无能为力（2017）

猜猜谁有了她的第一个地盘
Guess who just got her first place!
我 尽管你不能真正把老虎称作一个地盘
Me! Although you can't really call a tiger a place,
此外这也不是我的第一个地盘了
and also it's not my first one.
-你好了吗 -好了
- Are you finished? - Fine.
跟我们说说你干的蠢事
Tell us more about your dumb thing.
我的事不蠢
My thing is not dumb.
我刚把我的东西搬到了我的新公♥寓♥
I just finished moving my stuff into my new condo!
-什么 -恭喜
- What? - Congratulations.
我们什么时候能去看看
When do we get to see it?
很快 因为我邀请你们所有人来暖房♥
Soon, because you're all invited to my housewarming.
我会去的
Well, I will be there.
除非那地方在爱宠动物园90米以内
Unless it's within 100 yards of a petting zoo.
我应该想要知道
Do I even want to kn...
就是你想的那样
It's exactly what you think it is.
好了 别找借口 因为那个地方超级近
Well, no excuses, because it's super close.
其实你从这里就能看到
In fact, you can see it from here.
来看看
Come on.
就在那里 那栋黑色的高楼
It's right there. The tall black building.
就在那些奇怪的东西飞着的地方
Right where that weird thing is flying.
-那个发射太空射线的 -对
- The thing that's shooting space rays? - Yeah.
所以我都租♥房♥♥子住
Ooh, that's why I rent.
我不是超人 第一季第十集
有消息说虫洞已经在地球的某处打开了
Sources say a wormhole has opened up somewhere on Earth
并且释放了一队未知的外星飞船
and released a fleet of mysterious alien ships.
卢瑟总统在卢瑟庄园打高尔夫的时候
President Luthor, who was golfing at the Mar-A-Luthor,
在一条推特中这样回复
responded in a Tweet:
太空壁垒会被建起 外星人会为此付出代价
"Space wall will be built, and aliens will pay for it."
我们怎么会选一个什么都发推特的人当总统
How did we elect a president who tweets in all caps?
谁在乎这些 反正我减税了
Who cares? I got a tax cut.
我还可以往河里乱倒东西
And I can dump whatever I want into the river.
我的天 韦恩总部被击中了
Oh, my God. Wayne Headquarters has been hit.
但愿没有伤亡
I hope there weren't any casualties...
鲍勃·拉基已经死了
Bob Lackey's dead!
太棒了
Yes!
真是个悲剧
So tragic.
他留下了妻子和两个孩子
He leaves behind a wife and two kids,
和一个韦恩工业董事的位置
and a seat on Wayne Industries' board.
这是我的好机会
This is my chance!
我的保险不会理赔我公♥寓♥的任何损坏
My insurance won't cover any of the damage to my condo.
你没有办外星人保险吗
Wait, you didn't get alien insurance?
事实证明外星人是来自未来的
It turns out the aliens are from the future,
所以严格意义上来说这还没发生
so they're saying technically it hasn't happened yet.
-无法反驳 -我也遇到了一样的事
- Well, that's hard to argue. - Same thing happened to me.
我把所有积蓄都拿来买♥♥那间公♥寓♥了
I put all my savings into that condo.
我刚刚失去了一切
I just lost everything.
你所有的东西一间公♥寓♥就能装得下
All of your things fit into one condo?
现在我为你难过了
Now I'm sad.
我应该利用这点并且趁还没被淡忘之前
Oh, I should use this and call Bob Lackey's wife
给鲍勃·拉基的妻子打个电♥话♥
before it wears off.
凯伦 我刚听说
Karen, I just heard.
对 我很难过 难道你没从我的声音中听出来吗
Oh, yes, it's sad. Can't you tell by my voice?
可怜的孩子
Oh, boy.
门卡住了 从洞里进来
Door's stuck. Just enter through the hole.
-可以 -当心
- Easy. - Careful.
我喜欢开放楼面的计划
I like the open floor plan.
是啊 有很多自然光
Yeah. There's so much natural light.
是啊 有很多 都是给炸开的
Yeah. A lot of that's the explosion.
我就剩一个装饰用的抱枕
All I have left is one decorative throw pillow
和我的机器人吸尘器
and my robot vacuum...
它还自杀了
Which just committed suicide.
你有任何想法之前
Well, before you get any ideas,
我们有一个小惊喜要给你
we got a little surprise for you.
我们给你准备了一个爱心包裹
Yeah. We made you a care package.
