无能为力（2017）

Are you sure you're ready for that?
准备好度过一个在偏远地区
Ready for a weekend away in a remote location
没有手♥机♥信♥号♥♥的周末吗
with no cell reception?
当然 我们交往了几周了
Yeah! We've been dating a couple of weeks.
其实在魅力城也有挺多玩的
You know, there's a lot to do right here in Charm City.
你们可以去商场新开的美食区看看
You know, maybe check out the new food court at the mall,
或者警局旁边的油炸饼店
or the churro spot next to the police station,
或者其他任何有很多人而且光线明亮的地方
or really anywhere else extremely public and well-lit.
-这我喜欢 -谢谢你们的关心
- I like that. - Guys, I appreciate the concern,
但我们进展得很顺利
but things are going great.
看看这个
I mean, check this out.
太贴心了
That's so sweet!
我猜他肯定是从很高级的地方偷来的
I bet he stole it from somewhere really nice.
-什么 -你在和一个喽啰交往
- What? - You're dating a henchman.
喽啰 你在说什么
A henchman? What are you talking about?
杰姬的意思是
Okay, all Jackie's trying to say is
丹在以雇佣关系为超级反派
that Dan performs a variety of henching services
提供一系列狗腿子服务
for super villains on a for-hire basis.
拜托 你们才见过他一面
Guys, come on. You met him once.
好吧 你看 "和喽啰交往的五个迹象"
All right, look. "Five Signs You're Dating a Henchman."
他全都符合
He's got all these.
不是你的错
It's not your fault.
魅力城四处都是喽啰
Charm City's just crawling with henchmen.
是一种挣快钱的方法
It's an easy way to make cash.
没错 不是说他是个坏男人
Yeah. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy.
而是说他是个坏人
It just means that he's a bad guy.
不 他不是 相信我
No, he's not. Trust me.
我知道怎么挑男人 他很棒
I know how to pick guys, and he is great.
他要带我度过一个浪漫的周末
I mean, he's taking me away on a romantic weekend
去到美丽的头骨山顶 他老板的房♥子
to his boss's house at the top of beautiful Skull Mountain.
他还说那里有个超赞的鲨鱼缸
And he says there's an amazing shark tank
以及一个红宝石激光枪
and a ruby laser that shoots...
能一直射到月球上
all the way to the moon and--
我的老天 我在和一个喽啰交往
oh, my God, I'm dating a henchman.
-是吧 -你看
- Yeah. - Yeah.
你已经三次愤怒地跑出来了
You've angrily stormed out here three times,
所以我估计你想谈谈
so I'm assuming you want to talk?
他对我撒谎 他是个骗子
He lied to me. He's a liar.
至少你拿到了一条漂亮的手链
Hey, at least you got a nice bracelet out of it.
我前任只留给我一个患有严重注意力缺陷症的孩子
All I got from my ex was a kid with a serious ADD problem.
节哀顺变吧
Just let it go.
不 我前男友甩了我的时候
No! When my ex-boyfriend dumped me,
我发现他一直和那个平面模特有一腿
I found out he'd been cheating on me with that print model.
你想知道我做了什么吗 什么也没做
And do you know what I did? Nothing.
我故作清高 感觉糟透了
I took the high road, and it felt like crap!
现在他们结婚了 我得给他们买♥♥个披萨板
Now they're getting married, and I have to buy them a pizza stone.
你要给他们买♥♥东西
You're getting them something?
他们给我寄了邀请帖
Well, they sent me an invitation.
这是应该的礼数
It's proper etiquette.
但情况不一样了
No, but things have changed.
生平第一次
For the first time ever,
艾米丽·洛克要玩阴的了
Emily Locke is taking the low road.
那个贱♥人♥喽啰绝对想不到等着他的是什么后果
That henching son of a bitch has no idea what's coming.
这是我第一次玩阴的
This is my first time down the low road,
所以我需要你的帮助
so I'm gonna need your help.
好戏开场了
Show time.
待会儿见 泰迪
See you later, Teddy.
我真笨手笨脚
Clumsy me.
我刚刚滑到了
I just slipped and fell.
拜托 是我发明的
Please. I invented
"假装摔倒双手抓♥胸♥"这一招
the "Pretend to fall and grab a pair of breasts" move.
已经有两个勤工俭学的妹子辞职了
I had two au pairs quit over it.
是的 一石二鸟
Yes, pun intended.
你们在耍什么花样
What's your game?
