外星也难民

so much harder in so many ways.
事先声明 我不需要人们喜欢我
So to be clear. I don't need to be liked,
只是工作需要而已
it's strictly a work necessity.
我需要人们喜欢我
Well, I need to be liked!
该死 你见到我的缩小射线枪了吗
Dang it, have you seen my shrink ray anywhere?
希望它没缩小
I'm hoping it didn't shrink.
那可真是太讽刺了
How ironic would that be.
-我藏起来了 -还给我
- I hid it. - Give it back!
我会的 但首先我想向你证明
I will, but first I want to prove to you
大多数人类都是善良的生命体
that humans are mostly basically good life forms.
过去几个月
For the last couple months,
你把太多的人放进墙里了
you've been putting way too many people in the wall.
你得适可而止了 先生
You need to pump the brakes, mister.
我只需要跟着你就行吗 好 简单
All I have to do is follow you around? Fine. Easy.
你还得帮我做一周作业 洗一周衣服
And you have to do all my homework and laundry for a week.
我想想 洗衣服不是我强项
Hmmm... let me think. Uh, laundry's not my strong suit.
该死 你把我那把可以支配人们的枪藏起来了吗
Um, dang it, did you hide my gun that makes people do what I want?
没错 我把你所有的枪都藏起来了
Yeah, I hid all your guns.
所有蓝色♥区♥域的房♥子
All the blue areas are pockets where people don't like us
都住着非常讨厌我们的人
as much as they should.
这片绿色♥区♥域
And over here in this green area,
标记出了万圣节会给我们最大糖果的住户
that marks which houses give out the biggest candy bars on Halloween.
再加把劲 我觉得我们就能提高受欢迎程度了
With a little extra effort, I think we can up our likability fast.
你准备好付出代价了吗
Are you ready to do what it takes?
你是指性吗
You mean sex stuff?
-有这个可能 -准备好了
- It's possible. Yeah. - Then yes.
那就努力让人们开始喜欢我们吧
Then let's aggressively make people like us!
肖娜 完整的麦乐鸡玩具收藏合集
Shauna, the complete McNugget buddy collection.
-给你 -杰里迈 这是金块
- Here you go. - Jeremiah, here's a gold bar.
塞自己屁♥股♥里吧
You can put it up your butt.
卡森 这是你儿子
Carson, it's your son.
他复活了 祝你们愉快
He's alive again. There you go. Have fun.
来自科尔沃的善意
Courtesy of Korvo!
天哪 我能感觉到我的双腿了 我有腿了
Oh my god, I can feel my legs! I have legs!
还有点难控制
These are kind of hard to control.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no!
没有堵车 你们今天都会提早到
No traffic, no traffic! You're all gonna be early.
继续开 别客气
Keep moving. You're welcome.
大家都别客气 你们都会提早到
Everybody's welcome. You're getting there early!
你今天会提早到 今天没有堵车
You're getting there early! No traffic today.
-特里和科尔沃 -够了 特里
- Terry and Korvo. - All right, Terry, that's enough.
我们走吧
L-L-let's go.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no!
我不想和达奇老师说话 他是个混♥蛋♥
I don't wanna talk to Mr. Dutch, he's a dick.
他总是一个人在办公室吃午饭
He always eats lunch alone in his office.
我们来一探究竟 好吗
Let's find out why, shall we?
出去
Hey! Get outta here.
我今天有一个多的布丁 达奇老师
I had an extra pudding cup today, Mr. Dutch.
我觉得你可能会想要
I thought you might want it.
我才不要什么破布丁
I don't want any stupid pudding. I--
我前妻以前会给我准备午饭
My ex-wife used to pack my lunch.
自从我们分居后 我就自己准备了
Ever since we separated, I've been doing it on my own.
很抱歉我今年表现得像个混♥蛋♥
I'm sorry if I've been kind of a dick this year.
我经历了很多事
I've-I've been going through a lot.
每个人都有自己的糟心事 达奇老师 坚持住
Everyone has shit to deal with, Mr. Dutch. You hang in there.
谢谢 杰茜
Thank you, Jesse.
你知道吗
You know what?
你们下周体育考试都不用参加一英里长跑了
Neither of you need to run the mile in next week's fitness test.
我直接说你们都跑了六分钟
I'll just say you both got six minutes.
看 我们对一个刻薄的人很好
See? We were nice to someone who was mean,
现在我们不需要参加一英里长跑了
and now we don't have to run the mile.
没错 就这么安排
That's true. That's how it planned out.
对付又老又孤独的抑郁体育老师可能有用 不过
Yeah, that might work on a sad, old, lonely gym teacher, but--
那些第四沙滩的毒舌冲浪者呢
What about those mean surfer guys at Fourth Beach?
我讨厌他们 他们一直对我不好
Ugh, I hate them. They're always mean to me.
我感觉今天会有点不一样 等着瞧吧
Something tells me that today might be a little different. Wink.
天哪 天哪 你看到了吗 特里
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Are you seeing this, Terry?
真的有用 我们在诱导人们和我们成为好友
It's working! We're tricking people into being our friends!
