无能为力（2017）

It's a shame we're only here to get fired.
什么
What?
芝士玉米片只有一点是我不喜欢的
The only thing I didn't like about nachos
就是要自己去拿
was having to go get them.
他们把这个问题彻底解决了
But they solved it. They really solved it!
不知道你是怎样
I don't know about you,
但我正在为留下而努力
but I'm making a play to stay.
我的天 凡 你剃了光头
Oh, my God, Van, did you shave your head
就为了拍莱克斯·卢瑟的马屁
just to suck up to Lex Luthor?
艾米丽 这是我全新的开始
Emily, this is a fresh start for me.
知道吗 我有新的马屁去拍
All right? I got a new ass to kiss, a new nose to brown.
如果有人问起来 就说我一直都是秃的
If anyone asks, i have always been bald.
嘿 伙计们
Hey, guys!
欢迎来到莱克斯公♥司♥
Welcome to LexCorp!
我看到你们已经吃到了芝士玉米片
All right, i see you already dipped into some nachos.
有一点很有趣
Here's a little fun fact:
我们的奶酪实际上是从营养酵母制备得到
our queso is actually made from a nutritional yeast,
这意味着没有卡路里
which means no calories!
对 对 这个地方很棒
Yeah, yeah, this place is great.
把我们从我们的痛苦中解救出来
Just put us out of our misery.
你正在经受痛苦吗 我们真的有
Are you experiencing misery? Because we actually have
你可以一起游泳的治愈海豚
some therapeutic dolphins you can swim with.
别忽悠我们 伙计
Hey, quit messing with us, man!
我知道我们是多余的并且要被开除了
We know we're redundant and we're getting fired.
开除 我们为什么要开除你们
Fired? Why would we fire you?
你不能收♥购♥百货商店后开除玩具店先生吧
You don't buy the Emporium and then fire Mr. Magorium!
电影《神器玩具店》中的角色
-什么 -我抵♥制♥那部电影
- What? - I boycotted that movie.
你不能命名个角色叫玩具
You don't name a character Magorium
只是为了和百货商店押韵
just so it rhymes with Emporium.
那是作弊 那部电影去死
That's just a cheat. That movie.
-对 -你可以回到
- Yes. - Um, could you just go back
你刚刚想说的内容吗
to what you were saying before?
我们可以继续工作吗
We're keeping our jobs?
当然 你们还要继续工作
Absolutely, you're keeping your jobs.
实际上 我们在为你们创造一整个部门
In fact, we're creating an entire division just for you.
基本上只要你们能想到的
Basically, anything that your big brains think of,
我们都会为你们创造
we're gonna build.
杰姬会很喜欢这个地方的
Jackie's gonna love this place.
对于那个我们得想点别的办法了
Well, we might have to figure out a way around that one.
我们这儿不招助手
We don't hire assistants here.
所以杰姬不会在这儿工作了
So, Jackie won't be working here?
-不会 -没事
- Uh, no. - That's fine.
我们不在乎
We don't care.
这地方太高级了
This place is so fancy.
你知道吗 他们不用厕纸
You know, instead of toilet paper,
他们用昂贵的埃及棉毛巾
they have these expensive Egyptian cotton towels?
不 罗恩 他们绝对有厕纸
No, Ron. They definitely have toilet paper.
-不会吧 -不管怎样
- Oh, dear. - Anyway,
被莱克斯公♥司♥接管 是我们这辈子
this LexCorp takeover is the best thing
最爽的事了
that has ever happened to us.
你们都在这 我站在拉塞尔角度想了下
There you guys are. I felt it out with Russell,
我觉得如果我们团结一致并且说
and I think if we all band together and say
除非他们雇了杰姬我们才接受职位
we're not going to take the jobs unless they hire Jackie too,
他们会屈服的
they'll give in.
我们只是需要自愿离开
We just have to be willing to walk away.
我们看起来像愿意离开的人吗
Do we look like people who are willing to walk away?
我爽得内♥裤♥都找不到了 其他人愿意吗
I mean, I don't even know where my pants are. Anybody else?
凡 你这十年的生活全都是她照顾的
Van, she's taken care of your entire life for ten years.
你知道吗 我现在甚至不记得
You know what? I don't even remember
杰姬到底长啥样了
what Jackie looks like anymore.
嘿 谁还想和海豚一起游泳
Hey, who here wants to go swimming with dolphins?