我给你带了一些衣服
I brought you some clothes.
温蒂
Aw, Wendy.
这些很 猫
Oh! These are very... cats.
我超爱那件毛衣
I love that sweater.
我帮你在克雷格列表找到了几间公♥寓♥
And I found you some apartments on Craigslist.
有一个还是免费的 只要你愿意
Oh, and there's even one for free if you're willing
让别人在你吃东西的时候给你做脚部按♥摩♥
to let someone massage your feet while you eat.
那肯定是个坑
Oh, there's got to be a catch.
你们真是太贴心了
You guys are so sweet.
我本来认为这个公♥寓♥象征着
I thought this condo was the symbol
我这一年付出的所有努力 但是我错了
of everything I worked for this year, but I was wrong.
是你们
It's you guys.
不
Oh, no!
爱宠动物园的人知道我违反了禁令
The petting zoo people know that I violated my restraining order!
我是冒险来这的
I took a chance coming here! Ugh!
别管咸饼干了
Just let go of the pretzel.
但那样我就拿不到咸饼干了
Yeah, but then I won't have a pretzel.
谁设计的这个屠宰场
Who designed this abattoir?
我的天 你是迪恩·韦斯特
Oh, my God. You're Dean West,
韦恩工业的董事长
the chairman of Wayne Industries.
你好 我
Hi. I...
让我帮你吧
May I?
我从哥谭来的
I've come from Gotham.
有一些重要的事情要跟你说
I have something important to talk to you about.
好的 这边请
Yes. Um, right this way.
我的天 真的发生了
Oh, my God, it's happening.
我终于要升职了
I'm finally getting my promotion.
温蒂 谢谢你借给我这条裙子
Wendy, thank you for letting me borrow this dress.
那是毛衣 你也知道这是毛衣
That's a sweater, and you know it's a sweater.
我为什么有一条有猫图案的裙子
Why would I own a cat dress?
艾米丽 凡叫你到他办公室
Emily, Van wants to see you in his office.
棒
Great.
艾米丽 这是董事长韦斯特
Emily, uh, this is Chairman West.
很高兴见到你 猫女郎
Nice to meet you, cat woman.
这是借来的 外星人炸了我的公♥寓♥
Oh, this is a loaner. Aliens blew up my condo.
你升职了
You got the promotion?
洛克女士 由于哥谭受到邪恶的袭击
Ms. Locke, because of the dastardly attack on Gotham,
我们准备裁员
we're gonna have to make some cuts.
想要你炒掉你的一个部门主管
He wants you to fire one of your department heads.
但是有温蒂 泰迪和罗恩
But that's Wendy, Teddy, and Ron.
我们是分不开的
we are inseparable.
所以这是你从哥谭来的唯一原因
So this was the only reason that you came from Gotham?
有没有其他和董事会有关的原因
Was there any other board-related reason?
没有 仅仅是这样
Nope. That's it.
我承认这事是有点儿无关紧要
I admit, it's a bit of a gratuitous cameo.
什么
What?
被称为枯萎的外星人群 在继续
The aliens, known as the Blight, continue their path
它们的摧毁之路 尽管正义联盟正追捕
of destruction as the Justice League hunts for the wormhole
我们可能都完蛋了
那个释放这些生物的虫洞
that unleashed these creatures.
但是首先 关于幕布的故事
But first, the story of Mubu,
有阅读障碍却会做珠宝的熊猫
the dyslexic panda who makes jewelry!
好萌
Aww!
我该怎么办
What am I supposed to do?
我花了一年跟他们培养出感情
Go up to the people I've spent a year bonding with,
他们还脱自己的衣服给我穿
who have literally given me the shirt off their back,
难道要我直接说 你被炒鱿鱼了
and say, "You're fired"?
就是要这么做 这是职场
That is exactly what you do. This is business.
我要想个其他解决办法
I'm gonna find another way around this.
你到底有没有在听我说话
Do you even listen to me when we have these talks?
说得没错
Exactly.
凡 我...
Van, I...
你是穿着短裤和雪地靴吗
Are you wearing shorts and Ugg boots?
对
Yeah, I am.
他们把我在董事会的位置
They gave away my spot on the board
给了鲍勃·莱基那个爱哭的老婆
to Bob Lackey's weepy wife.
我的人生完了
My life is over.
虽然我的结局和鲍勃·拉基不同
And, you know, not in the same way that Bob Lackey's is,