无能为力（2017）

dollars in debt.
不想在欠债时开始新恋情
Don't want to start a relationship in the red.
救得好
Good save.
行吧 我试过了 我要走了
Well, I tried. I'm gonna go.
回家了 总之就是不想在这儿
If I leave now, I can still get home in time to not be here.
你说我去撩谁啊
Who am I gonna make out with?
等等
Hold up.
我们是一起去的亚利桑那州吗
Did we go to Arizona State together?
感觉似曾相识
I'm pretty sure we had bio. Like--
哥们儿
Hey, bro!
外面好像在玩啤酒乒乓
Heard they started a beer pong tournament outside.
-什么 -真的
- What? - Yeah.
要逃赶紧逃 还有两分钟他就回来了
You got about two minutes until he works out there is no beer pong.
多谢
Thanks.
-我叫艾米丽 -我叫丹
- I’m Emily. - Dan.
你是才进来的吗
Did you just get here?
对 刚从急诊室出来
Yeah. I just got out of the ER.
什么 你还好吗
Oh, my God, are you okay?
我没事 我挺好的
Oh, yeah, I am. I'm better than okay.
我是医生
I'm a doctor.
我的团队在最后完善
My team's actually putting the finishing touches
这个坚不可摧手♥机♥壳
on this indestructible phone case.
看起来很赞
Wow. That seems like overkill.
你掰一掰试试
Try and break it.
来吧
I dare you.
等下 我们还没做防水
Okay, we still haven't figured out waterproofing.
我能看下你的手♥机♥吗
Can I see your phone?
你要把它扔进啤酒里吗
Are you gonna drop it in a beer?
屏保上的图片
The--the picture on the home screen
是个玩笑
is just a joke.
我其实不喜欢《奇异果女孩》
I don't really like "Gilmore Girls."
不过 如果你喜欢的话
I mean, unless-- unless you also like them,
我可以告诉你 我喜欢里面的杰丝
in which case I'm Team Jess.
一般我不会给别人我的电♥话♥
Okay, I don't normally give out my number,
但我挺喜欢你的
but I have a good feeling about you.
记得给我发短♥信♥
Text me.
谜语人来信了
Here's a little message from The Riddler.
我跟你说 杰姬
Oh, my God, Jackie.
我刚遇上了一个超好的男人
I just met the most amazing guy.
你喜欢哪张照片
Which picture do you like?
我拍得美 他拍得一般的这张
The one where I look good and he looks okay,
还是他拍得帅气
or the one where he looks really good
但我 我也挺美的
and I--oh, I still look good.
拍照发朋友圈让你的前任知道
Posting a photo on Instagram to let your ex know
他的订婚丝毫没有影响你
that his engagement hasn't affected you at all?
好吧 那我去掉"以旧换新"的标签
So, I'll just lose the hashtag "Traded up."
但我真的很喜欢丹
But I actually do really like Dan.
告诉过你 我不挑剔
I told you. I'm not picky.
我只是知道我的菜
I just know what I want.
我们什么时候能见到完美先生
So, when do we get to meet Mr. Perfect?
是完美医生
Oh, it's Dr. Perfect,
以及 就是现在
and, --oh, right now.
很明显我会让他明白我们只是朋友
All right, obviously I'll just let him know that we're friends
不让他被我们的关系威胁到
so he's not threatened by our relationship.
-很明显 -很明显
- Obviously. - Obviously.
-很明显 -啥
- Obviously. - What?
大家好 我是丹
Hey, everyone. I'm Dan.
你怎么样 准备出发了吗
How you doing? You ready to go?
好 等我拿下东西
Yeah. Let me just get my stuff.
她一定就是温蒂
That must be Wendy.
-没错 -我们今天早点吃饭好吗
- Yeah. - Hey, is it cool if we eat early?
我今晚得工作
I got to work tonight.
我的天 你的脸怎么了
Oh, my God! What happened to your face?
这个啊 我骑车时摔倒撞石头上了
Oh, I, um, I fell off my bike and onto a rock.
那块石头形状像绿灯侠的戒指吗
Was the rock shaped like Green Lantern's ring?
谁知道
Who knows?
有时候煎饼还长得像耶稣呢
Sometimes pancakes look like Jesus.
