无能为力（2017）

Come on. First round is on me.
不
Uh, no.
我想听听这位女士的想法
I would like to hear out the young lady
毕竟她打断了我们的会议
who just shut down our entire meeting.
这款产品之所以卖♥♥不出去
Well, the reason it's not selling
是因为它没有吸引人的特质
is because it doesn't have a cool factor.
我们只需要请一个代言人
What we really need is a spokesperson
通过名人代言创造产品魅力
that will make it cool by association.
比如凯文·詹姆斯[喜剧演员]
Like a Kevin James.
他演过后中之王
He is the King of Queens.
我觉得超级英雄比较合适
I was thinking someone like a superhero.
天呐
Oh, my.
超级英雄才不拍广♥告♥呢
Superheroes don't do commercials.
-我可以找来烈火 -别吹了
- I can get Green Fury. - Oh, my God.
我看你只能点个绿咖喱
I think maybe you could order green curry,
不过别让我吃 我反胃
but don't give any to me because it makes me repeat.
你是无意中按错了键还是真找我收拾某个人
Did you butt-dial me, or do I need to ruin someone's day?
抱歉 你叫什么名字
I'm sorry, I-I didn't get your name.
-凡·韦恩 -我叫艾米丽·洛克
- Van Wayne. - It's Emily. Emily Locke.
我让你有紧急情况再召唤我
I gave you that button for emergencies.
这就是紧急情况
Well, and this is an emergency,
工作上的紧急情况
a work emergency,
一些人可能会觉得这才是...
which some people would say is actually--
我才不要给你们的破斗篷打广♥告♥ 我是超级英雄
I'm not hawking your dumb poncho. I'm a superhero.
对 没错
Yeah. You are.
但现在 全世界的人对你都是
But right now, the world sees you
这个印象
like this.
烈火狂食甜甜圈以抚平情感创伤
妈的
Damn it!
我是在帮那家甜甜圈店
I was saving that doughnut shop.
不是专门去吃的
I wasn't eating there.
奥林匹亚人胖了的时候 怎么就没人管
No one asks The Olympian if he's packed on a few pounds,
我就吃了一个甜甜圈 结果就上了头版
and I eat one lousy doughnut and I'm on every cover.
别理他们 烈火
Don't listen to them, Green.
你身材够火♥辣♥的
Your body's bangin'.
-这是哪个混球 -他...
- Who the hell's this dick? - Well--
我是凡德维尔·韦恩 顺带提一句
I'm Vanderveer Wayne, and for the record,
奥林匹亚一定是疯了才甩了你
I think The Olympian was crazy to dump yo' ass.
不是他甩的我 是我蹬了他
He didn't dump me. I dumped him.
我成天就因为这些破事上报
No wonder the Justice League doesn't take me seriously
怪不得正义联盟不把我当回事
when this crap is all they see.
不如我们给他们看点别的
Well, what if we showed them something else?
我们可以打造一波宣传攻势
We will build a campaign
让他们看看你有多强大 聪明
that will show the world how strong, smart,
而又能干
and capable you are.
到时候 正义联盟就该求着你了
The Justice League will come crawling for you.
对 到时候就没人在意
Yeah, and it doesn't matter
你被几个男的甩过
how many guys dump you
又吃了多少甜甜圈
or how many doughnuts you stuff in your face
来抚平情感创痛了
to drown your sorrows.
-凡 我来说就行 -好
- Van, I got this. - All right.
不管了
Oh, what the hell?
就破罐破摔吧
Things can't get any worse.
广♥告♥我拍了
I'll do it.
不过你记住 我会用手掌喷火
But if you make me look stupid in any way,
别把我拍的太蠢了
remember that I shoot fire out of my hands.
别担心 我们会给你拍的很炫酷的
Don't worry. We're gonna make you look great.
-我们是业界最棒的 -烈火
- We're the best and brightest. - Hey, Green Fury!
我可以带你去秘密的卫生间哦
I can show you where the secret bathroom is.
她看我了
She's looking at me!
她看我了
She's looking at me!
不 她看的是我
No, she's looking at me!
她没事吧
Is she okay?
有事
No.
你背着我召唤了烈火吗
You pressed the Green Fury button without me?
你明知道我对她有不正常的迷恋
You know I have an unhealthy obsession with her.
烈火要和我们合作了 泰迪
Green Fury is going to be working with us, Teddy,
你给我正常点
so I'm gonna need you to not act weird.
