外星也难民

Like my son, you tiny bastard!
不 我们不杀人
No! We don't kill.
这是我们和那些会杀人的人之间的区别
That's what separates us from the people that do kill.
我们凡事都跟他们对着来
We don't-- We do the opposite of what they do.
我们不杀人 明白了吗
In terms of killing, we don't. Got it?
有人吗
Hello!
最后一天上学
祝你度过一个愉快的夏天
毕业典礼取消 不退款
同学们 老师们 有人吗
Fellow students, teachers, anyone?
今天真不错
Today's been a great day.
没人再叫我"基佬星人"
No one's called me a "gay-lien,"
我也不必藏在厕所里
and I didn't have to hide in the bathroom
假装自己有屁♥眼♥
and pretend to have a butthole.
-是啊 因为根本没人在 -等等 什么
- Yeah, because nobody's here. - Wait, what?
天哪 我都没注意 怎么回事
Oh my God. I didn't even notice. What the hell?
我觉得是在考验我们
I think we're being tested.
库克校长想知道 我们在没有人看着的情况下
Principal Cooke is trying to see if we'll be late or go to class
是会迟到还是会准时上课
even when nobody's watching us.
这肯定就是暑期班吧
This must be what summer school is.
一场激烈的心理战
An intense psychological mind game,
和那部得了奥斯卡的《自杀小队》没什么区别
not unlike the Academy award-winning film "Suicide Squad."
别碍我事
So don't get in my way!
你也别碍我事 混♥蛋♥
You don't get in my way, buster.
这是我们人生中最严酷的挑战了
This is about to be the most epic challenge of our lives.
我可不想让你坏了我的事
I don't want you messing me up.
他的名字叫查尔斯·鲍尔森·金斯博格
His name was Charles Paulson Ginsburg,
但你们可能是以录像机之父的身份认识他的
but you may know him as the father of the video cassette recorder.
而他正是我父亲
I know him as the father of me.
今晚我家办酒会 来点真正的大学体验
Kegger at my place tonight. Real college experience.
酒管够 说不定我们还会去偷一匹警马
Beers and shots and we might even steal a police horse.
我得去找个保姆
I'd have to get a baby-sitter.
把孩子们也带上 来特里家不需要身份证
Well, bring them kids, girl. We don't ID at Casa de Terry's.
特里 闭嘴
Terry, shut up.
德洛丽丝 你要来参加我的派对吗
Delores, you gonna come and get tore up at my party?
我得回家看《海军罪案调查处》
I have to go home and watch "NCIS."
真没劲
This sucks.
根本就没有人赏识 甚至都没人提到
No one's appreciated or even mentioned
我穿得和《留级之王》里一模一样
that I'm dressed exactly like Van Wilder,
-就是泰吉的导师 -你能集中一下注意力吗
- you know, the mentor of Taj. - Will you please pay attention?
那是你的职责 我的职责是耍酷
That's your job. Mine is to be awesome.
我刚刚没听到"录像机"里的"像"是什么意思
I just missed what the C in VCR means.
-可能是任何意思 -真够扯的
- It could mean anything. - Man, this is bullshit.
大学生活就应该整夜派对
College is supposed to be about partying all night
然后惹上法律上的麻烦 不过我爸是律师
and getting into legal trouble but my dad's a lawyer,
所以我可以平安无事
so I'm walking away scot-free.
看来我必须玩得更野一点了
Guess I have to step up my game.
小心点
Ohh! Hey, hey, whoa, look out!
我是飞盘男
Hey, I'm the Frisbee guy.
这么说吧 我得去修一个播放机
Now let's say I have to repair a DVD player.
那和录像机是一回事吗
Is that the same as the VCR?
要是我知道就好了
Ohh, I wish I knew it.
特里 住手 没人喜欢飞盘 你看着就像个智障
Terry, stop it. Nobody likes Frisbee. You look like an idiot.
飞盘和小♥穴♥相配吗
Hey, does the Frisbee match the drapes?
不知道呢 你有胆一探究竟吗
I don't know, do you have the balls to find out?
谢天谢地 我们的床垫是用织物包裹的
Thank God we got the mattress with the fabric-encased coils.
否则 我肯定会被弹来弹去
Otherwise, I'd be bouncing all over the place.
马上要上课了 特里 你昨晚又去参加派对了吗
Class is starting soon, Terry. Were you out all night partying again?
是啊 我在外面找了一整晚的派对
Oh yeah, I was out all night looking for a party.
有传言说 游泳队在巨石狂欢
Rumor had it the swim team was raging at The Rock
结果只是两个流浪汉在跳舞
but it was just two homeless guys dancing.
杰茜 雅姆莱克 你们的学校生活如何
Ugh. So Jesse, Yumyulack, how's school going for you two?
我正在接受一项复杂的心理测验
I'm in the middle of this complicated psychological test
和那部得了奥斯卡的《自杀小队》没什么区别
not unlike the Academy award-wining film "Suicide Squad."
是啊 而且没有老师告诉我们该做什么
Yeah. And none of the teachers are there to tell us what to do.
