无能为力（2017）

我不是超人 第一季第五集
去不去吃午餐
Are you guys ready for lunch?
同志们，外面27度不到
Guys, it's 80 degrees outside.
这是寒冷季节的第一天 新人
First day of cold season, newbie.
所有冰冷属性的超级反派
It's when all the icy super villians
开始出来找茬打架到冻这冻那了
start fighting and freezing stuff.
不知道今年谁会来魅力城
I wonder who's coming to Charm City this year.
急冻先生 冰冻队长
Mr. Freeze, Captain Cold...
霜咬 冰霜杀手
Frostbite, Killer Frost...
-暴雪先生 -雪地巡游者
- Minister Blizzard... - Snow Patrol.
等等 那是乐队名 不过他们也要来了
Wait, that's a band, but they're coming to town.
飘点小雪吓不到我的 好吗
I'm not scared of a few flurries, okay?
我是中西部来的
I am from the Midwest.
那才叫真冷
I know what real cold is.
你刚刚说什么来着
You were saying?
对了 这就是真冷
Yep, that's real cold.
简直不知道寒冷季节该穿什么衣服
Cold season is impossible to dress for.
像沙滩婚礼一样
It's like a wedding on the beach.
光脚穿秋裤 简单又抗冻
Linen and no socks. Not complicated.
你应该有一副泰迪的手套
You should get a pair of Teddy's gloves.
这副
These?
我亲自设计的
Designed them myself.
把我的双手加热到刚刚好的温度
They heat my hands to the perfect temperature.
还能给车门除霜
They can also defrost your car door
或者帮你热咖啡
or reheat your coffee.
-那是汽水 -对了
- That was a soda. - Yeah.
总之我有个好消息
Anyways, I have some very exciting news.
是真的好消息 还是艾米丽式好消息
Is it actually exciting or is it Emily exciting?
什么是艾米丽式好消息
What the hell is "Emily exciting"?
找到一个没绯闻的鹰嘴豆品牌
Finding a conflict-free brand of hummus.
海淘网站上有一家 你要我给你
Having another shopper at Anthropologie ask if you work there.
被莉娜·杜汉姆转发了
Getting retweeted by Lena Dunham.
她不仅仅是转推
She didn't just retweet me.
还引用了我的推
She quoted my tweet
评论道 这种人真多
and wrote "So much this."
总之你们会喜欢的
Anyways, you guys'll like this.
韦恩工业举办了一个比赛
Wayne Industries is holding a contest
奖金十万美元
that awards $100,000
奖给发明出
to the employee who comes up with an invention
具化人类精神成就的员工
that, "Embodies the triumph of the human spirit."
我给我的理发师写的好评就是这么写的
That is the exact review I wrote for my barber.
要知道 修成我这样得是鬼斧神工
I mean, this doesn't just happen, guys.
-我知道 -抱歉
- Oh, I know. - I'm sorry,
你们这群失败者是在讨论韦恩创新赛吗
you losers talking about entering the Wayne Innovation Contest?
等一下 你哪位
Excuse me. Who are you?
赛恩和安东
Zane and Anton,
两个韦恩X部门的混球
two Wayne X asshats.
就因为他们在超级经精英门工作
Oh, they think they're so cool
做最尖端的科技
because they work in a super-elite division
打造未来
that makes cutting-edge technology
就觉得自己特了不起了
that shapes our future.
听起来是挺了不起的
That actually does sound pretty cool.
-没错 -而且他们还有免费汽水喝
- It is. - And they get free soda.
有的
We do.
为什么我们不能参加韦恩创新赛
Why wouldn't we enter the Wayne Innovation Contest?
因为没人在乎韦恩安全研发部门
Because no one gives a crap about Wayne Security R&D.
你们是做小工具的 无名小卒
You make widgets. You're nobodies.
对
Yeah.
我们部门很重要 才不是无名小卒
Our division matters. We are not nobodies.
对了 大伙 公♥司♥把你们的车位收回了
FYI, guys, corporate gave away your parking spots.
从下周开始
So starting next week,
你们要停在街对面漏沥青的
you're gonna have to park across the street
桥底下了
under the bridge that leaks tar.
超级轿车
你的儿童尺寸车到了
This child-sized car arrived for you.
是你定错了尺寸
Were you expecting a full-size one
还是因为你♥爸♥没抱你
or is it because your father didn't hug you?
我买♥♥布加迪跑车是因为我爸没抱我
My Bugatti is because my father didn't hug me,
这辆就是给孩子的
this is for an actual child.
