无能为力（2017）

我觉得办公室可以更有爱一点
I just feel like the office could be friendlier,
所以我觉得戴着最爱电影名称的胸牌
which is why I think wearing nametags
这个主意其实蛮棒的
with your favorite movie on them is actually a great idea.
我有没有说过我找到了公♥寓♥
did I tell you I think I found an apartment?
你答应过我们要沉默排队 尴尬无语的
You promised me that we were going to stand in awkward silence.
你好有趣
You're funny.
那套公♥寓♥位于一个叫做"谋镇"的美好社区
It's in this up-and-coming neighborhood called Mu-To.
很可爱对不对
Cute, right?
"谋镇"其实是"谋杀小镇"的简称
Mu-To is short for Murder Town.
我说厨房♥里怎么有渣滓呢
so that's why the kitchen had drains in it.
终于等到了 希望这美味值得等待
Finally. I hope these are worth the wait.
我要两个熊爪包 一个巧克力司康
Hi, I'll have two bear claws, a chocolate scone--
特快专递来了
Special delivery!
送到
Nailed it!
打烊了
We're out of everything.
我不是超人
第一季 第二集
这是魅力城东部的可爱萌照
Oh, here's something cute in East Charm City.
在那家萌萌的疯人院附近吗
Oh, near the cute insane asylum?
还是说那家萌萌的废弃假人模特工厂附近
Or near the cute, abandoned mannequin factory
里面住着的全是恋童癖
where all the pedophiles live?
我得提高一下租金预算了
I have to increase my price range.
这周末有人是住在冰雕而成的旅馆里的吗
Anyone else stay in a hotel carved out of ice this weekend?
我是在我的大♥麻♥贩子他妈家的一堆衣服里睡的
I slept on a pile of clothes at my weed dealer's mom's place.
真惨
Harrowing.
总之我是在冰岛的
Anyway, I was in Iceland,
韦恩工业高管们的疗养寓所过的
at the Wayne Industries managers retreat.
您去的是格陵兰岛
You were in Greenland.
上面有好多冰
There was a lot of ice.
总之咱们部门闹出不少动静
Anyway, our division has made a lot of noise
因为这一位真的把你们鞭笞得很像样
because this one has whipped you all into shape.
不用我提醒你这样做十分不妥...
I don't need to tell you why you shouldn't--
我诚心忏悔
I regretted it immediately.
他们通过了你们的防碎石雨伞提案
They are green-lighting your anti-rubble umbrella.
太棒啦
That's amazing!
哎哟
Nooo!
碎石伞
The Rumbrella.
坚固 有型 轻便
Strong, stylish, lightweight.
-就像你一样 泰迪 -多谢
- Just like you, Teddy. - Thank you.
真不错 我们会在本周末之前搞定
That's fantastic. We will have it done by the end of the week.
到时公♥司♥肯定会这种反应
Corporate's gonna be like...
"哎哟 这么屌♥的一队员工哪来的呀
"What? Who's this squad of bad asses?
不如再给他们多分点项目吧"
Let's give them more projects."
我们也可以选择一个合理的期限
Or we could pick a reasonable timeframe
到时公♥司♥的反应就是
and Corporate's gonna be like,
"哎哟 这队员工这么认真细致哦
"What? Who's the squad of sensible individuals
十分清楚如何保持工作和生活的平衡嘛"
who know how to achieve a work/life balance?"
是啊 是啊
Yeah, yeah.
干啥呀 我顶艾米丽 赶紧去干活
What? I like Emily's idea better. Get crackin'.
或者正如冰岛人常言道
Or as they say in Iceland,
[鸟语]
啥意思
What does that mean?
"先生 请不要在温泉里小便"
"Sir, please don't urinate in the thermal hot springs."
我就记住了这一句话 因为听得次数太多
I only remember it 'cause I heard it a lot.
韦恩家的人不需要别人指点该在哪里尿
No one tells a Wayne where to pee.
很有趣不是吗
Yeah, but isn't it funny?
他们看起来蛮开心的
They look like they're having fun.
你觉得他们愿不愿意 那啥
Hey, do you think they'd wanna go--I don't know--
周五晚上去打个保龄球啥的
bowling or something Friday night?
肯定的
Definitely.
哦是跟你一起去吗 不愿意
Oh, with you? No.
-我知道你在开玩笑 -我没在开玩笑
- Okay, I know you're joking. - I'm not joking.
但我刚来到这个城市
But I'm still new in town.
整天忙着工作
I mean, I work all the time.
其实是有点孤独的 你懂吧
It can get kinda lonely, you know?
