外星也难民

该死 他们又不来了
God dammit. They're not coming. Again.
电脑 关掉模拟墨西哥街头乐队
Computer, turn off the mariachi simulación.
希望你们都是去为周二塔可之夜
I should hope that you're all going out to get more Miller L-l-l-lights
买♥♥美乐啤酒的
for Tuesday Taco Night Thing.
等等 是今晚 我发誓是周一
Oh wait, that was tonight? Aw, I could've sworn that was on Monday.
一直都是周二 你们已经错过了最近三次了
It's always on Tuesdays, and you've missed the last tres.
我们知道你只是想骗我们陪你玩
We know you're just trying to trick us into hanging out with you.
不 我是想骗你们来学习修理飞船
No! I'm trying to trick you into learning about ship repair.
我们要躲你多少次
How many times do we have to ghost on you
你才能停止搞这个塔可的活动
before you stop with the taco thing?
-你们必须来 -没门
- Oh, you're coming. - Nuh-uh.
你们一定会来[疯狂高♥潮♥] 求我停下
Oh, you're gonna come so hard you're gonna beg me to stop.
你做梦吧
Yeah, you wish.
我们要去参加康纳·米勒的生日派对
We're going to Conner Miller's birthday party.
他妈妈很有钱 他爸爸想要成为小说家
His mom is rich, and his dad's trying to be a novelist,
所以他们肯定会大吵
so I bet they get in a big fight.
到时会有魔术师
There's gonna be a magician.
那将是我《魔术师签名日记》里的第一个签名
It'll be my first autograph in my awesome Magician Autograph Journal!
魔术很蠢
Magic is stupid.
也许我会跟你们去 这样我就能揭秘他的魔术了
Maybe I'll tag along just so I can explain how he's doing his tricks.
别来 你不会喜欢的
Please don't come. You know, I don't think you'd like it.
这跟家务或者嘶吼都无关
It has nothing to do with chores or yelling.
科尔沃 你不太擅长社交
Um, Korvo, you don't really do well in a social setting.
这是你的特点
It's kinda like your thing.
你的逆反心理奏效了 特里
Hm, your reverse psychology has worked, Terry.
没有什么能阻止我跟你们一起去那小孩的生日派对
Nothing will stop me from joining you at this child's birthday party.
耶 科尔沃
Yay, Korvo!
好浪费纸
What a waste of paper.
跟小孩相关的唯一好的仪式就是犹太人的
The only good ceremony involving children is the Jewish one
他们切鸡鸡 我说得对吗
where they cut off the penis. Am I right?
慢点
Slow down!
就是一把减速射线枪 没什么大不了的
Just a slow-down ray. No big deal.
魔术 魔术 魔术
Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic.
恰到好处
On the nose much?
魔术 魔术
Magic! Magic!
兔子藏在桌子下面 弱智
Rabbit was hidden under the table. Dumb.
假大拇指
Fake thumb.
腋下藏了泡沫球
Foam ball in the armpit.
嘴里塞满了旗子
Mouth full of flags.
这太傻了 任何人都能做到
This is so stupid, anyone could do this.
我也能做到
I could do this.
我也能做到
I could do this.
什洛普星曾是个完美的乌托邦
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
直到被小行星撞上
Until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人以及他们的复♥制♥人分到了一只噗噗
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
逃往了太空
and escaped into, uh, the space,
在杳无人迹的世界里寻找新家
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠落在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
是的 我一直在说这个
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
抱着噗噗的人是我 我叫科尔沃
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是我的节目 我的噗噗掉了 你看到我了吗
This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
这太荒唐了
This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
人类笨死了
People are stupid.
他们总是说他们有多爱他们的家人
They're always talking about how they love their family,
但他们从不把他们的家人变得巨大
but they're never making their family gigantic.
全是正常大小
They're all normal sized.
如果你喜欢一样事物 你就该试图把它变得巨大
If you like something, you should be trying to make it gigantic.
外星也难民
第一季 第三集
好了 记得分享哦
All right, be sure to share.
确保低层的人能拿到瑞斯糖 别独占彩虹糖
Make sure the lower levels get Reese's and don't hog the Skittles.
雅姆莱克 我要走了
Yumyulack, I'm heading out.
我想早到学校
I like to get to school early
这样就能观看老师们在停车场里喝酒了
so I can watch the teachers drink in the parking lot.
等等 我想把我最新的受害者
Oh hold on. I just want to put my latest victim,
我是说样本 也放进去
I mean specimen, in there too.
等等 我认识她
Wait, I know her.
那不就是那个把她家狗的狗屎放进邮箱的女人
Is that the lady who puts her dog's poop in the mailbox?
