外星也难民

在我的厨房♥里 有一个带着儿童防护锁的柜子
In my kitchen, there's a cabinet with a child-proof lock.
里面有两节AA电池和一个哈利波特哨子
Inside are two AA batteries and a Harry Potter whistle.
替我拿过来
Get them for me.
-你想要电池 -还有哈利波特哨子
- You want batteries? - And a Harry Potter whistle.
你是对的 我一点也不好
Oh, man, you were right. I'm not nice.
太差劲了 我以为我挺好的
This sucks. I thought I was great.
雅姆莱克 我的朋友 意识到自己的差劲之处
Yumyulack, my friend, recognizing you suck
就是通往优秀的第一步
is the first step towards de-suckifying.
行 混♥蛋♥ 告诉我怎么样才能对杰茜好
Okay, fuckface, tell me how to be nice to Jesse and do it yesterday.
我们一般逛她最喜欢的店
Well, we usually just hang out at her favorite place.
天啊 蠢死了
Oh, my God, this is so dumb.
欢迎光临巴氏消毒酸奶店
Welcome to the Pasteur Pasteurized Yogurt Parlor,
世界上第一家以路易·巴斯德为主题的酸奶店
the world's first Louis Pasteur-themed yogurt shop.
你好 托德 你把牛奶快速加热后
Sup, Todd? You flash heating that milk
就可以喝了 对吧
so it's safe to drink, yo?
这就叫巴氏消毒法 老弟
That's what pasteurization is, my man.
太傻了 杰茜真是个废物
This is so rich. Jesse is such a loser.
闭上你的臭嘴
Shut your fucking mouth!
这是我才会说出来的话 你果然像我
A-ha! That's something I would say. You are like me.
才不是 现在我要向你演示怎样才能友善
I am not. Now, I'm gonna show you how to be nice.
阿伊莎 在这里来一个杰茜的全息影像
Aisha, give us a little Jesse hologram up in this business.
好的
Okay.
杰茜 你今天的味道真好闻
Hey, Jesse. You smell great today.
我们一起选几个口味吧
Why don't we all sample some flavors together?
谢谢 好朋友
Thanks, best friend.
我想尝尝麻疹疫苗菠萝味的
I wanna try Measles Inoculation Pineapple.
去死 我先来
Die! Me first!
暂停程序 雅姆 你这样太不对了
Freeze program. Yum, baby, you are so not money right now.
你觉得让她去死很好吗
Do you really think it was nice telling her to die?
-对 -不对 那样很坏
- Yes. - No, it was mean.
-你骗了我 -好 我们从基础开始
- Hey, you tricked me! - Okay, let's go back to the basics.
尝试对她微笑
Just try smiling at her.
今晚可有的教了
Oh, this is gonna be a long night.
最好泡上一壶全息咖啡
We better put on a pot of hologram coffee.
土壤 生养我们的子♥宫♥
Oh, soil, the womb in which we grow.
你的奥秘无时无刻不吸引着我
Your secrets never cease to delight me.
靠 真是个呆子
Oof, what a dork.
休息时间到
Work relaxation period commencing.
同事们 我刚刚见到了安排给我的噗噗专家
Work colleagues, I just met my assigned Pupa specialist,
-他是 -帅哥 他要说帅哥
- and he is-- - Handsome, he's gonna say handsome.
一个傻子 看看这张傻脸
An idiot. Just look at that stupid face.
他估计都不会区别佛罗沃克斯阵列
He probably doesn't even know his florvox array
和格特利诺相位振荡器
from his gortrino phase oscillatorr.
难 以 置 信
Un-believ-able.
将你的噗噗放入一厘米深的颜料池中
Place your Pupa in a one-centimeter-deep pool of pigment
让它自己染色三小时
and let it ink itself for three hours.
好啊 特瑞 我好想你 宝贝
What up, Teri? I missed you, babe.
我想你了 宝宝 你是我的小宝宝
Missed you, little boo-boo. You're my boo-boo girl.
天呐 这小妞就是特里的生活伴侣
Good grief, that smokeshow is Terry's life mate?
名字也叫特瑞 他怎么完全没提过这事
And its name is also Teri? How has he never mentioned this?
我刚刚碰见了我的疏散搭档
Oh, man, I just met my evacuation partner.
呆子一个
Total derf.
不能和你 却要和那个无聊的傻子一起走可真是太糟了
Sucks that I can't take you instead of his boring, flat ass.
31827号♥ 安静 系上你最上面的扣子
Number 31827, be quiet! Also, button your top button.
但是我这样要酷多了
But I look way cooler this way.
统一才是酷的
Conformity is cool!
统一才是酷的 统一才是酷的
Conformity is cool, conformity is cool,
统一才是酷的
conformity is cool.
是的 杰茜 你选的香草味非常好
Yes, Jesse, your choice of vanilla is fine
并不是给小孩吃的
and not for babies.
不行 你不能 等等 你成功了 阿伊莎 分♥析♥恶意
No, you can't-- wait, you did it. Aisha, analyze malice.
未检测到恶意
No malice detected.
-我做到了 -恭喜你 雅姆莱克
- I did it. - Congratulations, Yumyulack.