-我们该走了 -好
- We should go. - Okay.
你的黑针织帽掉了
You dropped your skullcap.
我们只是朋友关系
We're just friends.
所以...
So...
艾米丽的对象是个喽啰 对吧
Emily's dating a henchman, right?
-没错 绝对是 -对 我们得告诉她
- Yeah, big time. - Yep. We got to tell her.
等等 他只是个低级的喽啰
Well, hold on. I mean, he's just a low-level henchman.
我大学时交往过一个
I dated one in college.
基本上就像和贝斯手谈恋爱
It's basically like dating a bass player.
你可能说得对 或许只是一时冲动
Maybe you're right. I mean, it is probably just a fling.
激♥情♥会消退 或他就挂了
It'll flame out or he'll die.
就像和贝斯手交往一样
Just like dating a bass player.
你这是在干嘛
What the hell are you doing?
等蝙蝠侠
Waiting for Batman.
你还摆了牛奶和饼干出来
And you put out milk and cookies?
他又不是圣诞老人
He's not Santa Claus.
你又不知道
You don't know that.
他们都在屋顶上晃荡
They both hang out on rooftops.
这倒是
They do.
你穿蝙蝠侠T恤来见蝙蝠侠
You wore a Batman shirt to meet Batman?
是啊 明星都喜欢
Yeah. Celebrities love it.
我见杰森·贝特曼时也穿了贝特曼T恤
I wore my Bateman shirt when I met Jason Bateman.
他什么反应
And how did he react to that?
有点困惑 但这算是他的梗
Kind of befuddled, but that's sort of his shtick.
他知道自己的梗
He knows who he is.
好吧 让我给你上一课明星入门 罗恩
Okay, let me give you a little Celebrity 101, Ron.
你见到一个明星时 你得表现得高冷些
When you meet one, you got to play it cool.
你要看上去好像不认识蝙蝠侠一样
You got to act like you might not even know who Batman is.
-先生们 -我的妈 他来了
- Gentlemen. - Oh, my God! It's him!
咋了
'Sup?
你...
You--
抱歉 有东西卡在我喉咙里
I'm sorry. I had something stuck in my throat.
你得表现得高冷 泰迪
You need to play it cool, Teddy.
你这日本学♥生♥妹♥的套路
This Japanese school girl routine--
拉低了我的逼格
it's blocking my swagger.
我不能让你们把他吓跑
I can't have you scaring him off.
我们有正事要谈
We have business.
他才不会付你...
He's never gonna pay you the--
等等 为什么你走路会吱嘎响
Wait-- why are you squeaking when you walk?
你的胸为什么是凸出来的
And why are your nipples protruding?
天气冷
It's cold.
我想说 关键问题是
I mean, I think the real question is:
你们的怎么不这样
why aren't yours?
你裤子后面挂着的是披风吗
Is that a cape hanging out the back of your pants?
因为我要去看歌♥剧
Because I'm going to the opera.
我要迟到了 容我退场
I'm late. Exeunt.
有哪里不太对劲
Something's not right here.
他穿了披风 胸不正常地凸起
He's got a cape, unusually pointy nipples.
-你不觉得凡... -是个墨西哥摔跤选手
- You don't think Van's-- - A Mexican wrestler?
我本来想说 "在隐藏什么"
I was gonna say, "Hiding something,"
但你的逻辑也很有道理
but your theory makes perfect sense.
我们得查个水落石出
We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
大家周五快乐
Happy Friday, everybody!
你们有什么精彩的周末计划吗
Anyone have any exciting weekend plans?
我要带我外公再去一次密室逃脱
I'm taking my grandpa back to the escape room.
好酷 他喜欢玩那些吗
Oh, that's cool. He's into those?
不 他只是这么称呼养老院而已
No. It's just what he calls the nursing home.
他又逃脱了一次
He solved it again.
我可是有超棒的周末计划噢
Well, I have some very exciting weekend plans.
下班后丹来接我
Dan's picking me up after work
周末带我去他老板的房♥子
and taking me away for the weekend to his boss's house.
他说是在一座山侧面挖洞建造的
He says it's carved into the side of a mountain.
好玩
Fun!
你确定你准备好了吗