外星也难民

戴宝氏[美国餐厅与娱乐公♥司♥]
探测到运动音乐
杀手模式 激活
老天 她来了
Oh, crap, here she comes.
快进去
Get inside.
我们得把激活戒指从她手上摘下来
The activation ring. We have to get it off her finger.
目标是戒指
Aim for the ring.
这些黏黏手我全要了 多少券
How many tickets for all your sticky hands?
我不知道 一百万吧
I don't know. Like, a million. Hey!
这些可是用我的工资券买♥♥的
Those come out of the tickets they pay me with.
趁现在
Now!
佩雷兹老师 佩雷兹老师
Ms. Perez, Ms. Perez!
杰茜 你来这干什么
Jesse, what are you doing here?
学校的事 你不会懂的
School stuff. You wouldn't understand!
趴下
Get down!
佩雷兹老师 我试着造个玻璃天花板来打碎
Ms. Perez, I tried to make a glass ceiling to break,
但我把一群女权主义者气疯了 你得帮我
but a bunch of male allies got mad. You gotta help me.
你♥他♥妈♥在说什么啊
What the fuck are you talking about?
我对推动女权进步无能为力 佩雷兹老师
I couldn't move us women forward, Ms. Perez.
求求你别挂掉我
Please don't give me an F.
我都没意识到你是个女孩
I didn't even realize you were a girl.
我还以为你要画杜库伯爵[《星球大战》角色]的光剑呢
I thought you were gonna draw Count Dooku's lightsaber.
什么 可我戴了头花
What? But I have a bow.
我不知道 你是个绿皮人
I don't know, you're green
你的嘴拉开之后比脸还宽
and your mouth extends past the boundaries of your face.
我怎么知道
How would I know?
如果你真的想打倒父权 拿A
If you really wanna topple the patriarchy and get an A,
-这就是你的机会 -你说得对 佩雷兹老师
- this is your chance. - You're right, Ms. Perez.
征服机器人是每个女权主义英雄的必经之路
Every feminist hero had their robot to conquer.
该教教你们两个淘气 差劲的小大人
Time for you two naughty/disappointing boy men
如何做人了
to learn a lesson.
杀手模式 激活
帕秋莎 住手
Patricia, stop.
性别 未知
性别 未知
Gender not found.
这是因为我是个外星人
That's because I'm an alien plant.
直到现在我才意识到 这没关系
It took me all this time to realize that's okay.
我可以随心所欲 你也可以
I can do whatever I want. So can you.
可我是母亲 我是妻子 我是母亲 我是
But I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a--
怎么会 你是一名机器人杀手
No way, Jose. You're a killer robot.
如果这让你快乐 那就尽情去做吧
And if that's what makes you happy, then lean into it.
我不需要杀男人 我可以想杀谁就杀谁
I don't have to kill men. I could be killing anyone I want.
与性别无关 我谁都可以杀
No matter what gender. I could kill everyone!
今天可不行
Ha, not today.
不 我要杀死世上所有的人类...
No, I was about to kill all humans in the world...
帕秋莎 对不起 我得把你关掉[性致大减]
Patricia, I'm sorry. But I have to turn you off.
每天你脱衣服时 我都性致大减
You turn me off every day when you take off your shirt.
怎么了 科尔沃 你怎么停手了
What's wrong, Korvo? Why-why'd you stop?
我不能把她废了 特里
I can't deactivate her, Terry.
我没意识到 我的心缺了一角
I didn't realize I had a hole in my heart.
只有源源不断的刻薄挖苦和性讽刺
A hole that needed to be demeaned with a non-stop barrage
才能将它填补
of insults and sexual criticism.
我们不能拆了她 可我们也不能和她一起住
We can't kill her, but we can't live with her.
那我们怎么办
So what do we do?
我们当初想 我们需要一个"南银窝"
We started this thinking we needed a "manc ave"
来填补内心的缺憾
to fill a gaping hole inside of us.