你的胸肌不是真的
Those pecs aren't real.
你在西装下面穿了什么
You're wearing something under the suit.
你们要真想知道
Well, if you must know,
跟我来
follow me.
我的老天 你是罗宾
Oh, my God. You're Robin?
是的 不 现在还不是
Yes. No. Well, not yet.
可能是 就... 我问问你们
Maybe. Just--okay, let me ask you something.
当超级英雄最爽的是什么
What is the best part about being a superhero?
保护那些不能保护自己的人
Protecting those who can't protect themselves.
不 是出名
No. It's about being famous
还有穿酷炫的服装
and wearing cool-ass costumes.
所以我让我的橡胶裁缝做了这个
That's why I had this made by my rubbersmith.
没想到你是个深柜超级英雄粉丝
I had no idea you were a closet superhero fan.
-你最爱的前十是谁 -没那么简单
- Who's your top ten? - This is more than that.
你真的以为蝙蝠侠会看到你
You actually think Batman is gonna look at you,
一个中年男人 上周打个喷嚏把腰扭了
a middle-aged man who pulled his back last week sneezing,
然后说 这是我的新神奇小子
and say, "Hey, there's my new Boy Wonder"?
这是明白人
This guy gets it!
对 一旦我们把工作关系搞好
Yes. And then once we have a good working relationship--
道 我可能会提提
I don't know-- I'm thinking I might bring up
迈巴♥赫♥的事
the Maybach thing.
-一个小问题 -说
- Quick question. - Yeah?
你知道已经有两个罗宾 传闻死于任务中了吧
You are aware two Robins have supposedly died on the job?
高转换率 我喜欢
High turnover. I'm in.
这俩哪个杀伤力更大 滚走还是起开
What's more insulting: jack-off or jag-off?
没一个好的
Neither one's great.
我这么说吧 我骂过的渣男千千万
I'll just say this: I've told off a lot of crappy men.
这就好像吃豪华自助餐
It's like a Vegas buffet.
吃完扶墙出的感觉特别糟
You will feel terrible afterwards.
对 但你吃的时候多爽
Yeah, but it feels great while you're eating it.
我等不及要把这人撕个...
Ooh, I can't wait to tear this guy a new--
好啊 宝贝
Hey, babe.
我们为什么还在这 都一个小时了
What are we still doing here? It's been an hour.
好的 蝙蝠侠不会来我们办公室
Okay, Batman's not gonna come to the office,
所以我们来他的办公室找他
so we have to meet him in his office:
夜幕之下
the cover of night.
目前为止 我只看到了一个男的打了个飞机
Well, so far I've just seen a guy get a handy,
我很确定那不是蝙蝠侠
and I'm fairly certain that wasn't Batman.
你为什么要看男的打飞机
Why are you watching a guy getting a handy?
-你为什么在乎这个 -我只是想知道
- Why is that your takeaway? - I just want to know.
你们这两个死宅 站那边去行不行
Would you nerds go stand over there?
跟你们站一起太丢人了
You're embarrassing me.
天啊 它响了
Oh, my God, it's beeping.
闭嘴 笨蛋
Shut up, idiots.
我体内的罗宾感应到有人来了
My Robin sense tells me that someone is approaching.
对 我们都听到了
Yeah. We all heard it.
-你们也能听到 -对
- You can hear that? - Yeah.
天啊 是他
Oh, my God, it's him!
-天啊 不是他 -不是他
- Oh, God, that's not him. - That's not him.
根本不是
Not at all him.
神奇小子 你搞得定吗
Boy Wonder, you got this?
知道咖啡和什么押韵吗
You know what rhymes with "Java"?
热咖啡
Lava!
天啊 这是冰咖啡
Oh, my God, that was an iced coffee.
我只是把他惹毛了
I have just made him very angry.
好的 各位
All right, um, guys,
都拿出来 快点
Get 'em out. Come on.
给你 都给你
Here you go. Here you go.
-放弃吧 赶紧掏出来 -忘带钱包了
- Give it up. Cough it up. - Forgot my wallet.
你才没有 他的钱都藏鞋里
You did not. He's got money in his shoe.
塞在袜子里
Keeps it in his sock.
给你
There you go.
就当没有这回事
Forgot about that.
对不起 我来晚了
I'm sorry I'm late.
晚上挺忙的哈
Crazy busy tonight.
是不是在重症监护室里忙呢
were you working in the ICU?
-没有 -因为我重点监察到你是个骗子