外星也难民

And the bouquet that turns into doves!
然后能变成翼手龙
That then turn into pterodactyls!
我一般只传人们看母乳喂养时反应的视频
I-I usually only post breastfeeding reaction videos,
但这太酷了
but this is sick.
烧伤患者/伏地魔垃圾魔术
纽约 《吉米今夜秀》
这太了不起了 简直难以置信
Okay, this is so amazing, I can't believe it.
我们的下一位客人是 他太牛 太牛了
Our next guest is, he's so great, he's so great,
有请"神奇的烧伤垃圾魔术师"
please welcome "The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man!"
我是想上《鸡毛秀》的
I wanted to be on Kimmel.
明晚 拉斯维加斯赌场有幸
Tomorrow night, the Vegas Vegas Casino is proud
为您呈现神奇的烧伤垃圾魔术师
to present The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man!
表演史上最危险的魔术
Featuring the most dangerous trick anyone has ever attempted,
穿越黑洞
leaping through a black hole!
他究竟会怎样在能撕毁原子结构的
How will he survive the gravimetric forces
引力下绝境求生呢
as they rip his atomic structure asunder?
我们明天要去拉斯维加斯看科尔沃表演魔术啦
We're going to Vegas tomorrow to see Korvo do tricks!
我终于能参观罪恶之城啦 罪恶万岁
I'll finally see the city of sin! Yay, sin!
我要在马戏团大酒店大赌特赌
I'm gonna bet it all at Circus Circus!
我要救一名性工作者于水火之中
And I'm gonna rescue a sex worker!
她永远都不用再做♥爱♥了
Aw, she's never gonna have sex again.
也可能是他
Or he!
您好
Greetings.
我是世界知名的魔术师 威尔金斯·米考伯
I am world renowned magician Wilkins Micawber.
我站在魔术师事业的巅峰
I'm as famous as a magician can get,
像海姆斯沃斯三弟一样
think the third Hemsworth brother,
还有我的神秘搭档
as are my mysterious compatriots.
我们是来与神奇的烧伤垃圾魔术师对赌
We are here to parlay with The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man.
-他在哪 -他在楼上练习魔术
- Where hence ye? - He's practicing his act upstairs.
谁也不能去打扰他
Nobody's supposed to interrupt him.
我好像闻到了低级魔术师的恶臭
I thought I smelled the stench of lesser magicians.
听着听着 你不能表演那个黑洞的魔术
Listen, listen, listen. You can't do this black hole trick.
那个好得过分了
It's too amazing!
如果你成功了 我们的事业就完了
If you survive, our careers die.
我想做什么就做什么 你们管不着
I do what I want, leave me alone!
我没要到他们的签名
I didn't get their autographs!
神奇的烧伤垃圾魔术师让我们别无选择
The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man left us no choice.
我知道魔术法律不赞成谋杀
Now I know murder is frowned upon by magic law,
但我热爱大♥麻♥和娼妓
but I love weed and prostitutes.
所以我需要这些钱
So I need that money.
我们要让这个成为他的盛大告别演出 告别人生
We'll make sure this is his grand finale. Of life.
我再也要不到他们的签名了
Oh, now I'll never get their autographs.
而且他们要杀科尔沃
And they're gonna kill Korvo!
幸好我出来了
Pretty convenient I came out here.
你今天是怎么了 噗噗
What is your deal today, Pupa?
你不会拿着吉姆牛肉干乱跑
Eh, you don't toss around a Slim Jim like this
除非你要做交易
unless you mean business.
我们要你的《花♥花♥公♥子♥》 我们知道你有
We need your Playboy. We know you have it.
你们疯了吗
Have you lost your mind?
这可是西海岸十校联赛女生特刊
It's the Girls of the Pac 10.
一个学校至少也得20块牛肉干
That would cost at least, uh, 20 snaps per Pac.
哥们 别这样
Come on, man!
对不起 这交易我做不了
Hey, I'm sorry, but I can't make the trade.
这是进入这里的
It's one of the only pieces of reading material
少数阅读材料之一
that made it in here.
而且还有乳♥头♥ 你懂的
Plus titties, you know.
对不起 哥们 但我需要这本《花♥花♥公♥子♥》
Sorry, dude, but I need that Playboy!
-佩德罗 你干嘛 -我抢到了 快跑
- Pedro! What the hell? - I got it. Go!
快来帮忙 我被抢劫了
Help! I'm being robbed!
红花餐厅 贱♥人♥
Benihana, bitch.
科尔沃先生 你能不能解释一下
Mr. Korvo, could you explain exactly
我们面前的到底是什么
what we're looking at here?
这是一个量子环
It's a Quantum Ring,
我用我的太空飞船零件建造的黑洞
a black hole I built out of pieces from my space cruiser.
你得有充分的物理知识才能理解
You kind of have to know a lot about physics to understand--
-看上去像星际之门 -什么是星际之门
- Looks like a Stargate. - What's a Stargate?