可你讨厌孩子
But you hate those.
我知道 可我这周末要和切尔西约会
I know, but I'm going away with Chelsea this weekend
她非要带着她儿子去
and she's insisting on bringing her son.
我以为你会让女人先签合同保证没有孩子
Isn't no kids in the agreement that you make women sign
才会跟她们约会
before you date them?
不 合同里写的是我们不能一起生孩子
No, the agreement states that we can't make any kids,
但不包括协议之前的状况
but it doesn't account for any pre-existing conditions.
都碎成渣渣了
It's broken into hundreds of pieces.
还有勒索信
There's a ransom note.
那是说明书
Those are instructions.
因为你得把这些渣渣拼装好
It's in pieces because you have to put it together.
我做不到
I can't do this.
这样吧 杰姬 我需要你去...
You know, Jackie, I'm gonna need you to--
这老姑娘的动作可以说是相当利落了
Old girl's still got some moves.
不知道你们怎么想 反正我听完韦恩X部的
I don't know about you guys, but hearing those Wayne X punks
俩混球说我们是无名小卒以后 让我斗志昂扬
tells us we're nobodies got me really excited for this contest.
我的感觉正好相反
Oh, it had the opposite effect on me.
我的士气低落
I am very demoralized.
泰迪 那你的
Teddy, what about you?
他们说的又不是我
Oh, they weren't referring to me.
我觉得说的是史蒂夫 苏珊 温蒂
I think it was more like Steve, Susan, Wendy.
温蒂就在这
Wendy's right there.
-没关系 我不是那种不烂的人 -懂
- Nah, it's cool. I mean, I don't not suck. - See?
那你的加热手套呢 真的很棒
What about your heat gloves? They're amazing.
把手套交上去 我们也许能赢
Enter those and we could win this.
我的手套绝对碾压一切
I mean, my heat gloves would kill it,
毫无疑问 但我忙着呢 所以...
fo' sho, but I got a lot on my plate, so...
当然了 我懂
Sure. I get it.
你知道吗 我心里对你的期望太高了
You know, I built you up too much in my head.
就像我以前期待《霍比特人》系列电影一样
I did the same thing with the "Hobbit" Movies.
我才不是《霍比特人》系列电影
I am not the "Hobbit" Movies.
这话听着很像《霍比特人》这种电影的调调
That sounds like something a "Hobbit" Movie would say.
你这逻辑我无法反驳 我加入
I can't argue with that logic. I'm in.
太好了 走着瞧吧 韦恩X
Yeah, suck it, Wayne X.
我被激起斗志了
I am re-moralized!
可能得稍微修改下
Probably need to make a few tweaks.
是啊
Yeah.
哥谭 首府 亚特兰蒂斯 魅力城 天堂岛
本尼 查尔斯
Benny! Uh, Charles!
糟了 他露出了这副表情
Oh, no. He has the look.
这表情的意思是
The "I'm gonna blow up your day
"我要让你帮我♥干♥私活 毁掉你的一天"
by making you do some annoying personal task" look.
你们好 我想问下...
Guys. I was wondering--
-我拉肚子 -我生理期
- Diarrhea. - Period.
你在这里
There he is!
"罗恩"·独腿银盗约翰[《金银岛》角色]
Ron John Silvers.
"罗"纳森·泰勒·托马斯[《狮子王》辛巴配音]
Ron-athan Taylor Thomas.
琳达·"罗"丝黛[流行女歌♥手]
Linda Ronstadt.
你非要这么叫我的话 我更喜欢"罗"旺达·鲁西[柔道运动员]
If you have to do that, I'd prefer Ronda Rousey.
我有个奖励给你 需要你组装好这辆车
I have a treat for you. I need you to build this car.
可我本来打算趁着天气冷去滑雪的
But I was gonna go sledding for cold season.
你知道我喜欢冬天
You know I love winter.
滑雪的快乐 转瞬即逝
The thrill of sledding, that is fleeting,
但是听从上司命令的快乐
but the joy of obeying a direct order from your superior,
却能持续到永远
that lasts forever.
就是你了 "罗"旺达
You the man, Ronda.
可是...
But, I mean--
这次是三号♥样品
Okay, this is prototype number three,
第二次测试
test number two.
我的助手艾米丽
My assistant Emily will attempt
会用它来解冻车门把手
to melt the frost off this car door handle.
这么冷的早晨实在太难熬
These cold mornings are the worst.
除非...