为了奖励你的认真学习 我送给你
For all your hard work, I'd like to reward you
你最喜欢的复仇者贴纸
with this sticker of your favorite Avenger.
太棒了 是鹰眼
Ooh, hell yeah! Hawkeye!
他有箭筒 他真名是克林特
He's got a quiver. His real name is Clint.
我的超能力是瞄准 瞄准你 瞄准你
Whoo, my superpower is aim. Aim at you, aim at you.
-你今晚会睡得很死 -瞄准你 瞄准你
- You're gonna sleep like a log tonight. - Aim at you, aim at you...
你上次打扫墙是什么时候
When's the last time you cleaned out the Wall?
自从他们发明了宗教以来
It's been getting super gross in there
这里就变得超级恶心
ever since they invented religion.
杰茜 你好 我想问候你
Jesse, hello. I wanted to greet you
然后告诉你你的弓看上去很不错
and tell you that your bow looks nice.
等等 这是陷阱吗
It-wait, is this a trap?
如果是陷阱 你得告诉我
Because you have to tell me if it's a trap.
-我是来恭维你的 -是吗
- I came in here to compliment you. - You did?
是的 我已经说了 我得在我搞砸前走人
Yes, and I did it. Gotta go before I mess it up.
你看上去很棒 拜
You look great, bye!
-王八蛋 -猜猜怎么着
- You son of a bitch. - Oh, yeah, well guess what?
你弱爆了
You suck.
你想把你的傻♥逼♥生活伴侣带去地球吗
You wanted to bring your stupid life mate to Earth, huh?
你觉得带"王"的特瑞比我好
You-you think Teri with an "I" is better than me?
你觉得我的脸很弱智
You think I have a stupid face
我不知道怎么处理噗噗
and that I don't know what I'm doing with the Pupa.
你本来就不知道
You don't!
我做到了 我对杰茜很好
Well, I did it. I was nice to Jesse.
我是你认识的最善良的人
I'm the nicest motherfucker you've ever met.
-这太棒了 -非常感谢你
- This is wonderful. - Thank you so, so much
花那么多时间让我成为一个更好的外星人
for spending all that time making me a better alien.
既然我变善良了 我可以把你删了
And now that I'm nice, I can delete your ass.
-删除一个人可不善良 -我知道
- Hey, deleting someone isn't nice. - Yeah, I know.
但我不想让杰茜发现
But I never want Jesse to find out
我需要训练才能变得善良
that I needed training wheels for this stuff.
所以你得被抹除
So you gotta get trashed.
做你老师是我的荣幸
Well, it was a pleasure teaching you.
我其实也从你身上学到了点东西
You know, I actually learned something from you, too.
-是吗 学到了什么 -怎么做无赖
- Oh, yeah, what was that? - How to be a dick!
去死吧
Eat my finger!
我的天 什么鬼
Oh, my God! What the heck?
杰茜终于要得到她应得的哥哥了
Jesse's finally getting the brother she deserves.
好了 好了 好了
All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
够了 我们吹了 合作结束
Enough, we're done. The partnership is over.
-同意 -等我们回到我们的时间
- Agreed. - When we get back to our time,
我就收拾行李搬去圣迭戈
I'm packing up and moving to San Diego.
我要在瓦斯灯街区租间公♥寓♥ 每天吃鱼卷
I'll rent a condo in the Gaslamp and eat fish tacos every day
-再也不想你 -越早越好
- and never think of you. - The sooner the better.
你和我在一起从没做过什么好事
You and I have never done anything good together.
瞧瞧那些复♥制♥人多可爱
Oh, wow, look how cute the replicants are.
是啊 我们都很可爱
Oh, they really are. We're all cute.
看看我们 两个普通外星人和他们的复♥制♥人
Would you look at us? Two regular aliens with their replicants
想着他们要去太空
thinking that they're gonna go out into space
把离群的月亮地球化
and terraform a rogue moon or something.
我们完全不知道我们将会面临什么
We had no idea what we were in for.
特里
You know, Terry,
我们在地球上假装是一家人
we spent so much time on Earth pretending to be a family,
我都没注意到我们其实已经成了一家人
I didn't even notice when we actually became one.
我想我们看《碟中谍4》的时候
Yeah, I think we sealed the deal on that
基本就已经确定了
when we all saw Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol.
你还记得吗 汤姆·克鲁斯 TC
You remember? Tom Cruise? TC?
特里 我想你是对的
Terry, I think you're right.
我们都很喜欢那部电影 一起
We all really liked that movie. Together.
记得我们制♥造♥了一个真的芬巴奇
Hey, remember when we made a real Funbucket
它发疯 袭击了小镇吗
and it went crazy and attacked the town?
嗯嗯 超棒
Oh, yeah, yeah, that was awesome.
还有我们打造南银窝的时候
Hey, how about when we built the "manc ave"?
你不得不把那蠢机器人埋在后院
You had to bury the cuck robot in the backyard.
他很喜欢
He loved it.
或者记得一切都是音乐剧的那天吗
Or remember that day when everything was a musical?
嗯 还有我们和辛普森一家联合起来
Yeah, or what about when we teamed up with the Simpsons