而且 她也不喜欢你啊
Besides, she never gave you the time of day.
我懂 不过我已经找到原因了
Yeah, but I figured out why.
是因为现实太残酷吗
Oh, because of reality?
不 因为我没有穿上...
No. It's because I wasn't rocking...
这身行头
this.
看起来太奇怪了
That looks uncomfortable.
这可是瑞典服装设计的新星雅思特的大作
I got it from an up-and-coming Swedish designer named Yaast.
所以你得了念珠菌症吗[音似]
So you got a Yaast infection?
你们就是完全不懂行
Okay, you guys have no idea what you're talking about.
我去问问那些收了钱来做评论的人
I'm gonna go ask some people who are paid to give their opinion.
-你的夹克蠢爆了 -你才蠢爆了
- Your jacket looks stupid. - You're stupid.
女士们 首先我想说 你们都太美了
Ladies, you all look beautiful, first off.
谢谢各位赏脸参加今天的调研会
Thank you for coming to our focus group.
我得提醒一下 每人最多只能吃两块披萨
I would remind you, you are allowed up to two slices of pizza,
不过我这个人吧 不计数
but I have been known to lose count, okay?
下面我们来聊聊稻草人防毒面具吧
Now, let's talk Scarecrow's gas mask, all right?
抱歉 罗恩 我能借用一下这些女士吗
Excuse me, Ron, can I borrow these ladies for a second?
我们正忙着...
I mean, we are in the middle of something right--
我替你主持
I'll keep it moving.
你觉得这件夹克怎样
What do you think about this jacket?
不喜欢
Not a fan.
如果我说这件是雅思特的大作呢
What if I told you this jacket is a Yaast?
我要是不喜欢某个东西 该把这个针往哪边拨
Which way do I turn the dial if I hate something?
左边 但他不是这次讨论的议题
To the left, but I want to remind you he is not a part of this--
看起来是我讨厌的那种人会穿的衣服
Looks like the kind of thing someone I don't like would wear.
好吧 但我们还是聊聊这个面罩吧
I understand that, but perhaps we can focus on this mask.
我觉得他看起来高高在上的
I feel like he gives off a judgy type of vibe.
是吗
Oh, I do?
对 自我感觉良好
Yeah. Like he thinks he's better than everybody else.
-好 我说一下 -我以前也有这种感受
- Okay, you know what? - I've felt that before.
请各位不要评价我
This is not about me.
评价这件炫酷的夹克
This is about a very cool jacket
不过你们头脑简单理解不了这种美 所以
that your simple minds can't comprehend, so...
行了
Oh, okay.
女士们 我替我朋友向你们道歉
Ladies, I do want to apologize for my friend,
大家想吃几块披萨都行
and I'm gonna go ahead and remove that two-slice limit.
这是个披萨派对 嗨起来
It's a pizza party, y'all!
-看似随意的拉链设计 -蠢透了
- Whimsical zipper. - It looks stupid.
你才蠢透了
You look stupid.
他刚骂你了吗
Did he just call you stupid?
没错 我说的是大实话
I mean what I say. I mean what I say.
蠢货们
Stupids.
-够了 泰迪 -怎么了
- Okay, um, Teddy? - Yeah?
18至49岁的女性都跟你八字不合
You are testing terribly with women age 18 to 49.
废墟中的尘埃渐渐散开
The dust from the rubble clears
只见烈火在仔细检查幸存者的情况
as Green Fury surveys the survivors.
她说
She says,
"成为超级英雄 你需要的不是披风
"You don't need a cape to be super.
而是韦恩安全斗篷"
You just need a Wayne Security Poncho."
所有人披上斗篷
They put on the poncho
跟她冲进火场
and follow her into a burning building,
全身护得严严实实
now completely protected.
爆♥炸♥ 爆♥炸♥ 爆♥炸♥
Explosion, explosion, explosion,
然后 淡出
and...fade out.
这个点子...
That was...
-糟... -太棒了
- Terr... - Fantastic.
棒
Fantastic.
你把我要说的话给说了
You took the words right out of my mouth.
艾米丽 太棒了
Emily, this is impressive.
你在本公♥司♥大有前途
You're gonna go very far at this company...
只要你别跟我们的老婆加脸书好友
as long as you're not Facebook friends with any of our wives.
我没老婆
I don't have a wife,
在墨西哥结的婚不算吧
unless you count marriages in Mexico.