-我 -好
- This guy! - Yes!
老天啊
Jesus Christ!
这可不是海豚的房♥间
Oh, that is not the dolphin room.
我的天 这是一个虫洞
Oh, my God. This is a wormhole.
这里什么都有
This place has everything!
对啊
Yeah.
这好像就是大家一直在找的虫洞
I think this is the wormhole everyone's looking for.
我的天 莱克斯公♥司♥在这后面
Oh, my God. LexCorp's behind this?
等等 等等 我们还不知道
Hold on. Hold on. We don't know
这就是那个邪恶的虫洞
that this is the evil wormhole.
只有一个方法能弄明白
There's only one way to find out.
哇哦
Cha-kah!
-不要 -不
- No! - No, no, no!
好吧 温蒂死了
Well, Wendy's dead.
这绝对是那个邪恶的虫洞
Well, that was definitely the evil wormhole.
我在斯巴达克斯之地待了两年
I was in the land of Scartarus for two years.
成为战神 还解救了整个国家的奴隶
I became a warlord. I freed a nation of slaves.
太酷了
It was so cool.
你为什么还回来
Why did you come back?
我要看最后一季《权利的游戏》
Oh, I got to see that last season of "Game of Thrones."
那会棒呆的
It's gonna be crazy.
-好吧 -好吧
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
我们得把它关掉
We have to shut this thing off.
对
Yep.
等等 艾琳·布劳克维奇
Slow down, there, Erin Brockovich!
电影《永不妥协》中的主角
现在所有公♥司♥都做道德模糊的事情
Now, every company does morally questionable things.
有的时候是会计算的模糊
Sometimes it's fuzzy accounting.
有的时候是虫洞
Sometimes it's a wormhole
它释放出来了
that releases evil aliens
决心毁灭地球的邪恶外星人
that are bent on destroying the earth.
人无完人
Nobody's perfect!
你们发现了邪恶虫洞
You guys discovered the evil wormhole!
-什么虫洞 -别这样
- What wormhole? - No. Don't do that.
你看到了 你知道你看到了
You saw it. I know you saw it,
因为我看到你看到了
'cause I saw you see it.
-好吧 -好吧
- All right. - All right?
真是不幸 现在我必须杀了你们
This is unfortunate. Now we got to kill you guys.
-什么 -你们要死了
- What? - You are going to die.
但并不完全糟糕
But not all bad.
有好消息 你不会感到痛苦
Some good news: it's gonna be painless,
会非常人道的 你们的尸体会被
it's gonna be humane, and your bodies are gonna be
做成零卡路里的奶酪
turned into no-calorie cheese!
笑一个
Cheese!
好了 我会给你们几分钟
All right, so, I'm gonna give you guys
来作最后的告别
just a few minutes to say your final good-byes,
然后你们就要选择你想要变成什么奶酪
and then you get to select which cheese you want to become!
拉塞尔 来吧 跟我做个交易
Russell, come on! Deal with me, man!
我有房♥ 有船
I got houses. I got boats.
抱歉 伙计们 但是卢瑟总统
Sorry, guys, but President Luthor
真的要着手毁灭世界
is really set on destroying the world.
加上我早就把你们的死亡录入了系统
Plus I've already entered your deaths into the system,
所以你们知道接下来会怎么样
so, you know how it goes.
好吧
All right.
伙计们 我们必须做点什么
Guys, we've got to do something.
没有什么可做的
There's nothing to do!
不是所有事情都有一个快乐的结局
Things don't always have a happy ending.
不是所有事情都是温暖的
Things aren't always warm
毛茸茸的友谊之类的
and fuzzy friendship, blah, blah, blah.
有的时候你就是会死
Sometimes you just die,
然后被做成奶酪
and then you get turned into cheese.
我的天 我刚意识到
Oh, my god, I just realized
我吃了四个人做成的玉米片
I ate four people's worth of nachos.
这很恶心
That's disgusting.
我拒绝相信我们会就此结束生命
I refuse to believe this is how we end.
来给我们的安乐死同事埃斯特班一点掌声
How about a round of applause for our euthanasia guy, Esteban?
他这里有一堆供你们吸入的
He has a bunch of poisonous scents in here
有毒气体
that you can inhale.
听说薰衣草味的特别舒缓
The lavender is very calming, I'm told.
我的天