外星也难民

Damn, Morpheus, how'd you get those motherfucking sunglasses
粘在脸上
to stick to your face?
我也得瞧瞧 不 不
Ooh, I gotta see that. No! No!
专心
Focus.
一旦你掌握了改变岩浆通路
Once you know how to reroute the lava--
瞧瞧这个 特里 我也是个墨菲斯了
Check it out, Terry, I'm a fucking Morpheus now.
看招
Watch out.
我觉得我们应该去投钱赌马
I think we should invest in a racehorse
因为我想去肯塔基州 戴上那种大帽子
because I want to go to Kentucky and wear a big old hat,
还因为我想到了一个赌马的好名字
and also I've got a great name for a racehorse.
听好了 马菲斯
Get ready. Horseus.
根据刚才说的那些起的
From the thing we were just talking about--
你能把嘴闭上吗
Will you shut the hell up?
我永远学不会如何修理智慧射线枪了
I'm never gonna learn how to repair the smart gun.
我刚学到修复岩浆反应堆的后一章
I'm only one chapter past the lavatic reactor.
我的老天
Oh, holy crapsters.
我意外学会了怎么修复岩浆反应堆
I accidentally learned how to repair the lavatic reactor.
我想对你说 如果我没能顺利出来
I just want you to know if I don't make it out of this,
能和你一起来到地球是我此生的荣幸
it has been the great honor of my life to come to Earth with you.
科尔沃 我爱你
Korvo, I love you--
我要去用锤子砸子弹玩了 特里 美♥利♥坚♥
I'm gonna go hit a bullet with a hammer, Terry. U-S-A!
美♥利♥坚♥ 美♥利♥坚♥
U-s-a! U-s-a!
我了个去 我好像修好了
Holy shit. I think I fixed it.
没有投机取巧我也能办成事情
I actually did something without taking a shortcut.
你 你在干嘛
W-w-what are you doing?
你不是在向我发信♥号♥♥吗
Hey, whoa, whoa, I thought you were sending signals.
啥 不是 智障射线枪的效果要多久才能失效
What? No. Man, when does the dumb ray wear off?
我要去白色城♥堡♥吃汉堡
I want White Castle.
难道我之前一直就是这个德行吗
Is this what I sound like all the time?
特里 我们把《生化危机》系列看完吧
Whoa, Terry, let's watch all the "Resident Evils."
是我本人了
Yeah, that's me.
好爽
Oh yes.
天哪 我爱死暑假这一个星期了
God, I love the last week of summer break.
孩子们都不在的时候 这地方太棒了
This place is so nice when the kids are gone.
这里完事后 我们到剧院做反向女上式
After this, let's do reverse cowgirl in the theater.
然后我们到化学实验室去舔屁屁
Then we're ass-eating in the chem lab.
但我穿的是露趾凉鞋
But I'm wearing open-toed sandals.
你们他妈的在这儿干嘛
What the fuck are you doing here?
-不 -我们按你们说的做了
- Oh no! - We did what you said.
我们每天早上七点就坐到了座位上
We've been in our chairs every day at 7 a. M.
你们自己在这儿待了多久了
How long have you been here on your own?
我们是好学生 我们...
We're good students. We did--
我们从来没迟到 一直很准时
We were never late. We were on time.
行行好 对我们仁慈一点吧
Mercy. Show us mercy.
出去等着
Go wait outside.
那两个家伙他妈的怎么回事
What the fuck is wrong with those two?
我不在乎他们喜不喜欢对方
I don't care if they like each other.
我们没让他们整个暑假都来
We didn't tell them to come in all summer!
这明显是虐待了
This is clearly abuse.
也许没人会相信他们 我们和他们各执一词
Maybe no one will believe them. It's their word against ours.
他们发现我们在午餐室啪啪了
They found us humping in the lunch room.
我正准备用舌头舔你的屁屁
I was about to stick my tongue up your ass.
天哪
Oh, Jesus.
我觉得我们要做正确的事
I guess we have to do the right thing.
好了 你们要怎么样才能保持沉默
Okay, what will it take for you to keep your mouth shut?
一千美元
A thousand dollars?
-我们要A 贱♥人♥ -我们要A
- We want A's, bitches. - We want A's.
-就这样吗 哪门课 -所有课
- That's it? In what? - In everything.
那我们给你们A
So we give you the A's
咱们就把这里发生的事都忘掉
and we forget that this whole thing ever happened.
指交 对你们的疏忽 还有吃...
Finger in the ass, the neglect, the eating of a--
祝贺你们 你们上光荣榜了
Congrats. You're both on the honor rolls.
-太棒了 -光荣榜 哥们
- Yeah! - Honor roll, dude!
我们太坏了
We've been bad.
收集我那些受害者的灰烬
Man, gathering up the ashes of my victims
把他们重塑成婴儿
and reconstituting them into babies
这项工作比我想象的要繁重得多
is way more work than I thought it would be.
