外星也难民

-差不多就是这么回事 -好吧
- You know, whatever, dude. - Okay, well, uh,
祝你好运 特伦特 我们得走了
good luck with that whole thing, Trent. Um, we gotta go.
我们的背部蜜蜡除毛要迟到了
We're late to get our backs waxed.
快点 把他关进车♥库♥
Hurry, trap him in the garage.
该死 快抓住他
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.
该死 妈的 抓住他
God damn it. Shit, shit, grab him.
是一个红色小人干的
A small red man did this.
我没有歧视侏儒的意思
And I don't mean that as, like, derogatory toward little people.
或者印第安人 哥们
Or Native Americans, dude.
他真的很小 红色的
He was just actually tiny and-- red--
糟了 特里 红色疙瘩小人陷害我们
This is bad, Terry. The red goobler set us up.
我们该怎么办 我不想进监狱
What are we gonna do? I can't go to prison.
我没有屁♥眼♥ 我怎么偷带好东西进去
I don't have a butthole. How will I smuggle in treats?
我希望我能说这事并不经常发生
I wish I could say this wasn't something we see all the time.
但这座小镇的确面临着
But this town has a real problem
无法解释的大范围受伤的问题
with unexplained high-concept injuries.
就好像我们被诅咒了 见鬼
It's like we're cursed. Damn.
节哀顺变 他是你们的好朋友吗
I'm sorry for your loss. Was he a good friend?
不 不只如此 他代表着摩托艇
No, he was more than that. He was a Jet-Ski.
我们现实生活中的第一场高中派对
Wow, our first real-life high school party.
跟我梦想中的一模一样
It's just like I dreamed it would be.
看 库珀·巴恩已经
Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out
在为大家破坏他的房♥子而生气了
that people are trashing his house.
这个可是传家之宝 别碰我的狗
That's a family heirloom. Get away from my dog.
布伦特 别吸我爸的骨灰 操
Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes. Fuck!
-典型的库珀 -你去跟斯塔茜们玩
- Classic Cooper. - So you hang out with the Stacis
我要去跟播客男孩们发展关系了
while I make my move on the podcast guys.
我要在八点前在一个小团体中扎下毒根
I wanna be toxically entrenched in a clique by 8:00.
-杰茜 -太好了 杰茜
- Whoo, Jesse. - Yas, Jesse.
你在干嘛呢
Hey, what are you doing here?
哥们 哥们 哥们 真高兴你在这儿
Dude, dude, dude, psyched you're here, man.
我喜欢你的耳机 你一点都不装逼
Love the headphones. You're not a poser at all.
你要跟我一起买♥♥辆货车吗 我们一起去旅行
Do you wanna buy a van with me? We could do road trips.
我们可以解决... 我们可以把它变成食品车
Oh, we could solve mys-- we could turn it into a food van.
我的天哪 我现在的水平大不一样了 哥们
Oh, my God, I'm operating at such a different level, bro.
我看到说日产奥德赛相当不错
Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey is a pretty sweet ride.
没错 一起来吧 哥们
Yeah, it is! Get in here, bro.
我感觉疙瘩小人在我背上 他在我背上吗
I feel like the goobler's on my back. Is he on my back?
说100万遍了 没有 等等 他在我背上吗
For the millionth time, no. Wait, is he on my back?
没有 你没事
No, you're clear.
哥们 难道生活从此就是这样了吗
Oh, man, is this what life is like from now on?
等着一包蕃茄酱从背后捅我们一刀
Just waiting for a ketchup packet to stab us in the back?
我们要跟他正面刚 就像凯文·麦卡利斯特
We have to take the fight to him. Just like Kevin McCallister,
电影《小鬼当家》主角
我们不能到了夜晚就变得软弱
we shall not go softly into the night.
他可能在任何地方 在排气口 在灯罩下面
He could be anywhere. In the vents, under a lampshade,
-在小镇的另一边 -你想想
- the other side of town. - Hey, think about it.
-他是由你的压力而生的 -然后呢
- He's literally made of your stress. - So?
所以他可能藏在
So he's probably hiding out
你能想象到的最有压力的地方
in the most stressful place you can imagine.
-这里是你最有压力的地方吗 -对
- This is your most stressful place? - Yes.
首先 他们怎么能全年都维持经营
For starters, how do they stay in business all year?
从经济上看完全不合理
It makes no sense financially.
这地方闻起来就像在塑料袋里面
The whole place smells like the inside of a plastic bag.
而且出于某种原因 他们还卖♥♥高价的PS4游戏机
And for some reason, they sell marked-up PS4s.
还有我害怕骷髅 你看
Plus I'm afraid of skeletons. Ah! See?
等等 他在这里 我能感觉到
Wait a minute, he's here. I can sense it.
而且我能看到他就在那儿
Also, I can see him right there.
太棒了 我们得把它买♥♥下来了
Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.
-你们都吃了莫莉[迷幻药]吗 -莫莉吃了莫莉
- Are you guys on Molly? - Molly is on Molly,
但我们其他人吃的都是杰茜
but the rest of us are on Jesse.
你要来点这个吗
You want some of this?
杰茜 就是我 超级酷
Oh, yes, Jesse. That's me, super cool.
雅姆 雅姆 雅姆 雅姆 雅姆 雅姆
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
我说的只是考虑一下
All I'm saying is think about it.