听着 你这人看着是挺好的
Listen, you seem like a nice person
但你同时也是他们的上司
but you're also their boss,
上司是不能跟底下的员工做朋友的
and a boss can't be friends with their employees.
这个上司可以做到哦
Well this boss can.
开始了 开始了
And here we go, here we go.
好了 我给碎石伞排好了工作表
All right, I laid out the schedule for the Rumbrella.
虽然要求有点高 但是
It's ambitious, but
我们并不畏惧工作辛苦一点点
we're not afraid of a little hard work.
超级英雄梦幻联盟最新播报
Fuh-fuh-Fantasy Superhero League update.
超级英雄梦幻联盟最新播报
好了 等会再说
All right, hold that thought.
要说第一首选
If you've got the top pick,
我可不敢选超人
I'd shy away from Superman.
是啦 超人可以拯救一整座大楼的人
Sure, Supes can save an entire building full of people,
但这几周来他只顾着救露易丝·莱恩了
but some weeks he only saves Lois Lane.
-而这只是理由之一 -说得没错
- And that's just one point. - That's a fact.
泰迪去年第一顺位选的就是他吧
Didn't Teddy pick him with his first pick last year?
我知道他选了 这问题还用答吗
Oh, I know he did. That was a rhetorical question.
吔屎啦 小泰迪
Suck it, Teddy!
这次我不会栽的好吗
I will suck nothing. All right?
当时看起来是明智之选
It was the right pick at the time.
是啊 一个想吊车尾的明智之选
Oh, yeah. The right pick if you want to come in last.
小婊♥子♥浪啊浪
Like a bitch!
耶
Yeah!
玩梦幻联盟呢
Fantasy League, huh?
看起来挺合我口味的 跟三五好友一起选
Sounds like my kind of fun. Mixing it up with some friends.
友情提示 我很擅长引战哦
Fair warning: I can bring the trash talk.
拼自家偶像的邮件里 可别碰到我
You do not want me coming for you on a groupie e-mail.
抱歉 联盟满员了
Sorry. League's full.
反正我也超级忙
Well, I am super busy anyways.
不然我也可以像小婊♥子♥一样浪啊浪
Otherwise, I would bring it... like a bitch!
你刚刚管自己叫小婊♥子♥
Did you just call yourself a bitch?
我在邮件里怼得比较厉害
I am better over e-mail.
咱们去看一下碎石伞的进度吧
Let's see where we're at on the Rumbrella.
假设现在天上正在进行一场激烈打斗
Okay, so there's a massive super battle above,
但幸好 我们的顾客撑着一把碎石伞
but fortunately, our customer is holding her Rumbrella.
我设想的这位顾客就是我家姥姥
In my mind, it's my sweet grandma.
-她是来给我送汤喝的 -不错嘛
- And she's bringing me soup. - Nice touch.
碎石开始纷纷掉落
Rubble starts to fall and--
不
No!
姥姥
Grandma!
看来今晚我们要加班了
Looks like we're gonna be working late tonight.
这也不代表我们会不开心嘛 要不要订披萨
Doesn't mean we can't have fun. Should we order pizza?
杰姬 这张照片有啥毛病啊
Jackie, what is wrong with this picture?
韦恩工业梦之队
没有女人也没有少数族裔
There are no women or minorities?
认真点
Be serious!
问题在于里面没我 照片里只能看到我的肩膀
What is wrong is I am missing. You can only see my shoulder.
你怎么能办成这样呢
How did you let this happen?
拍照时我并不在场 凡
I wasn't there when the photo was taken, Van,
因为你忘记了你的象牙袖扣
because you forgot your ivory cufflinks
于是让我飞了五千公里去帮你取
and made me fly 3,000 miles to go and get them.
所以我就应该像二手车销♥售♥员一样
Oh, so I'm supposed to wear the gold ones two days in a row
连续戴两天金袖扣吗
like some kind of certified pre-owned car salesman?
你知道吗 我可能对你要求太高了
You know what? Maybe I ask too much of you.
我同意
I agree.
也许如果我想顺利成事
Maybe if I want something done right,
还不如自己亲手上阵
I should just do it myself.
我十分同意
I'd love that.
我是想说你工作无能
I'm trying to say you are incompet--
你甚至连羞愧都做不到
you don't even feel shame properly.
没进去梦之队是吧 凡
Didn't make the Dream Team, huh, Van?
萨姆缪尔
Hello, Samuel.
我分明被选上了
And you know that I did.
这个
That--
这就是我的肩膀
that is my shoulder.
是吗 那你看我的脸
Really? Well, that's my face.
大家一般都希望照片拍到脸