无能为力（2017）

See, usually people prefer to have those in pictures.
正如社交网站叫"脸书"而不是"肩书"
Which is why I'm on Facebook and not Shoulderbook.
凡
Hey, Van.
这照片里怎么没有你
How come you're not in that photo?
我喜欢她
I like her.
我叫萨姆缪尔·格林 人事部总监
Samuel Greene. Head of Human Resources.
韦恩工业梦之队合照中看得清清楚楚的成员
And fully visible member of the Wayne Dream Team.
要是有任何需要 欢迎随时找我
If you need anything at all, you let me know.
他看起来人不错
Well, he seems nice.
黑猩猩看起来也不错 你可以试试
So do chimps. Until you dress them up
让他们穿上戏服拍《十二怒汉》的网络视频
and have them perform "12 Angry Men"
给你的耶鲁校友看
for your Yale buddies.
没错 他干过
Yes, that happened.
各位 我已经强调过很多次
Guys, I can't stress enough the importance
使用者的头必须完好无损地接在脖子上
of peoples' heads remaining attached to their bodies.
超超超级英雄联盟
Fuh-fuh-Fantasy Superhero League--
你们是在玩那个梦幻联盟网吗
Have you just been playing that fantasy site?
艾米丽 我们是做创意的
Emily, we're creative people.
肯定做不到连续15小时埋头苦干
We can't just grind away for 15 hours straight.
我明白你们可能有自己的流程
I totally get that you have a process,
可总部说了这周五前必须做出来
but Corporate said they need this done by Friday.
不 是你说周五前必须做出来
No, you said you need it done by Friday,
这让我觉得你似乎并不懂"必须"的意思
which makes me think you don't fully understand the meaning of the word need.
比如我说我必须养一条宠物鲨鱼
It's like when I say I need to own a pet shark.
其实并不是必须 我只是很想养
I don't need one. I just really want one.
艾米丽 别担心了
Emily don't worry about it, okay?
肯定能做完 我们知道怎么安排时间
We're gonna finish this. We know how to manage our time.
超超超级英雄联盟
Fuh-fuh-Fantasy Superhero League update.
今年我打算选闪电侠
I think I'm gonna go with the Flash this year.
你每次都选闪电侠
You always wanna go with the Flash.
-你每次都选闪电侠 -因为他很帅啊
- You always go with the Flash. - You know, he's sleek.
可是根本看不清他在做什么
We can't even see what he's doing.
-这才厉害 -他们为什么不听我的
- That's the point of it. - Why won't they listen?
肯定有办法能够激起他们的斗志
There has to be a way to motivate them.
当然有 方法就是当贱♥人♥
There is. It's called being a dick.
对 可是那样他们会讨厌我
Yeah, but then they'll hate me.
那又如何 跟现在区别很大吗
What would that look like? Any different than this?
好吧 我知道你肯定觉得
Look, I'm sure you look at me and think,
"她大概有无数朋友"
"She probably has a million friends."
没有 真没有 从来没这么想过
No. Not once. Not ever. I never thought that.
有一次 我坐电梯反复上下
The other day, I took the elevator up and down,
就是想认识新朋友
just trying to meet people.
天哪 也太可悲了吧
Oh, my gosh. That's so sad.
有监控录像吗
There any footage of that?
你是上司 你就得当坏人
Look, you're the boss. You've gotta be the bad guy.
苏珊
Susan?
你居然摆了一张海滨女郎写♥真♥
Little pin-up of some beach bunnies, eh?
有伤风化
Inappropriate.
这只是我女儿的游泳队合照
That's just my daughter's swim team.
总之工作场合放这个不合适
Makes for an uncomfortable work environment.
赶紧扔了
Get rid of it.
你要是希望大家听你的话
If you want people to do what you say,
你就得当坏人
you've gotta be the bad guy.
或者可以找个坏人
Or someone does.
请问大家用公♥司♥电脑上超级英雄联盟网站
What's your policy on people using company computers
你有什么惩罚措施
to play Superhero Fantasy League?
一般就睁一只眼闭一只眼 除非造成了问题
Usually we turn a blind eye, unless it's causing a problem.
如果确实造成了问题呢
What if it is causing a problem?
那就有意思了
Then things get fun.
凡 我知道怎么解决照片问题了
Van, I think I know how to fix the photo situation.
已经搞定了
Already done.