你会考虑吗 你♥他♥妈♥会考虑吗
Are you thinking about it? Are you fucking thinking about it?
-我要考虑什么 -我们去森林旅游
- What am I thinking about? - Our trip to the woods.
-出一本色情食谱 -结婚
- Self-publishing an erotic cookbook. - Getting married.
好的 我不是说不行 但我要考虑一下
Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no, but I need to think about it.
我是个白♥痴♥ 我他妈是个白♥痴♥
I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.
你们想听我刚写好的诗吗
Hey, you guys want to hear a poem I just wrote?
太他妈想了 哥们
Fuck yes, dude!
这是有史以来最棒的一晚 我有昵称了
This is the greatest night ever. I have a nickname.
-他们叫我美味熊 -你就是个美味熊
- They're calling me Yummy Bear. - You are such a Yummy Bear.
-对你太合适了 -是吧
- That's so you. - Right?
我很抱歉我之前像个混♥蛋♥
Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.
我知道你只是想跟朋友玩 我想我是嫉妒
I know you just wanted to hang out and I guess I was jealous.
你是很混♥蛋♥ 但现在没事了
You were a dick. But it's okay now.
这里的化妆品都涨了十倍的价格
The makeup here is marked up 1,000 percent.
-这些衣服都好淫♥荡♥ -坚持住 科尔沃
- All these costumes are so slutty. - Keep it together, Korvo.
他想要你有压力
He wants you stressed.
-操♥你♥妈♥ -他在那儿 打他
- Fuck you! - There he is, get him.
他去哪儿了
Where did he go?
操 我讨厌这种地方 我讨厌镜子 该死
Fuck, I hate this kind of place. I hate mirrors, goddamn it.
太吓人了
This is so scary.
所以显然我要买♥♥一辆货车 写一本食谱
So apparently I'm buying a van, writing a cookbook,
可能还要跟马克·墨尔纳结婚
and maybe marrying Mark Melner.
真幸运 我一直觉得他会是个好爸爸
Lucky, I always thought he'd make a good dad.
怎么了 妹子
Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
怎么回事 斯塔茜·K
What the heck? Staci K?
我要杀了你
I'll kill you!
糟了 你的蠢花粉跟我的酷花粉肯定混在一起
Oh, shit, your dumb pollen must have mixed with my cool pollen
让大家都发疯了
and turned everyone into crazies.
-天哪 -来 我们快离开这里
- Ah! Cripes. - Come on, let's get out of here.
保持冷静 你最棒了 科尔沃
Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo.
你是个性感男神 坚持住
You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together.
科尔沃 你在哪里 别有压力 哥们
Korvo, where are you? Don't stress, man.
我们还是能抓住他的 天啊
We can still get him. Oh, my God!
-怎么了 -他们卖♥♥迷你日本奇巧巧克力
- What? - They have mini Japanese Kit Kats
各种各样口味的都有
in all sorts of flavors.
-不 -逮到你了
- No! - Busted.
尝尝这个 贱♥人♥
Check us out, bitch.
再跟我解释一下为什么不能杀死这个混账
Explain to me again why we aren't just killing this A-hole.
那样的话 在某种意义上 他就得手了
If we do then, in a way, he wins.
也许通过把他剖开 研究他的内在
Maybe by cutting him open and studying his insides,
我就能学会控制压力 而不是仅仅逃避它
I can learn how to control my stress instead of just avoiding it.
你想得可真周到 科尔沃
Aw, that's nice, Korvo.
但我还是提议把这个贱♥货♥拿去火上烤了
But I still say we light this little cunt on fire.
注意语言 特里
Oh, language, Terry.
抱歉 绿茶奇巧巧克力给我吃嗨了
Sorry. I'm just all jacked up on green tea Kit Kats.
大伙 我们遇到了一个杰茜造成的大♥麻♥烦
Uh, guys, we have a big problem that Jesse caused.
我们脑袋上长花了 肯定是因为青春期
We grew flowers on our heads. We know it's a puberty thing
-我们要变成成年人了 -什么叫"便成人"
- and that we're turning into adults. - What's "Poo-berty"?
你知道的 就是人类开始长毛发
You know, when humans grow hair
还有丁丁流血的那些事
and bleed out of their penises and stuff.
-天啊 -那太糟糕了
- Oh, my God. - Oh, that's awful.
你们不是人类 你们没有青春期
You're not a human. You don't get to have a puberty.
你们只会长到我们这么大
You grow into our size
然后最终会变成一颗有智慧的古树
and then eventually turn into a wise old tree.
如果幸运的话 有人会用你们躯干造房♥子
And if you're lucky, someone uses your body to build a house.
你们这只是因为不洗手所以才长霉菌了
This is just fungus you get from not washing your hands.
你们要勤洗手
You gotta wash those hands.
只要你们没有让里面的花粉混合
It's fine as long as you didn't
然后传染给其他人就没事 懂了吗
let your pollens mix and infect anyone, all right?
唯一能阻止这场传染病的办法
The only way to stop this infection
就是把血清给他们皮下注射进去
is to inject the serum under their skin.
但不能被他们咬到 否则我们也会变疯
But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too.
所以我们要用上这些应急医疗武器
Which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons.
-我们能去砍人了 -这不会伤到他们
- We get to cut people up? - It doesn't hurt them.
伤口会自动愈合
The cuts all heal themselves
因为刀上释放的科幻粘液