体
Korvo is my dad, and he built my nanobot bodies.
他和特里把我投入水中
And he and Terry put me in the water
这样他们就能读取你们的意识 送你们礼物
so they could read your minds and give you presents.
你们不能给这两个骗子投票