就是这个 这也是库尔特·拉塞尔第四好的电影
It's what this is, and the fourth best Kurt Russell movie.
那今天我就做库尔特·拉塞尔 跳进这个黑洞
Then today I will be Kurt Russell, by diving through the black hole.
如果我进入的角度正确 就能毫发无损地通过
If I hit it at just the right angle, I should pass through unharmed.
如果失误哪怕一毫米
If I'm even a millimeter off,
我就会死 可能时间也会内爆
I die and maybe time implodes,
后面这部分我不太确定
I'm not sure about that last part.
所以这要么会是一场精彩的表演
So either it's a great show
要么我就不用再付抚养费了
or I no longer have to pay my alimony.
我恨那个女人
I hate that woman.
我是泰德·约翰逊
This is Ted Johnson,
我在一场魔术表演的后台为你进行报道
reporting from backstage at a magic show.
绝对是星际之门
Yeah, definitely a Stargate.
科尔沃 你有麻烦了 我们来提醒你的
Korvo, you're in trouble! A-and we came to warn you!
但你们还停下来买♥♥T恤了
But you stopped to get t-shirts.
这是为了不在人群中走散
It was in case we got separated in the crowd!
魔术师们打算在你表演大绝招之前杀了你
Magicians are gonna kill you before you do your big trick!
我知道怎么回事了
Oh, hm, I see what this is.
你们嫉妒我 想要掺和我的演出
You got jealous and now you want to be part of my show.
你们本来都有机会参加我的周二塔可之夜
You all had your chance to show me you appreciated me
向我表示感激
by coming to my Tuesday Night Taco Thing,
但相反 我不得不把塔可都扔掉了
but instead I had to throw all the tacos away.
还记得吗 早些时候
Remember that? From earlier?
不 那是100万年前的事了吧
No, that was like a million years ago.
你不会还在生这个气吧
You can't still be mad at that.
保安 我不认识这些人 让他们出去
Security, I don't know these people. Get them out of here!
他们要谋杀你
They're gonna do a murder on you!
我不需要你们 这是我的高光时刻
I don't need you! This is my arc!
你干了什么
Wow, what did you do?
我不知道 我踢了他那个人类的东西
I don't know, I kicked him in that thing people have.
我们得分头行动 找到那些魔术杀手
We gotta split up and find those magic murderers.
那些卡牌都到哪里去了
And where did all those cards go?
你们明早第一次大便时
I think you'll all be pleasantly surprised
就会收获惊喜的
during your first bowel movement tomorrow.
女士们先生们 现在开始我今晚的最后一个魔术
And now, ladies and gentlemen, my final trick of the night!
我将成为历史上第一位
I will be the first magician in history
穿越黑洞的魔术师
to jump through a black hole!
他们在那儿
There they are!
我的天哪 雅姆莱克
Oh my god, wow, Yumyulack,
你刚把那些人给割喉了
you just cut those guys' throats.
你结束了两个人类的生命 你疯了吧
You just ended two human lives. That's crazy.
但你是为了挽救科尔沃的生命 所以也没关系
But you were doing it to save Korvo's life, man. So it's okay.
对 没关系 没事的 没事的
Yeah, it's okay. We're good, we're good.
天哪 他死了 我的科维
Oh god, he's dead! My Korvy!
不
No!
欢迎光临寒舍
Welcome to my humble abode.
我是公爵 暗地统治者
I'm The Duke. The ruler of shadows.
主脉 大人物 人♥民♥的宠儿
The main vein. The big boy. The top puppy.
我的守卫告诉我 你们有兴趣做交换
My guards tell me you're interested in a swap of some kind?
西海岸十校联赛女生特刊
Girls of the Pac 10!
我要拿什么跟你们交换呢
What can I trade you for?
我们需要胰岛素 我爸爸快死了
We need insulin. My dad is dying.
我疯了才会不同意
I'd be crazy not to take that deal.
给我的朋友们拿些甜酒
Hey, get some sugar shots for my friends here!
太感谢您了
Thank you so much!
我听说了你们在二层引起的骚乱
Oh, I heard about the riot you caused on level two.
影响范围扩大到了三个楼层
You know, it spread to three levels?
为了镇♥压♥我失去了一名执法人员
I lost an enforcer trying to shut it down.
这个小动作让许多人失去了生命
A lot of lives lost for that stunt.
在这样的地方维护和平可不容易
It's not easy keeping the peace in a place like this.
即使我们不是两个外星小孩的囚犯
Even if we weren't the prisoners of two alien children,
我们总是靠得这么近 生活也会很艰难
it would be hard being this close to each other all the time.
每天都在挣扎
It's a daily struggle.
拜托 先生 求你大发慈悲 我爸爸要死了
Please. Sir. I beg you to be generous. My dad is dying.
孩子 我不是怪物
Oh kid, I'm not a monster.
你♥爸♥爸当然能有胰岛素了
Of course your dad can have his insulin.
我们的工作就是生存