我所用的方法
I am solving this in a way
是你这个小白♥痴♥永远无法理解的
that your little mind couldn't possibly comprehend.
你打算自♥拍♥一张 然后用Photoshop
You're taking a picture of yourself to Photoshop it
直接P到梦之队合影里
into the picture of the Dream Team,
再重新装裱放在大厅里
and then you're gonna mount that in the lobby instead.
凡 让我帮你吧
Van, please let me help you
免得你自己又出丑闹笑话
before you do something very stupid.
太晚了
Too late!
已经做完了
It's already done.
杰姬 我有信心
Jackie, I know what I'm doing.
我爸可是托付我来养洋娃娃的
My daddy didn't have someone else raise a dummy.
快加载啊 加载啊
Come on, come on.
大家进展如何啊
Hey, guys. How goes it?
超级英雄联盟网站打不开了
The fantasy site's not loading.
罗恩 你上得去吗
Ron, can you get on?
不行 被屏蔽了
No. It's blocked!
屏蔽了 确定吗 我看看
Blocked? You sure? Let me check.
韦恩说你想得美
No Wayne, Jose!
-该死 怎么这么背 -韦恩说你想得美
- Dang! Dang it to hell. - No Wayne, Jose!
我也不行
Me, too!
我刚才在看一个网络视频
Guys, I was watching that sad YouTube video
视频里艾米丽赖在电梯里不出去
of Emily going up and down in the elevator
结果一个有点种族歧视的卡♥通♥强盗突然出现
when that vaguely racist cartoon bandit came on my screen.
什么 只是屏蔽了联盟网站吧
What? No, it's just the fantasy site, right?
彻底没网了
The entire Internet's gone!
我去看看苏珊的电脑
I'll check Susan's computer.
让开 苏珊
Move it, Susan!
天哪
My God.
只有领英没人屏蔽[没人用的人才招聘网]
The only site we can get on is LinkedIn.
是哪个怪物这样对我们
What monster did this to us?
我知道是谁
I know who did this.
-大家 我很抱歉... -是人事部总监
- Guys, I'm sorry... - It was HR.
人事部总监太过分了
...That HR did this to you!
真是太扫兴了
Man, this is a real bummer.
该死 不如我们还是专心工作吧
Dang! Well, guess we might as well get back to work.
我们不如试试怎么恢复网络
Or we could figure out how to get the Internet back.
我们是工程师 这是我们的本职工作
I mean, we're engineers. This is what we're paid to do.
其实 你们的本职工作是...
Yeah. Actually, you're paid--
没关系 不必担心
Yeah! No, no, no. Don't worry.
我们会放下一切工作 直到问题解决
We're gonna put everything else aside until we figure this out.
艾米丽 来击掌
Emily, get in here!
来吧
Come on!
我觉得可能是我没说清楚
So I think there was some sort of miscommunication.
我只是希望能屏蔽联盟网站
I just wanted the fantasy site blocked.
可现在他们打算专心致志
Now they're spending all their time
来修复网络权限
trying to get the Internet back.
你能不能直接取消屏蔽
So if you could just put it back.
艾米丽 你觉得人事部是做什么的
Emily... What do you think HR does?
这个嘛 就是...
Oh, well, you know, it's--
人事部就是人力资源...
HR does the-It's human resources and--
你不知道
You have no idea.
其他人也不知道
And neither does anyone else.
所以我要是想不被炒鱿鱼
So the only way for me to keep my job
只能让总部看到我在做事
is if Corporate sees me doing something.
好吧 可是你看
Okay, but come on.
直接把所有网站都屏蔽
Taking away the whole Internet
感觉有点过分了
seems a little unreasonable.
你 你这句话很有攻击性 艾米丽
That--that's very aggressive language, Emily.
你是在勾起六小时反霸凌视频的欲♥火♥哦
You're flirting with a six-hour anti-bullying video.
你...你有什么想说的吗
Did... did you wanna say something?
没有吗
No?
看来没有
Didn't think so.
好了 这会切断供暖
All right, this will cut off the heating,
空调 以及排污
air conditioning and sewage,
但也许能让我们重新连上网
but it might get us our Internet back.
动手吧
Do it.
韦恩说你想得美
您的请求可能包含不适宜办公场所的内容
-不 -老兄
- No! - Aw, man!
我该先去尿个尿的
I should have peed first.
你去找人事部总监干什么了