但其实 我们真正需要的是 要明白
But what we truly needed was to know
我们的缺憾各不相同
that we have different types of gaping holes
需要用其他方法去填补
that need other ways to be filled.
你让我们明白 我们不必躲在"窝"里 妈妈
You taught us that we don't have to hide in an "ave," Mom.
-谢谢你 -我们不能把你拆掉
- Thank you. - We can't kill you
但我们也不能让你四处杀人放火
and we can't have you going around and setting stuff on fire.
所以从现在开始 这个集装箱就是你的家
So from now on, you'll live in this shipping container.
我们真的要把她送走吗
Do we really have to get rid of her?
我们或许可以留下她 作为女权的象征
Maybe we can keep her around like a feminist icon.
你的裙子太短了 男生们会觉得你很放荡
Your dress is too short. Boys will think you're a slut.
你不是我真正的妈妈 闭嘴
You're not my real mom! Shut up!
帕秋莎 到进集装箱的时间了
Patricia, it's time to get in the container.
别担心 你不会感到无聊的
Don't worry, you won't be bored.
我为你做了个蠢机器人解闷
I made you a cuck-bot for company.
有没有人想去GAP退换衣服啊
Does anyone want to go to the Gap and make some returns?
经营美国服装饰品的零售商
我没想让他看起来像泰德·克鲁兹
I didn't try to make him look like Ted Cruz.
美国政♥治♥人物
不知怎么就成这样了
It just happens with these things.
你好 你怎么穿这个
Hello. You're wearing that?
我以为我把它扔掉了 你摆臭脸给谁看
I thought I threw that out. Why are you making that face?
-我没摆臭脸 -老天 你可真讨人嫌
- I'm not making a face. - God, you're annoying.
你鼻音还能更重点吗 真男人是不会让外星人
Could you be more nasal? A real man wouldn't let an alien
把他装进集装箱埋掉的
bury him in a shipping container.
这样挺好的 我们想她的时候
It's nice to know that any time we miss her,
就可以出来
we can come outside
我们知道她就在我们脚下几英尺的地方
and we know that she's just a few feet down there
大肆抨击他呢
just ripping into him, you know?
挑剔他刷牙的方式 没有正确弓背
On how he brushes his teeth, and how he doesn't arch his back properly.
说他站不直 笨拙
The way he stands all crooked and how he's all weasley
又瘦又没肌肉之类的
and thin and not muscly or anything.
-对 -我刚度过了超疯狂的一周
- Yeah. - Wow, I just had the craziest week.
是啊 你一直都不在 你去做什么了
Oh, yeah, you weren't around. What were you doing this whole time?
我一不小心让成百上千只考拉逃出了动物园
I accidentally let hundreds of koalas out of the zoo
然后花了好久才把它们全都抓回去
and then spent a ton of time rounding them all up.
那个动物园住得下一百只考拉吗
The zoo has the capacity to house hundreds of koalas?
是 它们跑得满城都是
Yeah, they were running all over town.
我用迪吉里杜管才哄住他们
I had to coax them with didgeridoos.
都上新闻了 怎么 你们完全没看到
It was on the news. Like, you-you didn't see any of that?
好了 进去 进去啊 进去
Okay, get in, get in here, get in.
你们那个与性别相关的事怎么样了
Hey, so how did your gender-based stories turn out?
挺好的 我觉得我们做得尽善尽美
Uh, good, yeah. I mean, I think we covered every angle
也大抵解决了问题 所以
and pretty much solved it, so.
对 我觉得每个人都会对我们的成果感到满意
Yeah, I think everyone will be very happy with what we did.
我很高兴我们挺了过来 因为我觉得
Well, I'm glad we survived, because I don't think
这是我们能遇到的最有争议性的话题了
there's a more controversial topic we could have dealt with.
同学们 下次作业
Okay, class. Next assignment,
在座的每个人都要找到一个种族主义者
everyone here has to find a racist
告诉他们这样做是不对的
and teach them the error of their ways.
耶
Yay!