我想这都是测验的一部分吧
I'm sure that's all part of the test.
可能只是为了教会你们跳出思维框架
Probably just trying to get you to think outside the box.
倒不是我现在想去墨西哥卷饼店
Oh, oh, oh, I don't mean to live más right now
但与其跳出思维框架
but instead of thinking outside the box,
也许他们应该跳出...
maybe they should be thinking outside the--
说这话有悖于我做哥哥的所有准则
Saying this goes against every fiber of my brotherness,
但你知道我们得怎么做
but you know what we have to do.
刀子大战
Knife fight!
不 我们不能像兄妹一样讨厌对方
No, we can't hate each other like siblings.
我们得从学术方面讨厌对方
We have to hate each other academically.
我们得当对方的老师
We have to be each other's teachers.
先看你的左边 再看右边 混♥蛋♥
Well, then look to your left and look to your right, motherfucker,
因为我马上要把你录取了
'cause I'm about to matriculate your ass.
你们知道这是什么吗 这上面是公爵的整个王国
Do you realize what this is? This has The Duke's whole empire.
食物储藏处 秘密通道 还有
Food caches, secret passages, and ugh,
他自己还有一家叫波普波普的五十年代风格餐厅
he has his own personal '50s diner called Bop Bops.
我们可以搬空食物储藏 分配到墙内的其他地方
We can empty the stockpile and redistribute to the rest of the wall.
不会有人知道是我们干的
And nobody will know it was us.
这是完美犯罪
It's the perfect crime.
和《十三罗汉》里一样
Just like in "Ocean's Thirteen."
这是艾略特·古尔德七十年代后的巅峰之作
It's Elliott Gould's best work since the '70s.
朋友们 他在《老友记》中也很出色
Guys, he was also great on "Friends."
都给我坐下 闭嘴
Everyone, sit down and shut up,
不然我发誓我会在午餐前把你们扔回街上
or I swear to God I'll have you back on the streets before lunch.
我要和你们讲实话
I am gonna get real with you.
我猜你们都不知道莎士比亚是初代说唱歌♥手
I bet you didn't know Shakespeare was the original rapper.
莎士比亚在山姆之子事发的五年前和DJ库尔·赫克
Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue
一起住在布朗克斯的塞奇威克大道上吗
with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx five years before the Son of Sam?
没错 因此莎士比亚的作品像说唱一样
Yeah, sure, that's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap.
他还发了大财 抄袭其他剧作家
Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights
还不承认
without giving them any credit.
这让我喜欢上莎士比亚了
This makes me like Shakespeare.
那还用说
Of course it does.
我歪打正着的教学风格
My tough-yet-relatable teaching style
击穿了你的情感盔甲
is breaking through your emotional armor.
怎么做到的
And how.
特里 我在学习呢 你也该学习
Terry, I'm trying to study, which is what you should be doing.
我在 我在学习如何加入打击乐团
I am. I'm studying how to get into a drumline,
和电影《爆裂鼓手》里一样
like in that movie "Whiplash."
你知不知道如果你挂科辍学会怎样 特里
Do you have any idea what happens if you fail out of school, Terry?
我猜屁♥股♥得挨板子
I assume it's some type of spanking situation.
不 我以为学校会约束你呢
No, I thought school would give you some discipline.
可现在 我没有别的办法了
Instead, you've left me no other choice.
如果挂科了 不许看电视
If you fail, no more TV,
不许打电子游戏 不许看Hulu
no more video games, and no more Hulu,
那个订阅型的网站
the subscription-based service.
但网飞没有Hulu出品的
But Netflix doesn't have the Hulu production
Hulu剧集《塔影蜃楼》
of the Hulu presentation of "The Looming Tower."
我怎么追《塔影蜃楼》这部剧 科尔沃
How do I know what happens about "The Looming Tower," Korvo.
这是唯一让你学习的办法了
That's the only way you'll learn.
你就不能给我造一副眼镜
Can't you just make me glasses
让我的视线穿过人类的身体
that allow me to see through people's bodies
然后作弊吗
so I can cheat off of them.
显然能 但是考试时不能
Obviously yes, but not in time for the test.
等等 不行 我可不能再帮你偷懒耍滑了
Wait, no, I-I'm not helping you cut corners anymore.
你得自己来
You have to do this on your own.
你又被弧线影响了
That's that arc popping its head up again.
好吧 行
Okay. Fine.
我去拿我的书
I'll go get my books.
妈的 我甚至都不能用智慧射线枪射自己
Dammit, I can't even shoot myself with the smart ray.
我该怎么办呢
What am I gonna do?
噗噗 你可不能随便摆弄智障射线枪
Pupa, you know you can't play with the dumb ray.
一旦击中谁 他们就会变得 又傻又搞笑
If you shoot anyone, they'll become... super dumb and fun.
和我一样
Like me.
人类的数学简直小菜一碟
Hah! This human math is honestly very easy.
他们甚至都没发现零以前的数字
They haven't even found the number that comes before zero.
-你拿着智障射线枪干嘛 -我在举着它
- What are you doing with the dumb ray? - I'm holding it.