但他们获得了第二次人生 所以挺好的
But, hey, they get a second chance at life, so that's cool.
你们两个笨蛋怎么样啊
What's up with you dorks?
我们抓到老师们互相舔屁屁
We caught the teachers eating each other's asses,
所以他们给我们所有课都打了A
so they gave us A's in all our classes.
而且我们又是最好的朋友了
And we're best friends again.
还有我们的玉米麦片没有了
And we're out of Frosted Flakes.
我明天去买♥♥点
I'll pick some up tomorrow.
不要把浴室门打开
Hey, uh, don't open the bathroom door
因为我把科尔沃锁在里面等他变聪明
because I locked Korvo in there until he gets smart again.
让我出去 这里有个外星人
Let me out of here! There's an alien in here!
等等 那只是镜子里的我
Oh, wait, that's-- it's just me in the mirror.
他听起来真的很蠢呢
Wow, he sounds really stupid.
对 我用智障枪打了他大概10次
Yeah, I shot him with the dumb gun like 10 times.
天哪 那效果要很久才会消失
Oh geez, that will take forever to wear off.
坚持住 科尔沃
Feel better, Korvo.
睡觉不要脸朝下 不然可能会窒息
Don't sleep face down or you might suffocate.
让我出去 盖尔·加朵是潜入美国社会的女巫
Let me out. Gal Gadot is a witch that was put into American society
以色列女演员
为了让我们忘记2008年经济衰退的
to make us all forget about the 2008 recession.
好的 哥们 很酷
Okay, buddy, very cool.
马上放我出去 我这里有人♥质♥
Let me out right now! I-I-I've got a hostage in here.
救命 让我出去
Help me, let me out.
别担心 开玩笑 两个声音都是我 配合一下
Don't worry, it's a joke. I'm doing both voices. Play along.
你好 你们俩在这里做什么
'Ello, what are you two doing in here?
安静
Shh, hey, be quiet.
-这里没人 -不 这不对劲
- It's empty. - No, this is all wrong.
快 我们得离开这儿
Come on, we have to get out of here.
你们这些蠢材
You stupid fucks.
你想怎么样 公爵
What are you gonna do, Duke,
跟我们所有人斗吗 你寡不敌众
take us all on? You're outnumbered.
蒂姆 我的孩子 你看
You see, Tim, my boy,
这是个圈套
this was the trap.
这都是我和恩里克安排好的
Enrique and I set up the whole thing.
地图 窥视孔 所有的一切
The map, the Peep, everything.
-恩里克 为什么 -你害死了我儿子
- Enrique, why? - You killed my son.
也许动手的是公爵
The Duke might have pulled the trigger,
但是你把他卷入这件事中的
but you dragged him into this whole thing.
看 我是讲究规则的人
See, I'm a man of rules.
是规则让每一个人能在墙内生存
It's rules that keep everyone alive in the wall.
但如果有人破坏了既定规则
But when someone breaks said rules,
你就要受到惩罚
you need a punishment.
我找到了完美的惩罚形式
I found the perfect form of punishment.
嚎啕洞
The Boo Hoo Hole.
蒂姆 你听说过嚎啕洞吗
Tim, you ever heard of the Boo Hoo Hole.
不
Noooo!
蒂姆 我对你有别的安排
I have different plans for you, Tim.
这些天才外星人比任何人类都要聪明十亿倍
These genius aliens are a billion times smarter than any man.
他们确实是强劲的对手
They are truly worthy adversaries.
谢谢你们放我出来 我感觉聪明多了
Thank you for letting me out. I'm feeling much smarter.
我现在聪明了 谢谢
I'm smart now. Thank you.
好的 我们相信你变聪明了
Okay, we're all trusting you to be smart.
我们今天也都得到了教训
And we all learned a lesson today,
让我们重振旗鼓 聪明起来
so let's all buckle down and be smart together
一起把飞船修好
and help repair the ship.
你拿的是什么 超光速飞行计划吗
What've you got there? Are those hyperdrive plans?
杰茜 想得美呢 我们连超光速飞船都没有
Oh, Jesse, nice try. We don't even have a hyperdrive.
不 不 这是我为《泰迪熊3》写的700页剧本
No, no, no, this is my 700-page screenplay for "Ted 3."
-你们都得给我写批注 -操 他还是个智障
- You all have to give me notes. - Oh, fuck, he's still dumb.
名字叫做"T3D" 但它不是3D的
It's called "T3D." It's not in 3D though.
泰迪熊和沃尔伯格一起去寻宝 遇到一个女巫
Ted and Wahlberg go on a treasure hunt and meet a witch.
我在美国编剧协会北部分会注册了版权
I copyrighted this with WGA-North.
它发生在未来的哈利·波特世界
It takes place in the Harry Potter world in the future,
那里所有城市都是波士顿
where every city is Boston.
本·阿弗莱克和马特·达蒙是总统
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are president.