我倒是想呢
Ugh, I wish.
就是脱衣舞俱乐部旁边的红花餐厅的服务员
It's just the waitress from the Benihana over by the strip club.
她为什么要放到墙里 她不是挺好的吗
Why is she going in the wall? I thought she was a nice one.
我说我不想要虾
I said I didn't want shrimp!
如果我过敏 我可能会死掉 你想那样吗
If I was allergic, I could have died! Is that what you want?
当然不 我希望一切都能永生 你是知道的
Of course not. I wish everything lived forever. You know that.
我的天
Oh my god.
我他妈在哪
Where the fuck am I?
欢迎 市民
Welcome, citizen.
离我远点
Get away from me--
你口袋里的东西都是我们的了
Whatever you got in your pockets is ours!
钱包 口香糖 钥匙金属
Wallet, gum, key metal--
她有抗胃酸咀嚼钙片
She's got Tums!
不要敬酒不吃吃"牙签"
We could do this the easy way or the toothpick way.
-你们选 -这事没完
- Your choice. - This isn't over.
人人总有一听会用完高级牙签的
Everyone runs out of fancy toothpicks at some point.
想要活命跟我走
Come with me if you want to live.
-这是《 铁血战士》的台词 -是《终结者》
- That's from Predator. - It's from the Terminator.
我去 真的吗 我这么说都好几周了
Oh, crap, really? 'Cause I've been saying that for weeks.
-你确定吗 -那电影我都看了一百遍了
- Are you sure? - I've seen that movie a hundred times.
我们该走了 我真蠢
We should go. Ugh, I'm such an idiot.
你好啊 科尔沃 你想继续
What's up, Korvo? Do you want to resume, um,
纠正跨银河系的导航网里的错误吗
correcting any inaccuracies in the cross-galactic navigation matrix?
不 我没空放松
No, I don't have time to relax.
今天我们得搞清我要怎么成为魔术师
Today we need to find out how I can be a magician.
魔术不是很...逊吗
Isn't magic... lame?
如果魔术很逊
If magic is lame,
你的全息影像里为什么会有25美分
then why do you have a quarter in your hologram?
什么 真不敢相信
What? Get the fuck out of here. Wow.
没错 好了 我要尽快变成最棒的魔术师
Exactly. Okay, I need to be the best magician I can as fast as possible.
这是某种情感弧线吗
Is this some sort of emotional arc?
魔术师从不暴露他的动机
A magician never reveals his motivations.
开始吧
Let's get started.
奇迹计算中
Calculating wonder.
完成 我会以地球上顶级魔幻师的方式教你
Done. I'll teach in the form of Earth's greatest illusionists.
胡迪尼 科波菲尔和迷男
Houdini, Copperfield, and Mystery,
《把妹达人》里的搭讪艺术家
the pickup artist from The Game.
我能逃脱一切 否定任何人
I can escape anything and neg anyone.
你没你朋友性感
You're not as hot as your friend.
科波菲尔的部分在哪
Which part is Copperfield?
被另外两种人格吃了
The other two personalities ate him.
能请你给我个正常点的教程吗
Can I please just get a regular tutorial?
好的 处理中
Fine. Processing.
你似乎应该把简单的把戏
It seems like you should combine simple tricks
和你已经擅长的事情结合起来
with what you're already great at.
烹饪鲑鱼吗
Cooking salmon?
电脑 减少25%的不耐烦语气
Computer, lower impatience expression by 25 percent.
你应该把先进技术融入你的表演
You should incorporate advanced technology into your act.
结合外星技术和手上功夫
Combine alien technology with sleight of hand,
那样的表演会震撼全场
a show like that would blow people's minds!
尤其如果我们在中场休息时提供鲑鱼
Especially if we served salmon at intermission.
公爵说我们的彩虹糖税你交晚了
The Duke says you're late on our Skittle tax.
我只找到一颗小薄荷巧克力豆
All I could find was a Junior Mint.
-接着走 别掺和 -这到底是什么地方
- Keep walking, don't get involved. - What the hell is this place?
整个世界是外星人孩子创造的一个监狱
This whole world is a prison created by alien kids.
它是由贯通的玻璃容器组成的系统
It's made up of a system of connected terrariums.
那些家伙是执法者
Those guys are enforcers.
承蒙公爵怜爱
他们是由围墙统治者组成的军事警♥察♥的一部分
They're part of a martial police formed by the ruler of the wall.
我猜那就是公爵
I'm guessing that's The Duke?
挺复杂的
It's pretty complicated.
他是不是就像《纽约大逃亡》里的纽约公爵
Is he like The Duke of New York from Escape from New York?
好吧 对 没错