感觉真棒 好满足
Ah, this feels so good, I feel so whole!
我们很受人们欢迎
We're popular!
《外星也难民》会在...
Solar Opposites will be right back after these set of--
会在广♥告♥之后回来
this set of subsequent advertisements.
继续播放《外星也难民》
And now, back to Solar Opposites.
除非你付钱通过葫芦网收看 这样就没有广♥告♥了
Unless you spring for expensive Hulu, then there was no commercial break
这一点道理也没有
and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense
而且可能很令人震惊
and is probably quite jarring.
有钱人 你们真走运
Good for you, Mr. Moneybags.
菲尔 我的烤肠上刻了你的名字
Phil, I've got a brat with your name on it.
激光雕刻的 就在中间 你看
It's laser engraved right there in the middle, see?
你的和平离婚进行得怎么样了 安吉
How's that amicable divorce, A-A-Angie?
菲尔 尝尝土豆沙拉 你的胃酸很快就能溶解
Phil, try the potato salad. Your stomach acid will break it down,
几天之后你就能拉出来了
and then you'll poop it out in a few days.
这是我住过的最棒的小镇了
Look, this is the best town I've ever lived in,
我可是从太空来的
and I'm from space.
一个小镇好不好 我心里很有数
I should know a good town when I see one
因为我去过月球
'cause I've been to the moon.
别躲着我 戴尔文
Oh, oh, hey, hey. Don't hide from me over there, Delvin.
我想听听牙医的事 让我看看那些牙
I wanna hear about that dental thing. Show me those chompers!
你和科尔沃在附近越来越受欢迎了 特里
You and Korvo have gotten pretty popular around here, Ter.
有的人天生就合群吧
Yeah, some people are just natural unifiers, I guess.
我们有排面 这就像一种特殊的魅力
We have the juice. It's like a little charisma thing.
魅力四射
Charisma action going on.
你们应该竞选业主协会主席
You guys should run for the president of the HOA.
露丝 那个现任的老太太
Ruth, the old lady who runs it now?
我们很乐意看她卷铺盖走人
We would be so happy to see that bitch go.
有个留马尾辫的怪家伙告诉我
Some weird guy with a ponytail just told me
如果我们竞选业主协会主席 一定会成功
that if we ran for president of the HOA, we'd win!
天哪 特里 你知道那意味着什么吗
Oh my, Terry, do you know what that means?
我们可以把房♥车停在车道上
We could park an RV in the driveway.
我们可以制定这里的规矩
We could make all the rules around here.
不会有人再说"粉刷一下飞船"
No more "paint the ship."
也不会有人再说"别再路中间
No more "don't build a giant hole
挖个大洞坑小孩"
in the middle of the road to capture children in."
我可以做点《小鬼富翁》风格的事
I-I-I could do some crazy Disney's Blank Check style stuff,
比如搭建一个直通地下的带窗滑水道
like build a water slide that goes down under the ground with a window
还可以通过窗户看见我们搭建的地下恐龙模型
and you can see the dinosaur diorama we built down there
天哪 那可太酷了
and, oh my god, it would be so awesome.
根据《业主协会法》 大家必须喜欢我们
Everyone would have to like us, by HOA law.
这意味着他们必须喜欢我从坟墓挖出尸体
Which means they would have to like me digging up dead bodies
和死人做♥爱♥
at the cemetery and fucking them.
唯一能阻拦我们的人
And the only person who can get in the way
就是那个现任的老太太 露丝
is the old lady president. Ruth.
-露丝 -露丝
- Ruth. - Ruth.
露丝
Ruuuuth.
特里 别这样 我们先去侦查一下
Terry, no. Let's just go spy.
我不明白 她都在门前坐了七个小时了
I don't get it, she's been sitting on her porch for seven hours.
-她看上去没那么强啊 -这叫耐力 她在炫技
- Doesn't seem that tough. - It's called stamina. She's flexing.
我好慌 她是现任主席 科尔沃 他们从没输过
I'm freaking out. She's the incumbent, Korvo. They never lose!
你们要来点花生饼干吗
You boys want some peanut butter cookies?
她在威胁我们
Oh, she's threatening us!
你们能帮我从架子上拿条毯子来吗
Can you help me get a blanket down from my shelf?
她都这么老了 很可能无所不知
She's a million years old, man, she probably knows everything.
我们怎么和她比 我们得抢占优势
How do we compete with that? We need an edge!
我可以升级纳米机器人
I can update the nanobots,
把体积变大 这样它们就能收集更多信息
make them bigger so they can gather more information.
你完蛋了 贱♥人♥
You're going down, bitch.
很抱歉我们嘲笑了你 雅姆莱克
Sorry about the razzing, Yumyulack.
我想我们光顾着给你取外号♥和嘲笑你的奶头了
I guess, like, we were so focused on nicknaming and mocking your nipples
因为我们的哥们JT在冲浪的时候被大浪吞没了
because our buddy JT got mondo chomped shredding the nar
只能塞满了他的托特包
and had to have his totes bummer jammed.
我完全理解